Wierd Revelations during Lunch

[paiger81]

So a coworker & I went out to lunch and for some reason started talking about how Pedophilia(sp?) seems to be all over the news these days. Anyway, my coworker ended up saying " I think it's just a common thing for older men to attempt to take advantage of little kids. Didn't you have men try to touch you when you were a child?"

Um.....no. I told my co-worker that my parents always kept an eye out for me & who I was with. She then went on to say "No. I'm not talking about strangers, but relatives" she then went on to explain 3 seperate incidences where her cousin, another relative, and a friends father tried to touch her inappropriately. She even said she assumed that this happened to every female as a child.

Now, I NEVER had people attempt to fondle me as a child, and now I'm completely thrown by that convo.

[tina1979]

I had a much older man try to talk me and a friend into getting in his car to take a better look at his "snake" I think we were in 1st or 2nd grade. we walked to school because we only lived 3 streets down. I think maybe thats why I have issues seeing guys naked. To this day I don't really care to see a guy with his pants down. It doesn't gross me out or anything, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

[k.monster]

That is so sad for your coworker. And that mentality of "it's common" like this is a normal thing and we shoud just all be OK with it is so wrong! That worries me because if she has kids someday, will she not be careful about that type of thing thinking it is a "life experience" or whatever?
That thought process makes me sad.

[paiger81]

See, now I'm wondering if I'm in the minority because I never had any issue like that.

The only thing close, was when I was in high school, and another high schooler grabbed my hand and shoved it down his pants. I ended up kicking him in the balls :evil:

But nothing ever happened to me when I was a small child.

[shannon08]

OH MY GOSH...how disturbing. Was she at all upset when she was talking with you about this? I agree with you. I parents were extremely picky about where I was at all times and what the parents were like of the friends that I spent alot of time with. Thats a bit scary, especially bc she thinks it is so normal....are you very close with her? maybe you could suggest she go to therapy so that it doesn't affect her later on in life. I am a psych major and have studied all sorts of cases where these type things can show up much later and cause depression, abuse towards their children, etc...

[k.monster]

I've heard that it is 1 out of ever 3 women was abused as a child. I don't know if that is true or not, can't remember the source.

[paiger81]

This lady is older, and already has grown children who are older than I am.

She was not upset about it, she sounded very indifferent like it was something that happened to everyone.

[Bugsey34]

That's so messed up, that does not happen to everyone!

[Tayl405]

That IS really disturbing. Nothing like that ever happened to me, although it has happened to a few people I know. But they recognize that it's wrong.

[k.monster]

She was not upset about it, she sounded very indifferent like it was something that happened to everyone.

That is so sad.

I do not understand how people can look at children that way!! It makes me sick

[Skyblade]

This doesn't really have to do w/ pedophilia, but this post reminded me of a time when I was in 2nd grade and this 6th grader came up to me and said "I love you" and it freaked me out.

[paiger81]

I do not understand how people can look at children that way!! It makes me sick

I know! One of Kirk's friends(I will call him John) from his old neighborhood ended up being a pedophile. I'm completely freaked out about it, but Kirk says he can understand how this friend ended up that way. Kirk says that John was always rejected by women his own age, so Kirk figures this drove John off the deep end and he went after someone who couldn't turn him down.

It's really sad.

[wordsmith]

Actually, the number of children who are touched inappropriately at some point in their childhood is quite high, and it's more often a family member, extended or otherwise, than not. It is sad, but it's not uncommon, by any stretch. Which makes it even sadder.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Actually, the number of children who are touched inappropriately at some point in their childhood is quite high, and it's more often a family member, extended or otherwise, than not. It is sad, but it's not uncommon, by any stretch. Which makest even sadder.

exactly. It is higher for females (1 in 3). But that doesn't include those who don't admit it.

But just because something's common doesnt make it understandable or not extremely fucked up.

[k.monster]

Of course I'm kinda preaching to the choir here, but just because something is common doesn't make it okay. And people with the attitude of, "well it happens to everyone so it must not be a big deal" just make the problem worse. That is just so sad to me.

[wordsmith]

I never said that because it happens to many people, it's not a big deal.

I used to work with abused children. And, yes, the statistics, already high, only reflect kids who come forward...which are few, most likely.

But I don't think people should have their heads in the sand and think it's a rare, isolated incident-type thing. It's not.

It IS a big deal. It's horrifying.

[Deadend]

Molestation is alot more common that any of us probably ever anticipated. I don't even have my ear to the ground for this kind of stuff and I've come into the information of a few people I know having had this happen to them. 1/3 I don't doubt for a second.

I've also noticed a pattern in attitude towards sex in the people I know that have been molested. Like normal adult consesual sex - they are scared of it, sometimes alot, sometimes in a sort of sublte slightly weird attitude kind of way. It's really amazing how much phsychological impact it has.

There is a case in the news in Toronto right now. Nurse at the hospital for sick children cancer center. Kiddie porn posetion, and was apherently known for taking pictures of the kids at work. No evidence however as to if he actually made any child pornography, but that's basically what the court is trying to find out currently. Here we're talking about taking advantage of kids that are dying, how sick is that?

[paiger81]

I never said that because it happens to many people, it's not a big deal.

I used to work with abused children. And, yes, the statistics, already high, only reflect kids who come forward...which are few, most likely.

But I don't think people should have their heads in the sand and think it's a rare, isolated incident-type thing. It's not.

It IS a big deal. It's horrifying.

Oh, I very much know it happens quite often, the issue that had me so freaked out was the way she talked about it.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

I never said that because it happens to many people, it's not a big deal .

well, thats kind of what Paige's coworker was alluding to, which is wrong wrong wrong. What the hell is wrong with humanity anyway?

[wordsmith]

Yeah, I was just reiterating that it wasn't MY thought.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

I know! One of Kirk's friends(I will call him John) from his old neighborhood ended up being a pedophile. I'm completely freaked out about it, but Kirk says he can understand how this friend ended up that way. Kirk says that John was always rejected by women his own age, so Kirk figures this drove John off the deep end and he went after someone who couldn't turn him down.

It's really sad.

WTF??? Honestly, Kirk can understand ??? Why hasn't he tried to get "john" some help?

Sorry "John" has bad luck with women, but that's no excuse for scarring innocent people for life!

[Mad Dawg]

Whenever I see something in the news about a crime against a child, it is really hard for me to be anti-death penalty (which I am). Pedophiles should have their private parts dipped in steak sauce and be placed in a locked room with pitbulls rescued from a busted dog fighting ring. FYI, I feel very similarly about animal cruelty. People who take advantage of the power they have over other people and other living things for personal pleasure and enjoyment are just not human. You ask what is wrong with people, I say the species has not yet fully evolved. Some of us are still shit and jizz flinging howler monkeys living in a modern society.

[shinyleaf]

Some of us are still shit and jizz flinging howler monkeys living in a modern society.

Jeez, on a really bitter day I might be tempted to steal this as a sig line!

Like Paige, I've never experienced child molestation either... to my knowledge! I've OFTEN wondered if I have, and have maybe repressed it?

Deadend said that ppl he knows who have been molested as children are afraid of sex now in some way. I think what also can happen is that these children turn into adults who do can only have sex devoid of positive emotions, assuming from their early experience that that's the way it is, and become promiscuous.

[Kitty]

Nothing ever happened to me as a child, and I've never actually known anyone who has had anything happen (that admited it).

It is pretty fuckin' creepy to think that there are all these fucked up pedophiles walking around in society. ugh.

[heatherf]

Whenever I see something in the news about a crime against a child, it is really hard for me to be anti-death penalty (which I am). Pedophiles should have their private parts dipped in steak sauce and be placed in a locked room with pitbulls rescued from a busted dog fighting ring. FYI, I feel very similarly about animal cruelty. People who take advantage of the power they have over other people and other living things for personal pleasure and enjoyment are just not human. You ask what is wrong with people, I say the species has not yet fully evolved. Some of us are still shit and jizz flinging howler monkeys living in a modern society.

Wow- why don't you tell us how you really feel? ;)

As far as Paige's coworker- It's not ok and it's absolutely appauling that she was raised to think that it's normal.

[Deadend]

Whenever I see something in the news about a crime against a child, it is really hard for me to be anti-death penalty (which I am). Pedophiles should have their private parts dipped in steak sauce and be placed in a locked room with pitbulls rescued from a busted dog fighting ring. FYI, I feel very similarly about animal cruelty. People who take advantage of the power they have over other people and other living things for personal pleasure and enjoyment are just not human. You ask what is wrong with people, I say the species has not yet fully evolved. Some of us are still shit and jizz flinging howler monkeys living in a modern society.

Think of it this way: Pedophiles should SOLIDFY anti-death penalty feelings.

This is because in prison, people that commit crimes against children are really foder for the other inmates. It's considered like non-kosher crime amoungst even hardened criminals. I doubt it's morality so much as looking for a "legitmate" reason to pick someone to beat up, but my point is that putting a pedofile in the pokey isn't letting him off in any way, he'll have the hardest time of anyone in there.

[wordsmith]

It's true...the treatment that child molestors and child murderers typically get in prison at the hands of other inmates could well make lethal injection seem like a quick out.

I didn't think I knew anybody who'd been abused as a child, either, until a bunch of us were sitting up late one night talking out on a friend's porch the summer in between high school and college, and one person came out with something that happened to her, and almost everyone else followed with their story...it was like opening a floodgate. Of about a dozen women, all but two of us had been in some way messed with inappropriately by either a family member or friend of the family. One other girl and myself were the only ones who hadn't.

[Empressallie]

It's sooo scary how common it is. One of my best friends was raped by a family member when she was young She still goes to therapy and the poor thing has terrible issues with relationships (how she basicallly runs from them) that appear to stem from this. Another friend was molested as a child - he later questioned his sexuality. I also had an experience as a child that was troubling, although not as serious as my friends. I think many people are so afraid to talk about it. The child is NEVER at fault. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, although as a kid I was really confused and never told anyone about until about 2 yrs ago, and only 2 people know. I dont feel like the person is a threat or anything to children now, but I think it will always be a little weird at reunions. I bet at least a third of my freinds have have similair experiences unfortunetly. I wonder what makes people do that? Its so screwed up.

[paiger81]

WTF??? Honestly, Kirk can understand ??? Why hasn't he tried to get "john" some help?

Sorry "John" has bad luck with women, but that's no excuse for scarring innocent people for life!

Kirk didn't know "john" had these issues. Even when I met him, he seemed like a normal dude. Kirk went off to college, and about 6 months later "john" molested his niece. He was put in jail, then got out a few years later, then apparently he tried it with another child and got put back in jail.

Kirk says he never knew John would do this, and he was shocked. Part of me thinks Kirks "understanding" is more of Kirk trying to rationalize how a friend of his could do this.

[Desiderata]

the problem is when someone is abused as a child, since that's the only reality they know, they assume that everyone goes through that. And because they're functioning adults, they dismiss it as no big deal. Which is not good, because the ramifications are enormous.

deadend-that's some f*cked up sh*t right there... sick kids no less, disturbing doesn't even begin to say it

and deadend and shiny are right, as adults they often swing to either all about sex, or nothing to do with sex.