View Full Version : If the spark is gone, then too is the relationship?

12-08-2002, 06:31 PM
Basically, my title is my question. If the spark is gone, then is the relationship also gone? My boyfriend and I act like an old married couple. Not the cute 80 year old couples, but maybe like you have been married 15 years. Is this what all relstionships are like?

12-08-2002, 09:38 PM
Good question. I'm wondering that myself. I'm been dating my bf for 3 yrs long distance. I've known him for 8yrs but we've ever dated while living in the same city. I talk to him practically every day and we try to meet when our schedules allow us to ... but I feel like the honeymoon phase is over ... and we're not even married yet! I'm wondering how it will be if we ever get to the "moving in together" phase ... will we be at the "married for many years" stage?

12-09-2002, 10:04 AM
I think relationships are a series of ups and downs. I have been married for almost 2 years. We have been together a total of 8 years. I don't really get that knot in my stomach anymore. I think that's normal, though. That is what you experience during the beginning stages of a relationship (you know - the butterflies, the uncertainty, the excitement). There is definitely still a spark there. My husband is my best friend. I love him more then anything in this world. We laugh alot. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else in this world.

I really don't believe in soul mates, either. I don't necessarily think there is "the one" for each person. I started dating my husband when I was 19 years old. There were a few times when we were having problems that I thought about being single (hey, the grass is always greener). We broke up once, for a weeks (about 7 years ago). I went on two dates and remember thinking how I would rather spend my time with my ex. We got back together and continued to grow as a couple. He was offered a promotion, which meant he would move out of state. I was absolutely devastated, but I encouraged him to go. We had a long distance relationship for about 18 months. Going through that period helped to solidify our relationship. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. I knew he was the one, hands down. Zhadum, I guess the question is, can you picture yourself with anyone else? Do you miss your boyfriend when you aren't together? Think about what your life would be like if you broke up with your boyfriend.

somuchmore - I think you may have to ask yourself similar questions. When you say spark, do you mean the newness of a relationship, or are you talking about physical attraction? When I think of spark, I think about attraction. I think that my husband and I act like an old married couple. As we have gotten older, we have become homebodies. That's what we enjoy. We still go out and do things together, just not as much.

I don't know if this helps, but I thought I would let you know about my experience.

12-09-2002, 11:06 AM
i think that as a relationship progresses, things definitely do change. but i don't think that it needs to be bad. like i don't feel the rush of a new relationship anymore, but other things have developed in its place: intimacy, trust, love... and my bf is my best friend, but it goes beyond that and is different from other friendships. he is the only one for me. and now even though the initial "rush" isn't there, we have plans for the future, accomplishments, goals... all these new things that are just as good.
we sometimes go out a lot. sometimes we stay home. i am happy with either. but i always try to set aside time just for him and we always work really hard to communicate and make our relationship better. we take an active rather than passive approach.
but still i like watch him shovel snow even... so it is different than just a friendship. you have to do what works for you.