Friends and the Holiday Season

[TonyC]

If anyone has read my previous postings they will know that I have done nothing with my life since graduating from college a year and a half ago. Well recently, an old college friend called me. He is doing very well. He works in finance and is making mid-to-high five figures. He wanted an update on me and how I was doing. I just felt so embarrassed about having nothing to talk about. This friend was part of a core group of friends I had in school. He gave me an update on my other buddies. One guy just started his first year of medical school this year after working for a year. Med school is very hard but I hear he is doing okay. Another friend just got finished teaching English in Korea during the past year. Now he is back in the U.S. My three friends all had interesting post-college experiences. All I told my friend was, "Oh I'm looking for a new job." I tried to deflect the personal questions to talk about his life or current events. My friend is trying to plan a thing where all four of us will get together over the holiday. Do you guys think I should go? Talking to one friend was bad enough, but I fear facing all of them. I'm thinking about making up an excuse so that I don't need to go.

[Phoenix]

I understand where you're coming from...when I was unemployed & looking for work, the last thing I wanted to talk about was myself & how I was doing (b/c there wasn't much to say).

But you shouldn't shut out your friends, especially if you think they'll be supportive (as they should be). Who knows, on a different level, they could end up helping you network in some way to get a job...or at least give you something to focus on/some folks to hang out with while you look for a job.

Hang in there

[nekokc]

Believe it or not, you sound exactly like me. I almost had to recheck to make sure who wrote the post...

It is hard, I have a job I am totally underpaid and overqualified for and have to watch my friends either get paid a ton or love what they do. I have only been out of school two years and am already looking for my third job which adds to the patheticness but I think I realized that we all have our own way and we will all find it some time.

You have more people in your situation than you think, and you should be more open to your friends, you never know when one of them can help you land the job of your dreams or help you decide what you want. And you may find out they are as lost as you are.

Don't give up on your friends, after college they are even harder to find.

Jenny

[Hopeful]

I tend to dread those kind of reunions, too. But I often find that I'm glad I went. Sometimes, I only reconnect with one or two people there, but to me, it's worth it -- just to have made that one connection. Like Pheonix said, you never know when someone can help you land a job.

Also, it sounds like you might be a little jealous of your friends... maybe jealous isn't the right word. Dissatisfied with life might be a better way to put it, as if seeing all the interesting things everyone else is doing is making you realize that there may be more out there for you. Instead of avoiding the whole "showing up and feeling embarrassed" situation, you might want to use this as an opportunity to ask yourself what you really want to do with your life. What is it exactly that's preventing you from "moving on"? Ask yourself some tough questions. Believe me, I avoided the whole "picking a life direction/career" for a long time, and in the end, life has a way of moving on without you. That's my two cents, for what it's worth. :)

[M4A1]

Tony, Your friends aren't the problem. They will continue to do what they do regardless how you feel. Everyone has their own battles. The world is not coming to a halt for anyone. So you have got to learn to see yourself in a positive way. Because your current attitude is leading you towards to self-destruction.

You said you have done nothing for a year and a half. That's bullshit dude. How could you possibly believe that you have done absolutely nothing?! Didn't your eat? change oil for your car? pay bills? stay out of trouble???

My point is, the way that you have trained yourself to reason is your real problem. You see, people stagnate when they beat themselves up with negative thoughts. "Oh why bother, it's hopeless." Then they just stop trying all together. Someone might pull them out from it, but relying on other people is happenstance, it might take many years.

The remedy is already within you, Tone. Even if you have just a tiny bit of desire left, you have got to salvage what you can from it. Build up that fire again. Redesign your thinking. Think this is what I got and what I can work with. No I wish or ifs and buts.

You can do it.