Apologizing

[Skyblade]

How do you apologize to someone when you know you messed up?
How do you make sure they know its sincere?
...
Especially when you make a habit of apologizing just to make a situation better, but you are not really sorry, but THIS time you are?

[internut33]

I had to do this last Sunday... Got all wasted, blacked out mode basically and did a few things and acted a way i should not have.

Said nothing was intentional, i feel like a peice of shit mentally, and I apologized a few times and said I can only apologize so much. Just know i feel like a pile of crap for my actions.

Then helped him clean the house after the party the next day.

[shimmer728]

I think actions speak louder than words in these situations, so say you're sorry, and then make an effort to change your behavior in the future. I can relate to this; I'm always apologizing for stupid things I've said in the heat of the moment. :rolleyes:

[WeirdBrake]

When I apologize to someone, I usually also include an explanation of why I got to the point of being nasty. Not as an excuse. Just as a way of saying, "I'm under a lot of stress these days because of X, Y, and Z. I took it out on you, and I'm sorry." If there's a psychological/emotional reason that led you to do something hurtful, I think you owe it to the other person to say what it is.

[Kitty]

I think most people can tell whether an apology is sincere or not. If you truly are sorry, I am sure it will come across.

[steph78]

I agree with Shimmer about the actions speak louder than words. Of course you have to SAY you're sorry to whoever you hurt, but I think the apology makes a lot bigger impact and comes off as being a lot more sincere if your words are followed by your doing something that really shows you regret what you did and want to make up for it/avoid repeating the mistake again.

I am one of those people that apologizes all the time for stuff even when I'm not really sorry, too. Heck, I apologize for stuff that is not even my fault, like I can be standing still and someone will run into me and I will apologize. It's like "I'm sorry" is an automatic reaction for me. My mom says one day I am going to get myself in big trouble - something bad will happen and I'm going to say "I'm sorry" and get blamed for it even though it's totally someone else's fault...

[Skyblade]

Yeah, I just feel like I've dug myself into a hole by apologizing too much, so now its like crying wolf. I apologize for everything too...even if its not my fault also...like someone says "My boss was being an ass today," I respond "I'm sorry." WTF?

[WeirdBrake]

"I'm sorry" doesn't always have to indicate fault, though. It can also be a way of expressing sympathy. As in "I'm sorry to hear about that."

[WeirdBrake]

I've tried that one, WB. It doesn't work if you're married. If you say, "I'm sorry," they'll ask, "Sorry about what?" If you say, "I'm sorry your feeling that way," that isn't good enough. You have to acknowledge fault. You have to admit you're in the wrong even when you're in the right.

Sometimes, you'll get in a situation where you have to prove that you love your wife more than you love your dog. Let's say, for example, that your wife wants a glass of water. Just as you get up to get a glass of water, your dog gets his foot caught in a rabbit trap, and he's yelping in agony. If you free your dog before getting the water for your wife, then that means you're choosing your dog over your wife. In situations like that you must apologize. When you apologize, it's not enough to say, "I'm sorry you felt bad about having to wait for the water." Oh no. You have to say, "I'm sorry I chose the dog over you. I was wrong."

This "choosing X over me" argument works no matter what the situation. If some stranger is drowning, and your wife wants a kiss, you must choose your wife over the drowning stranger. Otherwise, you become the victim of "You don't love me," and you have to prove your love somehow.

The temptation in the beginning is to use reason, but you will find that reason has no place in the home.

At least you're not cynical or anything. ;)

[shimmer728]

Haha, eph.....my mother is always bitching my father out for never saying he's sorry. But then when he does apologize, she tells him that being sorry isn't good enough. The poor guy can't win. :p