Popping in - need advice

[Tayl405]

Hey all...

It's a pretty slow day at work and my boss just left, so I have a bit of time to come on today, which is a good thing because I really need to let something out.

My granddad is going in for surgery tomorrow--apparently it's pretty routine (he's having his galbladder (sp?) removed), so it shouldn't be a worry. However, I woke up this morning with an awful feeling in my stomach that something was going to go wrong (this was before even knowing he was having the surgery--I just knew he was in the hospital). So I called my mom to see how he was doing and she told me about tomorrow, and said that she didn't feel like it was going to be ok, which only reaffirmed my worries. He's almost 90 years old and has gone through so many surgeries and illnesses, it just doesn't seem like his body can take one more thing. Plus he's delirious and has no clue what's going on, and the doctors and nurses can't keep his files straight, which is making things worse. I'm so nervous and I can't concentrate on anything today. I keep feeling guilty for not being there (he's by my parents in SC), and I know he won't know if I'm there or not, but I feel like my parents deal with so much with him and I'm NEVER there to help. But I don't want to tell my mom this, becuase she has enough to worry about (it's her dad), and I'm not sure if my being there would just give them more stress. I'm sure everything will be fine and it's just a matter of waiting, but I have this deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not going to be and that I should be there. I don't know what to do. Should I just shut my mouth and wait?

[midtwenty]

Normally, gall bladder surgery is pretty routine. But considering his age and other health issues, that can make a difference. I'm actually more concerned that his docs and nurses are getting his files and info mixed up. I saved my grandmother from being killed by a nurse when I was 18 - the nurse had her file totally screwed up with another patient's and was going to give my grandma the wrong meds.

I think you should sit tight for the moment. Make sure your mom knows that you will drop everything and come running if she needs you. But at this particular moment in time, there isn't a whole lot you can contribute other than emotional support. And you might feel better in the long run if you stick as close to your normal routine as possible.

When you know more about how he's doing - after the surgery - then you can make another decision. But unless there is something inside you that is INSISTING that you beat a path to the hospital, I think you're fine where you are for the moment.

Sorry things are so sucky right now. **hugs**

[Morgan81]

If I was in your shoes I'd go. My grandfather went in for, not quite routine, but fairly common surgery about a year and a half ago, and never regained consciousness. I didn't visit him, and have been regretting it ever since.
If it's possible try to stay at a hotel rather than at your folks place, I'm sure your mom would worry about the place not being clean or something like that which she doesn’t need to.... I'd still tell your mom what you're planning, no need for surprises.

[mishl982]

Sometimes if you have a really strong feeling in your stomach, it really means something. I don't really have any advice to offer, except hang in there, and we're all here for you (((HUGS)))

[Tayl405]

Thanks guys...

I called my brother and he said to talk to my dad, so I left him a message but he hasn't called back yet. I guess it's up to them at this point. I know staying with them wouldn't be a problem--in fact it would probably help because I could make dinner and clean and take care of the cats, and I have my own room so I'd be out of the way. I hate feeling helpless though.