Restless?

[Phoenix]

Lately I've just felt so restless like I'm ready for some kind of change. And I really don't know why I feel that way. I have a good job that I've been at for 6 months but yet I feel like a big part of something is missing. I feel like I should be spending more time w/ my friends - or maybe just making friends - or doing SOMEthing. And I don't know what that "something" is. Part of me wishes I had someone special to share my life instead of working late almost every night...and wishing I had some driving force that would make me go home at night instead of being at the office. Or have something TO go home to at night. Not that I don't have a great family to go home to, but I just feel like I'm missing life in some way. Especially watching or hearing everyone around me at work talking about or to their S.O.

I don't have a lot of motivation to do much of anything when I AM home...even though I feel like I should be doing something.

Maybe it's just loneliness? Does anyone else feel this way?

[mo1]

I think alot of people go through what your feeling Phoenix. I know i feel that way lots of times.

i dont know if this is an option for you...but maybe becoming a mentor to a kid would be a way to cure this feeling (or any other sort of volunteering opp). I know Big Brothers and Big Sisters are always looking for people to fill this role and it doesnt require much commitment. And it may give you somethign to look forward once or twice a week. Ive been thinking about doing this so i just thought id throw that out there.

[Phoenix]

Hey Mo, thanks for the reply. I don't really know that volunteering is something that I could do...I work over an hour from where I live so I spend quite a bit of time commuting and get home somewhat late in the evening (even when not working late), exhausted. So when I get home it's the old familiar eat, shower, pay bills or whatever else I need to do before bedtime, sleep, get up again the next morning routine. And weekends are used for chores/cleaning & actually getting some sleep, which I don't get much of during the week due to the above and the fact that work stresses me out sometimes so I don't sleep well. :googly: I don't know, maybe I just should be doing something constructive like exercising for 30 mins every couple of nights or something and that would make me feel better physically. So maybe I would feel better mentally/sleep better. That still isn't the source of my problem but maybe it's part of the solution.

I think part of my restlessness/stress is coming from what is being discussed in another thread...I'm still living at home, trying to do the save $ thing, but at the same time really thinking I want to go back to school (but not sure quite what the right path will be if I have another career change), wanting to move out on my own and move on - to do 'great' things (whatever they may be), wanting to have a good, solid relationship, being afraid of actually leaving the security of home (b/c I know once I move out, I'm going to be gone for good - for better or worse), etc. Adding to this is the fact that all of my friends are pretty much in other states or the ones that remain in this state I have very little contact with. I just feel sometimes like I would like to be where my friends are out of state but they all have their own lives and I know it probably wouldn't be that great (& I don't want to move just for that reason).

[jesses584]

Well i think that adding a work out to your schedule will be beneficial. There are some medical studdies that say an effective exercise program has similar positive effects on the body as taking an anti depressant. So even if depression isn't your problem try it. It can only do you some benefits.

I'm still living at home, trying to do the save $ thing, but at the same time really thinking I want to go back to school

Dont look at living at home as such a horrible thing. The world we live in today is not the same one our parents grew up in. My mother moved out at 18 and paid like $150 a month in rent. It just isn't possible or practical for people to move out young. Life is expensive.

Trying to save money. Well this is simple yes or no. You either are saving or you arent. If you are saving and not dipping into the savings then dont be so hard onyour self. It takes time.

As far as going back to school... now that you have had an official taste of the "real world" and have a feeling as to what the economy is like re-evaluate your career goals. What do you want to be? Try calling the career counselor from your school...Is it possible to accomplish that goal with out going back to school? After you have a list of possible careers do research. and then do some more research. Find out what opportunities are out there for people in that career, what it pays at an entry level, after 3 yrs, 5 yrs ect. E-mail and contact people in that field. Even if you dont know them. Just call them. What is the worst that can happen they say "No i cant speak with you" Then you are no worse off then when you started. Then figure out where school fits in your new plans.

Adding to this is the fact that all of my friends are pretty much in other states or the ones that remain in this state I have very little contact with

Join a gym, a club, throw a dinner party, an office party. Find new friends. Take up a hobby. Go to a sporting event (or any local event) and invite an someone you know but arent "friends" with, or make a point to meet someone new.

If you are unhappy with your current job..well find a new one. If you can't afford to live on your own with this job then taking a pay cut wont hurt as long as you can cover your bills. Try finding a job that you would enjoy more even if your degree doesnt apply. There are so many jobs in the newspaper that just want a degree, they dont care which one. maybe you will find a job you enjoy.

In the end the perfect job, and the perfect life dont happen. Ever...But you can be happier if you reevaluate your situation, do A LOT of thinking and make some choices. and it will get better.

[mo1]

I agree with your advice Jesses584, but i also understand totally where Phoenix is coming from. Its overwhelming this thing called life....and i guess some people are just better prepared to deal with all its ups and downs.

Phoenix dont worry you wont be living with your parents forever....at least that's the mantra i keep telling myself! :) There are times when i get depressed about where im at too...but then i try to snap myself out of it...b/c its not very conductive. Sometimes it takes me awhile to remind myself that even people are age out there who seem like they have it all....good job, lots of money, own place, lots of friends, in a relationship... may not even be happy underneath it all. Happiness to too many people these days seems to be dictated/influenced by the society we live in and its standards. And so many of us fall into the trap...me included.

Im 7 months past graduation without a job, living at home, no social life hardly at all.....i have every reason to be down in the dumps. But when it comes down to it there is no reason to be....im healthy, i have a family who is cares for me, i have a degree and the potential to do something good with my life.

Now its just comes down to the decisions i have to make....that's i guess the source of my anxiety and it seems to be the source of yours to it looks like. Good luck, hopefully we will both make decisions that even if they arent the right one will help us to be better people in the end!

[Phoenix]

jesses - it's not that I hate living at home. A lot of nights I'm grateful to have a nice family to come home to instead of an empty apartment. And it's not that I really hate my job. I don't like working long hours and I will stress out no matter what job I do...I just can never get away from my work b/c it's in the back of my mind. I don't know what I ultimately want to be. I'm in a field now that has nothing to do w/ my degrees and I'm good at my job. But I don't want to make the same mistake twice (or thrice?!) of getting another degree and wondering what to do w/ it. I'm looking into law school and that is taking some time to find some answers & do research. I just don't know that it's what I want to do and I don't want to waste a lot of time and money getting a third degree if I'm not sure about it. Your approach to meeting people is optimistic, but finding/making/keeping friends is not that easy. Given that I work late & commute, I don't have time in my schedule to hang out with the folks that I work with b/c they live over an hour away from where I do (not that I have a desire to hang out with some of them anyway b/c it's like a catty high school clique and I hate that) and don't want to commit $$ to a gym.

Mo - I think you hit the nail on the head with a lot of what you said. So many of my other friends seem to just enjoy their life although they've graduated. And I wonder why I'm not totally satisfied. I, too, was unemployed for about 6 months or so and almost my entire focus was on getting a job. Now that I have a job (and i'm not complaining given the state of the economy), my focus has again turned to the other things that are bothering me (that I also gave thought to when I was unemployed).

[pisces2473]

Phoenix--I understand what you are going through. The rest of the people may not know what my sitch is, so here's the abbreviated version:

May 2002--graduated from undergrad w/ BA in American Studies
Sept 2002--start MA program in American Studies in Boston
Dec 2002--come home for holidays, realize MA program isn't for me
Jan 2003--decide to move home to CT, no job, no prospects of one b/c who wants someone w/ a generalized Lib Arts degree????

I feel sometimes that my education was a waste of time because I didn't go into a career-oriented type of fied (business, education, etc). I can't find a job--most places want 3-5 yrs experience OR they want HS level education. I'm moving to my hometown (only 1 mile from my parents' house) and I only have 2 friends who still live in the area. 1 is married, 1 is about to move in w/ her boyfriend. I am single. So, I really don't have any friends who can just pick up and go out. It sucks because I am a nice person who likes to have fun, but where do you go to meet friends?

Jesses makes a good point, but from where I come, people just don't meet up and become friends. You can do all the things that Jesses mentions and still have no friends. Everyone seems to be totally into themselves, or will think you are weird if you just strike up a conversation.

There are so many jobs in the newspaper that just want a degree, they dont care which one. ---Jesses: where do you live??? There aren't any jobs like that near me!

MO1--how do you manage to stay so positive???? I am pretty lucky to be financially where I am but am so depressed about my life going nowhere. I know I should be thankful that I don't have loans or big bills, but still I feel like "Woe is me, I have no job, no friends, etc..."

[mo1]

Pisces-

You ask how i stay so positive. Well its definately a fighting battle. And im not going to lie and say I never feel down in the dumps. There was a month or so when i cried nearly everyday just thinking about my situation. And some days i still get way overwhelmed. I guess what snaps me out of it is just realizing what i can be thankful for and that things could be much worse. Go on to some job sites and read their message boards. Talk about humbling. One woman wrote in desperation about how she needed a job b/c her husband was recently seriously hurt in an accident and she had to become the sole provider for their family. Reading this and you cant but not feel like things could be much worse!

That said i definately understand where your coming from. I have my "woe is me" moments as well. What kind of industry do you want to work in? I think Jesses was being a little too optimistic about the newspaper ads....i think i can safely say that most of the jobs listed in the paper where im at are either sales or banking positions (ick) or ones that require more experience than i have! So i think its pretty obvious that its not a good strategy to just rely on the paper for jobs.

Well anways just know your not alone in your frustrations! It always helps to know there are others out there dealing with the same kind of things. Good luck! You can count on my ear (or i guess i should say eye..lol) if you ever need to vent!

[pisces2473]

Thanks MO for your reply. I think part of the reason that I am having trouble really seeing how badly some people have been hit by the economy or other situations is because I am dealing with my own depression right now. That leads me to feel guilty because I know what's wrong with me, so I should just be able to "snap out of it!" (think Cher in Moonstruck), and then I hear about people who have horrible situations but I am so down that it's hard to see the light.

I have no idea what industry I would like to work in, which makes things even worse! I know I don't want to work in any thing math or science related because I am really bad in those subjects. Hence, my American Studies BA and history minor! But, like you, I find that all the jobs around me are for nurses and finance people! I've checked out hotjobs, monster, and other online employment sites as well, and there's nothing for people who aren't into math or science! This is why I'm going to a career counselor tomorrow, maybe she'll be able to help me out!

Thanks again for your help, MO!:)

[lost creek]

Ahh another social science person. I'm not sure if any of the human services job would interest you but they have nothing to do with math or science. These jobs arn't advertised well in the paper or on the major websites but are often needing people to work for them. There are a lot of advocacy agencies for women and children and for the most part they will train you. These jobs arn't for everyone but it can be very rewarding. What you would need to do is find them in your community and call them up and ask for a human resource person they would be able to help you through the application process.

[jesses584]

I am not always as optimistic as i sounded in the last post. I have a very depressing and stuck feeling as well...you just caught me on a good day. But here is the thing...life sucks. work sucks. Even the best job. I think many people go to school and then college with a false expectation of life after education and then they become depressed...

I am going to school for marketing with a minor in finance. and a couple extra classes in small business. Is marketing THE job for me? probably not. I want to be self employed, and a business/marketing degree will help me accomplish that.

What is an American Studies degree? What job field coresponds with it? I've never heard of it before...

I may have been overoptimistic with the recent newspaper classified ads. But before christmas there were many jobs listed...

Have you tried contacting alumni from you college - ones with your major and asking them about contacts or job opportunities?

I do feel for you and i hope that the career counselor helped.

jess

[pisces2473]

Hey Jess,

American Studies is the study of history and culture in America, and you can tie a lot of things into it, like literature and art and politics. It was a lot of fun and that's why I chose it. My advisor in college told me that it would be useful for any type of career (just like every liberal arts professor tells their students that their major is good for any career b/c it makes you think clearly, write well, express ideas, etc etc etc). A lot of Amer. Stud. majors go into teaching or law...but I'm still not sure what I want to do. I applied for some library assistant positions at an Ivy League institution near me, and went for the interview today so hopefully something will come of that. I've been thinking about getting my master's in library science or something like that. I have thought about contacting the alumni from my college but I have felt that the alumni of my college tend to be "fake" and promote a "family" atmosphere. I get slightly turned off when total strangers want to be your best buddies, just because you went to the same undergrad? Strange. The career counselor did help--thanks for remembering.

Take care!