Mom's health and well being, how to bring it up?

[nygirl07]

I know this has been brought up before, but I don't feel like finding the topic. I was wondering if anyone else worries as much as I do about there parents, in my case my mom's health. My dad is someone who worries only about himself and he excersises and takes his vitamins and doesn't deal with stress. My mom on the other hand has to deal with everything from the bills and taking care of us to cleaning the house and cooking dinner. She doesn't excersise and doesn't eat enough. She's about 20 lbs overweight, but not obese, the thing that worries me is that she has all these little health problems that scare me, like high blood pressure and cholestoral, overactive thyroid, the onset of osteoprosis and a bunch of other little things that she's on medicine for. She jokes about it all the time but I'm so scared. I keep telling her to take her vitamins and not to skip her medicines and to relax and to excersise but she doesn't listen. Don't get me wrong my mom looks very young and she's very outgoing at the age of 56, but I watch these shows on how little problems can effect your heart and how the increase your risk of cancer and I make her watch them hoping she'll take some of the advice but she doesn't. I know she's got a lot on her mind and a lot to do and I do everything I can to help but I'm at a stand still and I don't know how to approach it. I see my dad brag about how he's doing everything right and how he's taking care of himself and I'm glad he is, but I also resent him b/c instead of taking some of the stress of my mom and letting her take care of her own health he just brags about how he's doing it right and she's not. I get pissed off and snap at him when he does it b/c it brings up horrible thoughts in my mind of one day my mom getting sick and not being there. I've had this since I was a child and I know why, We did almost loose my mom when I was 5yrs old, she was in the hospital for over a year with a disease that effects your colon and she had to have it removed along with her large intestinse. She's fine now, but at the time they said she may not make it and she went down to 70 lbs and couldn't do anything herself. I don't remember much of it and they think it's b/c I blocked it out. I just do remember being attached to my mom's side from there on out. I feel like I'm the mom and I'm always trying to make life easier for her but there is only so much I can do and in the end it's making me like her b/c I'm so stressed about everything.

The question I need asnwered is how do I bring up this topic to her so she takes me seriously and how do I get my father,brother and sister to help out so she has time to take care of herself. I don't want to make her feel incapable or like she's old and needs taking care of, I just want her to snap into it and have an eye opener so she'll start doing things for herself without me trying to make her. I don't want it to come to the point where she has another health scare to make her see she needs to do something.

Please give me some advice.

Thanks

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Can I ask what makes you think she isn't taking care of herself? It isn't clear from your post whether or not she's actually skipping her meds. Also, please keep in mind that people's appetites decrease as they get older. I understand your worries (my mom is sick also and really doesn't take care of herself) but the stuff you mentioned is more pain in the ass than life-threatening... and that includes the thyroid. If you keep it in check that is.

Does your dad, bro, or sis live with your mom? Do they think she isn't taking care of herself? Does she have any friends who you feel comfortable talking to - who would not go blabbing back to her? Something like "I see X, y, and Z and worry that my mom might not be taking care of herself. Do you notice this as well, or do you think I am overreacting?" You might want to check with them to make sure that your interpretation is correct. Let us know, and at least I can give you some advice. But it sounds like you were traumatized by her getting sick when you were little, and still carry the seperation anxiety. And if she really does need a "talking to" you can't come across as a scared little kid.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I understand where you're coming from better than you think. Just want to make sure you are seeing the situation through logic not fear so I and others on this board can help you best.

[shinyleaf]

I feel the same way about both my parents, and neither have ever been seriously ill. Each have "little" chronic problems that add up to 2 somewhat unhealthy people.
Whether you went through anxiety over losing your mom when you were younger or not, worrying now about someone you love is perfectly normal, IMO.

My instinct would be to talk first to the rest of your family to see if they share your concern, or just to let them know that you are concerned. They SHOULD care if the concern is founded, and they should care about your anxiety even if your mom's health isn't as big a deal as you think it is. It strikes me as odd that you are the only one in your family who is concerned, and that especially your dad doesn't show a little more sensitivity. I'm not judging, and I don't know the details of your situation.

My dad made the effort to clean up his lifestyle when I told him in all seriousness that I wasn't going to have children if they weren't going to have a grandfather, or if they had to see him die at a young age. My mom's situation is more complex and her confidence to change is wobbly to say the least. They look out for one another, though.

[hopeless]

I hate the fact that my parents aren't taking good care of themselves. But there's nothing I can do, it's really up to them to make a lifestyle change. Apparently my mom is starting to head in the right direction. She's was only taking yoga classes, but she told my sister that she has now signed up for an aerobics class at her gym, however she hasn't changed her eating habits since she has high cholesterol & is on Lipitor & she never did a colonscopy, still hasn't. My dad did have high cholesterol, but managed to lower it when exercising, but he hasn't exercised at all & like my mom hasn't done a colonscopy. It's disgraceful since my dad always maintains his car & whatever house and yard repairs that needs to be done, but hasn't had a checkup on his health.

[nygirl07]

To answer your questions: I still live with my parents so I see what my mom is doing and she talks to me about everything. I know all of her problems seem like minor problems, but when you watch these shows about taking care of yourself and staying young they say the biggest thing to watch after is your cholestoral and blood pressure and she has high both. These are two things that can lead to something more severe like heart problems. My mom's by all means no lazy person who sits around but she has a lot on her plate. She's responsible for almost all the household duties like paying all the bills and what not, my dad has never done any of it. He goes to work and takes care of the yard and that is it and I'm not joking. She works full time also and comes home to cook dinner, clean, take care of my siblings, takes care of her mom and try to pay all the bills on time. She's always stressed alot and I know that can't be good for your health. She never excersises and she'll skip her medication months at a time if she can't afford it, I know this b/c she's told me. Everytime I try to get her to workout she's to tired and says she'll start next week.

I know this can sound like I'm paranoid and all, but I see my dad in such great health and taking care of himself and he has not one health problem and then I see my mom who doesn't have time to take care of herself and it seems everytime she goes to the Dr. something else little is wrong. I want both of my parents to be around for a long time and I'm scared my mom is cutting her life short by not taking care of her health. Her little problems may not seem big now, but down the road they are going to add up and cause problems especially for someone who is under a lot of stress. I probably do worry to much, but I do know that high blood pressure and cholestoral and being a little overweight can do damage to your body.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

I'm sorry, NYGirl... OK, you don't sound paranoid at all, seems you have a legit reason to worry.
Can I write more tomorrow AM when I have time?

((HUGS))...

And my new signature emoticon... :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[MissKiss330]

NYGirl, I'm sorry about your worries. I want to reiterate what others have said... you are not paranoid, you have a legitimate reason to worry. I've posted on a similar topic before but I can give a synopsis of what I've said before... My parents were in terrible shape until the year 2005. My mom had a neck injury and could barely move, let alone work out. She was 70 lbs overweight at one time but has since lost all of the weight. She went to a nutritionist to learn how to maintain a more healthy diet. She also went to a personal trainer and now she looks and feels great. My dad had really high cholesterol and about 10-15 extra lbs. but he has also worked out for about 5 months, losing the weight and improving his cardio-vascular health. I don't know what made them change. I had a serious talk with both of them about their health, but I can't take credit for their lifestyle changes. My best advice is to talk to your mom in an honest, non-threatening way about your concerns, the stories you have heard about health problems like hers, and how much she means to you. If that doesn't do any good, then at least you know you've done everything you can to make her healthier. Maybe she would be more likely to follow a new lifestyle program if you implemented small changes and were her "health" buddy. You did say you lived with her so that might be something small you could do.