The 'Girl Next Door' is rejected again!

[GoodGirl77]

I've decided that I am now qualified to write a book on how not to have a successfull relationship. If you care to continue for about a two minute read, I would be delighted if you would share your thoughts with me -

I found this site about 6 months ago, after my boyfriend broke up with me abruptly. I received so many thoughtful comments. Six months later, I have met a new guy - a musician. The meeting was something out of a movie. A friend and I sat down at a table at a restaurant. A cup of coffee was sitting on the table. The musician walks up and asks if he could leave the coffee there while he played. We talked between sets and it turned out that we grew up in the same town and went to the same school and now we live in the same town again, only on the other coast from where we both grew up. He gave me his card that nite and asked me to call him. I went back to the restaurant a couple of times with friends to hear him play. He'd have dinner with us each time. I called him about a week ago. I waited a while to call because I wanted to first get to know him at the restaurant with my friends there (I'll admit it, I have some trust issues). He told me that he would love to see me one nite this week, but he had a show every nite. If I was going to be in town this weekend, he would love to do something then. He said that he would call me at week's end or we could talk if I came to his show this week. Well, I ended up calling him today because I wanted to make plans if we were going to do something. I left a message for him and he returned my call when I couldn't answer. He left no message. Instead, he called back when I got off from work. He told me that it would not be a good idea for him to go out with me because he was currently in a 'weird relationship thing'. I told him that I thought we would just be doing something together as friends, but that was fine. He said to me 'you really understand?' What else could I say, but yes? He really seemed stressed over the whole thing and said that he didn't want to tell me this by leaving a message on my phone.

I would like to know why he seemed so excited about the possibility of seeing each other when we spoke on Sunday. He couldn't have gotten in a 'weird relationship thing' over the course of a week. And, why would he light up when I walked in to see him play? IAnd why did he give me his number and ask me to call him? I feel as though I can't even go back to that restaurant which I frequent so often because it would be awkward. I really enjoyed watching him play.

Can you offer any thoughts? When I finally start to feel comfortable with someone, something like this happens. I'd still like to know what a 'weird relationship thing' is.

Thanks to you guys in advance!

[uscuba2]

Maybe he likes you but he ran into an ex and there is still something or a casual thing is something more. who knows. But just b/c he gave you his # does NOT mean he is interrested in you sexually ( ironic, isnt how women give their # to people they want to be friends with and men don't and when they do it's a WTF with the girl but never with the guy. )

[capella]

Perhaps he has a girlfriend he is in the process of dumping or isn't interested in being with any more and he didn't want to cheat on her?? I say give him some time if you're really interested. You don't want to be the rebound girl, trust me. And I think he sounds like an OK guy if he was honest about not wanting to jerk you around. It could have been a lot worse on you if you guys had gotten together only to find out you're the one he's cheating with, or he's not over her yet or whatever. Give it time.

[Bugsey34]

He probably saved you a lot of headaches, because if he's freely admitting there is some "weird relationship thing" going on, it's probably some nightmare. Lots of guys have weird relationship things hanging in the background and never say anything about it, so if he's being honest with you, that is a good thing, and it's probably some big mess you don't want to get involved with.

You shouldn't stop going to the restaurant if you like it there, it shouldn't be awkward between you, if anything it should be awkward for him, he's the one that asked you out, etc. then backed out at the last minute.

[shimmer728]

Yeah, I'm glad he told you he had that "weird relationship thing" going on. Almost two years ago now, I started dating this guy I worked with at the time (sound familiar?) It never went anywhere because he and his ex-fiancee were still in the process of figuring out what they were. :( Too bad for me that I had to figure that out all on my own.

I feel for you, I really do. I'm in a good relationship now, but I know very well the feeling that it just seems impossible to get a relationship--any relationship--off the ground. It's very frustrating. Good luck to you.

[Winter Storm]

Instead of analyzing his every move, which can cause you greater headache and anxiety, I'd appreciate the heads up and tell him to call you when his 'weird relationship' thing is over.

There's no need in you getting caught up in his little mess, especially when you do have trust issues and may even be a little vulnerable right now. I say skip this one til he has his act together.

[maxwell78]

I know very well the feeling that it just seems impossible to get a relationship--any relationship--off the ground. It's very frustrating.
So so so so so true.

It's kind of weird to see someone say that though because it seems like everyone else has such an easy time getting into relationships but me. Because of that, I've always tried to figure out why I seem to have such a harder time doing it than everyone else.

[wordsmith]

Ahahahah. "Weird relationship thing." Yeah, you just got saved about 500 miles of drama and pain-in-the-ass-ness that would just cause you a buttload of grief if you were seriously wanting to see about pursuing something legitimate. People who are ready to put themselves on the market don't have "weird relationship things."

Not sure what his purpose was in giving out his phone number, maybe it was an intentionally mixed message, maybe it wasn't. But he's telling you that dating you isn't his scene, and thank God he let you know rather than string you along.

[shimmer728]

So so so so so true.

It's kind of weird to see someone say that though because it seems like everyone else has such an easy time getting into relationships but me. Because of that, I've always tried to figure out why I seem to have such a harder time doing it than everyone else.

I think more people have a hard time with this stuff than an easy time. I feel like it SHOULD have always been easy for me......yet it wasn't, if that makes any sense.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

It sounds to me like this guy already HAS strung you along a bit, judging by his actions and the way you wrote your post.

Is this really a person you'd want to date, regardless of his "weird relationship thing" status?

Forget him, be glad you didn't waste that much time on him, and move on to the next guy.

[Kitty]

It sounds to me like this guy already HAS strung you along a bit, judging by his actions and the way you wrote your post.

Is this really a person you'd want to date, regardless of his "weird relationship thing" status?

Forget him, be glad you didn't waste that much time on him, and move on to the next guy.

Agreed. I bet you anything this guy is dating some girl who found out he was talking to you and thats why he had to cancel. The whole thing is sketchy and I would just be glad he's outta the picture.

I know how it feels though, it really sucks when you think you have sparks w/ someone or you're really excited about the possibility of getting to know someone and it comes crashing down.

You will find someone! hang in there!

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, what Kitty said. I also have come to learn that I shouldn't analyze guys anymore and just go with it. Otherwise you miss the good stuff ;).

[wordsmith]

I know how it feels though, it really sucks when you think you have sparks w/ someone or you're really excited about the possibility of getting to know someone and it comes crashing down.



Yes, this does in fact suck regardless of the circumstances surrounding it. Hopes getting dashed ranks as one of the worst feelings ever.

[Tiean]

It sounds to me like this guy already HAS strung you along a bit, judging by his actions and the way you wrote your post.

Is this really a person you'd want to date, regardless of his "weird relationship thing" status?

Forget him, be glad you didn't waste that much time on him, and move on to the next guy.

Oh, come on. Give the poor guy a break! Maybe he's just a poor musician trying to find his little place in the world. I wouldn't be too quick to label him as a player or something like that. But then on the hand, I tend to trust people too much... I'd say: meet up with him, but be critical

[paiger81]

Maybe it's just me, but when I read "wierd relationship thing" I totally picture him being interested in Goodgirl, but maybe he found out his ex is pregnant with his kid. So, he can't really start a new relationship.

But, maybe I just watch way to much Lifetime...... :cool:

[wordsmith]

See, whereas I run "weird relationship thing" through the Wordsmith Translator and it comes out "I have a f*ckbuddy I'm not interested in giving up, and although I think you're pretty hot, I'm guessing you're not cool with that." Either that or a soon-to-be ex wife.

"Weird relationship things," as i have known them tend to be relationships that keep going to the brink of being over with and bouncing back, and friends with benefits situations.

[GoodGirl77]

See, whereas I run "weird relationship thing" through the Wordsmith Translator and it comes out "I have a f*ckbuddy I'm not interested in giving up, and although I think you're pretty hot, I'm guessing you're not cool with that." Either that or a soon-to-be ex wife.

"Weird relationship things," as i have known them tend to be relationships that keep going to the brink of being over with and bouncing back, and friends with benefits situations.


First, I want to thank everyone who responded to my post. Everyone's insight has been helpful, especially since I don't talk to many people about my relationship problems.

I agree with you Wordsmith - I think he could probably tell that I wouldn't be cool with that. As my screen name indicates, I am the 'good girl' - the 'girl next door' type.

My friend who would go to the restaurant with me was just talking to me about the situation. She thinks he is a pretty okay guy since he was honest with me and didn't play me as he could have. She thinks that it wouldn't be a bad idea to call him and leave a message thanking him for his honesty and telling him to keep us posted on his career. She thought that may just break the ice a little if I wanted to go back to hear him play sometime, especially since I didn't have much of a reponse to what he told me when he called. I was in the car with a friend and couldn't really talk freely. So, I ended up just saying okay and good bye. Do you all think this would be a good idea - to call him?

Again, thanks for the help!! You guys are great.

[shimmer728]

I don't think there's anything wrong with going and listening to him play, as long as he's clear that's all you're there to do.