Stupid fantasies.

[Angyl]

So, I'll admit it. I've been dating dude with a girlfriend. He's breaking up with her today.

He's also a crazy hippie, and he also sells drugs when he's low on cash. he's in serious debt....HOWEVER. He is the coolest guy I've met in a long time and the sweetest guy I've met in a long time. He treats me so goddamned well, that part of me wants to move on past all these other glaring red signs.

What in the world is wrong with me? Why can't I just find a nice guy that I'm attracted to? Why alsways the unattainable, the bad boy, the ones that jsut SCREAM trouble, the ones that are afraid of commitment? I really don't have high standards at all...I do'nt expect the world from any dude, I would just like a normal man in the near future.

I'm going to go hit my head against the wall now. :cry:

[wordsmith]

Um, not to add more to your plate, but could there be any ramifications on your job if you're dating a drug dealer? I know I'm in the public eye, and due to what sorts of things I report on, I'd be awfully leery of involving myself with somebody involved in illegal activity. I wasn't even that keen on dating a pothead, when the issue came up, honestly.

[meatwad]

This is when the importance of making an intelligent decision comes into play. You know this can't turn out well, why put yourself through it?

[tina1979]

(((hugs)))

be careful, he might be a nice guy, but if he is willing to cheat on someone for you he may be willing to cheat on you for someone else.

I could take issue with some of the other things, because my sister is dealing with an ex because of drugs, but honestly I think that all depends on you and your tolerance towards that certain aspect of life.

[spokes]

this would also open the possibility of being in the wrong place at the wrong time........(i.e. being around if he is caught by the police or worse a dissatisfied customer)

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Not knowing about journalism, I'm going to guess WS has a point - in my job in a completely unrelated field, dating a pothead would have ramifications also.

That said - he's unfaithful and sells drugs?!?! Um, NO! He's probably great to his GF too - except for cheating on her!

Maybe somewhere in your sub concious you're either afraid of commitment or have low self-esteem and don't think you deserve any better? Is it possible you just have really slim pickings in your area's dating pool?

[GetMeOuttaDC]

I could take issue with some of the other things, because my sister is dealing with an ex because of drugs, but honestly I think that all depends on you and your tolerance towards that certain aspect of life.

well, it's more a matter of Angyl could get arrested and go to jail for quite some time if she's in the wrong place at the wrong time with this guy than a matter of her tolerating his drug use and dealing.

[tina1979]

well, it's more a matter of Angyl could get arrested and go to jail for quite some time if she's in the wrong place at the wrong time with this guy than a matter of her tolerating his drug use and dealing.
agreed. I was just saying that some ppl seem to be able to handle being around that part of life. My sister thought she was ok with it, but now she has two kids and the asshole is too busy buying pot to pay child support. Its a touchy subject so i thought I'd leave it alone

[Angyl]

Um, not to add more to your plate, but could there be any ramifications on your job if you're dating a drug dealer? I know I'm in the public eye, and due to what sorts of things I report on, I'd be awfully leery of involving myself with somebody involved in illegal activity. I wasn't even that keen on dating a pothead, when the issue came up, honestly.

I'm not sure if it matters, seeing as I more or less work for a corporate machine. I never cover anything that is vaguely cops related, plus he lives about 45 minutes away. It's not really him doing pot or anything that bothers me, it's the selling that does. And I know that beinhg involved doesn't always make you a bad person. But it puts you around bad people. I think he'd get out of it (which I'm not sure he actually does it much at all) if he could.

The weird thing is, J-Girl, that i have decent standards since I've left college, You know a steady job, a degree of some sort, a stable emotional life, a palce to live, money to take me out once in a while, etc etc. On the surface, Dude fits all that. He's working wit ha prof that is realyl well known in this area for his work with the government on anthro training courses and other stuff.

I jsut amaze myself at my ability ot get into these situations. I am definitely not looking for these guys, I'm more attracted to clean-cut guy in nice clothes that has a great job, but I attract em. Maybe I'm making excuses for myself. I've been trying to figure that out for months.

[wordsmith]

well, it's more a matter of Angyl could get arrested and go to jail for quite some time if she's in the wrong place at the wrong time with this guy than a matter of her tolerating his drug use and dealing.


Or have her objectivity, which her livelihood depends on, called into question because of the activities her significant other is involved in. I know that here, the girlfriend of somebody who sells drugs would probably have dented credibility as a reporter.

And, yeah, the selling would bother me more than the doing, but where I am now, both make me uneasy.

[Angyl]

Maybe somewhere in your sub concious you're either afraid of commitment or have low self-esteem and don't think you deserve any better? Is it possible you just have really slim pickings in your area's dating pool?

THat's probably a big part of it. KC is supposed to be one of the worst palces in the country for single people. And not to get too deeply in my past, but there's a lot of reasons I have really low self esteem, even though I do'nt display that outwardly. granted it's eight times better than it used to be since I've worked through some major issues,but it's still around.

Man I sound like one of thoe wacko girls that call loveline and the first question they ask is about their past. Yup, Dr. Drew, that holds all that answers. LOL

[MetFanL]

I've been in a similar situation and let me just say, GET OUT KNOW. Before you're too emotionally invested. This is not a good and/or healthy situation for a number of reasons.

(1) He's dating this other girl and you. Who's to say that he won't cheat on you? I know that's a cliche comment, but that doesn't make it untrue.

(2) Do you really want to question every gift he ever gives you or any dinner he pays for? Or, worse yet, if he does get caught, do you want the police coming to your house and seizing anything and everything he ever gave you? Because, they will. Doyou live in an apartment or with your parents? Think about how it would affect them and their jobs, too.

I realize this isn't a serious relationship, yet, but don't let it get there. This is a bad idea. And, please don't say that maybe he'll change/stop for you. Let him dothat on his own and call you when he's really and truly done. Until then, run away.

[meatwad]

...Maybe I'm making excuses for myself. I've been trying to figure that out for months.

That sounds possible. I'm telling you right now that every person I've known that has either been a pothead, pot dealer or both has managed to completely fuck up his life and take more than a few people with him. And don't fall into the trap of "I can change him." That never works. EVER. People only change when they want to change, and they're pretty good at lying to you about it if it means getting something they want.

[Kitty]

I would run in the opposite direction from this dude, and run fast! This is bad news, and the longer you stay w/ him the harder it will be to peel yourself away and remain objective about the situation.

I'm sorry, but any grown man who sells drugs is NOT ok to date. EVER.

[wordsmith]

(1) He's dating this other girl and you. Who's to say that he won't cheat on you? I know that's a cliche comment, but that doesn't make it untrue.



I don't think this is cliche, I think it's a perfectly reasonable and valid point. Somebody who doesn't value commitment and cheated on somebody to be wtih you is certainly somebody who has it in his character to cheat on you as well.

[Kitty]

I don't think this is cliche, I think it's a perfectly reasonable and valid point. Somebody who doesn't value commitment and cheated on somebody to be wtih you is certainly somebody who has it in his character to cheat on you as well.

Um, yeah. This is common sense stuff!!!!

I'm sorry if I'm coming across harshly, but I really think you need a reality check here.

[Angyl]

Um, yeah. This is common sense stuff!!!!

I'm sorry if I'm coming across harshly, but I really think you need a reality check here.


No, you're right Kitty. It's a problem with being an idealist. You idealize every situation you get in. Thanks kids. I knew I could count on y'all to smack me across the head.

[Tayl405]

Angyl,

My ex dealt drugs, and I didn't know about it (we broke up when I found out). I cannot emphasize enough how bad of a situation he put me in. I found myself around shady people, he lied all the time, and he put me in situations I should not have been in. I was incredibly naive, but I learned a great lesson, and if I had to go back to the beginning, knowing he was dealing, I would have run away SO fast! I found out because he used my cell phone one time to make a deal, which could have potentially gotten me into HUGE trouble. I'm sure this guy seems great, but cheating and drugs are two MAJOR issues (at least in my book they are!). Please get out now, and just thank your lucky stars that you know this stuff about him before you become too emotionally involved. Good luck!

[wordsmith]

Angyl, I'm definitely an idealist by nature, and I'm all about seeing the good in people, but I've gotten beyond sick to death of involving myself with people who will only cause me pain and stress.

He might be a perfectly lovely person who happens to be not very together. But if he doesn't have getting it together as a normally functioning adult as a priority, maybe he should be a perfectly lovely person you think charitably toward, but are not dating.

[Bugsey34]

Unfortunately, sometimes in these situations you need to make the mistakes yourself to learn the lesson, but I hope that is not the case with you, Angyl! Put me on the "HELL NO" list. We are all hoping you make the right decision to make room in your life for someone better!

[shimmer728]

I don't think anything good can come of dating this guy. He uses and sells drugs, he's cheating on his GF with you and a relationship with a drug dealer could possibly impact your reporting job. Run! Run fast!

[Kitty]

How exactly do you get involved w/ someone who has a gf? I mean, did he tell you upfront and you just didn't care? I'm curious how this whole thing works. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I just don't get it. I mean, I'm sure more guys wouldn't want to date me if they knew I had a bf..and I sure as hell wouldn't date someone who had a gf.

[meatwad]

How exactly do you get involved w/ someone who has a gf? I mean, did he tell you upfront and you just didn't care? I'm curious how this whole thing works. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I just don't get it. I mean, I'm sure more guys wouldn't want to date me if they knew I had a bf..and I sure as hell wouldn't date someone who had a gf.

Depends how big the bf is. :eek:

[GetMeOuttaDC]

And not to get too deeply in my past, but there's a lot of reasons I have really low self esteem, even though I do'nt display that outwardly. granted it's eight times better than it used to be since I've worked through some major issues,but it's still around.


Then please, get some help. DC is supposed to be a bad place for single people too, but you're better off alone than with this guy! Honestly, NOTHING but trouble will come of this!

[wordsmith]

The only way I can figure that a guy might successfully conceal a GF is if he’s in some sort of LDR. Anything else, even if the guy’s good, there are bound to be clues, right?

[Kitty]

The only way I can figure that a guy might successfully conceal a GF is if he’s in some sort of LDR. Anything else, even if the guy’s good, there are bound to be clues, right?

Thats what i'm sayin'. How on earth does this whole arrangement work? Maybe I don't want to know...

[coll214]

Oh man Angyl, I sympathesize. I've dated a severe pot-head who only 'dealt drugs to his friends' and it was just a train wreck. But by the time I figured out exactly what was going on, I was in too deep and put on my idealistic glasses. I'm an expert at turning the other way and ignoring a very bad situation. Then there was the 'recovered' coke-head who had some other rather serious issues and baggage from his previous relationship. I say that if you aren't already too emotionally involved, get out now. Tell him he needs to straighten out, figure out what he really wants, and then if you want to pursue a relationship with him go from there. Hell my reformed pot-head tried to pick things up again when he straightened out, but i had moved on...

[coll214]

The only way I can figure that a guy might successfully conceal a GF is if he’s in some sort of LDR. Anything else, even if the guy’s good, there are bound to be clues, right?
Sadly i've seen guys who've pulled it off without being in LDRs. Helps when their assholic friends will back them up.

[Angyl]

Oh man Angyl, I sympathesize. I've dated a severe pot-head who only 'dealt drugs to his friends' and it was just a train wreck. But by the time I figured out exactly what was going on, I was in too deep and put on my idealistic glasses. I'm an expert at turning the other way and ignoring a very bad situation. Then there was the 'recovered' coke-head who had some other rather serious issues and baggage from his previous relationship. I say that if you aren't already too emotionally involved, get out now. Tell him he needs to straighten out, figure out what he really wants, and then if you want to pursue a relationship with him go from there. Hell my reformed pot-head tried to pick things up again when he straightened out, but i had moved on...

Well, thank god I've told him I'm no good for a relationship right now, which I'm really not. I've got my own stuff to deal with and it'd be nice to be single for longer than three months (not this hasn't happened since high school). Anyway, like i said he does it becuase he has to, and from what he's told me (i just found out about this Saturday) its like a tablet here and tablet there when he runs across some, since he dosn't really do X or anything besides pot. I really need to get some balls and tell him I don't like that he sells.

And y'all wanna know so I'll tell you. I knew she was around, and when i found out I backed off of him (we hadn't even gone on a date then). But he's been planning to break up with her, but didint wnat to do it whiel she was in China. As of this moment, he's driving to Chocago to see her and break up. Yes, it was dumb of my to get involved when I knew she was around, but lately I've been of the do what makes you happy mindset, and he makes me happy. Yes, also dumb, I know. But it consoles me that he never lied about it, in some weird way.

[meatwad]

Anyway, like i said he does it becuase he has to, and from what he's told me (i just found out about this Saturday) its like a tablet here and tablet there when he runs across some, since he dosn't really do X or anything besides pot. I really need to get some balls and tell him I don't like that he sells.

I think you need to go back and reread that again to fully see how silly it sounds. Nobody HAS to sell drugs. He does it because he WANTS to. There are about 3 million other things he could do to make money. Don't get involved. Anyone who thinks they HAVE to sell drugs to make money is dangerous.

[wordsmith]

It's true, Angyl...he sells because it's an easy way to make a decent amount of money if he doesn't get caught. He doesn't HAVE to.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Angyl- You seem like a very smart and put together person just take all that one step ahead by not comitting to this guy.

Agreed!

la la la la

[librariangirl]

Hi Angyl,

I'm new here, but just wanted to add my 2 cents....

I agree with the general consensus here. This guy sounds like bad news. Even if your city is slim pickings (as is my own situation right now) there has got to be better out there.

My grandmother has said to me at times when I bemoan not meeting Mr. Right, that "Mr. Right is out there somewhere - he's just not ready for you yet." .......But one day, he will be ;)

[tartytwenty]

It breaks my heart to hear such an intelligent person willingly endangaring herself with this man.

You are. You are endangering yourself to whatever may happen with his drug selling, cheating ways. Problems with police, violent types, OD, etc. What other drugs does he use? Is there a fear of STDs/HIV because of needle drugs or sex with questionable types...

He's not going to commit to you. He cheated, sure he's "breaking" up with his GF, but once he's bored with you, the cycle will repeat itself. He lives 45 minutes away, making all this that much easier.

However, sometimes people need to learn their lessons the hard way and we'll be here if something happens, or if you proceed with this relationship, we'll be here for you.

However, these aren't just "red" flags. These are very troubling qualities he has. I advise that you stay single a bit longer. Three months isn't that long and someone else will come along. Hopefully without a drug problem.

[maxwell78]

Well said Tarty.