Being played?

[Tiean]

I have a female friend, we're not really close (yet?), but like each other. She's absolutely gorgeous and pretty much everyone would sell their own mother to be with her. She's with a guy now, but their relationship has been on the verge of collaps for a while... From time to time when we spend time together we end up in a situation that I would interpret as being somewhat flirtatious, ie. excessive touch and such things... In my experience it's not normal to sit in a sofa with someone of the opposite sex and touch each other for like an hour or more, - just light touches like feet touching the other persons legs, etc.
Now I'm thinking: what is she up to? Is she trying to keep me ready if the thing with her b/f should fall apart. Is she flirting just for kicks? Am I being played? Or am I completely misinterpreting the situation?

Why do you do these things? :sad:

[temptation]

2 questions: How long have you known her? Did this touching start only recently?

Based on the limited information you gave me...If you really like her, I would say keep your distance for a while.....give her a chance to miss you. Otherwise, you may end up hooking up with her while she has a boyfriend and that will definitely cause a ruckus.

My impression is that if she really likes you, she will eventually dump the dude and come for you. If she doesn't really like you, you will be strung along forever with only a few hugs to show for it.

[tina1979]

2 questions: How long have you known her? Did this touching start only recently?
Agreed.

I have a guy friend that I sit on the couch with. he'll sit on one end and I'll lay across with my feet propped on his legs. He takes me to movies once in a while and he'll put his hand on my leg or around my neck. He flirts, but we never take it farther than flirting. Sometimes feelings get confused, but it all comes down to we are friends and thats how we are staying.

[shimmer728]

She's got a boyfriend. End of story.

[24forever]

She's got a boyfriend. End of story.


I agree. If you feel like she's being too flirty call her on it. Don't let it ruin your friendship.

[temptation]

She's got a boyfriend. End of story.

This is the policy I use in my personal life. It will save you trouble.

[wordsmith]

If she's got a boyfriend, regardless of how on the verge of collapse things are, I say she's made the choice of who she wants to be with. If things are so shaky, now would be the ideal time for her to break things off if she wanted to be with you. If she's not, my thought is that she's less serious about you than it may seem.

[samender]

I agree that if she has a bf then I would not take too much into account. For one I know several girls who have bfs but the relationship isnt good. They tend to be very flirty with their guy friends...but it doesnt seem to get further than that. I think sometimes when a person is in a relationship that is on the verge of collapse they try to get what they need by being flirty and this allows them to continue in their not so good relationship.

[Bugsey34]

I agree, she has a boyfriend so I would not read much into it. Some people are just touchy feely like that, especially with friends. Since you've made it clear she's "beautiful", I can tell you like her, but unfortunately I think it's just wishful thinking!

[labrat2111]

Well she could also just be a bit of an attention whore. I know a girl like that who at various times has been single or with a b/f and there have been times when she's been touchy-feely and it's just her need to know she is attractive and sexy -- she has issues with depression/anxiety/body image. Basically because she has those issues she has low self-esteem so she wants to get reinforcement that guys find her attractive even sometimes when she has a b/f which I know isn't good but that's the way she is.

[Tiean]

First thanks for your inputs. I've known her for almost two years now. And the touching started a while ago. Then stopped, then started again.
I've taken the hands off approach so far. I agree with the lot of you: b/f, no way. Well I like her, but I don't want to get stuck in the middle hoping that some day, something MIGHT happen. That simply just doesn't work. It's just weird when one's spider senses go on Red Alert (as Temptation put it in another thread)... and when she's kinda nice, it's worth looking in to it IMO...

[temptation]

First thanks for your inputs. I've known her for almost two years now. And the touching started a while ago. Then stopped, then started again.
I've taken the hands off approach so far. I agree with the lot of you: b/f, no way. Well I like her, but I don't want to get stuck in the middle hoping that some day, something MIGHT happen. That simply just doesn't work. It's just weird when one's spider senses go on Red Alert (as Temptation put it in another thread)... and when she's kinda nice, it's worth looking in to it IMO...


You've known her for 2 years! Man, she would have made a move already. Move along sonny, nothing to see here.

[wordsmith]

It could be that she keeps you around for validation...especially if stuff's rocky w/ the boy. Not to be harsh or the voice of doom, but it happens.

[Tiean]

You've known her for 2 years! Man, she would have made a move already. Move along sonny, nothing to see here.

I don't agree with you there... I met her two years ago... She's been with this guy for like 1½ years now... And recently this weird thing happened.... It's not like it's been going on for 2 years

[temptation]

I don't agree with you there... I met her two years ago... She's been with this guy for like 1½ years now... And recently this weird thing happened.... It's not like it's been going on for 2 years


Ok. It's just how I would perceive the situation.

[Tiean]

Ok. It's just how I would perceive the situation.

But hey, get me right... It's not that I think there's a whole lot to it... It's just that I find this sort of "behaviour" weird. But I guess Wordsmith may be right... Some people would use others as a surrogate for whatever is missing in a relationship

[tdko]

She's got a boyfriend. End of story.
Absolutely. She's probably just got confused feelings. Maintain your dignity and self-respect and make her dump the boy before she gets a piece of your action.

[jcm12]

Absolutely. She's probably just got confused feelings. Maintain your dignity and self-respect and make her dump the boy before she gets a piece of your action.
BINGO, too many women act like monkeys swinging branch to branch because guys let them. Don't let it happen to you.

[wordsmith]

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, 'guys do it, too.'

The one girl's thread the other day about the guy in the "weird relationship thing" comes to mind.

There's no one gender who's predisposed to seeking out attention from multiple people.

[Gaucho]

Basic question, do you wanna be with this girl? If the answer is yes, I say make a move. If the relationship with the boyfriend is about over any, I say why not? Of course now I am going to hear 'why not', aren't I?