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View Full Version : Supposed to be happy, but I'm NOT


TaPout136
06-23-2005, 07:54 PM
This is my first time here so I’ll try to make this coherent if possible. I have been dealing with a QLC for the better part of a year right now. Recently I graduated from college after 6 horrendous years. Probably as early as last summer I started to have serious concerns about the virtue and utility of my degree, the $150,000 that it cost, and the negative impact that the totality of this experience has left upon me.

More than anything I really resent the level of esteem college degree have ascendedin to in modern society. These worthless pieces of papers have become a referendum on a person and their ability (or lack there of) to complete simple directions, not unlike a farm animal. Routines and classes dull the mind and kill a person's ability for seminal progressive thought.

Now for my crisis, I finished school about a month ago and reclutantly moved back home with my parents. The reason I was reclutant to move back here (Littleton, Colorado - perhaps some of you have heard of it) is that this is in my opinion one of worst places on Earth. This is the middle of suburbian, the hollow American Dream twitching on its side rotting from the inside out. The terms Anomie and normlessness were probably created to describe this place. No one is from here, no one actually lives here, we all just happen to endure the misfortune of moving here.

The real reason I'm back is because I was unable to complete the process of going to graduate school. I do however have a good reason for this: In July of last year, in the process of restraining a drunk friend of mine (trying to prevent him from throwing a FULL bottle of lighter fluid onto a roaring BBQ grill with about a dozen or so people standing just inches away) the labrum in my right shoulder torn and caused several nasty bone chips. Not knowing this at the time I though I just workouted to hard or something. Well when I finally when to a doctor 2 months later, he said that I would need surgery to stitch the labrum back together and secure it with a couple of staples (btw the bone chips/spurs ended up being the worst part werent found until the surgery started, lucky me. Well surgery couldnt wait untill december without risking serious long-term damage to my shoulder, so we planned it for October during fall break. To make a long story short, the surgery was much worse than anyone planned. It wasnt until late Feb. that I was able to write and feed myself again. School is not that important that you have to be that condition just because its not worth missing. No only did my grades suffer, I didnt do any of the follow up I need to get to my GRE stuff taken care of and I was in such a bad all the time that I finally gave up on picking a grad program.

Other fun stuff happening during or after my shoulder including: surgery in August to remove a second tumor that had come back after it was first cut off in April. Also my grandfather died about 10 days after I had my shoulder surgery in October. So just to pile on, after I was pretty sick of school because of everything that was going on, the director or residence life (the person who runs the dorms) made threats regarding my class attendance. He said that he would begin a process to get me kicked out of the dorms and maybe school unless I started to going to class. He also began to spy on me and send people to "check" my room just as I was suppose to be going to class. One of the more egregious things this director or residence life did was call my father at work and tell him I wasnt going to class. Im a grown man, im 24 years old and I dont need someone to call my parents acting an elementary school principle. Nothing beats feeling under siege in your own place of residence. No real resolution happened here other than I picked up my dipolma and walked by him and told him I would give him the beating of his life. Which I firmly plan on doing once my shoulder heals fully.

Back to the present where I'm so depressed and angry and I cant even imagin a circumstance where I could work and actually begin to construct a life. Even if I could I wont ever make enough money to play my medical bills (my parents combined dont make enough to pay my bills now and thats with insurance). My body hurts all the time and my pain tolerance is frighteningly high. I hate my degree in communications, I hate writing, movies, television and just the media in general. But you know what, its ok because I have a degree. I have a degree and a finite interest in life. There are only so many things that interest me, and now that im not interested in anything that im good at. Im certainly glad to have this meaningful eduction!

I wont even start in on my parents, but I will say that nothing looks good. I cant even get any of the dozen pychologists I’ve seen to agree what is wrong with me, or how exactly to treat it. It’s an interesting plight considering once you reject a pychologists' offer of medication he/she almost becomes offended and hostile. Which is fun because im smart and I love to fight and go-rounds with anyone, especially those with letters behind their names.

The best part, better than any of this, I have to deal with people telling me that things could always be worse, and that I should thankful. I guess they are right. I did survive cancer as child. My left eye was removed, my right eye has a significant cateract, there is major uncorrectable structural damage to my face/skull as a result of massive doses of radiation I received, and I have considerable learning and developmental difficulties that also resulted from the radiation. The reason im not happy is because im still alive. That fact only compounds my failure and inability to make those who have hazed me suffer as I have.

dazed
06-23-2005, 09:12 PM
wow....first off lots of hugs to you for enduring and surviving. you certainly have had your fair share of trauma and pain. you really got me at the end with that further description. all i can say is i sincerely hope your life goes smoothly in the future. good luck and stay strong.

TaPout136
06-25-2005, 11:55 PM
anyone else?

XJMP
06-26-2005, 10:21 AM
TaPout136, I am sorry that you have had so many health problems. You definetely are depressed. Please cooperate with whatever therapist you finally select. That is important. If you really are depressed Prozac or some other medication might be helpful. (I am not a doctor; I don't want to give medical advice here.)

One more thing: Sooner or later you will have to work, or will have to go back to school. The sooner you work, the sooner you will feel better about yourself. And you can start paying down your regrettably huge debt.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us. Please be grateful to be alive yourself.

Please check back with this message board to let everyone know that you are okay.

XJMP

XJMP
06-26-2005, 10:26 AM
The reason im not happy is because im still alive. That fact only compounds my failure and inability to make those who have hazed me suffer as I have.

TaPout136, please do not anything extremely stupid and senseless.

XJMP

wastingyears
06-26-2005, 02:14 PM
The reason im not happy is because im still alive. That fact only compounds my failure and inability to make those who have hazed me suffer as I have.

Jesus Christ, this is terrible, all of it. You've certainly been dealt a bad hand. You're on the QLC boards but I'd say you've got substantially more going on than a QLC. You can hear the QLC core in there, the feelings of aimlessness and pointlessness and depression, moving back home, feeling like your degree is worthless and arbitrary, but the feelings of persecution are what jump out at me. You have been so hurt by life and sound so hateful of it, and of people in it.

I don't think I can help you where psychologists have failed, but there's one thing I've learned over the 10 years of my QLC (maybe it needs a different name after that long), and that's that we have limited mental and emotional resources. Hating life, and your tormentors, and the world, and wanting revenge, and feeling like a failure because you can't inflict it, implies a deeply felt sense of injustice, and a compulsion and responsibility to even the score. I don't know you, but I feel confident in saying this will never happen. You will never even the score and you will give up on it sooner or later and move on with your life. Make it sooner. we cling to pain and revenge, but it's effectively like hugging a porcupine all that time, unnecessary and painful.

You have enough shit going on in your life that you need all of your resources just to take care of yourself - - you can't afford to focus on sorting other people out or restoring balance to the karmic scales of justice. It sucks to walk away from a situation where you feel justice has been left undone, but cutting ones losses is a valid and often imperative maneuver to ensure survival and to move forward. You are more important to you than they are, so devote your energy to yourself and only spare some for them if there's any leftover (there won't be). Otherwise you're cheating yourself. All of this is easier said than done, I know, and most of us drag our collected trauma around behind us on a chain, but good grief, you've got enough things in front of you. Your QLC is going to take all of your personal resources to get through, and the health issues will be an enduring backdrop of it regardless. Trust Yoda, hate leads to suffering. You need all eyes forward. Let go and let your soul heal while you work on body and life.

Good luck to you.

NoMoreSleep
06-27-2005, 03:14 AM
if any good came out of those problems it's the fact that mine now pale in comparison.

I couldn't imagine what I'd do in the same situation. Declare bankruptcy, pack up what you need and move somewhere you've never been?

If only it were that easy.

TaPout136
06-28-2005, 05:24 PM
"if any good came out of those problems it's the fact that mine now pale in comparison."


I find such sentiments interesting because an individual's problems are by their very nature solipsistic. My problem might be worse than yours, but the problems are less severe than someone else’s... However, its like not anyone is aware of the specific merits of anyone else’s problems. Thus we have lost an important condemnation of comparison and the expectations of relative experience that accompanies it.

heatherf
06-28-2005, 05:33 PM
How bout this: Why do college counselors let people graduate with only degrees in communications? It's not that a college degree is useless per se, but certain degrees are of more use than others when it comes to finding a decent paying job.

And where did you go to school, that it cost you 150k for undergrad? GOOD LORD!

Sorry about your situation and the fact that you had to move back home. Do you have any job prospects at all?

TaPout136
06-28-2005, 07:06 PM
"Why do college counselors let people graduate with only degrees in communications?"


Because its actually the best major in the entire school and it has a national rep as such. I did alot of other things including independent studies, study abroad, submitted academic papers to be peer reviewed and published, and I even took a graduate class in political science/terrorism as an undergradute. Now that im reaping the benefits of my hard work ive totally lost interest in working or academia.

My graduation money is still in a pile on the floor

XJMP
06-28-2005, 09:04 PM
TaPout136, thank you for posting again.

You obviously are extremely intelligent. You obviously are also very unhappy. Please get therapy/help from somebody.

Best of luck. I am so glad you didn't do something very foolish after your first two posts. (A couple of months ago a poster more or less threatened suicide, and then stopped posting. Highly disturbing. I am very glad you are different.)

XJMP

TaPout136
07-01-2005, 07:19 PM
I have someone looking for a specialist they used to work with, so maybe that will pan out shortly but im not exactly sure. Its funny, im under the least pressure in my life and I can barely do anything. I waste hours and hours each only to lament it later. Not like I feel like doing anything but when I think back and realize that I did in fact do nothing its bothersome. However, im so capricious right now my mind is pulling my thoughts in all different directions.

XJMP
07-02-2005, 12:10 AM
I have someone looking for a specialist they used to work with, so maybe that will pan out shortly but im not exactly sure. Its funny, im under the least pressure in my life and I can barely do anything. I waste hours and hours each only to lament it later. Not like I feel like doing anything but when I think back and realize that I did in fact do nothing its bothersome. However, im so capricious right now my mind is pulling my thoughts in all different directions.

TaPout136, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a good therapist for yourself. You have a lot to offer the world; please take care of yourself so that you eventually create a nice life for yourself. Oh, and please keep the people on this message board up to date with how you are doing.

Good luck.

XJMP

shinyleaf
07-04-2005, 09:33 PM
"It sucks to walk away from a situation where you feel justice has been left undone, but cutting ones losses is a valid and often imperative maneuver to ensure survival and to move forward"
I just wanted to say that this is fantastic advice (from wastingyears)

Definitely way more than a QLC here. Try and remember how resilient you really are, and that you deserve to feel sorry for yourself for a little bit. Do whatever it takes to not stay in that place though. You might just be in a motivation slump - and a depression. Taking care of the basics in life (your health & security) should be priority over concerning yourself with your next carreer or academic steps.

Like XJMP said, we appreciate you posting back. That other suicidal poster never did, and it bothered some of us quite a bit.