...and this is just the beginning?

[dostoyevskydork]

I'm new to this site (just read the book yesterday), and even though i'm probably younger and less experienced than most people on this site, i know and understand alot of the issues.
i'm 20 years old and still in college, but because of health reasons, i ended up transfering to a different school so that i could live at home. So far my life (ever since teenagehood), has just been one crisis after another. high school was the persistant battle with depression/anxiety/paranoia et al. (which i'm still struggling with now to a certain degree), and the last two years in college have been miserable living with narcolepsy (which wasn't able to get diagnosed and treated until just recently). And now that i feel i'm finally gaining control over my medical issues, i'm finally able to think about something other than the present and look at the future. and it scares the hell out of me.

Right now, i'm struggling with a lot of things, but mostly with figuring out who i am and what i want. I just changed/added my major again (now: chemistry and neuroscience) and mostly because the thought of graduation scares the hell out of me (i'll have 2 more years now instead of graduating next may). I'm also very unsure about what i want to do with my life and what to do after graduation. I've been thinking seriously about med school or grad school, but am also having a lot of doubts about being able to do either. (And here's where the medical issues are still bugging me.)

After this summer (which has already turned disasterous and not at all as i wanted it to), i'll be turning 21. a full/complete adult. i don't like it, i'm not ready for it, it feels too old. Dispite all my talk about wanting to move away from my parents and go out on my own, inside i feel like a scared little kid wanting to cling to my parents leg. I don't want to grow up, i feel my adolesence was jipped, i want the carefree life for just a little bit longer.

Yeah, so this is my life, i just thought i'd share/get it out.

[J-girl]

Welcome Bud-

First of all let me tell you 21 is NOT OLD!!!!!!!

Second- it does seem you have had all these health problems but you survived. Keep a positive outlook. Pessimism won't help.

Most of the QLCers might disagree with me, but if you think you are not ready to move out then dont. I say this because of the health hisotry you mentioned. But while you are at home you have to tell yourself that you have to move out someday and you must work on your confidence.

If it's any consolation I am almost 25, and I still live at home.

[Violet_Ellie]

I felt some of the things you're going through when I was 20 also (I'm 23 now). I often have wished I could be younger for just a little bit longer... well, you're in college for two more years, so really you do have the chance to do that. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I graduated either... I decided to go to law school. I had apprehensions about whether I could do it or not... but now I'm going into my last year and I've done really well.

As far as figuring out who you are... it just takes time. I used to think if I thought enough about it, I was bound to figure it out... but that didn't really happen. I had been depressed for a long time and just recently got the courage to tell my parents about it and decided to get some help. It has helped me a tremendous amount to put myself and getting better first above all else. I've learned that all the bad things that have happened in my life have made me a better person and I've learned a lot more about myself from those experiences than anything else.

You will figure things out for your future... because, well, you have to. I've found that many people will try and give you advice based on their experiences, but you have to go through your own experiences and figure things out on your own time.

[stonemonkey]

After this summer (which has already turned disasterous and not at all as i wanted it to), i'll be turning 21. a full/complete adult. i don't like it, i'm not ready for it, it feels too old.

Hey dude, I'm barely 22, and I most definitely do not feel like a full/complete adult. Take it easy on yourself, you're doing nearly as bad as other people. Chemistry and neuroscience kicks ass (I'm a fellow science nerd) and I think that by sticking it out through college, you're on your way.

My advice in general is to step out of your comfort zone. Yes, it's scary, but this is how you gain experience.

[shimmer728]

Let's see. When I was 21, I was a senior in college. I lived away at school, but my parents paid my rent and car insurance and all my other necessities, I blew all my paychecks at the mall and had no clue what kind of job I would get after graduation.

It's now almost four years later. I live on my own and pay all my own bills. I'm a professional journalist. Despite my parents' concerns, I got a "real job" within three months of graduating.

Dude, I was sooooooo clueless and naive when I was your age......probably more than you are. Somehow, I managed to become an "adult" (though I use the term loosely.) 21 is extremely young--you've got time to grow up.