Crushes

[spiritedaway]

Inspired by another thread on crushes...

If you had an "intense" crush on someone (say, the crush lasts for a year or longer), would you still have some residual feelings for that person when you see him/her again? Or have you found that your crush can be easily rekindled when you spend time with that person, even when you haven't seen each other in months/years?

I am wondering if people could really just "end" a crush (assuming nothing was ever done to indicate the interest). I know a crush can end given time and distance, but I find it intriguing because I can tell that one of my friends from high school (we've all graduated from college now) still has a thing for one of my friends, but he doesn't know that she's going to get married soon. I guess I am amazed at how long crushes can sometimes last.

Now, how could you end a crush if you have to see the other person all the time?

[Tiean]

If a crush/infatuation lasts for a year or perhaps even longer, it seems that there's a bit more to it, than just the initial excitedness over meeting someone interesting. I don't think you can "make the crush stop". If a person has this sort of effect on you, you can't just say: NO! No more! I think you have to decide what you really want. Do you really want to be with this person? If so, you should do something about it. If you don't really want to be with this person or if you can't get your act together and make a move, then you should try to move on and realize that you will never be with this person, however hard this realisation may be. I know it's sort of a rational approach to the whole issue, but it's the only way to move on I can think of if your feeling don't seem to fade with time

[Kitty]

I think if you have real, true, intense chemistry or feelings for someone (no matter how long the "crush" lasts) it is VERY easy to rekindle it. It has always been the case for me that when I someone who I had intense feelings for in the past, that they immediately return.

[wordsmith]

I had a major infatuation that lasted pretty much the whole time I was in college. It was more than a crush since he and I were actually good friends most of that time. And having only seen him/talked to him once or twice in the five years since we'd graduated, I was still super giddily excited to see him at our reunion last fall. He didn't show, though.

It's not like I've thought of him daily (or weekly, or monthly) since the old days...it's just that he always fascinated me, and I'm sure still would.

[stonemonkey]

I could only end my crushes by completely erasing that person from my life. And even then it's not permanent. Like recently I had a brief encounter with this girl I had a majorly intense crush on, who I hadn't seen in six years. I'd gotten over her in that time, but yeah, once I saw her again, all that stuff that I thought was dead and buried fought it's way back to the surface again.

So my advice is pretty useless, I guess, because I can't really end crushes with people if I had to see them all the time. The best I could hope for would be to crush on someone else.

[AzureMoogle]

I had a crush (my only crush) for almost 3 years in high school. I had a LOT of contact with her...but I never tried to make it go anywhere. I was EXTREMELY sad to leave hs. I still thought about her once in a while at college. Then something totally weird and terrible happened during my 2nd summer of college, while we were both back at home. Basically, she initiated contact again and then I just totally crushed again. The problem was that it was stronger then before, and after the one conversation she initated, she just totally became quiet and didn't return my call. This caused my first depression in my life :sad:

Finally though, during my junior year, I got closure. I confronted her online and we exchanged some choice words ;)

Now I know there's absolutely nothing there. I wouldn't mind being brought to her face just to prove it to myself.

As a side effect, I think I'll never be able to let myself crush on someone again.
Now, how could you end a crush if you have to see the other person all the time?
No clue...that could be tough.

[stonemonkey]

As a side effect, I think I'll never be able to let myself crush on someone again.


I think you can, just not as severely. I always think that the first crush is the hardest to get over, but after that they get progressively easier. I can still have a crush on someone, but I also know that it will never be as severe as the first one.

[isitfridayyet?]

i had a crush on a guy friend of mine for a good part of college. i still think that he might be the cutest/sweetest boy that i've ever met. we would hang out, study together, and even went on a few "maybe dates." then the fall of his senior year, he told me that he was dating someone. i was crushed and we stopped hanging out. i saw him a few times around campus, but was too hurt to say anything. then about a year later i ran into him...we talked a little bit and then went out separate ways, but all the feelings came rushing back to me. i even tried to contact him, but his email address was no longer valid. i don't think about him all the time or anything, but i still wonder where he is and what he's doing.

as for ending a crush on someone that you see all the time...that's a tough one for sure. i've had a crush on someone for about a year now. i see him all the time and the feelings just aren't going away. so, i have no idea what you're supposed to do. i guess it ends when you find someone else to crush on.

[shimmer728]

On Friday night, I actually ran into someone I had a crush on when I was about 13. I would say the feelings were definitely gone, 12 years later. :p

Every now and then I think about some of my HS crushes.....I haven't seen any of them in at least seven years, so I wonder if I'd still get all floopy around them today. I doubt it. But you never know.

[mishl982]

In the other post I mentioned that I had this pretty big crush in high school and recently reconnected with him. When we met up for the first time since high school, it was just nice, chill and fun - no feelings attached. I also found that I talk to him a lot more now in the past few months than I did in all my years of high school. I thought I would crush on him more, but I don't find myself wanting to call him up every weekend to hang out or whatnot, we just catch up every couple of weeks.

Also after 5 years, I don't think I could still have a crush on him!

[samender]

I think mine sort of change. I move on with my crushes and it is possible for me to quickly have a crush on the same person I generally avoid it and do not.

[wordsmith]

Every now and then I think about some of my HS crushes.....I haven't seen any of them in at least seven years, so I wonder if I'd still get all floopy around them today. I doubt it. But you never know.

I ran into a high school crush at a mutual friend's wedding...we hadn't seen each other in about 8 years, and were seated at the same table. He's a cop now, and at the time was going through FBI in-processing. I didn't have the same feelings anymore, but he was acting all silly and flirtatious with me! I almost wanted to be like, "Remember when you got MAD at me for dedicating that Richard Marx song to you on the radio? Yeah, that was lame."

[shimmer728]

I almost wanted to be like, "Remember when you got MAD at me for dedicating that Richard Marx song to you on the radio? Yeah, that was lame."

You really did that?! You are my hero! :D

[wordsmith]

Yeah, now, he should be so lucky. :)

[dazed]

i had a HUGE crush in high school. that is all.

[irish42]

If a crush/infatuation lasts for a year or perhaps even longer, it seems that there's a bit more to it, than just the initial excitedness over meeting someone interesting. I don't think you can "make the crush stop". If a person has this sort of effect on you, you can't just say: NO! No more! I think you have to decide what you really want. Do you really want to be with this person? If so, you should do something about it. If you don't really want to be with this person or if you can't get your act together and make a move, then you should try to move on and realize that you will never be with this person, however hard this realisation may be. I know it's sort of a rational approach to the whole issue, but it's the only way to move on I can think of if your feeling don't seem to fade with time


I kind of agree with you I had a total crush on this guy who I met when I was 14 and I would see him sporadically a few times a year(he lived in a different state) he was a bit older then me a senior when I was a frosh, and so he went off to college and I didnt see him again sure I thought about him every once in a while but moved on and slowly "forgot" about him...fast forward a few years and I get recruited to run track for this college I accept and I attend said college...on the first weekend of college I go out to party with some teammates and we go to this frat party since some of those frat guys used to run on the team and low and behold there was my crush from 5 years earlier! The crush was just as strong but I was an innocent shy kid still at that point and I was mildly intimadated by frat boys so I didnt pursue him and he had a gf anyway but whenever I saw him I would feel the crush so he graduated we lose touch and suddenly 4 years later I am a senior in college and I am going solo to my sorority formal and I run into the crush the night before and those "crush feelings" were still prevalent and so on impulse I invited him last minute to be my date and he accepted! Nothing sexual occured at all but he was the best date one could have to a function like that and a lot of fun (plus nice arm candy)...at the end of the night sometimes I think I should of made a move but he allegedly had a gf at the time and I wasn't going to set myself up to be the other girl...anyway needless to say it has been 2 years and I havent seen him since but I know nothing is going to happen between us at this point because in 12 years nothing ever has and if something was to happen it would of already the night of my formal but when I think of "crushes" I always think of him as my first school girl crush and to me crushes should be innocent and fun which that crush totally was...:)

[SunDevil]

I have a crush on this girl I might see 2 times a year now. It hasn't changed in the past 11 years or so. And I still compare every other girl to her. Yes, 20% of other girls may be better, but she is still the best girl I know. I might see her again at the end of next month... :)