Meeting People via the Internet [Archive]

week2week

06-29-2005, 06:34 AM

Am I the only one who thinks that this is not a good way to meet people and is poor for society in general?

I've seen people post and heard other say that they've met people through online dating services, and everytime I think it's kinda sad. I think that the nerves you feel or your actions builds character when meeting someone without the aid of the internet. The internet lets you mask who you are. It doesn't allow for a true first impression. It promotes -- or better put, bandaids -- weakness, which is not good for a society that predicates itself on strong individuals. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that meeting people from the internet will make you weak, but I think over the long, long term that it will have an effect on how people interact face to face.

I'm just going with the theory that as something (the internet) that replaces another (meetings/introductions/request for a date "pre-internet" times) as it becomes more acceptable, that the things (interpersonal skills) still required from the previously popular method will be diminished.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does not approve or participate in online meets/dating/"get to know ya's"?

meatwad

06-29-2005, 07:25 AM

I never really liked the idea myself much, but when you don't like going to bars and every girl you take an interest to has a guy on her arm or a ring on her finger sometimes it's tough. When I compare picking up some random girl in a bar or finding someone online who maybe has closer interests to me, I don't know. I've been trying Match.com. I guess I'll have a better idea of what to tell you in a month or two.

Morgan81

06-29-2005, 07:47 AM

I'll agree with you in that it doesn't allow for a true first impression, unless you and the other person are both 100% honest, which is rare. So if you go out with someone it's more like a blind date, big deal.
But bad for society??? I don't know how you get that from something so mild as talking to people online. Those "weak" people do go out and have a social life, so it's not like before the Internet they where locked away and kept from society.
I think bars put bigger bandaids on things by truely covering up people's personalites.

winneythepooh7

06-29-2005, 09:05 AM

I think it is limited in terms of where to meet nice wholesome people these days. Plus I agree that bars are bad places for the obvious reasons as well. I have tried the online dating sites in the past and although I met some nice people, no one really I meshed with. I have met a ton of people through other sources on the internet. My whole alumnae group that I have formed for example was via the internet. I also have met some pretty cool people from this site via the internet obviously. You should be on your guard like in real life meeting someone, but I totally recommend the internet for meeting new people.

J-girl

06-29-2005, 09:12 AM

Okay agreed the internet does put a bandaidon your true personality but when you actually meet the person your true self comes out eventually.

I know this whole internet thing will take some time to get used to but I dont think it's "poor for the society". In fact if anything it's better since people are getting more busy and with having lesser time to socialise it's a blessing in disguise.

Although I must admit since I am not a fan of blind dates or formal dates, doesnt seem like its for me :(

biodork

06-29-2005, 09:14 AM

I just see the internet as an easier, cheaper way to post a personal ad. And not all people use the internet solely for dating. You can use it to meet friends too. I really don't think its a bad thing. Usually when you first meet someone, in person or not, they don't show all of themselves anyways. It takes time.

shimmer728

06-29-2005, 09:14 AM

J-girl

06-29-2005, 09:17 AM

And not all people use the internet solely for dating. You can use it to meet friends too

That I agree. I have met some real cool people via the net. I am more comfortable with that. :D

biodork

06-29-2005, 09:18 AM

I have met some real cool people via the net.
Me too! :)

cornflakegirl

06-29-2005, 09:35 AM

that idea comes from the school of thought that also believes e-mail is gonna destroy the letter, which i may point out destroyed oral history. it called evolving, baby.

dating on the internet is just another option. i don't think it is detrimental to human communication. although, i met deadend on here & participate on this message board that does not mean that all my human contact is through the internet. i go to work, i go out, i talk to family & friends. plus, i have dated the traditional way. i would see your point, maybe, if someone sat in front of the computer all day, every day & had never spoken to a person in his or her life. but that does not happen. i don't understand how interpersonal skills will become weakened by internet dating. how is one supposed to make it to date 2, lacking all these necessary skills. the internet part of dating only takes you so far (like a week or 2 of chatting back & forth) & then from there on it is like every other relationship.

in regards to bandaiding the first date, don't other people talk on the phone or e-mail before they first go out? how is this any different?

Bugsey34

06-29-2005, 09:42 AM

I don't see how the internet is really going to have any kind of bad effect on society and "strong individuals". I have also met some cool people off message boards or other things.

I see it as beneficial because it actually just speeds up meeting new people. If I decide I want to meet a new friend in real life, it could take me weeks to run into someone, meet them through friends, etc., whereas with the internet I could start meeting prospective new friends right away. There is no more likelihood that I will actually make a friend than there is in real life, but it speeds up the process.

dazed

06-29-2005, 09:44 AM

That I agree. I have met some real cool people via the net. I am more comfortable with that. :D

what sites do you use?

Winter Storm

06-29-2005, 09:49 AM

I have met so many people via the internet that I only see the benefits. Since last fall when I really got involved in online communities, I've met well over 50 people, met some good friends, had some great dates and went to dozens of new events and get-togethers that I wouldn't have without the internet. And these people are the same as me,professional, educated, down to earth and fun. They just happen to be online looking for new people.

Just look at the people on QLC, this is a great community of people and I'd like to say I've met some good friends here.

tina1979

06-29-2005, 09:58 AM

Just look at the people on QLC, this is a great community of people and I'd like to say I've met some good friends here.
I feel the same way. I may not have met everyone face to face, but I don't feel like I have to meet to know that you care about what happens to me, or for me to care about what happens to you. I still have RL friends, but honestly I usually come for advice here first because I know you'll give it to me straight.

aj030201

06-29-2005, 09:59 AM

I love talking to people online from all over the world, its something that you just couldn't do before the internet. Of course there are a bunch of weridos out there (im one of them :lol: ) but hell I see plenty of them when I go out on the weekend as well! I'm just on here to meet some cool people for some fun conversation, for those that are looking for dates or a relationship, thats great! I'm sure someday when I want to finally settle down and grow up, I'm going to look at every medium.

Stormshadow

06-29-2005, 11:31 AM

"and is poor for society in general..."

I believe that society is already poor enough--that's why we have these things--to make it easier to meet people--but certainly it's not poor because of it.

Skyblade

06-29-2005, 11:33 AM

I met my bf via craigslist. We had e-mailed for probably about 3 weeks before meeting for the first time. I think the internet can be a great way to meet people, I don't think its detrimental to society. I think its just another option. People still need to use their interpersonal skills when meeting people online.

summergold

06-29-2005, 11:43 AM

I don't think there is anything wrong with people wanting to reach out and make contact with other people, whether that be by the internet, in person, via telephone, or whathaveyou. I've met more people, kept in contact with more people, and learned more about this world because of the internet. What is poor for society is when people don't want to find a human connection. We live in a world that moves so quickly, we tend to go from day to day and realize that we haven't had a "real" conversation with anyone. I can talk with someone half way around the world and have a long conversation about Hegelian dialectics if I like. Do I wish that I could just walk up to someone in person and do this, or that I were doing this in person, perhaps, but the fact that I made contact with another person is really all that matters. If I find the love of my life via the internet, is it any less valid than if I met him in a bar?

coll214

06-29-2005, 11:57 AM

Personally i'm tired of this crap that the internet is destroying how ppl talk. I think in many ways it's actually increased it. Hell, w/o this website how many of us would really have ever spoken to each other or met? And i've met some great ppl this way that i couldn't imagine now not talking to or being friends with. It's like anything else, when ppl use it obsessively and only that that it becomes a problem. People lie everywhere, all the time, whether it's online or in person. There's always been bullshitters and there always will be.

cheshrcarol

06-29-2005, 12:23 PM

First of all, I have to question the judgement of someone with 5 posts who starts thread on an ONLINE message board about how Internet interaction is ruining society.

Honestly, I don't care if you feel sorry for me or not. I have a good job that keeps me busy, and great friends/social life. I am constantly busy, and the reality of my life is that I'm not in too many situations where I can tons of single, straight guys that might be interested in me. I'm not a big fan of bars, and if I do go to one, it's to hang out with my friends, not pick up a guy. So I use Internet dating. I love the honesty and straight-forwardness. "Hi, I'm interested are you? No? Ok. Yes? Great, let's chat." I've also met people from QLC that I now consider "Real Life" friends. Just because you start communicating through writing doesn't mean your social skills are atrophying. You do eventually meet in person where you have to... gasp...talk!

bridgetjones

06-29-2005, 12:26 PM

It is easier to assess someones personality from what they type than in a bar setting I think. If the internet makes it easier and faster to find people then great! People are so busy and preoccupied that they need any help they can get. Not to mention it can be harder to find people with your interests offline. It is a means not an end.

It only bugs me when real life friends substitute real life communication with forwards/ emails. Like certain pals who always email about getting together but never pick up the phone and actually work to have a get-together. That is a different thread altogether.

wordsmith

06-29-2005, 12:30 PM

I have a hard time believing that a medium that's allowed me to expand my circle of quality real-life acquaintances by about tenfold is going to be responsible for the destruction of social interaction.

I'm thrilled that I can get the chance to know a wider range of people from different walks of life, myself. If anything, I think that the internet has brought BACK a type of social contact that had died out a bit...it's almost the rebirth of the epistolary tradition, in some ways. People corresponded over long distances and got to know one another via letters as common entertainment in the Victorian age...it's really not so different.

I also think that in terms of people masking their flaws and only presenting their best sides, well, everyone does that, in person or not. You eventually find out a person's true colors, regardless of how you met them. You have to be as aware and perceptive as you would be face to face.

I've done my share of online dating, it's been fine. But really, what are most meaningful in my life of my online interactions are the friends I've made, mostly via messageboard and then developed over IM and phone, which have then gone on to become real-life friendships. Not gonna apologize for that, or feel like it's detrimental to society.

hopeless

06-29-2005, 01:33 PM

shimmer728

06-29-2005, 01:45 PM

My friends suggested I should go to match.com or other dating sites, but I feel as if I'm being too desperate, plus when someone might ask me how I met a guy, I cringe at the fact to say I've met him through a dating website. One of my friends will not go to dating websites to find a guy, it's not her way of doing things & that's the same for me.

Oh, believe me, I STILL sometimes fudge and say my BF and I met through friends (not technically untrue) when people want to know how we met. I'm not embarrassed about it, but a lot of people still don't get message boards. In fact, a friend of mine who knows the real story told me it was creepy. :rolleyes:

Angyl

06-29-2005, 01:56 PM

I recently stopped being ashamed of it.

I've done it for the past few months and had a couple OK dates and am seeing a couple people, but no one totally amazing. I'm a really really outgoing person, I jsut find it hard to date outside of college. I do'nt think it has anything to do with the demise of inerpersonal communication at all.

wordsmith

06-29-2005, 02:03 PM

I have no qualms. I stopped caring about it when many of the people I'd initially met online turned out to be better and more dedicated friends than some people I've known my whole life.

Bugsey34

06-29-2005, 02:19 PM

First of all, I have to question the judgement of someone with 5 posts who starts thread on an ONLINE message board about how Internet interaction is ruining society.

Yeah no kidding.

pisces2473

06-29-2005, 06:31 PM

I have no qualms. I stopped caring about it when many of the people I'd initially met online turned out to be better and more dedicated friends than some people I've known my whole life.
Hell yeah!

week2week

06-30-2005, 03:01 AM

Yeah no kidding.

For people to use 5 posts as a sampling for the credulity of my judgement, to me, shows that you have some irrationality in your thought process, especially when you have failed to consider the two parts of the topic together. So, go piss off to Saratoga or something...

For those of you who have had positive experiences meeting people IRL via the net...kudos to you.

GMODC, the times that I have been single I have thought about registering with a site. Yet, I view it oddly like an act of desperation. That people desperate for attention and the need to interact with people is what I ultimately turns me off, because I don't wish to view my self like that. I don't really ever feel the need to have to be in a relationship or look to make possible connections with new people 24/7. For me, it's just weird.

winneythepooh7

06-30-2005, 06:34 AM

[QUOTE=week2week]For people to use 5 posts as a sampling for the credulity of my judgement, to me, shows that you have some irrationality in your thought process, especially when you have failed to consider the two parts of the topic together. So, go piss off to Saratoga or something...

QUOTE]

Wow, that's not nice. Not nice at all. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

cornflakegirl

06-30-2005, 09:38 AM

GMODC, the times that I have been single I have thought about registering with a site. Yet, I view it oddly like an act of desperation. That people desperate for attention and the need to interact with people is what I ultimately turns me off, because I don't wish to view my self like that. I don't really ever feel the need to have to be in a relationship or look to make possible connections with new people 24/7. For me, it's just weird.

that is fine if you don't want to view yourself as needing social interaction, but really you don't need to lump everyone together in their desperateness. i think you just about stereotyped people who use dating services. sure, some people may be needy, codependent types, but you can find plenty more of those hanging out in bars, coffee shops, your workplace.

i really don't see how wanting to meet a potential partner deems one desperate for attention. i think i am pretty typical of the population who uses the service. i was interested in meeting new people, since i had moved to a new area & like everyone else said, bars don't do it for me anymore. how does that translate into being desperate?

Ikickazz220

06-30-2005, 09:48 AM

Well, I met my boyfriend of 14 months via this site. :) Believe me, I never thought that would happen, but the bar scene wasn't working for me and I don't have tons of friends who can hook me up with guys.

Seriously, don't knock it until you've tried it!

I also met my boyfriend via the internet....we've been together for almost 4 years now...I agree with shimmer, dont knock it until u try it

samender

06-30-2005, 09:56 AM

I did not meet my current on the bf...although we probably could have met that way. I never went on a date or met someone for dating through the internet. However I have met friends through the Internet and was very happy I met those people and it worked the way it did.

J-girl

06-30-2005, 10:00 AM

That people desperate for attention and the need to interact with people is what I ultimately turns me off, because I don't wish to view my self like that

Okay maybe I am one of those people since I AM DESPERATE to interact with people- work,family, and school is sucking the blood out of me and I NEED TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE. I AM FUCKING DESPERATE. Desperate is me!

I cant imagine myself sitting in front of the computer on a friday night twiddling my thumbs espesially if I moved to a completely new city.

cheshrcarol

06-30-2005, 10:22 AM

For people to use 5 posts as a sampling for the credulity of my judgement, to me, shows that you have some irrationality in your thought process, especially when you have failed to consider the two parts of the topic together.Trust is earned on a message board just as it is in real life. For a new person to come into a group and denigrate the method that is bringing them all together either says you're trying to cause trouble or you're not all that bright. One could also assume that your posting on this means that you ARE desperate for human interaction. Not having enough fun in Greece?

So, go piss off to Saratoga or something...Wow, what a come-back. I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to accomplish with that comment. Am I supposed to be insulted? Scared? Why don't you just stick your tongue out at me, it might accomplish more.

Winney - Thank you :)

GetMeOuttaDC

06-30-2005, 11:17 AM

that is fine if you don't want to view yourself as needing social interaction, but really you don't need to lump everyone together in their desperateness. i think you just about stereotyped people who use dating services. sure, some people may be needy, codependent types, but you can find plenty more of those hanging out in bars, coffee shops, your workplace.

i really don't see how wanting to meet a potential partner deems one desperate for attention. i think i am pretty typical of the population who uses the service. i was interested in meeting new people, since i had moved to a new area & like everyone else said, bars don't do it for me anymore. how does that translate into being desperate?

THANK YOU.

Not to mention, people are social animals... there's NOTHING desperate or wrong with wanting to surround yourself with friends and loved ones (regardless of the "independent woman, hear me roar" that Cosmo spouts.) :)

And week2week, telling Carol to piss off is NOT COOL. You will NOT be well-liked here if you talk to people that way.

Bugsey34

06-30-2005, 11:38 AM

For people to use 5 posts as a sampling for the credulity of my judgement, to me, shows that you have some irrationality in your thought process, especially when you have failed to consider the two parts of the topic together. So, go piss off to Saratoga or something...

I thought he was telling me to piss off to Saratoga. But honey, I don't even know where Saratoga is. That might hinder me pissing off there.

I said "no kidding" in agreement with what Carol was saying, which was that it seems a little odd that someone comes out of the blue to post on this board about how posting on such boards, and other forms of interaction with people through the internet, are "poor for society in general" - your words.

Doesn't that seem a little off to you? As in piss off?

week2week

06-30-2005, 11:46 AM

wordsmith

06-30-2005, 12:04 PM

I'm not posting to be well liked for starters. I've joined and made postings for strictly sharing of information, thoughts, opinions, & stories. So, exactly as I have indicated with this posting, I don't want to nor will I meet any of you.

Secondly...Trust? WTF? Trust has nothing to do with posting, so get real and grow up...you start bad mouthing people and then can't take the heat when it comes back at you, or even expect it to, then go cry about it somewhere.
Third, read what the hell I wrote...

"...I view it oddly...turns me off...I don't wish to view my self...For me, it's just weird."

I'm not saying exactly that everyone who's on those services ARE absolutely desperate, because certainly it's not possible. It's my own personal quirk that keeps me from participating in them.

First off, hello, I've read your posts, I'm one of the forum moderators. I don't know if any of my counterparts properly welcomed you to the boards, but you're certainly as welcome an addition to the community as anyone else providing you cease and desist with the belligerent crap.

Secondly, post for whatever purpose you choose. Participate however you want, your quirks and hangups are your own to deal with. If you're not here to make friends, that's your choice, but this is largely a social forum, so you might be able to find one that better meets your needs. I'll bet there are a thousand other forums that exists for the purpose of sharing of resources and information, and where there a deeper connection isn't the norm. This, however, is a supportive social community for many, and one where trust IS important. If you don't like it, you certainly don't have to stick around. You've already pointed out your distaste for social interaction via online sources, you might find that this, therefore, isn't the place for you. And being disrespectful of the friendships that many of us have here my suggesting that they are fake, weird, or rooted in desperation serves no purpose; you're barking up the wrong tree. And by throwing judgment on a bunch of people you don't know (and profess to have no desire to know), you're only further alienating yourself. And it appears from your first post like it DOES seem important to you that people listen to what you have to say...and nobody's going to "strictly share information, thoughts, opinions, & stories" with you if you continue to present yourself in an abrasive manner.

steamroller

06-30-2005, 12:05 PM

Call me crazy, but NOW everyone and their mother has at least TRIED online dating.

It's 2005, baby. We no longer have to wait on the porch for boys to come "calling" on us.

To me, the online dating situation is 150% BETTER than some pointless drunken hook-up. What I've noticed, however, is that it's MUCH better to move foreward to meeting the person once you THINK they appear to be cool, normal, intelligent, whatever. None of this, "Let's e-mail each other for three months until we meet out for a beer!"

I have a list of online dating rules on my website, if you'd like a reference. :razz:

Bugsey34

06-30-2005, 12:05 PM

Life lesson for you week2week: you get more flies with honey than vinegar. Try being a little nicer, and maybe you will get more information from posters. If you give out nastiness you will get nastiness in return.

J-girl

06-30-2005, 12:07 PM

Wordsmith- you turn me on :redface:

Thats a new level of desperation I have reached!

wordsmith

06-30-2005, 12:09 PM

Watch yourself, j-girl. Being attracted to me is certainly NOT a sign of desperation. :eek:

shimmer728

06-30-2005, 12:38 PM

Nicely said, wordsmith. :)

Cole

06-30-2005, 02:20 PM

I met my ex on the onion personals. We were together for two years, nine months of which we lived together.

In retrospect, the biggest flaw I see with meeting people this way is that you can get to know a lot about them before you actually get to know them, and can form a warped perception of who they are.

With Zach, there are a lot of things about him that would have turned me off on the first or second date had I first met him in person. But because I already liked him from our online talks before I ever met him in person, I didn't notice the things that would've made me run until much later.

This can be a good thing, but if I'd met Zach in a more "natural" way, I might've saved myself from two very self-destructive years.

wordsmith

06-30-2005, 02:23 PM

Hey, Cole, can you explain more?

I'm not sure I understand. I would think that learning more about a person up front would actually help, not hinder.

But I do hear you on the warped perception. Still, though, I think that people are succeptible to doing this regardless of how they meet somebody...don't forget, if you wanna be with somebody, you're more likely to see what you wanna see and ignore what you don't wanna see. I think that's pretty universal.

Winter Storm

06-30-2005, 02:31 PM

Cole brings up another good point. For me, when I meet people in person, I generally look at their appearance and whether I'm attracted to them first, then proceed to get to know them better.

In meeting people online, I get to know their personality first. I've gone out with guys that I wouldn't normally be attracted to because I got to know them as a person first, began to like them because of that and the attraction came later. I would have passed up these same guys had I met them IRL and look what I would have missed out on.

Meeting people online has only expanded my horizons.

Cole

06-30-2005, 02:46 PM

When I finally met Zach after several long IM chats, I noticed some things about him that bothered me, (for example the large crop of pot plants he had failed to mention in our chats) but I overlooked them, because I knew there was stuff deeper down that I really liked. I know this sounds like a good thing, but it was the stuff I overlooked (the dependence upon substances for "stability") that finally broke us up.

If I had met him in person at first, I probably would've seen those things before the other stuff sucked me in, and wouldn't have ended up in that relationship in the first place.

Not saying this would always be the case, but it seems to me that the "invented" or "better than life" persona that people develop in online relating can sometimes carry over into who you perceive them as when you first meet them and linger for quite awhile.

Bugsey34

06-30-2005, 02:51 PM

I agree that Cole brings up a good point. Who we are online, if the person is honest, is just an expression of our personalities. Who we are in person is a whole other thing. Some people are really free with their thoughts online, but when they have a person in front of them they become introverted or shy.

Basically you shouldn't wait too long to meet someone in order to avoid what Cole is talking about. Don't get attached before you've met the person, because there could be flaws you're not picking up on.

J-girl

06-30-2005, 02:51 PM

(for example the large crop of pot plants he had failed to mention in our chats) but I overlooked them

Whats that got to do with online dating? That was an error of judgement on your part.

My sister met her husband online (when she moved to a new city) and now they have a baby together. They met in 1998.

Cole

06-30-2005, 02:58 PM

Alright, the plants were a bad example, and definitely an err of judgment. But Bugsy really made my point much more articulately than I've managed to:

"Don't get attached before you've met the person, because there could be flaws you're not picking up on."

And again, I'm not saying this will always be the case - it's just something to be mindful of. My roommate met her husband online, as did my aunt. It was their successes that convinced me to try it. It definitely can work. I'm just sharing the mistake I made with it.