Destination weddings

[embrassezla]

I'm thinking (for the future) about having a destination wedding. Anyone here have one? How much more difficult/easy was it? How many people did you invite, and did you pay their airfare? Did you have a "local" celebration at home for more people when you got back?

[midtwenty]

I've only known two people who had "destination" weddings, and most everyone who was invited ended up resenting the whole affair. Unless you crap gold bars, I doubt you can pay the airfare for your wedding party and guest list and IMO, having a destination wedding is like handing people a bill for the privledge of attending your nuptials. That's just MY take on it. Unless you were planning to elope and had maybe a couple of good friends willing to go along for the vacation and to act as witnesses, I just don't think it's a great idea. But, maybe you come from a much more well-to-do family than me. We're all too damn poor for that.

[lawya girl]

Well, all of my family is in TX, my husband's family is in London, and our friends are scattered all over the country. We got married in D.C. because that's where we lived at the time. If my hometown had more options in the way of places to get married I might have considered going there but as it was, it didn't and I was in D.C. which is such a great place to have a wedding so, we had it there. Plus, it would have been really hard for me to plan from across the country. All but a few guests travelled to D.C. for the wedding. It was really great. I didn't consider it a "destination wedding" because we lived there but a lot of people had to travel so I guess it sort of was. I always have to travel for my friends' weddings though so it wouldn't make much difference to me whether I had to travel to CA or to Barbados. I could/would only do it for good friends though and we only invited family and VERY close friends to our wedding.

[embrassezla]

I've only known two people who had "destination" weddings, and most everyone who was invited ended up resenting the whole affair. Unless you crap gold bars, I doubt you can pay the airfare for your wedding party and guest list and IMO, having a destination wedding is like handing people a bill for the privledge of attending your nuptials. That's just MY take on it. Unless you were planning to elope and had maybe a couple of good friends willing to go along for the vacation and to act as witnesses, I just don't think it's a great idea. But, maybe you come from a much more well-to-do family than me. We're all too damn poor for that.

LOL! well I plan on paying for most/all of my wedding myself (and my SO, of course), which means we won't get married UNTIL we can afford it. and yeah, i would never have a wedding that required all guests to pay their own airfare. i was thinking about having it somewhere exotic, and paying for everyone's airfare and lodging (or maybe just the person we invite, and any guests they bring are on their own). but in that case, VERY few people will be invited to the actual wedding. i'm talking immediate families, best man and maid of honor, that's it. then maybe have just a reception locally when we get back, for extended families, friends and aquaintances.

[midtwenty]

LOL! well I plan on paying for most/all of my wedding myself (and my SO, of course), which means we won't get married UNTIL we can afford it. and yeah, i would never have a wedding that required all guests to pay their own airfare. i was thinking about having it somewhere exotic, and paying for everyone's airfare and lodging (or maybe just the person we invite, and any guests they bring are on their own). but in that case, VERY few people will be invited to the actual wedding. i'm talking immediate families, best man and maid of honor, that's it. then maybe have just a reception locally when we get back, for extended families, friends and aquaintances.

That would likely be just fine, then. You might be able to get a group rate at a resort that would make it more affordable. Just be sure to plan everything WELL in advance so people can get the time off work, etc.
Good luck to you! I hope it works out.

[bridgetjones]

Make sure at least the siblings and parents of both sides can afford it. These weddings tend to be small because of the cost factor unless you are very rich. Mainly parents, siblings, the odd aunt/ uncle/ cousin and very close childhood pals... There might be a reception back home afterwards or after the civil ceremony before you leave.

Someone I knew had one and it did cause resentment when one side of the immediate family did not want to cough up several grand to attend. So one side of the wedding party was not able to attend bc they refused to get into debt and also did not like the idea of a steep price of admission. The bridezilla insisted and well... There has been resentment ever since.

So unless I am eloping, I will save the destination for the honeymoon. :neutral:

[kimmer23]

i agree with everything you said mid.

i also didnt attend a wedding in FL for my former employers son and my boss's wife is still kinda pissed at me. there were many factors that wouldnt allow me to attend the wedding-money and work wouldnt let me go, but she didnt understand that.

[natbumpo]

My gf and I have talked about going to Bora Bora and eloping, just the two of us. She is 32 and I think the dreams of a big elaborate wedding are eventually tempered with the financial costs of doing it.

We would rather spend, $15,000 on a sweet vacation and a party when we get back than $25K on just a wedding.

Plus with the amount I travel, it wouldn't cost us 15K because we would be able to get the airfare for free.

[Kitty]

My gf and I have talked about going to Bora Bora and eloping, just the two of us. She is 32 and I think the dreams of a big elaborate wedding are eventually tempered with the financial costs of doing it.

We would rather spend, $15,000 on a sweet vacation and a party when we get back than $25K on just a wedding.

Plus with the amount I travel, it wouldn't cost us 15K because we would be able to get the airfare for free.


This is EXACTLY the way I feel.

My bf actually said last night, "You're getting a ring in November"...we'll see though. We both just want to go to europe for a month or two or have a really awesome vacation and get married while on the vacation. Just the two of us.

[paiger81]

If I ever get married, I want to get married on the Grand Canyon, and honey moon in Vegas. Quite frankly, I'd be one of the last of my cousins to marry, and I've seen all the wierdass shit that they have gone through. My happy little ass will pay for my parents to fly out, other than that, other's get to decide if they want to fly our or not. To me, the wedding is about me & my partner, no one else.

[biodork]

I've always thought it would be cool (if i got married in this area) to get one of those cruise ships that go on the potomac, and just have the wedding and reception right there so no one has to drive anywhere. That would have to be a big wedding though to fill up all the spots so no one else can come on the boat. I'm sure the cost of it would be around the same if you picked out everything individually. It would suck though because i prob wouldn't have enough $ to pay for all the guests, so it would still cost like $50-70 per couple.

[analogman]

I am with lawya girl on this one. If people attending the wedding have to fly anyway, a destination wedding is not a big deal. However, if either the bride or groom are living near a large percentage of their guests, then airfare/lodging becomes an issue.

[tina1979]

If I ever get married, I want to get married on the Grand Canyon, and honey moon in Vegas. Quite frankly, I'd be one of the last of my cousins to marry, and I've seen all the wierdass shit that they have gone through. My happy little ass will pay for my parents to fly out, other than that, other's get to decide if they want to fly our or not. To me, the wedding is about me & my partner, no one else.
I had a friend get married on the grand canyon. she and her fiancee were both park rangers there so they got to go to an area that is access denied for everyone else. They were married right on the edge of a cliff. I didn't get to go, but the pics were beautiful.

[paiger81]

I had a friend get married on the grand canyon. she and her fiancee were both park rangers there so they got to go to an area that is access denied for everyone else. They were married right on the edge of a cliff. I didn't get to go, but the pics were beautiful.

Yep, they have a "regular people" spot where you are close to the edge, but not right on it. I saw it on the Travel Channel one time, YEARS ago, and was like "Now THAT is an awesome idea!"

[tina1979]

Yep, they have a "regular people" spot where you are close to the edge, but not right on it. I saw it on the Travel Channel one time, YEARS ago, and was like "Now THAT is an awesome idea!"
It is an awesome idea. I would do it, but I'm not so sure how I feel about the desert.
She wore a white dress with a train and white tennis shoes. Apparently everyone asked her why she wnted a train on her dress because the red would stain it. She said that she wanted the dress to have the stains of the canyon because it was a place that they both loved and it would hold the memories of thier wedding.

[paiger81]

Yeah, I don't know about that.....I would probably do something like a white sundress style dress, not super fancy, and DEFINITELY NOT a train.

[coll214]

She said that she wanted the dress to have the stains of the canyon because it was a place that they both loved and it would hold the memories of thier wedding.
*sniff sniff* that's actually sweet.

If/when i do get married, it'll be a real tough choice to either go the by myself w/ SO on a quiet beach somewhere or the usual family nutjob affair... but if you can afford to schlepp everyone out for the destination, i say go for it! It's your day and do what YOU want.

[steph78]

Make sure at least the siblings and parents of both sides can afford it. These weddings tend to be small because of the cost factor unless you are very rich. Mainly parents, siblings, the odd aunt/ uncle/ cousin and very close childhood pals... There might be a reception back home afterwards or after the civil ceremony before you leave.

Someone I knew had one and it did cause resentment when one side of the immediate family did not want to cough up several grand to attend. So one side of the wedding party was not able to attend bc they refused to get into debt and also did not like the idea of a steep price of admission. The bridezilla insisted and well... There has been resentment ever since.



Agreed, there is still resentment (at least on my part!) about my husband's brother's wedding in the Virgin Islands last summer - similar situation where our whole side of the family was not too keen on how much it was going to cost to attend (for example, my husband is still in grad school, we're on a super-tight budget, and my husband's other brother had three kids that they couldn't afford to bring with them so they had to arrange for someone else to look after them for several days while they were gone) but the bridezilla insisted even after multiple parties politely expressed reluctance due to finances. The bride and groom paid for NOTHING, no accommodations (we were on our own to arrange them, they didn't even reserve a block somewhere), no airfare (they got a special deal on airfare from their travel agent friend for the bride's side of the family and didn't even offer to get us the same deal even though we all live in the same town, so we ended up paying higher airfare for the same exact flight), and the only food they popped for during our five-day stay was the catered reception, but they still wanted us all to eat out at expensive restaurants together every night we were there. The kicker was that there were only ten people there, but the videographer they hired was so obtrusive during the ceremony that he insisted on standing IN FRONT of the wedding guests and so I couldn't even see the ceremony I spent thousands of dollars to travel to.

Attending this wedding ended up costing more than the time my husband and I went backpacking through Europe for six WEEKS, and I dare you to guess which trip was more fun for us. I'm sure destination weddings are a really great time if you can afford a trip like that on relatively short notice, but I feel like if people want to do that for their wedding they need to make sure that everyone they want to be there for the event can comfortably attend. I hate that I am so bitter about this even almost a year later, but it seriously screwed up our finances and I didn't even have that great of a time!

Another story about a destination wedding done RIGHT was my cousin's - they got married in Jamaica and just their parents and maid of honor/best man actually traveled there. Then after they got back they had a large dinner reception in the town where they live and invited all their friends and extended family to come - had their wedding video and photos available for all the guests to look at so we could see what the wedding had been like. Everyone had a great time and it was a very accessible location for everyone.

[Mad Dawg]

Friend of mine wants the destination wedding in retrospect. At the time she was getting the gigantic Catholic wedding she always wanted as a girl. When it was all said and done she was so stressed out it caused problems with her new husband, and her family was broke. Four years later all she can talk about if you bring up the W-word around her is eloping in the Bahamas. She tries to steer everyone that direction now, it's really funny how passionate she gets about it.

[capella]

I went to Vegas because we couldn't afford the big shebang.... I still want my real wedding though. I have the real marriage already. I look at it like we started our marriage and someday we'll have the wedding. There just wasn't any way around it financially (my side couldn't, his side wouldn't because it's the Bride's problem, but am I bitter? nope, uhuh, nohow. grr.) Anyhow, if you can afford a destination wedding for your guests go for it. But don't make people pay even more to come to your wedding. That just seems kind of rude. Unless you are all millionaires. And even then, you should be prudently invested millionaires.

[bridgetjones]

Yeah that bitter destination wedding experience turned me off that idea. Why not just have your wedding in your town or whatever AND then have yourself a honeymoon?

Or just elope! However eloping can leave your family left out. At least the parents and siblings should be tipped off. At absolute minumum the parents should be able to go. However from a financial standpoint and stress reduction standpoint eloping sounds attractive. Chill out. Plan your MARRIAGE. Take the money you save and buy a house or a kickass honeymoon. Or both :)

Another complication of a destination wedding is family members that do not get along compete for your attention. Saw one instance of that in Cuba. Both sets of parents were divorced! WOO... Let the games begin... Then ofcourse there is the danger of honeymoon becoming family vacation...

[embrassezla]

both of our sets of parents are divorced, but each set gets along. i'm just thinking here, if we did a destination wedding, we would invite 9 guests. i'd want to pay their airfare and lodging, for maybe a few days up to the wedding, and they can come earlier/stay longer at their own discretion/cost. then the honeymoon would be by ourselves.

i guess i like the idea of a destination wedding because i'm not really into having a church wedding. i don't align myself with any organized religion, and my family all live at least 4hrs away from me, so i dont even know where i'd have it. the only other thing i think i'd like is to have the wedding and reception on a yacht on the water in annapolis (i live in MD). that would be pretty cool!

[pisces2473]

i agree with everything you said mid.

i also didnt attend a wedding in FL for my former employers son and my boss's wife is still kinda pissed at me. there were many factors that wouldnt allow me to attend the wedding-money and work wouldnt let me go, but she didnt understand that.
They are STILL pissed at you??? Holy crap!

I think it's wicked rude to "elope" then have a reception when you get back. If I'm not good enough to attend your wedding, don't invite me to a party to bring a gift.

[springhaze]

I think it's wicked rude to "elope" then have a reception when you get back. If I'm not good enough to attend your wedding, don't invite me to a party to bring a gift.


What about having a reception for those guests who you would have liked to have at your destination wedding, but who couldn't attend due to finances or other circumstance? Is that still rude?

[kimmer23]

They are STILL pissed at you??? Holy crap!

well the wife is, not the husband. isnt that shitty? because i didnt have $1500 to just blow to go to FL for a wedding.

I think it's wicked rude to "elope" then have a reception when you get back. If I'm not good enough to attend your wedding, don't invite me to a party to bring a gift.

my mom and myself feel the same way.

[natbumpo]

I think it's wicked rude to "elope" then have a reception when you get back. If I'm not good enough to attend your wedding, don't invite me to a party to bring a gift.

Weddings are also times for family and friends to see each other and potentially re-connect, so I'm gonna have to disagree. I would personally prefer this because the services are boring.

[pisces2473]

Everyone can reconnect at the reception that's held after the wedding. The marriage ceremony is the most important part...the party is just a party. Having it as a reception makes me feel obligated to bring a gift. If someone has a BBQ at their house during the summer, I'm not gonna bring a gift. It's just a party But if someone goes on some lavish wedding thing, then comes home and has a party, that's just weird. It's like they are asking for gifts or something.

[natbumpo]

I didn't say the ceremony wasn't important, but it is boring.

[kimmer23]

I didn't say the ceremony wasn't important, but it is boring.

i used to think they were boring too, but as i got older i actually like to pay attention during a wedding now. since i've been married i kind of understand more of the ceremony and i also like to see how other religions or cultures have their ceremonies.

[capella]

both of our sets of parents are divorced, but each set gets along. i'm just thinking here, if we did a destination wedding, we would invite 9 guests. i'd want to pay their airfare and lodging, for maybe a few days up to the wedding, and they can come earlier/stay longer at their own discretion/cost. then the honeymoon would be by ourselves.

i guess i like the idea of a destination wedding because i'm not really into having a church wedding. i don't align myself with any organized religion, and my family all live at least 4hrs away from me, so i dont even know where i'd have it. the only other thing i think i'd like is to have the wedding and reception on a yacht on the water in annapolis (i live in MD). that would be pretty cool!
OOOH you live in Maryland!!!!! You could do it at the Wheaton Regional Park gardens (Brookside). http://www.mc-mncppc.org/parks/brookside/
It's cheaper than a lot of places too. There's also a nice little historic house (Elkridge Furnace Inn) in Elkridge that people use for weddings a lot too http://www.elkridgefurnaceinn.com/.
Sean and I were trying to plan our wedding in MD until we realized it'd be butt expensive to do it. Don't go to OC to get married though if you want a beach thing. Ugh. Super tacky.

[natbumpo]

i used to think they were boring too, but as i got older i actually like to pay attention during a wedding now. since i've been married i kind of understand more of the ceremony and i also like to see how other religions or cultures have their ceremonies.

Maybe I'll have to wait until I'm old like you to understand it ;)

[bridgetjones]

Yeah me too... I mainly like the receptions anyways once I get past the recieving line.

Besides what if you want to share your happiness after you elope with a BBQ reception? No gifts required - just a casual party/ dinner.

One pal I know just had chips and pop after her wedding. Another pal just had 10 guests out to a nice restaurant. That would be the one thing missing if I elope. Ok maybe I might have a catered party - I might say no gifts.