when do things get easier

[froggre14]

Really, when do things start to fall into place? I feel like all I do is worry about what i'm going to do. I worry about work and bills so much I forgot who it is I am. I don't even remember what it is I like to do. I need to find a job that I fell fullfilled with but I just can't seem to figure out what that could be. How do I find myself again?

[crazy-girl]

I hear that things get better when you're in your 30s. I have a few friends in their 30s right now and a lot has kind of fallen in place for them. They've worked in their fields long enough so they're getting promotions, they own houses and have settled in a community for a long enough time that they have a group of friends and traditions.

I'm sure it's not a hard and fast rule but I'm hoping to God that my life falls into place in the next 5 years.

[edith]

On 2001-08-21 00:17, froggre14 wrote:
Really, when do things start to fall into place?



people keep telling me that its in your 50's.... fuck... another 22 years to go of this hell!

[scoyl]

I don't think life ever gets any *easier*, but I think we tend to get stronger and better able to deal with whatever comes our way (experience).

[Anonymous]

30 certainly is a big turning point in your life, perhaps more so than ever. I went through it 2 years ago and a lot of my friends and work collegues have recently. If your mid to late twenties are characterised by the 'what have I done / what am I doing with my life' type questions, very shortly after 30, you start to realise that :

a) you are not a walking fossil
b) your 20s are time to look back on with a wry smile
c) there is an awful lot of your life left to get on with enjoying ....

Sorry if I sound like a smug 30 something, but believe me people it WILL fall into place - life is to be lived, not stressed about - there is no RIGHT way, make your OWN way.

[fireyfenix]

I do not see an end in sight. It seems as though being in the quarterlife crisis is just a stepping stone to being in a thirty something crisis... I just don't get it! And I am tired of worrying about everything constantly. I don't even know where the next year of my life is going to take me. Let alone know what I am going to do with my life. Honestly, I want to make a difference in the world. I know a lot of us feel that way, but where do we begin?

[EzraSF]

When is it going to get easier? That's a great question! I think it has a lot to do with you and opening yourself to experience, and really taking a deep look at what is going on in you. Far too many of us run through life without stoping and thinking about what exactly is going on, what we have that is good, what we want to change, and where to go to change it. It is SO easy to get caught up and run from everything. I still do it, but I have realized there are soime amazing things in my life as well...

A lot has happened in nine months, and I feel like less of a wreck than I was nine months ago...I graduated from University in May 2000, traveled for a month, looked for a job, got into a bad relationship, sat on my ass for six months trying to dig myself a hole to stick my head in...then i had an offer from friends to move to the Bay Area...I up and went, looked for a job and finally got one in an industry I never thought I'd be in.

That's when the nine months of my quarterlife crisis began, really, though it had been going on before, I got deeper...things were looking up, I had a job, but that's when everything else feel in place. Living in a big city on a couch that is causing you back and friend problems, ultimately causing a break in the only relationship you have that you thought was good, but turned out to be very unhealthy...then you go home for a break and you're finally truthful to your parents about who you are, and you learn that there is no room in their mind to grow, and that you are now the black sheep...you learn what it means to have $44.25 in your bank account for the next week, and you just really want to go out and have fun with your new aquaintances that you're trying to make friends out of, and sadly, you can't even afford to do that. This is quarterlife crisis to me. Everything in your life, turned upside down. Things don't suck, they REALLY SUCK...and I've never been happier in my life. I'm scared to death about a lot of things, and I've never felt more alive. I'm not living a lie, and I learn new things about me everyday.

Just take time out and think about the good too and you'll be alright. Oh, and find someone at work that smiles a lot, and get one of those somewhere else in your life (church, home, street corner, etc)...and learn to smile with them....pretty soon you'll not on;ly affect others, but you'll have a great effect on yourself.

[Unregistered]

i'll be 30 next year and i'm so excited, only because it means i will not have to make endless decisions by some imaginary deadline. most of the things people expected me to do by now, married, maybe kids, career direction...well none of that has happened. i stressed over it from 25 til now, and guess what? still it didn't happen. so now i'm resolved to have so much fun! screw it!!!! i suggest to the twentysomethings that you say screw it now, just make the best decisions you can with the information you have, and party on, dude.

[Unregistered]

I think we have to *try* make the most of what we've got at all points of your life.

Our lives are very different to 20-somethings in the past. People in the past just got on with life, but these days we have so many options available to us, we are spoilt for choice and worry about not taking opportunities. Its not as simple as:

school, work, marriage, kids, retirement, death anymore.

In these days of personal choice we have disposable everything. Short-termism is now the norm in everything from work to relationships.

We are told we can do anything we like and the media likes to tell us what we should be achieving and owning. 'Lifestyle' magazines tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing, were we should be going, what sex we should be having etc... Its not all true!

I'm as bad as the rest, I think and worry about absolutely everything, who know's why???
I'm a 25 year old male, I've got good friends, a good job, I'm fit and active and have somewhere to live (I've even begun turning girls down - I can't get used to that one...) Sometimes I feel great, but a lot of the time I feel absolutely terrible for almost no reason and I'm very self-critical.

I don't think their is any secret answer, life isn't going to be easy and if it were, it'd be boring, so don't look to the future all of the time, make the most of what you've got.

I try to follow my own advice. I'm getting there, I think, but its difficult and I do lapse.

[Unregistered]

I agree, I think we have to let go of what the "life police" (you know, family members, family friends and people who just got married and think the rest of the world has to want that too) tell us. I don't know if I want kids now and am sick of people saying, "you have time". Time for what, is sand pouring out of a hourglass? And it's okay to not be happy all the time and listen to that inner voice. I don't think you can do that if you're always distracted by pop culture, a spouse, kids or the "life police". I do think, though, that at 25, we still have a lot of bugging out to do and that's probably what lifestyle magazines are trying to highlight, but don' t read too far into them, they are there to make $$.

[Unregistered]

I'm glad there's someone else of the same opinion.

[soppelt]

Crazy Girl....It's more likely that in their 30's people are starting to settle, not settle in. In your mid 20's you still remember the dreams you had, what your expectations were for your life. As most people on this list are realising, by 24..25 you see the reality of life more than the dreams you had. Life starts to crowd in on you... and you begin to worry more about getting through today, than what you can do to have a better tomorrow. If you don't take action while you still remember you had bigger dreams, you'll start to settle.

How many of us have heard..."Be thankful for what you have", "Money doesn't make you happy" (which is very true, but neither does poverty). Take a good look at where the "older" people around you are for how hard they've worked. Does it balance out? Is that what you want in life?

It is far easier to convince yourself that you don't need anything more in life...than it is to stand up and make the changes you need to make to get to the life you always wanted. I would venture to guess that if you asked all your friends in their 30's if they are living the life they dreamed of...they'd have to honestly say no.

The reason the mid 20's are soooooo hard is because you're torn between what the "real world" is telling you you can acheive and what you always dreamed of becoming...and they are usually two very different outcomes.

Remember - Dreams are very different from fantasies. You CAN acheive your dreams if you don't lose sight of them and work toward them every day. Fantasies will only ever exist in the imagination.

[Unregistered]

I stumbled on this sight after reading about it in a magazine. I am 28 yo and have been out of college for 7 years. I also went thru the period of being "jolted" by the "real world". I could not believe that no one told me that it was going to be like this. I had no idea what I wanted to do and hated my job. I had barely enough money to make it and felt like I had just been lied to about life in general. I longed to back in college, carefree living on my parents.

Finally (not overnight) it just all comes together. I realized a job is just a job. It doesn't have to be about doing something that you "love" or changing the world. Jobs are sometimes just a way to live, make money. Sure, everyone would love to have a job that they feel passionate about, but its just not the way it is. I developed a new attitude about work and moved up a couple of positions and now make decent money. I learned that what I do for a living, does not have to define my other waking moments. I leave work at work and do what I have to when I am there. Changing my attitude about it also makes me appreciate my job, helps me see what I have mastered and it also helps me to laugh at the insanity of it all.

I write this to say that it all gets better! I think we are programmed to believe that adulthood is the "magical" time when your free to make all for your own decisions, make money, and life is just wonderful. You quickly realize that life is not like that. At all. Being a kid, teenager etc., is meant to be fun because your not an adult with adult responsibilites,etc.

Don't take it all sooo seriously, its all not that urgent. Just live and enjoy life!