Need some advise

[Anonymous]

I am 25 and never had a serious relationship. Well anyway, in grad school I found the one. He is perfect for me (kind of) we have similiar backgrounds, are the same faith, going into the same field, he doesn't drink and smoke, is a virgin, very smart, familiy oriented...etc etc etc. But ther are 2 problems...number one he is totally self-absorbed and 2) He may be the type of guy that likes a girl for her potential (I want someone who likes me for me and now there is that seed of doubt). A part of me thinks he wants to wait and see what I do with my life...then if I'm successful enough....well you get the picture. He is really ambitious and I think he wants someone who is also. Anyway, I am very confused. I went home for the summer thinking I was over him...then he called yesterday and all these feelings came back. I hate that!!!! What should I do???????

[crazy-girl]

There's no reason why you can't hang around him. I don't think that he sounds like the right guy for you but sometimes shy people come off as self-absorbed. Perhaps that is something you'd be able to get around once you got to know him better. Give him another chance but don't expect a relationship. Just treat him like a friend.

[Anonymous]

What I mean by self-absorbed is that...well I'll give you an example. When he called yesterday I told him that I was taking a year off school to take care of my mom (she was in a horrible accident and on life support for almost 3 weeks). His response was that "Oh that's bad for me. Who will i vent to when your gone." Doesn't that sound self-absorbed. IT really pissed me off.......

Anyway, I felt I needed to clarify.

[crazy-girl]

You're right that is plenty self-absorbed. Perhaps he was uncomfortable and didn't know what to say?

The thing that you have to think of is this: Do you really want or need him as a friend?

I've always believed that my friends should help me deal with all the daily crap that is out of my control. Once your friends start ADDING daily crap, they've outlived their purpose and perhaps you don't need them anymore.

It sounds as if this guy is giving you more crap than actually helping you deal with the daily crap.

Is this a lust thing? Is he hot and that's why you want to hang with him? Becuase if that's the case, cut him loose. If he has redeeming friendship qualities, keep him around.