calling all "moving to a new city" stories

[girlwquestions]

For those of you who have moved to a new city where you know just a few people or no one at all, can you guys illustrate what your life was like in the beginning? How did you adjust? What are some of your challenges? Making new friends? Job? Expenses? Lonely? Missing family and friends from your home city? Good or bad experience?

I have contemplated moving to a new city for a long time (like a whole year), but I guess I'm a little more serious these days about it and would like some insights into what I should expect. Thanks.

[lilyflower]

I just moved here in January. Don't ever move in the middle of winter unless you move to a warm climate. The first few months were... well, pretty bad. It was cold and snowy, I didn't know anyone, the weather was too crappy to get out and know anyone and I got frequently lost (in Newark, I must point that out, I would always end up in bad neighborhoods while lost which scared me.)

When the weather warmed, things got better, I started making friends and going out, I learned my way around, I stopped getting lost (though there are the rare times now when I still get lost.)

There were times that I just wanted to LEAVE. I particularly remember a time when I wanted to throw everything into my car and head back to PA, but things just got better.

If you want to move, go for it. Just make sure you have a job where you're going to live first.

[southernbelle]

I moved down here (NC) 2 years ago. It was rough at first but not horrible. I adjusted much more quickly than I or my family thought I might.
I enjoyed the adventure of figuring out where everything was, exploring new places, etc. and met some nice people at my job. Unfortunately though, they all became attached to boyfriends and so for awhile there even though I'd hang out with them occasionally - I was on my own a lot. In the past year I've had to start making some new friends so that I don't get depressed with all these couples around me! (my bf and I are long distance)
Some nights I can tell you it really sucked but I think it was good for me for several reasons. 1. I now know that I can take care of myself and that I CAN make it on my own. I wasn't ever that sure of myself before 2. I started doing things that I'd always wanted to do (like get a dog, play soccer, own a hammock - haha seriously) 3. I learned come out of my semi-shyness and go out more and meet people, join groups, etc. Moving forced me to become confident, outgoing and assertive. Of course this was a gradual process.

I have to say that it is lonely at first but you will come into your own and you will change so much. I am NOT the same person I was 2 years ago - I am much more mature, independent, assertive and well-rounded than I ever have been in my life. Its not always been easy but I wouldnt have had it any other way.

A few pieces of advice:

-Don't go back home for at least the first 2 months. You will be tempted to but you need to stay put, get settled in and start to make your new home a home. If you go back at first you will just get depressed coming back to your new city all alone. Trust me on this! Stay away for a few months.

-Join groups with like interests. For me its been church stuff, other teachers and soccer. I'd do more if I had more money and time! Get yourself out there and meet some people so you don't feel so alone.

-Become familiar with the city by randomly driving places and getting lost (just bring a map and a cell just in case). Go to parks, museums, random cool places. The more familiar you become, the less freaked out you will be. And you'll also find good places to met people.

-Get a pet! My dog keeps me company, keeps me feeling safe when I get freaked out at night sometimes and seriously has enabled me to meet at least 5 new friends while walking her either in the neighborhood or the park!
One of those friends I'm pretty close with now.

-Make a budget and stick to it the best you can. Money will be tight so keep your checkbook balanced and keep track of your money so that eventually you can start saving. Also, living on your own in a new city, you need an "emergency fund" (extra cash for the occasional car problems, visit to the doctor, etc.) I sound like a mother, I know. But she was right about this one!

-If you're feeling lonely, call your friends from back home - but most of the time really try to call your new friends in your new city. Talking to people from back home every night will just make you miss it and feel that much more alone. You'll need to stay busy and stay in contact with positive people who can help you adjust to where you are.

To sum it up, I'd say go for it!! It'll be a life-changing thing for sure.
Just plan ahead and realize its not all smooth sailing but that you will make it through. You'll be so glad you did! And worst case scenario - if you give it chance (give it at least 6 months) and you hate it, you can just move back - no big deal. The risk is worth it.


Bella

[Uguys2]

I just left PA to move to CO two months ago. I don't know a soul here I just knew I needed to make a change because my life just seemed to be in a rut. I have never regretted moving and feel that if I stayed I would actually regretted it not moving. So far I only know people from work who are older than I am so I can't really hang out with them. Even still I somehow feel happier, change is good. I am still looking for ways of meeting new people which I guess will come with time.

If I were you I would make the move. The worst thing that can happen is you will hate the new place and move back.

[winneythepooh7]

Financial was a big thing for me. I also recommend joining groups with like interests to meet people.

[RayJ1977]

Did any of you just up and move there? I'm thinking of just moving...no job prospects, no contacts, nothing. But I'm not sure if this is feasible or if I could do it cold. Anyone know about that?

[winneythepooh7]

Did any of you just up and move there? I'm thinking of just moving...no job prospects, no contacts, nothing. But I'm not sure if this is feasible or if I could do it cold. Anyone know about that?

Yup, I did.

[RayJ1977]

Ah! Well tell me more! What did you do? Why did you move? How did you make it work? Ah!

[winneythepooh7]

I moved to be closer to my friends at the time, and also to find a job in my field. There is more down here in the human services field than there is in upstate rural NYS. I had the support of my friend and her family though and I temped until I found a job. It was very hard not having money back then and also because my friend was in a similar situation, having just graduated college, and no job, it was very strenuous on our friendship.

[wordsmith]

For those of you who have moved to a new city where you know just a few people or no one at all, can you guys illustrate what your life was like in the beginning? How did you adjust? What are some of your challenges? Making new friends? Job? Expenses? Lonely? Missing family and friends from your home city? Good or bad experience?

I have contemplated moving to a new city for a long time (like a whole year), but I guess I'm a little more serious these days about it and would like some insights into what I should expect. Thanks.

I moved from a two-stoplight town to a city of 3 million after I graduated from college. I knew nobody, but I did have a job lined up, and people to live with (though I didn't know them). I had five housemates, and all were awesome but one, and the one who wasn't awesome was manageable most of the time.

It was great, I expected to have a lot more trouble adjusting to it than I did. I was surprised by how quickly I "took" to the new environment, because I'd never lived in a large city before, knew nothing about things like public trans, cabs, etc. But my job really immersed me in things pretty quickly, so I got used to my surroundings right away.

I wasn't lonely, because I really liked the people I worked with, and I had a lot of roommates, so there was pretty much always somebody to do things with or talk to. It would have been different had I lived alone, because I live alone now, and it was hard to get used to. Making new friends always takes time, and ultimately, I prefer being closer to my family. All and all, it was a great experience, though. I'd never do it without a job lined up first, though.

[Bugsey34]

I have done it so many times I feel like I don't even know where to start to give tips about it... I have moved to new cities knowing basically no one like 3 times now, two of them in Europe.

I would definitely say live with roommates in the beginning. It will be cheaper and easier for you, and you may hit it off with them and become great friends, that happened to me twice. So if you're in the position to do so, choose your roommates carefully.

Other than that, plan ahead some interests that you have that you want to get involved with and develop while you are in a new city. That could be volunteering, a book club, sports, anything.

[girlwquestions]

I find that most people who move, move to bigger cities. They either come from small towns or rural areas and they move to cities...well, I live in New York City...most people our age are pining to move here, but I'm trying to get out...and what worries me is that it will just be worse somewhere else, because I'm so accustomed and spoiled by NYC.

And yea, people do move from cities to suburbs...but that's usually when they're ready to settle down (ie. get married or is married or have kids).

I just feel like I am so spoiled by NYC and I'm still at this time in my life where I just want to have fun and once in a while go all crazy...I'm hoping that San Francisco will give me that, too.

[wordsmith]

I don't think it matters. You have to adjust either way. I had to adjust going from small town to small town. And I REALLY had to adjust going from large city back to country. I moved outta the city and back to the country...and I'm not married and settled down by a long shot.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I just moved out to Phoenix in April. This past weekend was my first trip back home to visit family and stuff. And I actually missed Phoenix! I know, strange! I adjusted pretty well here. I had a job already lined up before I moved out here and I've been working long hours so I haven't really had time to meet people. I did get involved in a church out here, just like I did back where I used to live in California, so I have a handful of friends from there. I'm not really into the bar or clubbing scene, so I'm not really missing out on that and I really have no idea what that's like out here, though I've heard it's pretty happening in Scottsdale and Tempe. I do want to go hiking and do some sight seeing but I think I'll wait until the fall when the weather cools off a bit.

If nothing's holding you back in the current city you live in, I say make the move. Fortunately I was lucky and had the job before I moved out here and my job paid for my relocation, too. The overall move has been worth it. Going home this weekend made me realize that I can always go home to visit, but now my "home" is in Phoenix. :)

[gbarns]

Hey I figured since I actually went to a meetup event here, I should share my new city/moving story, which I am in the middle of.

Basically I went to school in Illinois, then left for Cali without knowing anyone (for a new job, a dotcom). I lived in Palo Alto and got really lucky with my job - I'm in technology and we had a ton of midwest transplants and local cali new hires looking to go out to SF and have a good time. Plus there's a whole lot of tech in the bay area, which I really enjoyed. I made a ton of friends and got to go to places like Davis, LA, Chico, and see a lot of their hometowns/college towns. It was a blast, almost like 3 extra years of college.

Well after three years things sorta started breaking up and people were leaving the company, settling down more, breaking up into cliques, etc. I still had my solid group of friends though, but I had been intrested in moving to NYC since I graduated college. I tried to get a job there after I graduated but the NY economy was horrible after sept 11.

I decided to take the plunge. Now I have a good financial cusion comapred to some people - I wasn't gonna go to NYC unless I found a job, and I found a good one. Also, I was able to move in with a friend from High School, and I have one other friend of a friend out here who I hang out with.

So it has been almost two months, but it is still a little hard. I knew that going to events to meet people is tough from my experience in Cali - all my friends were from work and then spiraled from there. It really took like a whole year before I became good friends with some people at religious/social events I went to back in Palo Alto. Now I'm facing the same problem - go out, make small talk, and have a nice time but as it's only been a month and a half I still haven't made any real new friends yet. It's tough. My friends here both have girlfriends, and on the nights they hang out with them (which is often), I kinda have nothing to do. This really kills me too since I came here to enjoy going out, concerts, independent movies, comedy shows etc, and when a weekend comes around with great NYC only cool things to do, I'm stuck at home, or I go myself. Plus I miss my friends a lot in Cali and I know that I'll probably never have a group like that again. But life goes on, you never know what the future will bring.

Basically it was an incredibly hard decision, and a lot of my friends wanted me to stay to live and SF (and do a crappy commute everyday), saying that
would be my city fix. But I just thought now was the time to do NY, and I have no regrets.

But yeah so that's a lot of writing, so I'll stop now. I'm confident I'll meet more people though with time, so yeah to those of you doing what I did, keep hope alive, you are not alone.

[SheriLou]

If I could quote everything Southernbelle said I would. I have a lot of similiar thoughts about moving as she expressed. I've been in NC for 2 years also and I love it! I moved down here with a guy, and we relied heavily on each other. It didn't work out for us as a couple, so now I'm forced to manage alone. Like Southernbelle, I have changed in the past 2 years, but in the past 7.5 months I think I have done most of my changing, becoming single and alone in a new city. It actually has been a blessing and I am slowly getting to know me, FINALLY!

I think everybody needs to move away from home for at least a year. It builds a different character within, than living in the same place you have most of your life (I don't know if this is the case for you, but if I was born, raised, and went to college in the same city).

My choice of where to move came from my desire to always live in the south, and that I wanted to make sure I could get home if an emergency happened and I needed to be there (it's about 7.5-8 hour drive home). Far enough to get away, but close enough that I'm not stranded.

It'll be tough, but it's worth it!! GO FOR IT!!

[jcm12]

I lived in Dallas for almost a year, waiting tables, and it was an eye opening experience.

I partied like crazy, met tons of people, and had so many conversations about life in general. I had to bust my ass to survive, but it was one of my most memorable experiences.

After my last day at work, I sat and had a beer with the other waiters and waitresses. A friend stood up and got everyone to have a toast in my name, and wished me good luck. It was hard to say goodbye to them, but it was time for me to leave.

Looking back it was like one big blur,... I was definitely living "high speed"