Do you believe that everything will "fall into place" eventually, or no?

[AmbrNrgy]

I am talking about in terms of meeting "the one". I always thought that it would, but I'm 23 and going to be 24 and nothing has happened yet. I guess that's not that old, but still. I am now thinking that you have to really go out there and find him/her. I think that it takes effort. I'm starting to believe less and less in the whole destiny thing.

What do you guys think? Discuss.

[ebruening]

My opinion on that issue changes from day to day, or depending on the current guy I'm with. (I'm single right now.) I've met guys completely by chance, and I've met guys using online dating. I'd like to think that I have a LOT of time left, and that I should just let it happen in its own time...but I do think about the fact that I may never meet someone. Hindsight is 20/20, and it's easy to think "happy thoughts" when you're with someone you love, but being a little out of the loop (as I feel at present), it remains difficult for me to keep a decent, non-desperate attitude.

[d12welve]

yes i believe everything will "fall into place" and i also believe there is more then one person out there for each of us, furthermore i think then any one person, given the right circumstances, can fall "in love" with any other given person.

i'm 25/single and couldn't be happier :huge:

[shimmer728]

I don't believe in destiny. I think meeting someone is kind of based on......luck and circumstances. I know, I'm so unromantic. (I prefer the term "realist." ;))

[wordsmith]

I don't worry about it in he abstract. If I've got somebody on my radar, I think more about it, but when I'm not seeing anybody, I don't stress about it.

[preludemd]

I am talking about in terms of meeting "the one". I always thought that it would, but I'm 23 and going to be 24 and nothing has happened yet. I guess that's not that old, but still. I am now thinking that you have to really go out there and find him/her. I think that it takes effort. I'm starting to believe less and less in the whole destiny thing.

What do you guys think? Discuss.

Everything will fall into place. You're still a young pup yet and have more to worry about than getting married or having someone. When you'll meet them you'll know. But if you're in a hurry, then hurry up and get married now so that you can be single and dating again by the time you're 30.

Yes, that was a little bit of sarcasam. When I was 18 I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Things seemed to change when i turned 25, my tastes changed, everything. My suggestion is to wait because your tastes and outlook are bound to change. I went from wanting a house and wife with at least a couple of acres of property to, a condo is fine, there's more to life than cutting fukin grass, I'd rather pay the condo fee. As far as beeing married, i could care less. I'd rather be able to pick up and go on the weekend without having that nagging voice of reason behind me.

[AmbrNrgy]

So you're saying you'd rather be alone than to have someone?

See, sometimes I feel like people say that because they haven't found the right person. I don't know.

[labrat2111]

Yes, that was a little bit of sarcasam. When I was 18 I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Things seemed to change when i turned 25, my tastes changed, everything. My suggestion is to wait because your tastes and outlook are bound to change. I went from wanting a house and wife with at least a couple of acres of property to, a condo is fine, there's more to life than cutting fukin grass, I'd rather pay the condo fee. As far as beeing married, i could care less. I'd rather be able to pick up and go on the weekend without having that nagging voice of reason behind me.

You bastard -- I was going to make a post being all annoyed I'm not married but then you give me a "grass is greener" post so maybe I should appreciate being single :green:

Well I'm almost 30 and I'd like to be married or at least in a relationship which just doesn't seem to be happening. I think half of finding someone is being a good person, having goals, dressing nice, etc and the other half is being out and about where you can meet people. So certainly there is an element of luck and chance there plus the other person you meet has to want what you want too.

But I'd definitely say when you want to meet someone it is going to take some effort. I'm working on that myself now. I find it increasingly hard to meet single women around my age or slightly younger. So unless I'm more of an asshole than I think or uglier than I think I just need to get out more and meet more people. In the abstract though I am starting to feel that my odds are getting kind of long on meeting someone to settle down with. But at 24 I wouldn't worry too much except do try and get out as much as you can and meet as many people as you can to increase your chances.

[OC*girl*81]

I dont think there's is "the one" and a lot of who you end up with has to do with personal timing. When I was 19, I was dating someone that I could totally spend the rest of my life with, but the fact of the matter was that I was just too young and inexperienced to think about commiting myself to that person for the rest of my life.

Right now Im dating someone that I know is not the one. People ask me all the time why (at almost 24) am I'm "wasting my time" dating someone that I KNOW is not "the one."

You know what? I really dont know. Which to you sounds more like a waste of time?

Having fun and enjoying the company of someone (who is pretty great, but just not long-term material) or being single so that I can continue to mill my way through dirtbag after dirtbag until I find "Mr Right" like all the other girls my age are doing!!!

I think that life is just too short not to enjoy the time that you have with people that make you happy.

[preludemd]

Exactly J-girl! I totally believe that too. A lot probably has to do with how expensive things are now, and probably because a lot of us may be a little more self centered than our parents were. Not that it's a bad thing. I just think it takes a little longer now to settle down. Especially since the average family is now going to have to buy a home that's over 200k to fit their needs rather than their budget (location dependant, in DC that would be 600k)

But anyway, I digress.

AmbrNrgy, you need not worry about it to be honest. Everyone is right though, you have to get out there. If meeting the one is what you want then you need to get out there but don't let it consume you. There are much more important thing to worry about....Like you, worry about yourself first and do what YOU want to do. Enjoy the social setting, get out and have fun. A lot of the times if you meet someone, they tend to take up more of your time and eventually you'll get married, have children, then all of a sudden you'll wonder what happened to some friends that you used to talk to, or if that place that you used to eat at regularly is still any good. Well, we'll all end up wondering about something like that eventually. Point is enjoy your youth while you have it, it's a big world out there so get out and see it and everything that it has to offer. Just because there may not be somebody standing beside you to share it with you doesn't mean it's a bad thing, besides, they'll probably just slow you down anyway.

[preludemd]

Well J-girl, Depends on how you look at it. It's a different time from what our parents grew up in, back then you worked, raised a family, took care of the house and went to sleep. Kinda shitty and boring if you ask me. Like I said before, there's more to life than cutting the damn grass.

I have a son so I do think of him first, but I don't ignore my needs either. You can find that balance. I read this article a while ago and it explained how 50 is the new thirty and it was interesting and if you look around, you'll find it to be true. Compare the age groups now to the same ones 20 years ago.

And stop second guessing yourself, always go with your first solution. If it doesn't work, learn from it, don't let it beat you.

[jwsthe3rd]

It's been a year and 1 month since my ex of 4 years left me. It took me 5 months to start dating again, and I think I mainly did it out of lonliness and desperation. I was searching so utterly hard to find someone to save me from myself and my own life. I was trying to find a half to make me whole. I dated jerk after jerk, got used for sex, and wound up feeling more empty than before. This went on for 6 months.

In the past couple of months, I've slowed myself down and started looking inwards instead of outwards. My last relationship turned out to be a co-dependency. I depended on him for security and he depended on me for affection/warmth. We both lacked these things during our childhoods, and we'll probably always seek for someone who can somewhat fulfill those voids within ourselves.

I am in my quarterlife crisis, and my life is completely upside down at the moment. I have distanced myself from the dating world because I know that I am nowhere near being complete or somewhat whole as a person. We must find happiness within ourselves before we find it with another. As Ru Paul says, "How can someone else love you if you don't love your damn self!?" This is so true. But, at the same time, there are going to be personal flaws that you won't be able to erase about yourself. Characteristics that make you who you are. You might consider them negative or unattractive, but there is going to be someone out there who will love you for everything you are, good and bad.

Trust me, I am also afraid of not finding the one, but I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than settle with the first guy that comes along. Don't rush yourself. I know there is an insecurity with growing older, getting wrinkles, and being less desireable after a certain age... but, I think we can fall in love at any age in our lives and it can be just as satisfying and invigorating as it is at any other age level. Slow down, smell the roses, love yourself like you would love the perfect partner and others will see it and be drawn to you.

I remember a quote from the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" that went something like this... "When I was a young girl, I would spend hours and hours outside trying to catch ladybugs all day long until I was so frustrated and so tired that I feel asleep out on the lawn... When I woke up, I was completely covered in ladybugs and had them crawling all over me." So basically this means, stop searching so damned hard, take time to enjoy life and focus less on catching mister right. Once others see that you are loving life and loving yourself, they will be drawn to you like bees are to honey. I can speak from personal experience. When I was younger, 18-19, I was full of life, felt gorgeous, and was enjoying everything and everyone I came across. Guys sensed that, and I wasn't even aware of it until I looked back on it. I had so many beautiful guys swarming around me, it was unreal. Now, feeling shitty about life and having this negative vibe floating around me, I rarely get hit on or even looked at by others. Work on the inside and it will show to others on the outside... Good Luck! :heehee: