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Winter Storm
08-12-2005, 04:27 PM
Friday afternoon joke:


A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees

this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little

guy

staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20

private, 3

pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down

and brings him to, shaking him.

The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give

you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left

testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name

is

Turner Brown."

The small guys says, "Turner Brown?! . Whew, Thank God! I thought you

said "Turn around"

tartytwenty
08-12-2005, 04:29 PM
:p

extra letters

LakeJay
08-12-2005, 04:56 PM
I'm sure you've all heard this one before...Enjoy.


> > No Spikka Inglish
> >
> > A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
> >
> > They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
> >
> > The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
> > but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of
> > the men say the following:
> >
> >
> > "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
> > together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come
> > together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I
> > come one lasta time."
> >
> >
> > "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the
> > lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak
> > aloud in public places about our sex lives...... "
> >
> >
> > "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'
> > abouta sexa?
> >
> > I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella
> > 'Mississippi'."

WeirdBrake
08-12-2005, 04:56 PM
LOL!!!!!!!! Winter Storm, I'm definitely telling this joke to my father, who nurtured my sick mind as if it was my own.

tartytwenty
08-12-2005, 05:00 PM
I'm sure you've all heard this one before...Enjoy.


> > No Spikka Inglish
> >
> > A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
> >
> > They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
> >
> > The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
> > but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of
> > the men say the following:
> >
> >
> > "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
> > together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come
> > together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I
> > come one lasta time."
> >
> >
> > "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the
> > lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak
> > aloud in public places about our sex lives...... "
> >
> >
> > "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'
> > abouta sexa?
> >
> > I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella
> > 'Mississippi'."


:p

extra letters

Winter Storm
08-12-2005, 05:04 PM
Here's another:


Subject: A WOMAN'S JOKE...

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the
house,
slams the door
and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Morris, pack your bags.....I won
the
lottery!

The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain
stuff?"

"Doesn't matter to me," she says. "Just get the hell out."

WeirdBrake
08-12-2005, 05:07 PM
A priest says to a rabbi, "Let's go screw some choirboys!"
The rabbi says, "Out of how much?"

coll214
08-12-2005, 05:08 PM
LOL, here's another one for ya:


The Italian Tomato Garden

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Vinnie

Winter Storm
08-12-2005, 05:12 PM
coll214: cute!

WB: great jew humor!

WeirdBrake
08-12-2005, 05:21 PM
Thanks! Here's another...

Two Jews are walking down the street, and they see a sign on a church that says, "Convert to Catholicism. Get 10 dollars." One says to the other, "You wanna check this out?" So one of them goes in while the other waits. Ten minutes later, the first Jew walks out. "Well?" asks the other, "Did you get the money?" The first one replies, "Money? Is that all you people think about?"

tdko
08-12-2005, 05:36 PM
While we're whipping 'em out...(the Jewish jokes, I mean):

An elderly Jewish couple invites some friends over for dinner one evening. Afterwards, the men sit on the couch while the women clean up in the kitchen.

The first man says to the second, "We just went to this fabulous restaurant. You've got to try to it."

The second man replies, "What's it called?"

"I don't remember," he says. He pauses, then says, "What's that one flower called?"

"What, a daisy? Lily?"

"No, no, the red one."

"You mean a carnation?"

"No, the other red one. The romantic one."

"Oh, you mean a rose?"

"Yeah, that's it. Rose." He turns and screams into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last week?"

WeirdBrake
08-12-2005, 05:58 PM
LOL!!

Motto for Catholic Priests? "Leave no child's behind."

Pharmaceutical label for Catholic Priests? "Keep out of reach of children."

Updated Elton John song title for Catholic Priests? "Don't Let My Son Go Down on Me."

Jewish gardener? "Green thumb."

Jewish underdog? "Bottom dollar."

Jewish slut? "Easy money."

Jewish cocaine addict? "Snowbank."

Jew Who's First in Line? "Cash up front."

Jewish marathon runner? "Fast payment."

Muslim Motto:

I slam
You slam
We all slam (planes into buildings)
For Islam

Dennis Miller: "Pat Buchanan has declared proudly that he does not believe in evolution. He also says he's not too sure about gravity. He thinks it may be a plot by Jews to get people to drop spare change."

"Jewish men make great boyfriends. They're smart, high-achieving, generous, doting, and good in bed... ok, so their neuroses have neuroses, but where else can you find a guy who will analyze the relationship more than you?" -- Boy Vey- The Shiksa's Guide to Dating a Jewish Boy (Allison picked it up during her trip to the Outer Banks)

Starfish81
08-14-2005, 05:25 PM
Here's another:

I like that.


A priest says to a rabbi, "Let's go screw some choirboys!"
The rabbi says, "Out of how much?"

Darn funny, WB.

And coll214, that was so sweet. Helping parents is good.

SunDevil
08-14-2005, 09:33 PM
There are quite a few jewish jokes around here.


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

natbumpo
08-14-2005, 10:05 PM
WB -
love that priest/rabbi joke

How was the grand canyon made? Jew dropped a penny in the sand
How was the copper wire made? Two jews fighting over a penny
Why do jews have big noses? because air is free
What is the biggest jewish dilemma? Free pork

natbumpo
08-14-2005, 10:06 PM
If anyone wants some real bad ones (I mean REAL bad) PM me. I can't even post them here.

pisces2473
08-14-2005, 10:15 PM
If anyone wants some real bad ones (I mean REAL bad) PM me. I can't even post them here.
WB's gonna be all over that like a Jew on a penny. :evil:

shimmer728
08-14-2005, 10:17 PM
He's yelling right now, "I'm gonna PM him! I'm gonna PM him!" :D

pisces2473
08-14-2005, 10:21 PM
He's yelling right now, "I'm gonna PM him! I'm gonna PM him!" :D
Reading this made me LOL for real. I SO called that.

natbumpo
08-14-2005, 10:27 PM
How does a jew say "fuck you"? Trust me