So yeah, I broke up with him

[summergold]

I've had one of the craziest months in my entire life. I got a new job. Left the old one. Went on vacation. Then broke up with my boyfriend the night that I got back. I didn't realize just how unhappy that I had been until my mother asked me what was wrong. I feel horrible about how I acted on the vacation. Portland was wonderful. My mom and stepdad were awesome, but I acted like a pitiful, sad sack. I even burst into tears at Nordstroms after a pair of pants didn't fit right. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was in a relationship that had no chance of lasting in the long term. We actually had plans for moving into seperate apartments in February, but he had said that he wasn't really happy, and I knew that I wasn't happy at all. I didn't see the sense in suffering through another six months. What is the point in that!? This isn't prison. I'm sorry that if by the age of 30 you have no other choice but to live in your car (which I think is ludicrous and part of the reason why we began living together in the first place). He kept saying that I was selfish for not wanting to wait until Feb (that's when he will be able to cash in his stocks from work and have money), but I don't regret this one bit. He still wants to talk about it. I really don't. I'm not sure how to really avoid having the heart-to-heart that he wants. Right now I just want to have my space back and to remember who I am.

[Kitty]

It sounds like you made the right decision and will be much happier in the long run. I know what you mean about not wanting the heart-to-heart. My ex wanted to talk about our break-up in depth right after we ended things and i just couldn't do it. Sometimes its too hard to try to explain yourself, your thoughts, etc. when you're full of emotions, thoughts, etc.

[coll214]

wow, summer I'm sorry. It sounds like you did the right thing... Maybe down the line you can give him his heart to heart... but on YOUR terms.

[pisces2473]

Wow, I knew how unhappy you were from your emails....I'm so sorry it was hanging over your head while you were on your vacation...

If you haven't already, email me...and hang in there...

*hugs*

[tina1979]

(((hugs)))
It sounds like you did the best thing.

[k.monster]

Sometimes it's harder to take care of yourself than other people. It's awesome that you're doing what's right for YOU. *hug*

[dengeist]

Sounds like he was trying reverse psychology. He was the one being selfish and you shouldn't want to talk to him. He was using you, from what you said. You made a good choice, sometimes those are hard to deal with, but pay off in the long run.

[summergold]

Thanks so much guys. It was one of the hardest decisions that I've ever had to make, but I felt like I've been able to breathe for the first time in months. I actually felt happy today. I do think that the initial shock is starting to wear off. I'm starting to feel a bit weepy, but only because I'm sad that what I wanted to have never actually was. He just stopped by to pick up some of his stuff. I can tell he's angry at me, but quite honestly, I don't care. I cannot be someone's savior. It's hard enough to save myself.

[winneythepooh7]

I think you made the right decision and I hope you feel better soon.

[summergold]

Well, since I broke things off, I've been feeling great. I feel like a new woman :) . I started my new job today and I love it. It's a bit slow, but of course it's just the first day. Anyway, I'm hoping to get some input here. The ex wrote me an email that I received this morning, and this one I actually think that I should reply to. He just wants some answers as to the dissolution of our relationship. I'll admit, I did do it rather out of the blue, all things considered. I have stated to him several times that my main motivation was that it was because we were both so unhappy. There were a few other motivations that deal directly with his approach to life and our basic personality conflicts, but I didn't feel the need to go into them. One of his biggest criticisms was that I didn't always share my thoughts with him. He, on the other hand, would always say what was on his mind. I'm just more of a thinker. I like to think things through before I talk about them. Even if I had had the break-up thoughts months ago, but didn't share them, should that be a problem? They were just thoughts, but I really wanted the relationship to work so I put them aside. I'm just not really sure what to do here. I want to answer him in some manner. I want him to stop contacting me for a while, but I don't want anymore bad blood between us. I hate this limbo. Has anyone been in a situation like this, or does anyone have any suggestions?

[coll214]

I'd write an email basically saying what you just did here... the reasoning for why you broke it off, that you need some time, etc. It's honest and gets your point across. Seeing as i'm still in limbo as you are, let me know how it goes!

[Tayl405]

I agree with Coll - he probably just needs some closure. No one wants to be left in the dark. But ask for some time. He'll probably need it anyway.

PM me if you need to talk - I went through a similar thing fairly recently.