pssshhhh!!! QLC!? Life's grand! ISn't it?

[midlifestrife]

Here was the plan before when I was in school. Study hard, graduate, and get a nice career and make some money. Hopefully with that money get everything you want - a nice car, a nice house, electronics, etc.

When you're in school that's all you think about. Finishing and having fun in the mean time. But then you don't realize what you're in for after...

Some may have a difficult time finding a job due to today's job market and economic conditions. I consider myself lucky, I got in a nice place, decent pay, with benefits and job security. Now here's the downfall, I work with "older" people who have already settled, matured, married, and have kids. Socializing, relating, going out and having fun with co-workers; all of that out the door and now I'm stuck with a nice job with no one to hang out with and share my part of "single-hood".

SO this is my daily routine: wake up early (so early that I've only had 5 hours of sleep, yes, I'm a night-owl), arrive to work early, try to be productive within my confined little cubicle space with no window, say my warm hello's to everyone and make light conversation...then lunchtime comes around and I'm eating alone in my cubicle, then I browse Internet to kill time, get ready to leave and get home late afternoon. The commute is so bad and so long that I waste 3 hours a day just commuting. By the time I get home it's 6 already, I relax a little and rest up until 7, then hit the gym for an hour. I'm back home about 8:30, shower, eat a light dinner and back on the computer about 9:30. I turn in around 11 and then my day starts over.

Basically the weekdays I follow a dull routine because it's all I have time for. Just work, eat (beause you have to eat), take care of business in bathroom, workout, and sleep.

By them time the weekend comes along all that is different is having no work. Eat, workout, sleep, watch TV, go on the computer. I try to go out at least once a week. I have more things to share on that but that I'll have to share in another thread...

Okay, I apologize, I went off topic with my daily structure in life, so what's my point or QLC here you ask? Well, if you haven't caught it already or have yet to witness something similar, there are many things.

First I ask, what the hell am I doing all this for? I guess along the lines of my purpose, goal, plans in life. It's kinda like asking what the hell is the purpose of life, or at least my life, or simply my existence? Okay let's say I'm doing this to make money... um okay I need money to buy food, clothes, shelter...basically to fullfill my basic human needs, well, I don't need that because I can always live with my parents (that's if I wanted to remain a loser). Scratch that out, what else, hmmm... okay I want to make money so I can buy material possessions to make me happy. But wait, I rather save that money and buy a car. Well I did that and made a mistake of blowing money on a huge depreciating asset only to further postpone my possibilities of owning my dream home.

Okay so that's the primary goal now, I want my so-called "dreamy home", ya know the one with a nice white picket fence and stuff. Hold up, the problem is that affording a home in Southern California will cost you more than an arm and a leg, my penis(sorry to get graphic, I'm just pissed hehe), and then some. If I want to even consider a decent house in a decent city here, I need to have an income that will be nearly a six figure income. Okay I'm no doctor but I do make decent money to afford apartment rent, going out, buying the little things, and make payments on a $40k+ car.

SO here I am now, blowing off payments on my depreciating asset (the car, yes, it's nice and I can imagine I'm a pimp in it, but did I really need it...NO! - kicking myself in the crotch).
So why the hell did I do it you ask(I ask myself this too), because it's nearly impossible to buy the home that I want in this day and age with high mortgage prices (and it only keeps increasing). Therefore, since I couldn't get what I really wanted, I settled for the second next thing.... yeah I know stupid... okay I'm not perfect, who is?
So what the hell do I do now? Do I save up for another 5-10 years so I can have enough down to at least come close to getting my decent house? Wait, I'll be in my thirties/mid-thirties by then, what's the point? Life sucks....

I may sound very negative to many of you, but I have my reason. I have my own set of expectations in life and from myself.
Eversince I was a young lad in college, even younger, I had a dream of how my life was going to be. I thought that after all the hard work and settling into a good career, that everything would come in due time. Yes, I know it will still come, but time is precious, life is short folks. I'm now what, freakin' 24, almost 25 years old (and folks time only goes faster).
My plan by the time I was 24, was to be married, or at least committed to someone (sh*t I'm still single), live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood(impossible I don't have that kind of money), and make plans of living happy life with my own family.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy, given my current circumstances and perspective, I'm going to have to postpone all of that out of no choice. Only because I have to keep working and keep saving, keep going out, keep dating, keep myself happy somehow...

I don't take anything for granted, I acknowledge my blessings, but for me this is not what I want/intended. Many of you think I'm still young, blah blah blah whatever, according to who? you? today's societal norms? well BULLSH*T, I disagree, I've always wanted to settle at an early age, to me 24/25 I should be getting married and living in a house by now(I'm sick and tired of the dating game, I just want to settle with one). Our parents started younger, thinking about it, my mom had me when she and my dad were 24. I'm 24, single, no house/equity... only a career, a job that only pays the bills and gets me by in my daily and dull routine... I have no choice, no way out.... just need to hang in there and keep going.....it's the only way, life goes on.

[TankgirlyC]

Dont you hate the circle that is life? I thought the same things as you in college and saved every penny waiting to get out and start my life.

Well that was stupid. I missed on spending time that I dont have now, doing fun things.

Now I too bought a car (not 40K worth of car but I have 3 years to make $305 monthly payments) so with that I live with my parents.....I DONT EVEN HAVE MY OWN PLACE...and I keep looking and like S. Cali everything is too expensive, shitty you name it.

My life exists of getting up, going to work, eating lunch alone because I too work with people older than myself who cant relate to being a 20something.....and then finishing the day by trying to look busy in my windowless NOT EVEN A CUBE desk....

THen I go home, eat dinner, play on the comp, take a shower, go to bed. Wake up do it again.

Weekends I do have an SO but he lives 80 miles from me...so my escape is going to see him....But I would love to stick around here and explore the state I live in...but he isnt able to stay at my PARENTS house....

It seems relentless and I would like to know when the pieces are going to fall into place. Where are my fabulous group of friends that have their starting careers going? Where are my friends who are almost getting married and Im being invited.....where is the apartment so I can have my own life?

Life is too short and Im starting to feel like Ive wasted so much. And we cant go back...only keep going on this circle called life and try to keep sane.

Hang in there....I merely wanted you to know that there are others that are out there in the same feeling you are!

[midlifestrife]

thanks TankgirlyC :)

btw, I've read your posts on I like your input on all of them, you give good insight! Also, I came across your pic on the other thread where they rate you, I have to say WOW someone here is a cutie! ;)


Anyways, it's amazing how much we and others out there have so much in common regarding this circle dilemna.

I am renting as of now, but renting for me is always on a periodic basis and not permanent. Currently, I'm having trouble handling my current roommate so I'm moving back in my crowded parent's home next month...bummer... here comes mom constantly yelling at me and treating me like I'm still a 12 yr. old. :cry:

The only good thing I really enjoy is when I get on the road and drive the expensive toy that I bought, but reality sinks in when I make the monthly on that thing...like what the hell did I buy it for? The thing is I needed a new car bad, but would I really be happy by saving money and buying a Hyundai? (answer is definitely NO).

Thinking of purchasing a decent house in So Cal? haha you're right, forget it!!! I just saw a $375,000 home in ghetto Westminster which had only 2400 sq ft, 3 bedrooms and 1.75 baths, wow, enticing huh? That home SHOULD be worth only $175,000, which it was maybe 4-5 years ago...

And TankygirlyC, I can't believe you also have the same work stress dilemna. Being confined in a little cubicle and having no one to relate to since they are all elders with nothing in common. It depresses me when my acquaintances tell me they work with recent graduates who all go out together during lunch and after work.

[TankgirlyC]

First thank you for telling me Im a cutie. Second...thank you for saying I have good imput and though behind my posts =) I try. I was a Human Development Major ;)

If your car is such a burden..why not trade it in and get something less $$??
I drive a 2003 Nissan sentra, fully loaded LE (Limited Edition) its blue! With my trade in (a 1999 sentra LE) I only had 10K left on the 18K car. =)

Im looking up places to move to online. I found a place in a location I want its $795/mo with EVERYTHING included. What scares me is living alone...Im ALREADY lonely with no social outlet...to move alone means more isolation....argh. Plus thats alot of $ to drop for myself each month.....Ill only be saving $6K each year if I only spend WHAT I HAVE TO.....that also scares me.

I know what you mean about housing prices. The median house in my parents town is $500,000. OUCH. One of my co-workers is moving into the boonies and spending close to $200K for a 950 sq. ft. home.....uh WOW no thanks!!

I have no idea how to get ahead. Contribute to my 401K my Roth IRA, cloth myself, cook for myself day in and out...and be happy.

I need to make more $...but Im already making 30K (my job has bonus but with the economy we arent making enough for bonus...they just cut employer match on the 401K)----so what am I to do----work more hours in the little time I have for myself??

How did our parents do it? My mom was married at 22 my Dad 24...they bought a HOME!! They didnt go to dinner but they could eat....

Its frustrating and scary. I always fear that I will fall flat on my face. I always feel like I need more $ and I dont put enough away...why cant I just live care free?

ARGH!

[midlifestrife]

ooooh nice major TankgirlyC ;)

It's not that the car is such a burden, but the logic that I could be saving a little more with something lesser, besides, if I got something less now I think I would be bummed!

I have a solution to you lady, here it is: (sarcasm may start here, but I'll accept is as reality since I think TankygirlyC is a cutie!)
You come out to So Cal, enjoy the nice weather, live some
what near the beach, meet me, your 30k a year combined with my 60k equals a nice home, and we can have beautiful HAPA children (I'm Asian, your caucasian, so our kids will be gorgeous! lol) ;)

This way you won't have to live alone, you have company with a sweet gentlemen (that's me!), have a nice home, oh btw, we already have a nice car (the one I'm trying so hard to pay off now! haha).

Okay just a thought, trying to help you out!!! :D

[TankgirlyC]

60K WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What about my nice car Im paying off? Doesnt it get a home? I like my car!

I wish I had someone to look at apartments with...it makes looking SO much easier!! I hate looking for sublets or single apartments...

People look at me strange when I tell them I save $.....like Im not supposed to do that at my age...well I want to retire at some point....and Id like to be sure that if I get sick I can support myself...

[midlifestrife]

Originally posted by TankgirlyC
60K WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What about my nice car Im paying off? Doesnt it get a home? I like my car!

I wish I had someone to look at apartments with...it makes looking SO much easier!! I hate looking for sublets or single apartments...

People look at me strange when I tell them I save $.....like Im not supposed to do that at my age...well I want to retire at some point....and Id like to be sure that if I get sick I can support myself...

well, my offer is still there ;) (that is until I find someone, which in the near future might be highly unlikely) hehe.

oh yes, we can keep your car too! It will be a fine beater car....
I'm just saying you could drive mine (I'm sure you like BMWs)since it will be "ours"! hahaha



okay back to reality, yes, saving money is a good thing and I'm glad you have your head straight on doing just that. I can't stand to hear people who live paycheck to paycheck without any money backing them up, stored in the bank, ya know just in case.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Hi midlifestrife,

Believe it or not, I'm basically in the same situation as you when it comes to my 'daily route'. I work at a company with people of various ages. The ones that are around my age are all dating/married, whatever. I eat my lunch in my cubicle, but I do interact with my co-workers whenever I can. If I eat in the main lunch area, I feel left out because it seems like every one is constantly talking about families, houses, relationships, etc. that I don't have much to say. Most of my friends outside of work are spending time w/ spouses bfs/gfs, and/or their kids, so I'm basically on my own, which I don't mind most of the time.

I wake up in the morning just 45 minutes before I have to go to work. (I didn't want to live w/ my parents and commute to work so I chose to pay rent and just live five miles from work.) Then I work until 5 or as late as 8 depending on the day, go home, have dinner, of course by myself, then head out to the gym (or just work out at home) by 7:30-8pm. I'm home by 9-9:30, and I get ready for bed, check email, watch some tv and finally go to sleep so that I can repeat the same process again the next day.

As for my living situation, I live in Orange County, which is a really expensive area to live in here in Southern California. Fortunately I have a roommate (who is getting on my last nerve though) so that I can split rent with her. If I could afford to live by myself I would. Within the last year, I've been thinking about saving money to buy a place of my own... but with the prices in this area, forget it. I'm just going to use the money I've been saving and travel for now since I'm still young and I don't quite want the responsibilites of owning a house yet. Fortunately my 1993 Toyota Corolla is still in good condition, so I don't have to buy a new car any time soon. I don't want to buy a new car if there's nothing wrong with the one I currently drive so that I pay a $300+ monthly payment and for it to park at my work parking lot 40+ hours a week. There's really no point for a new car for me.

Anyway, you're not alone... seems like there's a few of us in the same boat.

[midlifestrife]

HI Smiles!:) I like your name btw!

Thanks for your reply and sharing your side of things. Wow so that makes the three of us who work with older/married people, we all want a house or at least our own places,and want to settle down yet enjoy life while we are young, etc.

btw, small world because I too live in OC and I can relate to the high cost of living. hey maybe I met you already or know you :D



Anyways, I've decided to take up a hobby or part-take on something that'll keep me busy, active, and open to meeting new faces/friends. I just don't know what though, it's hard. I tried church prayer meetings and stuff but that wasn't or me. Especially in this time and age, getting to know someone or even just trying to get close to anyone is so hard to do. It's like everyone seems more distant as we grow older. At this rate I think to myself, how on earth will I ever truly get to find my SO if it only gets tougher from here on out?

[SmilesSoSweet]

I haven't really been proactive in meeting new people outside of work. I do go to the gym, but it's not like I'm going there to purposely meet people. Same goes with church... I have been going to mass weekly but I haven't been involved in my church's 20/30-something single's group. I just haven't gotten myself to do that yet. Maybe I will soon.

[pisces2473]

Everyone I work with is a LOT older than me or if they are young, they are married. No one needs new friends. I live on my own, which is great, but I'm not really making/saving any money...so I'm worried about that. I have a few friends, but they are wrapped up in their SO's so that's hard...I go to Mass, but unlike SmilesSoSweet, there is NO young group at my church!!! Dammit! There's no one for me to date around here--no one knows of anyone...I am talking to a friend of a friend, but he lives 2 hours from me...but my parents did the LD thing for 2 years and have been married 26 years! So who knows?

I get up, eat breakfast and get dressed, go to work, sit at a desk all day with NO socialization (everyone is SILENT!), go to the gym after work, come home, eat dinner, shower, go online and go to bed. On Tuesdays, I go to a bar for their trivia night with some friends. OH SO EXCITING IS MY LIFE!

[tipsy88]

"Get busy living, or Get Busy Dying"
-Shawshank redemption

First i wouldn't stress the marriage thing. people get married at all ages, there is no set marriage. Secondly it's good to have goals and have a general plan, but i think it's not healthy to expect that you life is going to perfectly play out into it. no one life has ever played out to be perfect, no matter who you are, because things just happen that you dont' anticipate.

Unfortunately most of us run our lives through idealism, of how it's suppose to be. We expect to be married because we are good looking, we expect to be successful because we got a degree and we put in good work. We expect to be rewarded because we deserve to be.

But life isn't about fairness. And the reality of that is that it sucks. But shoudl we stop trying to achieve our goals and dreams? even if they don't come exactly close to being true as we hoped? Hell no. Because during the course of you life you'll experience joy and sadness along the way. You know what it's like to go through those things that made you who are today. It'll give you that mysterious thing called wisdom that so many teenagers think they have. And if we never tried then whats the point of dreams and goals.

I think failure and success in any variable in life are hand in hand. Moreover i think both are equally important. You've gotten learn to lose before you can really understand what it means to win.

I could go on but i'm step down from the soapbox. I guess the one last thing i want to point out is, take a look at the various problems in your life when you were a certain age.

When you ask a child in elementary school what their biggest problem with their life is they might say it's the bully who beat me up or it's the teacher that gives me a hard time.

When you ask a child in middle school, they might say it's because no one likes me because i'm too weird/fat/tall etc...

Ask a Teenager? Too geeky, parent holding me down, not enough freedom, parent's don't understand, no respect

ask a twentysomething, no job, no stablity, no money, lack of social life, etc.

ask a thirtysomething, bad marriage, bad house, bad career, etc.

ask a forty something, too stable, kids are giving me a problem, etc .

what's the point? THe point is at any given point in your life depending on what stage your life is in you're going to have problems, things aren't going to go your way. You might get depressed you might shrug it off, but sooner or later you find some way to go on, and suddenly you might find yourself at a different point in your life where you have a totally different problem and those problems in the past.

one more cliche/quote

2 rules in life

1. "don't sweat the small stuff"

2. "it's all small stuff"

[midlifestrife]

tipsy:
Thank you, great insight within all things being considered among the various stages in life. But I think this is a quarterlife crisis forum, and we should only base assumption with what WE have to deal with as 20-somethings. ;)

Given that, you like everyone else can tell me to not stress the marriage aspect. Well, sorry, but being single until I'm 30-something is not me. I'm ready now, I don't want it later, that's just my preference. If it doesn't come then hey, I'll remain single. I know there's no set marriage standard, I SET MY OWN STANDARD.

Now the idea of running our lives through our own set "idealism", well, you can call it what you want but others like myself call it a set goal, or simply a plan. No one deserves anything, there's no reward by default - the "idealism" is something we want want to eventually achieve. We all climb this life stage ladder, going through the various stages and motions in life. The only way through it is to go higher up the ladder and never look down.

The point you are trying to say is somewhat irrelevant to all of this. Why? The reason is because this forum exists for this intention, to share our QLC's and relate with one another. In a sense it is a community to help one another and truly identify that there is such a stage existent in life.

To me it sounds like you must have everything figured out.
If you don't ever "sweat the small stuff", then I'd say you're SUPER!!


p.s. despite what you get out of this reply, I truly appreciate your opinion as well as everyones, please post often!
:)

[tipsy88]

Perhaps i am a bit too unclear of the intentions i was trying to create from the example. I totally agree that the forum exist for people in our age category to come together and share our experience and so forth. I think this place is great. It makes me feel better to see that many people are going through the same things i go through with life, work and love. With that in my i think i may have miscommunicated my point. My point wasn't trying to say, forget about all your problems becuase you will always have problems or something like that.

All I really wanted to get across was that I think with problems in your life, no matter what age you are, you shouldn't get too freaked out and get too stressed about what is so "wrong" with your life? If you live life trying to figure out what is so "wrong" about it, and why it's not going right. Then in my opinion you'll miss out on the most important aspect of your life. Living it.

It's important that everyone has standards, that people have their own set of goals and values to live for. But the problem I see sometimes is when people become obsessed with trying to satisfy some aspect in their life from which they either have at most only some control. When things go wayward and fall out of their control, they become confused, angry, violent and depressed. And this is all normal and ok, up to a point. But there is a fine line where that point is. Past that point is where people's failures get the better of them and start to degrade their way of life and how they think and who they are. To me that is unhealthy and dangerous.

Now i'm not saying that you are any of this. In reality my post was just merely trying to look at life another way instead of the way you protrayed it originally. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and our lives we may lose sight of some other things in our life that we take for granted.

The point you are trying to say is somewhat irrelevant to all of this. Why? The reason is because this forum exists for this intention, to share our QLC's and relate with one another. In a sense it is a community to help one another and truly identify that there is such a stage existent in life.

I totaly agree, but I don't think what i was trying to say irrelveant. I believe that maybe we can also help each other see it from a different view at times. Sometimes when you're so invovled within a problem looking for a particular solution you may not even realize anything else around you.

And honestly i am far from having everything figured out. I am far from stable and normal. In fact i suffer from major depression at times. Sometimes i find the only way i get get out of that deep dark hole is to think about my problems from a different perspective.

[SweetGirl]

Bravo!well said Tipsy!

I have realized that the greatest antidote to life's problems is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.Every action you take towards making your life better is empowering in itself and will instantly make you better. A big attitude makeover in itself,like you suggested, is another way to go.

I am learning to be content and not try to keep up with that status quo and amazingly my day to day life is so much happier.It is really no cliche that happiness begins from within.

[red]

listen, let me tell you something- most people do exactly what you do (get up, go to work, hit the gym, eat dinner and off to bed) regardless of whether they are single or attached. i do some other things- i take a class at a local college, i try to see friends, but i feel a lot of the time like i am burning the candle on both ends.
i know it can be discouraging when you are at the beginning of your career, but perhaps it is helpful for you to know that others are in the same boat. i work at a company where everyone is older, and in fact, as i have mentioned before, i filed a suit against my company bcs they would not cover my birth control pills. no one at my company supported me and i had to go it alone. i was really only motivated to do this bcs i have a medical condition, and i had to have surgery, and found myself at age 23 faced with the possibility of losing my ovaries. i won my suit and got what i wanted, but most of the people at my company hate me. also, there are very few young people.
i am only telling you this so that you understand that not everyone works at club med. i like the actual work i do, and i am good at my job, even though i don't make a lot of money and i work in a toxic environment. i need the paycheck and times are bad in my industry and i have not been able to find another position with better pay. i have found that making the best of the situation really makes me feel better. now, don't think that there aren't days when i come home and feel fed up.
but here is a suggestion: have you tried talking to the people who work with you? i have become friendly with a couple of women at my company- these women are older than my parents. it doesn't really matter, but i find that being friendly has made my job more bearable. i have always been able to get along with people of all different ages. it turns out that i have something in common with these women (music and books). next friday i am going to a concert with one of them- we are both into folk music.
all i am saying is that as bad as you think you have it at your job, i guarantee that i understand. but i have found that the less i stress about it, the more bearable the situation becomes.
now about buying a house, my bf and i rent too, and i desperately want to buy a house. who doesn't want to buy a house? but you are only 24. i am 25. i know one person who owns a home at 25, and that's bcs her parents are rich and paid the down payment. now i know you will say that you still judge yourself or whatever, and hold yourself to your own standard. i know what that's like. i'm the same way. but i have also found that i need to be reasonable about my expectations for myself, and work on setting more short term goals. i don't think that moving back in with your parents is necessarily a good move. i don't think it will do much to improve your life- i mean you might have more money, but i think your social life will suffer. and if you are 24 and making 60k, what's your justification for living with your folks? you you say you want to buy a house, get married, and take all of these giant steps forward, but moving back home is a last resort i think and a step back. and this is coming from someone who makes half what you make, and i live in NYC, which is hardly affordable. my goal for the last year has been to pay off the debt i had (just paid my last car payment and my loans are down below 2k) i hated the feeling of having that debt hanging over my head. i should be done paying down the debt in 3 months or so, and then my bf and i are going to start putting $1,000 a month away for a house. in a year we should have $12,000. also we are getting married in august, which is expensive no matter what you do, even though i am like the cheapest person in the world- i can't even remember the last time i bought lunch. that has added some extra expenses and TONS of stress and bad family junk, but i am trying not to beat myself up about it.
i think it is easier for me to feel this way, bcs i have lots of friends in the same boat. but these aren't friends from college or anything. i meet people all over the place. i just met a couple of nice people at the class i am taking. i joined a softball team (and i am a TERRIBLE softball player) but i have met people through that, as well as at the gym. i used to be VERY shy, but then i worked for the national park service and was suddenly thrust in front of total strangers every day, and being forced to be friendly just kind of worked for me. and now i am a big risk-taker. let me tell you how i met my bf. he used to work in my building and i saw him one day at the food court, and i was like, "that's what i want" and i went after him. since everyone at my work hates me, i had to do it on my own, and i went after him. i was a nervous wreck for our first date, but i am glad that i am such a psycho, bcs he is the right man for me. it was not the first time i went after a guy, and i got rejected a lot. but the guys who would come after me were always these older married loser types or whatever.
all i am trying to say is that anything you can do to improve your situation will most likely make you feel better and more empowered. but there are some things that you can't change (like your coworkers) and you just have to focus on the things you can change. and you can't do everything at once. set one goal for yourself- personal, financial, whatever. just like it is bad to fight a war on more than one front, you can't attack everything in your life at once. start small. you already have some advantages (like the fact that you make almost twice what i make) and regardless of what you think, you are still young. it is totally pointless and self-defeating to think about where you thought you would be five years ago. it's all wasted energy. think about where you are and work on that. good luck!

[pisces2473]

Red,

I have a question for you and tried to PM/email you but I got a message saying you don't wish to receive any messages like that. I don't know if you'd like me to ask it on the board in front of everyone (I think it would be a little too personal!). Email me at pisces2473@aol.com if you'd like. :)

[midlifestrife]

I only just briefly read and skimmed through what both tipsy and red both said... I have to say thank you! I Thank both of you!!

Seriously, both of you are my inspirations in life. You don't have to have perfect lives or anything, just the fact you accept and acknowledge what you have, and yet still remain happy and keep going. Tipsy really gave me a good insight on the way I was looking at things, you are so right, if I keep my life expectations high like I have now, it would be unhealthy and dangerous in the long-run!
Tipsy, I really hope you overcome your depressions, I think you're very wonderful! :)
And red, you're such a sweetie, your experiences on the job and through life I can totally relate too (I just wish women would approach me!).

Both of your replies got me thinking and now I think it's time to re-assess my current situation and how I can improve my life.

Sometimes I think all I really need is a girlfriend to make me happy. I remember anytime I was with someone, everyone around me said they could tell I was a much happier and better person. Does this mean something is wrong with me, that I need someone to be there for me in order to be better and happy?



p.s. I wanted to say, I LOVE YOU GUYS! Especially, Tipsy and Red!
;)

I hope we continue to K.I.T. :)

[tipsy88]

Thanks for the compliment, glad i could help to feel a little better. As for your last question, i don't think anything is wrong with you. The need to be loved is a natural feeling that usually brings people joy.

In terms of whether there is something wrong with you, I think everyone wants someone to share things with, if anything just for companionship and to know someone is there. One is a lonely number and there is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone to share your life with.

[pisces2473]

Thank you Tipsy! Your posts on this thread are wonderful!!!! :D

[tipsy88]

Thanks for the compliment :)

[sunbear]

Shout out to SoCal and OC!

I'm living in San Diego nowadays.
I'm not buying property now, esp. if the market improves right away and interest rates rise. What I want to do, IF I ever have money is to invest, get started on an IRA or two, and take care of my much overdue immediate debts. The cost of living is a bit overpriced, renting an apartment is probably better financing than purchasing a house. I wouldn't mind the authority of actually owning something though, but it's not the most important priority to me.
I enjoy living by the ocean, it has been my saving grace since every apartment place and anyone else solely believes that air conditioners are not needed. I don't even have air conditioning in my car, and cannot even cough up enough funds to install one. My car is a 92 Toyota, and still runs, knock on wood. :) That car will die an honerable death, or until I can save enough to buy a better running one.

ps. I went off on a tangent. I cut and pasted it to the political forum on this site.

[midlifestrife]

hey sunbear :)

I read through your rambling and had some questions...

Where in SD are you nearby? Oceanside, Imperial, La Jolla?
Also, what do you do (occupation) and how far is your commute?
You mentioned OC too, what is it about OC you like (you made a shout out to it so just wondering).

I apologize for having so many questions, I'm just a curious George who likes to ponder and visualize how everyone else is living life and coping through their 20-somethings.

BTW, I grew up in Chula Vista and lived their for awhile then came up to OC. Also, you being a HAPA, I am so curious to know how cute you look!! ;)

[sunbear]

Midlifestrife,
I'm in North County so I'm just by your area. Right now I'm a self employed staffing agent, which means I'm unemployed.
"Cute" that's flattering.
Anyways Curious George, what's your story?

[tiedyed79]

First let me start off by strting that no one can judge anyone else's situation without being in it.

Having said that....

If your dream was always to get a degree get a good job get started on life and be happy with the toys, then that is fine.

If that isn't making you happy, maybe you need a different dream.

Look for a different job. Start your own business. For god's sake, don't fool yourself into thinking you can afford a 40k car. Most folks need cars, and many have to finance them out of necessity. The only reason I can see for financing a 40k dollar vehicle is bc that money is more profitable for you in the bank than in the car.

And I used to be in the car business.

Move someplace cheaper. Get a job in Iowa or Wyoming or Michigan (Yes! M!ch!gan!) or Virginia or Georgia. Get a job you won't have to drive three hours to get to. Get a little bitty hybrid car for half of you are now paying.

Find a cool bar and hang out there til you meet people.

Better yet strike up a conversation, network, and get a job with people who are more fun.

Caution!
Here comes the *really* obnoxious part.

If you want to be secure and rich, embrace your current life, but get used to not having much fun

If you want to be young and chic and have fun, be prepared for some trade offs

bc in the immortal words of I think it was labbatt's blue:

that's the way life goes;
that's the way life goes.

And yes the trade offs are potentially enormous. and no you cannot control them.

That's what lack of security is all about.
Not necessarily having a whole bunch o' money to fall back on.
It just happens.

Or alternatively, get yerself a prescription for some psychotropic drugs.

Kept me from the edge of despair a few times, but in my opinion its no way to live.

That's all for now.
Over and out.

Sara

[midlifestrife]

tiedyed you got me thinking on the point of life having some trade-offs between work and play, rich or fun, etc.

However, on the point of moving somewhere cheaper, that I can never do. I am a total So. Cal. type of guy and can't see myself living anywhere else. My current plans now are to ditch the car so I can lay-off on the high payments and start looking to a small condo.

Now on the issue with buying a 40k car, wrong mistake you say? Well, #1 I can afford such a vehicle, #2 I know it's basically a waste of depreciating money/asset, however, I needed to treat myself with something nice for once in my life sicne I won't be able to do it later when I settle down with a family. Actually, the decision on the car probably set me back a year on savings, but that's really nothing since I'm leasing the vehicle and have decades to live.

My only worries now is that life seems like a automation type of process where I basically live to go to work, earn money, eat and then sleep. I've gotten into the same daily routine; if you've ever seen Fight Club, that movie is totally me without the actual fight club.

Lastly, I've found out that a good social life, having friends, having a girlfriend/great sex, or just having intimacy with someone, is key to a healthy, fullfilling life. And my life is no where near healthy and fullfilling...

[Radgirl]

midlife, I will have to totally agree with you on feeling like you got a raw deal in life (I hope I am correct in my thoughts on your feelings). I feel the same way, I get up, go to work, eat, do what needs to be done for the day, and start it all over again. Come the weekends, I really don't have much going on. Most of my what-used-to-be friends are doing their own thing and I feel I don't really fit into anyone's life, let alone, my own. It feels very mundane and boring and I understand exactly where you are coming from. I feel I don't have a whole lot of support in any aspect of my life and basically go through the motions. It really sucks and has me down and blue. I sympathize for you. You are not alone and I am glad to know that others out there understand how I feel as well. It isn't easy and I wonder when things will begin to shape up, in the way of friends, work, and such. It's hard. This has to be one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with. Transitions aren't easy and I am tired of the rut. Just know that you aren't alone, even though it feels like you are. Trust me, I understand.