Tayl405
10-10-2005, 09:52 PM
I don't even know if I'm looking for advice or what, but I need to get it out...
Most of you know what I've been dealing with in regards to the fwb (even though I wouldn't really call it that anymore), but I've realized that I'm kinda f-ed in the head.
I do this EVERY time I decide I like someone - I run away. I get scared of getting hurt and I push them away. I decided I really liked this guy, but because of so much other shit going on, I decided I couldn't deal with it and told him (on Fri.) that I needed to back off of the situation. We both decided that we'd try things again when everything cooled off. You'd think I'd have felt better, but I felt worse. It's this sick little test I have for myself or something.
We texted all weekend still, and I decided today that I really like him and I've got to stop being so frickin stupid and running away from everything because I'm afraid to take risks. And he's worth it. So I called him today to see if he wanted to grab a drink and he said he didn't know b/c his best friend is having girl problems and needed to hang with just him. But he'd let me know if it turned out he could hang. I really just want to talk to him about it all, and be honest for once. It wasn't fair of me to tell him I want to back off, then make an effort to hang out or chat every day after. I know he likes me and I pretty much have the control, so I need to do this the right way.
I just talked to him a little bit ago and we decided to meet up tomorrow instead, and I want to tell him that I spoke too abruptly in calling things off for awhile, and there were unrelated factors involved (financial, mostly...and I just had a crappy week last wk). BUT I don't want a boyfriend...I wouldn't mind things getting a bit more serious (whatever that means), but I'm not trying to be in a "relationship." Is that totally confusing? I know he'll appreciate the honesty, and if he blows me off then I'll deal, I just have to get it off my chest. Please wish me luck!!!
Most of you know what I've been dealing with in regards to the fwb (even though I wouldn't really call it that anymore), but I've realized that I'm kinda f-ed in the head.
I do this EVERY time I decide I like someone - I run away. I get scared of getting hurt and I push them away. I decided I really liked this guy, but because of so much other shit going on, I decided I couldn't deal with it and told him (on Fri.) that I needed to back off of the situation. We both decided that we'd try things again when everything cooled off. You'd think I'd have felt better, but I felt worse. It's this sick little test I have for myself or something.
We texted all weekend still, and I decided today that I really like him and I've got to stop being so frickin stupid and running away from everything because I'm afraid to take risks. And he's worth it. So I called him today to see if he wanted to grab a drink and he said he didn't know b/c his best friend is having girl problems and needed to hang with just him. But he'd let me know if it turned out he could hang. I really just want to talk to him about it all, and be honest for once. It wasn't fair of me to tell him I want to back off, then make an effort to hang out or chat every day after. I know he likes me and I pretty much have the control, so I need to do this the right way.
I just talked to him a little bit ago and we decided to meet up tomorrow instead, and I want to tell him that I spoke too abruptly in calling things off for awhile, and there were unrelated factors involved (financial, mostly...and I just had a crappy week last wk). BUT I don't want a boyfriend...I wouldn't mind things getting a bit more serious (whatever that means), but I'm not trying to be in a "relationship." Is that totally confusing? I know he'll appreciate the honesty, and if he blows me off then I'll deal, I just have to get it off my chest. Please wish me luck!!!