Life's random little lessons you've learned on your own [Archive]

biodork

10-13-2005, 12:41 PM

Because I seriously have nothing to do at work today besides get some work done on my personal statement and do homework, here is a thread to post your random life lesson's that you learned through trial and error.

They can be anything, weird, stupid, funny, whatever. Here is one of mine (that I think shim and GMODC will enjoy):

If you wear real leather pants (no pleather!) and fart, the smell usually doesn't come out. So fart away!

ok I need time to think of more lesson's...anyone else?

:p

paiger81

10-13-2005, 01:01 PM

Duct tape can pretty much fix everything

(Hem fell out of pants, so a quick dduct taping had me looking normal & lasted all night)

and1grad

10-13-2005, 01:07 PM

Keeping with the theme of the first post...

Do not fart near or in an elevator, regardless of if you're alone. It WILL follow you into the elevator or someone will join you in the elevator and also be exposed. Elevators are awkward as it is...do not add to the fun.

Also, do not walk up to the elevator door before it opens. Standing there, nose-to-door, waiting for it to open makes you look like a jackass.

embrassezla

10-13-2005, 01:15 PM

if someone tells you they've cheated on everyone they've ever been with, they'll cheat on you too! *smacks forehead*

WeirdBrake

10-13-2005, 01:16 PM

Never drink a bottle of white wine on an empty stomach in under a half hour.

biodork

10-13-2005, 01:17 PM

If something is floating in a lake and you don't know what it is, don't point at it and seriously say out loud "I think it's a rock" and expect not to be teased about it for a looooooooong time.

(My brother did this! LOL)

k.monster

10-13-2005, 01:23 PM

Using the phrase "wasted out of my brain" is NOT a good way to describe intoxication, even if you feel wasted out of your brain.....

Kitty

10-13-2005, 01:27 PM

Crying will you get you out of a speeding ticket.

coll214

10-13-2005, 02:43 PM

Crying will you get you out of a speeding ticket.
Unless the cop is a statie in CT :(

Waiting to get gas until the prices goes down automatically means they will go up...

biodork

10-13-2005, 02:44 PM

Waiting to get gas until the prices goes down automatically means they will go up...
Too true...

girlinterrupted

10-13-2005, 02:48 PM

Crying will you get you out of a speeding ticket.

This didn't work for me. In fact, I think it pissed off the cop even more.

My contribution: act as if. Not a totally original thought, but man does it work.

carrot3124

10-13-2005, 03:01 PM

Crying didn't get me out of a speeding ticket...but it did get me a lower fine and no points :)

What does around comes around...stupid karma

You really can't love somoene else until you love yourself (does anyone remember The RuPaul Show on VH1...?)

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 03:06 PM

Pay yourself first.

At the end of the year, the money you saved will be there waiting and the money you spent will be gone.

biodork

10-13-2005, 03:06 PM

Back to my original farting post once again...

Don't get into a habit of cutting loose farts whenever you need to at home (especially if you live with a SO). It makes it harder to hold in when you are around people at work.

paiger81

10-13-2005, 03:08 PM

Don't get into a habit of cutting loose farts whenever you need to at home (especially if you live with a SO). It makes it harder to hold in when you are around people at work.

This sounds like something my mom would say :D

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 03:10 PM

It's kind of like the getting into the habit of responding to everything with "For f*ck's sake."

biodork

10-13-2005, 03:13 PM

It's kind of like the getting into the habit of responding to everything with "For f*ck's sake."
yeah and then it gets really hard to break that habit...

and1grad

10-13-2005, 03:24 PM

You can tell the quality of an ethnically-themed restaurant by how many people of that ethnicity you see eating there.

shimmer728

10-13-2005, 03:46 PM

This thread is fucking hilarious!

Don't try to pet a goose. It will bite your hand.

If you suspect a friend or someone else you know lies a lot, watch out--chances are, he/she will someday be telling lies about you.

Don't lease a car when you're a reporter.

biodork

10-13-2005, 03:48 PM

When fishing, try not to fish near ducks, or you're bound to hook one in the butt (I'm sorry ducky!)

Kitty

10-13-2005, 04:16 PM

You can tell the quality of an ethnically-themed restaurant by how many people of that ethnicity you see eating there.

So true. Especially around here.

twentity

10-13-2005, 04:19 PM

You can fart into pillows or anything else that is cushiony. Doesn't work on a leather couch, it bounces back at you and around you. Plus people might hear it.

and1grad

10-13-2005, 04:55 PM

Farts and fart jokes never get old. Never.

Ok...Women who dont know football, dont know b/c they dont wanna know.

NEVER ask a woman what she likes best about a sport. You will normally get an answer within the realm of "tight butt" and or shorts.

MetFanL

10-13-2005, 05:04 PM

I've shared this before, but I'll post it here too.

There are two kinds of dateable guys:

(1) Guys who can fix stuff; and

(2) Guys who can afford to pay someone to fix stuff.

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 05:25 PM

Ok...Women who dont know football, dont know b/c they dont wanna know.

Or because SOMEBODY says they'll explain it and then won't. :eek:

NEVER ask a woman what she likes best about a sport. You will normally get an answer within the realm of "tight butt" and or shorts.

This just in from my graphic designer..."I like the Sox's costumes best." Insert sports editor gaping in slack jawed dismay.

and1grad

10-13-2005, 05:29 PM

Or because SOMEBODY says they'll explain it and then won't. :eek:
Sigh...says the reporter who wouldnt ask questions. :razz:

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 05:30 PM

Yeah...I hear guys are SUPER amenable to being grilled whilst they watch the game.

and1grad

10-13-2005, 05:36 PM

Yeah...I hear guys are SUPER amenable to being grilled whilst they watch the game.
Huh? Did you say something? Maybe later, this is an important down!

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 05:36 PM

*goes back to reading book*

shimmer728

10-13-2005, 05:39 PM

tina1979

10-13-2005, 05:39 PM

just because you ignore it doesn't mean that it will go away

meatwad

10-13-2005, 05:50 PM

Never ever offer to do a favor for a woman saying or even thinking, "This shouldn't take long."

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 05:51 PM

just because you ignore it doesn't mean that it will go away

I find this to be particularly true of too-old-for-me men and urinary tract infections.

tina1979

10-13-2005, 05:55 PM

I find this to be particularly true of too-old-for-me men and urinary tract infections.
LOL!!! Yep! This is true.

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 05:57 PM

I should probably note that the two are not related. Yeeesh.

Taza Tikha

10-13-2005, 06:10 PM

I love you guys.

Comfortable shoes will get more comfortable with wear. Uncomfortable shoes will get more uncomfortable with wear. "But they're so cute!" is Girlese for "These little fuckers are going to kill me before the end of the night, and I'll hate myself every single time I wear them. Should I pay with cash or credit?" Don't forget to get off the carpet when you try them on and walk around.

biodork

10-14-2005, 07:30 AM

You can fart into pillows or anything else that is cushiony. Doesn't work on a leather couch, it bounces back at you and around you. Plus people might hear it.
This is a nice tie-in with my first post about farts not smelling outside leather pants! LOL

grneyedmustang

10-14-2005, 07:15 PM

1 - Want/Need Rain? Go out and wash your car.

2 - Want a line to form in a post office or a bank? Let me walk in and fill out my envelopes/deposit slips/etc!!!

3 - Rush hour in Atlanta isn't like other cities (4 pm - 6pm). It starts at 2 and ends at 7:30.

Kitty

10-14-2005, 07:24 PM

Blondes do NOT have more fun ;)

stonemonkey

10-15-2005, 06:40 AM

If you're at someone else's house, always check that the flush on their toilet is working BEFORE you do a shit in it. This way, you'll avoid going into panic mode and having to pull a Macguyver to fix the situation using only the limited resources of their bathroom.

bridgetjones

10-15-2005, 04:31 PM

You can tell the quality of an ethnically-themed restaurant by how many people of that ethnicity you see eating there.

LOL. That is so true!

I know that a Chinese restaurant is really good if the surroundings look like a Chinese cafeteria and the server giving me appetizers says "5 dolla!" to every question I have of them. Ummmmmmmm!!!

Pleather = sweat city. Never had the chance to fart in my leather pants... :rolleyes:

bridgetjones

10-15-2005, 04:33 PM

You can fart into pillows or anything else that is cushiony. Doesn't work on a leather couch, it bounces back at you and around you. Plus people might hear it.

An adjunct to the leather couch farting rule is never make a sudden movement on a leather couch while sitting down. People might think you farted. :redface:

Cole

10-15-2005, 11:20 PM

Never pretend to be cooler than you are. You will only end up looking less cool than you really are.

If a little voice pops in your head that says something like "make sure you bring your keys" or "I probably shouldn't leave this outside in case it rains" you should listen to it. It's called your intuition. And it's almost always right.

When people ask how recently you broke up with your ex, they're either trying to figure out if you're available, or trying to tell you they're tired of hearing about him/her.

stonemonkey

10-16-2005, 12:17 AM

The attitude you project has a major influence on how the people around you interact with you.

lilyflower

10-16-2005, 12:32 AM

- You will never have enough quarters to do all your laundry, no matter how meticulous you are about saving them

- If the oil light on a car comes on, take the damn car to a mechanic instead of ignoring it

- There is no such thing as a good time to drive in North Jersey - there are bad times and worse times.

- Do not sit on a remote/pile your crap on top of it, it WILL die

- Most plants need water more than once a month

- EZ-Pass doesn't really save you TIME but it does save you from having to find exact change. (Like at those stupid $.70 tolls)

wordsmith

10-16-2005, 12:38 AM

-

- If the oil light on a car comes on, take the damn car to a mechanic instead of ignoring it

Or check your oil, which is easier and cheaper.

mishl982

10-16-2005, 12:21 PM

If you think you're going to regret it later, don't eat it, no matter how delicious it is.

lilyflower

10-16-2005, 06:52 PM

- Never make eye contact on the subway. Ever. (But this is a no-brainer)

natbumpo

10-16-2005, 07:13 PM

This is for the guys...

If you loose a bet in a bar and the result is that you have to do a lap around the bar with your balls out...make sure none of your parents friends are in said bar :(

dazed

10-16-2005, 08:11 PM

do not remove people from your address book. you never know when they might be the person you need to talk to.

wtbforever21

10-16-2005, 09:43 PM

biodork

10-17-2005, 08:09 AM

No farting at home? So you're just supposed to hold them in forever? :confused:
No see my bf and I fart A LOT. It's pretty bad. Then you get used to just farting whenever you feel like it, instead of say going to the bathroom and doing it, so it carries over to work. Now I just fart at work, but really I shouldn't be doing that! :p

tina1979

10-17-2005, 09:28 AM

- Never make eye contact on the subway. Ever. (But this is a no-brainer)
If you work in any area where you might attract the attention of someone who wants to ask a stupid question, don't make eye contact. This goes especially for those working in shops in the airport. They either want tourist information (do I look like a tourist info booth to you?) They want to know where the car rentals are (downstairs, right where you were headed until you made eye contact with me) or where the mail drop or atm machines are (maildrop is on the right against the escalator rail, and the atm is farther down on the left, if you run into the phones you've gone to far), you should've see the blank looks i got with that one. LOL!!!

wordsmith

10-17-2005, 10:06 AM

If you eat cheese popcorn with a spoon, you won't get orange paws.

tina1979

10-17-2005, 10:13 AM

If you eat cheese popcorn with a spoon, you won't get orange paws.
Can you actually eat popcorn with a spoon?

mishl982

10-17-2005, 11:23 AM

If you eat cheese popcorn with a spoon, you won't get orange paws.
Ooh, I'll have to remember that!

Kitty

10-17-2005, 11:36 AM

When it says "dry clean only" - dry clean ONLY.

LakeJay

10-17-2005, 11:59 AM

Never let the logistics of how you are going to get back home prevent you from going back to a girl's place.

wordsmith

10-17-2005, 12:14 PM

On a related theme - Keeping your bedroom/house messy is a good preventative technique for making bad decisions and bringing boys back.

MetFanL

10-17-2005, 12:19 PM

On a related theme - Keeping your bedroom/house messy is a good preventative technique for making bad decisions and bringing boys back.

A nude colored bra is also a good preventative measure.

coll214

10-17-2005, 12:29 PM

Not to mention shaving frequency...

wordsmith

10-17-2005, 12:30 PM

A nude colored bra is also a good preventative measure.

Two words - ugly panties.

Deadend

10-17-2005, 12:37 PM

-"Eyeballing it" works for pancakes or pasta, NOT magic mushrooms

embrassezla

10-17-2005, 12:45 PM

i learned one this weekend...

if you don't have cash for the toll on a highway, you don't have to stop to get some. they'll take a picture of your license plate and bill ya.

not sure if that applies to turnpikes, though!

computer guy

10-17-2005, 01:56 PM

MetFanL

10-18-2005, 01:17 PM

If you don't feel like working out, envoke the 15 minute rule. If you work out for 15 minutes and still want to leave, go -- you won't accomplish anything. Otherwise, have a good workout!

(p.s. I've NEVER left after the 15 minutes. Not once.)

Kitty

10-18-2005, 01:21 PM

Never get sealant on your teeth.

biodork

11-10-2005, 10:07 AM

1 lb of dried spaghetti is A LOT bigger than it seems.

(why do I always forget this!!!)

WeirdBrake

11-10-2005, 10:31 AM

Just because you may be an awesome writer doesn't mean you don't have to study the specific way that bar exam essays are supposed to be written if you don't want to get kicked in the teeth. :(

wordsmith

11-10-2005, 10:36 AM

Similarly, just because you have a kickass cover letter and resume and awesome applicable experience and stellar abilities, you're not necessarily going to get the job...or even the interview.

k.monster

11-10-2005, 02:41 PM

Pabst Blue Ribbon makes you fart.

mishl982

11-10-2005, 03:55 PM

Don't buy pants on your fat/bloated days. They will just fall off your ass when you have a normal day. :p

Oh and if you think you need a belt, you are probably right.