Pirate Jokes

[Neo]

Post your pirate jokes here:
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So, there are these two pirates talking in this bar. One's got a wooden leg and a hook and even a patch too. The other one's just got the pirate clothes. So the second pirate says to the first, "how'd ya get that wooden leg mate?".

The first reply’s "arrr, it done got bit off bye a varmint shark."

The second pirate is of course impressed, "aye, dat's really a pirate ting to have happen. How'd ya get dat metal 'hook?"

The first reply’s "lost err in a sword fight, bastard cut off me bloody hand!".

"Aye, dat's really a pirate ting to have happen" says the second pirate, again impressed.

"How'd ya get dat patch on your eye?".

"Well I was up in the crow's nest eh, and I looked up to spy this seagull" says the pirate's pirate, "and the damn ting shit right in me eye". In disbelief the second pirate says

"Well, how'd dat make ya blind?"

The first pirate replied: "Arrrrrr...first day wit me 'ook."

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I have one more:

Did you hear about the new pirate movie that's coming out?

It's rated Arrrrrrrr!!!

[Neo]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. He walks up to the bar and orders a beer, without mentioning the steering wheel. He goes the whole night without ever mentioning it or even looking down at it, so the bartender begins to wonder if he even knows it's there. So finally, after 3 hours the bartender can't resist so he says, "hey, do you realize you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"

The pirate says, "Arrrr! it drives me nuts!"

[Neo]

How much does it cost a priate to get a piercing?

A buck an ear!

What's a pirate's favorite country?

AARRRGGHentina!

What do you call a priate that skips school?

Captain Hooky!

What's a pirate always looking for even though it's right behind him?

His booty!

What has 8 arms and 8 legs?

Eight pirates!


~Until next time!!!!

[AMB25]

Hey, Neo!

This one is sort of pirate related...

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

[Neo]

LOL!!!! That's too funny!!!! :lol: