Getting on my high horse here... [Archive]

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:37 PM

Is it just me, or is there a certain attitude among people that we're "entitled" to find a partner? Like it's our birth right or something, that we MUST find someone during our time on this earth before we die. Like nobody goes home empty-handed. Why is that? Why does this specific goal occupy so much brainspace? Why do we place so much emphasis on this objective over others? Everyone wishes they had more money, their dream career, more freedom, time to do the things they wanted. But it never seems like these things affect us so much. Is it because it's something that's so universal to all humans?

Taza Tikha

10-13-2005, 06:39 PM

The only reason any individual exists is to propogate the species. It's nothing personal.

cheshrcarol

10-13-2005, 06:40 PM

It's our biological purpose to mate and procreate. Some people may choose not to have kids, but as much as we've evolved there are some things we can't escape from.

analogman

10-13-2005, 06:40 PM

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 06:42 PM

Well, really...everyone CAN find SOMEbody. It just might not be somebody you necessarily WANT.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 06:43 PM

Is it because it's something that's so universal to all humans?

Bingo for me.

(okay I really should be doing homework here) I don't think it's that some people feel that they are entitled to find partners, but I think it is a societal norm to be coupled up. I mean look at the other norms; marriage, family, and even before that, school dances, prom. Our rites of passage include your first time having sex, first kisses, first loves. It just seems like a lot of the things that we are expected to do in life are things that you do with the opposite sex. Turn on the TV and I'd say over half of the shows will features couples and storylines involving love and sex.

I thikn our society just does not teach us to live our entire lives alone.

analogman

10-13-2005, 06:43 PM

Anyone else here watch March of the Penguins? They all go to the mating grounds to try to find a mate and propagate the specie. Not every penguin finds a mate.

I am all for putting forth the effort but not the sense of "entitlement" of finding someone.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:43 PM

It's our biological purpose to mate and procreate. Some people may choose not to have kids, but as much as we've evolved there are some things we can't escape from.

I know. But it doesn't make sense, because then if you think of us as just "procreating machines" programmed to pass on genetic information, we'd just be a bunch of sex maniacs (ok, so it's not that far off....) If that were true, then the emotional connection would be unnecessary.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:45 PM

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 06:47 PM

I also think we're kind of brainwashed into thinking we should hold out for someone perfect and ideal.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:48 PM

I also think we're kind of brainwashed into thinking we should hold out for someone perfect and ideal.

It's a delicate balance, because nobody should settle.

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 06:49 PM

Everyone settles in some small ways. That's how it works. You always compromise something. You always make some sacrifice. Always.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:50 PM

The only reason any individual exists is to propogate the species. It's nothing personal.

By that reasoning, all a male has to do to fulfill his purpose is just impregnate a bunch of females.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:51 PM

Everyone settles in some small ways. That's how it works. You always compromise something. You always make some sacrifice. Always.

Really? I'm kinda shocked to hear you say that.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 06:53 PM

I guess what I'm asking is if we've been brainwashed by a little too much by romantic movies. If there was a genre of movies/books/tv shows that wasn't 'romantic comedy' but 'career-fulfillment comedy', would things be different?

I think that is an interesting question (again, I should be doing homework) Lately, I've been feeling more and more like TV and movies aren't accurately projecting real single life in 2005 or at least in my hood. Anytime I turn on TV, I see people literally bumping into each other on the street, a comment is made, they exchange glances and some weeks later, they're madly in love. Maybe this does happen to somebody but not anybody I know.

I think they just over-romanticize things at times, which in my younger years just gave me all type of high hopes that are quickly getting dashed everytime I start seeing a new guy. People fall ass backwards into relationships all the time in the movies and it made me think that could actually happen in real life.

And you know what? It doesn't.

and1grad

10-13-2005, 06:53 PM

I know. But it doesn't make sense, because then if you think of us as just "procreating machines" programmed to pass on genetic information, we'd just be a bunch of sex maniacs (ok, so it's not that far off....) If that were true, then the emotional connection would be unnecessary.
Not necessarily. (To be purely biological) Its not just the procreation but also seeing to it that your offspring are viable. That viability is boosted by the occurrence of family or some semblance of it. I dont really agree with a sense of entitlement in much of anything but i'm not sure I'm seeing where that is in this case.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 06:56 PM

Everyone settles in some small ways. That's how it works. You always compromise something. You always make some sacrifice. Always.

I'm surprised to see you write that too, but I think you're right. If no one is perfect and they're probably isn't a perfect mate for everyone, then some of us will have to settle a little at some point.

Or go it alone.

I could make out a chekclist of every attribute the perfect guy for me would have. Would he exist? Probably somewhere. But what are the chances that he is single, within my proximity and wants to date just me? Very,very slim.

SmilesSoSweet

10-13-2005, 06:58 PM

I was born into the whole "you have to get married" idea. It's like in my family you're not successful unless you're married with kids. I remember when I graduated from college one of my cousins was getting married a couple weeks later - well they were already married in civil court but two years later decided to have a church wedding. Anyway, a lot of my relatives couldn't make it to my graduation because they just were going to the wedding and told me that they'd just see me there at the wedding, not at my graduation. I took it a little offensively because at the time, that was my biggest accomplishment - five long-ass years in college, pulling all-nighters and stuff, and I wanted my close relatives to see me graduate (since right now I have no idea if they'll ever see me get married!) The wedding was more important because it was a wedding. I don't know if I'm making sense here or just rambling. But you can get almost anyone to attend a wedding to see two people get married, but other achievements, like graduations, are just overlooked.

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 06:59 PM

Really? I'm kinda shocked to hear you say that.

Why's that? I'm not saying you have to ditch your standards so much as adjust your expectations.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 06:59 PM

Not necessarily. (To be purely biological) Its not just the procreation but also seeing to it that your offspring are viable. That viability is boosted by the occurrence of family or some semblance of it. I dont really agree with a sense of entitlement in much of anything but i'm not sure I'm seeing where that is in this case.

Well, maybe 'sense of entitlement' is the wrong phrase to use. It's just that it seems like it's the 'only game in town'. But when you think about it, there coule be so many other things we could be preoccupied with, but aren't.

Taza Tikha

10-13-2005, 07:01 PM

By that reasoning, all a male has to do to fulfill his purpose is just impregnate a bunch of females.

Well, theoretically, that's supposed to happen whenever a guy has sex. The sex thing happens on a fairly regular basis. And guys tend to have many more partners than women do.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:05 PM

But when you think about it, there coule be so many other things we could be preoccupied with, but aren't.

I've thought about this too. I think it is because we have so little control over the outcome.

If you want to go to college, get a job and be successful, you can work hard and acheive that. I think many of us here have done that. But when you want to be loved by someone. Well, that is almost a game of chance. You cannot work hard and make someone love you. You have no control over the outcome when it comes to love.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:05 PM

Well, theoretically, that's supposed to happen whenever a guy has sex. The sex thing happens on a fairly regular basis. And guys tend to have many more partners than women do.

There's nothing more to it than biology? "Love" itself doesn't really exist? All a guy has to do is make a few deposits at the sperm bank and his life's purpose is complete?

and1grad

10-13-2005, 07:06 PM

Well, theoretically, that's supposed to happen whenever a guy has sex. The sex thing happens on a fairly regular basis. And guys tend to have many more partners than women do.
In my own case, you're 1 for 3 here...and NOT in a flattering way. :lol:

Taza Tikha

10-13-2005, 07:11 PM

There's nothing more to it than biology? "Love" itself doesn't really exist? All a guy has to do is make a few deposits at the sperm bank and his life's purpose is complete?

From an evolutionary standpoint, yes. "You and me ain't nothing but mammals, sp let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

Humans are unique in the animal kingdom in that they have to go fill life with angst and deeper meaning. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in the big picture it doesn't matter.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:21 PM

From an evolutionary standpoint, yes. "You and me ain't nothing but mammals, sp let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

Humans are unique in the animal kingdom in that they have to go fill life with angst and deeper meaning. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in the big picture it doesn't matter.

Yeah, but that's an evolutionary standpoint. I'm talking about real life here.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:23 PM

Yeah, but that's an evolutionary standpoint. I'm talking about real life here.

Have you read any of my posts? Am I making any sense at all here?

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:25 PM

I've thought about this too. I think it is because we have so little control over the outcome.

If you want to go to college, get a job and be successful, you can work hard and acheive that. I think many of us here have done that. But when you want to be loved by someone. Well, that is almost a game of chance. You cannot work hard and make someone love you. You have no control over the outcome when it comes to love.

Sorry Winter, I'm mot trying to snub you or anything!

But isn't ALL of life a game of chance? And I think you can put effort into making youself more attractive to people.

WeirdBrake

10-13-2005, 07:28 PM

Have you read any of my posts? Am I making any sense at all here?

I wish stonemonkey would ask this question. :p

wordsmith

10-13-2005, 07:28 PM

You can be thoroughly attractive to somebody and STILL not have them choose you, if all their conditions aren't met.

Taza Tikha

10-13-2005, 07:31 PM

Yeah, but that's an evolutionary standpoint. I'm talking about real life here.

Sorry, I thought the question was why we put more emphasis on mating than on other successes. That is real life. If this is one of those topics just go around in angsty circles, I'll bow out now.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:31 PM

Sorry Winter, I'm mot trying to snub you or anything!

But isn't ALL of life a game of chance? And I think you can put effort into making youself more attractive to people.

True but I think out of all the things that we strive for, finding love, to me, involves a much higher level of chance.

Think about it. If a person's dream was to buy a house. They could work hard, save up money, improve their credit and one day make that a reality. There are a number of steps to accomplish this. But if a person wants to find someone to love, there are a few concrete steps outside of trying to be as attractive as possible to get there. Unlike buying property or getting a certain job or position, it involves another being with their own set of feelings, wants and desires and there is no definite way to guarantee that person's love in return. No matter how much you want and work for it, you may never get there.

Does that make any sense?

It's just the way I look a it. I can accomplish many things in my life, I have done many of them already but what trips me up is I cannot make anyone love me. It's like that almost unattainable goal.

I just have to get lucky somehow. And that is what makes me so preoccupied with it. How some are lucky and others not. And Idon't think there is much I can do to change that luck.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:34 PM

The other thing is that this is one 'project' that I'm convinced that is we approached with as much focus as we did with say a work project, we'd get some results from it.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:35 PM

True but I think out of all the things that we strive for, finding love, to me, involves a much higher level of chance.

Think about it. If a person's dream was to buy a house. They could work hard, save up money, improve their credit and one day make that a reality. There are a number of steps to accomplish this. But if a person wants to find someone to love, there are a few concrete steps outside of trying to be as attractive as possible to get there. Unlike buying property or getting a certain job or position, it involves another being with their own set of feelings, wants and desires and there is no definite way to guarantee that person's love in return. No matter how much you want and work for it, you may never get there.

Does that make any sense?

It's just the way I look a it. I can accomplish many things in my life, I have done many of them already but what trips me up is I cannot make anyone love me. It's like that almost unattainable goal.

I just have to get lucky somehow. And that is what makes me so preoccupied with it. How some are lucky and others not.

I can see what your saying, but I don't think that's the complete answer. I mean, I want to win the lottery, and that's a game of chance, but there's no forum on the boards devoted to it.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:35 PM

The other thing is that this is one 'project' that I'm convinced that is we approached with as much focus as we did with say a work project, we'd get some results from it.

I've approached this project even harder than a work project and I have seen little results thus far.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:36 PM

I can see what your saying, but I don't think that's the complete answer. I mean, I want to win the lottery, and that's a game of chance, but there's no forum on the boards devoted to it.

I don't think the human need for money is as great as the human need for love. Though for some people it can be quite close.

SmilesSoSweet

10-13-2005, 07:37 PM

Think about it. If a person's dream was to buy a house. They could work hard, save up money, improve their credit and one day make that a reality. There are a number of steps to accomplish this. But if a person wants to find someone to love, there are a few concrete steps outside of trying to be as attractive as possible to get there. Unlike buying property or getting a certain job or position, it involves another being with their own set of feelings, wants and desires and there is no definite way to guarantee that person's love in return. No matter how much you want and work for it, you may never get there.

Does that make any sense?

I completely understand this concept. It was just like with going through college - you take a certain amount of classes within a certain amount of time. Once you complete all your classes and requirements, you're guaranteed a college diploma. That's why my graduation was so important to me.

It's not like you can say, I'm going to get married in five years, so I better start getting all my requirements done before then so I can get my marriage license.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:38 PM

I've approached this project even harder than a work project and I have seen little results thus far.

Then I guess you have to change your strategy, or accept that it is a game of chance and you're unlucky.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:40 PM

It's not like you can say, I'm going to get married in five years, so I better start getting all my requirements done before then so I can get my marriage license.

Exactly.

There are no set steps you can take, then at the end of it, you open a door and there is the love of your life. For some, it can be a very hard thing to attain.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 07:41 PM

Then I guess you have to change your strategy, or accept that it is a game of chance and you're unlucky.

I've done both.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 07:41 PM

I don't think the human need for money is as great as the human need for love. Though for some people it can be quite close.

Yes, love as in capital L 'LOVE', not just mammalian reproduction.

WeirdBrake

10-13-2005, 08:04 PM

Stonemonkey... what is it you really want to say? Maybe you can just say it in plain English rather than watering around the flowers. Just a suggestion.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 08:06 PM

Stonemonkey... what is it you really want to say? Maybe you can just say it in plain English rather than watering around the flowers. Just a suggestion.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. Not a surprise.

WeirdBrake

10-13-2005, 08:08 PM

There's something to be said for honesty.

Winter Storm

10-13-2005, 08:08 PM

So I made all these great points for nothing???

PVD99

10-13-2005, 08:09 PM

It's just the way I look a it. I can accomplish many things in my life, I have done many of them already but what trips me up is I cannot make anyone love me. It's like that almost unattainable goal.

That's so true. No amount of money or attractiveness can make someone love you.

stonemonkey

10-13-2005, 08:35 PM

Look, I'm not trying to be subtle or indirect or anything. I'm not trying to 'post between the lines', or 'water around the flowers'. To be honset, I'm not that complicated. I'm just typing out the random shit in my head. I'll probably contradict myself a million times.

SunDevil

10-13-2005, 09:31 PM

I just find it odd that every one of my co-workers over 30 is married. Now, these are some weird and strange people at times, who, just by looking at them, you wouldn't think that they would ever be in a relationship.

Everything in my life is logical and I am in control over. I will never be able to control whether a girl is single, has similar interests, will love me, and is someone I can trust. And I can only be myself and won't be able to control her thoughts. You would think that if everyone else has found someone, that you should have no problem either. Something like 90% of people get married (57% of households were couples in 2000), so that is why people think that they are entitled to finding someone.

Bugsey34

10-14-2005, 10:07 AM

I don't think stonemonkey is "watering around the flowers". I see exactly what he is saying. I think the difference between relationships and work is just that there are emotions involved. I would look at my relationship the same way I do work, but it's kind of too late once my emotions are involved. And I am very happy being in a happy relationship, so there is a lot at stake for me. If I lose my job, I just find another one. But it's not so easy with guys.

I have to say I totally agree with Winter Storm. You could even meet someone totally perfect for you, but if that moment isn't right or there's a kink somewhere in the relationship, it might not work out. And this happens all the time, which is the scary thing. Sigh.... thinking about it makes me want to give up.

girlinterrupted

10-14-2005, 10:22 AM

Winter Storm

10-14-2005, 10:30 AM

Did anyone ever see that movie "Love & Sex" with Jon Favreau? This thread reminds me of it. Here is a quote from JF's character:

"Two people can be perfect for each other, but if the timing's wrong its never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single 'cause they are weird and creepy, but people like us are single because of bad timing."

Great movie.

I wish is were that simple. But I honestly feel like if you meet a person that suits all of your needs and there is a mutual attraction and connection, the time is now. I think many people are single cause they let so many other excuses stop them from being involved. They let what could have been a great love, pass them by.

Bugsey34

10-14-2005, 10:39 AM

I wish is were that simple. But I honestly feel like if you meet a person that suits all of your needs and there is a mutual attraction and connection, the time is now. I think many people are single cause they let so many other excuses stop them from being involved. They let what could have been a great love, pass them by.

So true. Couldn't be truer. And it sucks to be the other person in the relationship, kind of watching that happen.

J-girl

10-14-2005, 10:50 AM

I wish is were that simple. But I honestly feel like if you meet a person that suits all of your needs and there is a mutual attraction and connection, the time is now. I think many people are single cause they let so many other excuses stop them from being involved. They let what could have been a great love, pass them by.

Thats true. I know thats my problem- I want to be involved but i dont want to be involved. I come up with all sorts of excuses like I am going to wait till I move out and stuff but people do date when they live at home. I dont know I am fucked up :neutral:

stonemonkey

10-14-2005, 07:01 PM

I think the difference between relationships and work is just that there are emotions involved.

This is true. There are other relationships people have, though, which seem, well, easier. Do people say to themselves "Oh, I'm almost 26, I would have thought that I'd have a cool set of drinking buddies by now."? There are emotions involved in the relationships you have with your family and the people you work with. The bond that you'd have with your best friend from childhood and you've known all your life, that would be pretty strong too, right? But somehow there's less 'hype' surrounding these aspects of social interaction. Maybe it really is on such a completely different level.

Also, does divorcing emotion from your work make you more effective at it? If so, then does it not stand to reason that divorcing emotions from relationships (to some degree, not completely) will make you more effective in them as well?

So, am I making any sense at all here? I can just delete it all if people think this is a waste of space. I tend to 'post from the hip', but if this thread is no good, I'm happy to remove it.

stonemonkey

10-14-2005, 07:02 PM

Thats true. I know thats my problem- I want to be involved but i dont want to be involved. I come up with all sorts of excuses like I am going to wait till I move out and stuff but people do date when they live at home. I dont know I am fucked up :neutral:

You're most definitely not alone on that one, J-girl. Fucked up is the new normal.

Winter Storm

10-14-2005, 07:14 PM

I can just delete it all if people think this is a waste of space. I tend to 'post from the hip', but if this thread is no good, I'm happy to remove it.

Please don't delete this thread. I think there is some good imput here.

stonemonkey

10-14-2005, 07:20 PM

Please don't delete this thread. I think there is some good imput here.

I actually think that you've thought about this ('this' being whatever it is I'm trying but failing to articulate) more than I have. You probably would have done a better job of posting it than I have, because I agree, you do have some very good points.

shimmer728

10-14-2005, 07:29 PM

Sigh.... thinking about it makes me want to give up.

I know what you mean. I have seriously thought that if WB and I were to break up, I'd just say the hell with dating and become a cat lady.

stonemonkey

10-14-2005, 07:41 PM

Everything in my life is logical and I am in control over. I will never be able to control whether a girl is single, has similar interests, will love me, and is someone I can trust. And I can only be myself and won't be able to control her thoughts. You would think that if everyone else has found someone, that you should have no problem either. Something like 90% of people get married (57% of households were couples in 2000), so that is why people think that they are entitled to finding someone.

This is also a very good point. I guess the problem is also stressing over something you have no control over. I can't control whether I'll die today, but it's not like I spend every minute anticipating that I will.

RutgersGrad03

10-14-2005, 09:03 PM

ledzeppelinfan1

10-14-2005, 09:04 PM

Well...even when you look at it closer, some people end up never finding anyone, and of those that do, a great many end up unhappy/divorced.

Is the whole thing a crock of shit?

shimmer728

10-14-2005, 09:40 PM

Is the whole thing a crock of shit?

The older I get, the more I realize that most things are a crock of shit.

stonemonkey

10-14-2005, 11:50 PM

I think stressing over relationships and love is no different than stressing over your career or any other aspect of life. I mean really how much do we have control over our careers. Lots of life is all about luck and timing. I mean how many times have we seen people have great careers just cause they were in the right spot at the right time. But the guess the effort has to be there just to try and maximize the possible times where we are in the right place in right time. (I hope this makes sense)

I think the diffculty with relationships is that we've been lead to believe that out of all the difficulties in our lives that this should come easily. I mean I was under this assumption as well, that if I just let it be it will fix itself, and I have been disappointed. But I personally think the stress I'm now feeling is good, it makes me want to be more proactive instead of holing myself in and embracing my natural recluse :)

Right, this is kinda what I'm trying to say. We can sort of accept that we weren't born into rich families (something that's also a game of chance and beyond our control). We can accept that we're not that close with our so-called 'friends'. We just seem to devote much more attention to the task of finding a partner, and I'm wondering why that is. You can bring up evolutionary arguments, but I don't buy that, because that implies that procreation is all that's necessary. By that reasoning, divorced fathers should have nothing to complain about.

I dunno, I think I've reached the point where I don't even know if I'm making sense to myself.

Leto

10-15-2005, 12:16 AM

You can still bring up evolutionary arguments since behaviour is genetically linked as well. Just as genetics partly govern the capability of a species to reproduce, so does the behavioural underpinnings of the species influence their ability to stay/coexist in an effective family/ social unit that will allow them to survive better than others. Thus divorced fathers are not happy cuz there's something in them (call it behaviour/emotional construct, etc) that wants to retain this family unit.

But of course genetics is not everything. We are still more than the sum of our parts.

stonemonkey

10-15-2005, 12:24 AM

I'm not dismissing evolutionary arguments (believe me, I do think they're important). It's just that to me, genetics explains the "Damn, I gotta get laid tonight." impulse, but not so much the "I wish I could find that one person who is perfect for me." impulse. But I guess they're linked together somehow, that this is something that humans are programmed to seek out. It's not just procreation per se, but something built into our hardware anyway.

Also, there are plenty of people who are fine with never having kids at all.

Desiderata

10-15-2005, 02:51 AM

I wish is were that simple. But I honestly feel like if you meet a person that suits all of your needs and there is a mutual attraction and connection, the time is now.

You're deluding yourself, no one person can fulfill your every need. To expect so is to expect disappointment. It's a matter of finding someone that fits for you, not to meet every need you'll ever have.

Winter Storm

10-15-2005, 08:59 AM

You're deluding yourself, no one person can fulfill your every need. To expect so is to expect disappointment. It's a matter of finding someone that fits for you, not to meet every need you'll ever have.

There is no delusion here, I'm speaking of my romantic needs. Needs I desire in a relationship. Not every need I'll ever have.

wordsmith

10-15-2005, 10:43 AM

But I honestly feel like if you meet a person that suits all of your needs and there is a mutual attraction and connection, the time is now. I think many people are single cause they let so many other excuses stop them from being involved. They let what could have been a great love, pass them by.

I agree with what you said, there, Winter Storm (although I might replace "needs" with "criteria" because I think that might be closer to what you probably mean). I think a lot of people let good things go for reasons that, in other situations, they would never consider serious deterrants. It goes back to the risk-taking thread I posed earlier. Sometimes I think some people even go so far as to go looking (maybe subconsicously) for reasons to bail on something good, just to avoid risk. But it's really just excuses.

Bugsey34

10-16-2005, 03:30 AM

I know what you mean. I have seriously thought that if WB and I were to break up, I'd just say the hell with dating and become a cat lady.

Oh Shimmer you don't even know how close I am to that right this instant... :(

stonemonkey

10-16-2005, 05:27 AM

Are there that many 'cat ladies' out there?

wordsmith

10-16-2005, 05:28 AM

I hate cats. I would never be a cat lady. But I will, I'm sure, be alone.

Tiean

10-16-2005, 07:49 AM

Sometimes I have the thought that we have become too smart... I usually use this when discussing religion but I think it applies to the Love-context as well. Most animals live on earth without asking the big questions, it is 'enough' for them to simply exist. We on the other hand have become so smart that we 'want more'. We want answers. 'Why are we here?' 'What happens when we die?' We ask these questions because we want to know everything. Religion gives us an answer to these questions... or at least some of them.

Animals are basically on earth to have offspring and thus secure the survival of the species. We are here for the same reason. However, we have in the course of evolution grown to be quite smart... So we want more than that. It's not enough 'just' to have kids with someone. We want to have kids with someone special, someone who we like, someone with whom we can spend time and 'actually enjoy it'. If we do not find someone special we would actually rather choose not to have kids than to settle for something less than perfect - at least that's what seems to be the opinion of most people who post on these boards.

Marriage as a social institution has existed for thousands of years. In the West marriage has been more than just a way to secure one's social status for a long time. But one needs only go to the Middle East to see a very different approach to marriage than our love-special someone-soulmate-approach. The marriage between two people are pretty much arranged all the way - without giving much consideration to both parties of the marriage.
I suppose it has been like that in many cultures, but some have left this approach and have transformed marriage into an agreement between two individuals based on the big L.
Somewhere along the road something has happened. What? Romeo & Juliet? Sex & the City? Gone With the Wind? I don't know, but I'm convinced that the media tell us what we should strive for and ín a way make us believe that EVERYBODY his/her their soulmate and lives happily ever after... so if you haven't found him/her yet, you should be utterly unhappy.

I don't know what my conclusion is... I think that people who know themselves and know what or who they want find it easier to cope with the idea of perhaps ending up alone (not necessarily as a catlady ;) ). I think that these people do a lot of thinking about life, love, and where everything is headed (at least I do) and therefore do not settle for less because they look ahead and (perhaps more realistically/critically) foresee the future. If two people are too different, it's rather unlikely that they will be together after a certain period. If the one party can see this in advance, he/she will likely back out... and for that reason maybe end up alone. A lot of people do not take this critical look at the future and thus end up in situations like divorce or the like...

I'll also ask the same question as a lot of people have already asked: Am I making sense or I am I rambling? :confused:

ebruening

10-16-2005, 08:48 AM

My parents have picked out LOTS of "potential boyfriends" for me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, because I am the sort of person to pass on a good thing just because "it's not working out at that time." Just the other day, I saw my ex downtown. By everyone else's accounts, and his (or so he said the other day), we were absolutely perfect for each other, but because I was "too busy," (at least that was the reason I gave him) we broke up. Truthfully, I had really no desire to continue the relationship because he was very, very timid about any sort of physical contact, and he rejected most of my advances. It made me incredibly unhappy to feel physically undesireable, and that, I think, was the main problem in that relationship. I wasn't insisting on sex, either - just some cuddling would have been nice. I just now figured that out, nearly a year and a half after that relationship ended.

I do think I stand a good chance of being alone. I'm "too picky," and am very difficult to live with in certain circumstances. Case in point: I really don't like sleeping in the same bed as somebody else. Yes, that includes boyfriends, too. I know, I'm weird. I like physical contact, but not too much, and not a whole lot in public. I have too many "must have" qualities on my "potential partner checklist" to stand a good chance of ending up with someone in the long term.

ledzeppelinfan1

10-16-2005, 12:11 PM

Ehhh...fuck it. We should all just take the next thing that comes our way and run with it. :D

Tiean

10-16-2005, 12:19 PM

I do think I stand a good chance of being alone. I'm "too picky," and am very difficult to live with in certain circumstances. Case in point: I really don't like sleeping in the same bed as somebody else. Yes, that includes boyfriends, too. I know, I'm weird. I like physical contact, but not too much, and not a whole lot in public. I have too many "must have" qualities on my "potential partner checklist" to stand a good chance of ending up with someone in the long term.

Could it be that you just need to have a quite close connection before you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? Could you sleep in the same bed as your siblings (if you have of course)? I know it's kind of a bad comparison but still...

Tiean

10-16-2005, 12:19 PM

Ehhh...fuck it. We should all just take the next thing that comes our way and run with it. :D

Yeah we 'should'... but I'm not gonna... :cool:

ebruening

10-16-2005, 12:44 PM

Could it be that you just need to have a quite close connection before you can sleep in the same bed as someone else?

I have to know the guy for a very long time before I'm comfortable sleeping in the same bed with him. I'm not referring to "sleeping with a guy" in the usual sexual implication, but literally sleeping in the same bed. It tends to make me extremely uncomfortable, mostly because I look TERRIBLE when I wake up in the morning. (I have short hair. Ever watch Alvin and the Chipmunks when you were a kid and see Simon's hair in the morning? Yeah, that's what mine looks like, only it's probably a bit worse. My eyes are all puffy in the mornings, my face gets red, because I get really hot when I sleep, I get pillow marks on my face. It's just not pretty.) In other words, I have to be damned sure that a guy won't think, "oh god...what did I wake up with?"...or if he does think that, it won't totally skew his perception of me.

J-girl

10-16-2005, 03:32 PM

I think that these people do a lot of thinking about life, love, and where everything is headed (at least I do) and therefore do not settle for less because they look ahead and (perhaps more realistically/critically) foresee the future.

I couldnt agree more. Sometimes I wonder if I am stupid to be so smart?

Tiean

10-17-2005, 02:01 AM

I have to know the guy for a very long time before I'm comfortable sleeping in the same bed with him. I'm not referring to "sleeping with a guy" in the usual sexual implication, but literally sleeping in the same bed. It tends to make me extremely uncomfortable, mostly because I look TERRIBLE when I wake up in the morning. (I have short hair. Ever watch Alvin and the Chipmunks when you were a kid and see Simon's hair in the morning? Yeah, that's what mine looks like, only it's probably a bit worse. My eyes are all puffy in the mornings, my face gets red, because I get really hot when I sleep, I get pillow marks on my face. It's just not pretty.) In other words, I have to be damned sure that a guy won't think, "oh god...what did I wake up with?"...or if he does think that, it won't totally skew his perception of me.

This is one of the cases where we should be able to post pictures on the boards :p

I think it's quite common that people look slightly different when they wake up than when they go on a date. I see your point if it's really ( :eek: ) bad but IMHO a guy who would think of your in a worse way is not worth much... I don't mean to make fun of you or anything but it's just hard for me to imagine. I don't give much thought as to how I look when I wake up (not to mention how I look when I sleep, which is supposed to hilarious)