"He's Just not that into you": Relationship propaganda or the truth?

[baby_gurl0604]

Ladies and fellas, I need some input.

My friend and I were discussing the book, "He's just not that into you" the other day and it got me thinking. Is it truth, or just relationship propaganda? (In a nutshell, the book encourages women to let men do all the work in initiating a relationship) It says your relaitonship might not work out in the end if the woman does the pursuing. Now, I am a shy girl and am not the type to just ask guys out all the time, but what if you are really interested in a man who is shy? Is it a turnoff to guys if the girl is a little persistant? Do men really like to be the ones in control? Is it all about the
"chase" for guys? Thoughts, anyone?

[WeirdBrake]

Is it a turnoff to guys if the girl is a little persistant?

No. If the guy is interested in the girl, (and that can be a big "if"), then actively pursuing him will not be a turn-off. However, if the guy is not interested in the girl-- or not THAT interested-- then pursuing him won't lead to anything because he simply doesn't have the interest. In any case, it's a total myth that guys like the chase. No one besides deer hunters "likes the chase." Think of it like this: If guys truly liked the chase, then the thought of having women throw themselves at us wouldn't be such a popular male fantasy (because, in that fantasy, there would be no chase). The fact that it's such a popular male fantasy means that guys do not like the chase.

My friend and I were discussing the book, "He's just not that into you" the other day and it got me thinking. Is it truth, or just relationship propaganda? (In a nutshell, the book encourages women to let men do all the work in initiating a relationship)

If ANYONE feels like he or she is "doing all the work in initiating a relationship," then the other person is probably not that interested.

[ledzeppelinfan1]

If you're into a guy and it seems he might never get around to asking you out, you better do it yourself. If I like a girl...I waste no time...some guys have no clue where to start.

Its up to you, there are no set rules.

[pink bunny]

I read a couple of excerpts and disagreed with everything he said a guy would do. So for me it is propoganda...

[winneythepooh7]

I never read this book, and have heard lots of bad things about it from people who have read it. Maybe it's just me, but I'd feel kind of embarrased if people saw me in B&N reading this book. I don't want to offend anyone with that statement, but I think a lot of self-help-type books in general are embarrasing.

[Jedi of Zen]

There was a thread about this book several months ago. The authors of this book are actually working on a sequel entitled "Nobody's Into Anybody Anymore: If you don't like it, tough shit".

[ledzeppelinfan1]

There was a thread about this book several months ago. The authors of this book are actually working on a sequel entitled "Nobody's Into Anybody Anymore: If you don't like it, tough shit".

LOL...there would seem to be more truth in the sequel than the original.

I'm guessing you're kidding.

[Jedi of Zen]

LOL...there would seem to be more truth in the sequel than the original.

I'm guessing you're kidding.

As far as I know, I'm kidding. But I almost wouldn't be surprised if I turned on the TV tomorrow to find an army of middle-aged women creaming themselves silly over such a title on Oprah.

(and I'm not saying that all middle-aged women are like this. But I worked in a bookstore when the original said book came out, and lemme tell ya - if I had a dollar for every pessimistic, male-hating, twice-divorced female I sold that book to...well, I guess I'd be a rich, arrogant, female-hating prick.)

[Kiddo]

I never read the book, but the first time I heard the line on "Sex and the City", I found it just as liberating as Miranda did! If I could get back the hours I wasted all these years tryign to figure out what I did wrong, why he didn't call, why he didn't ask me out a second time...

If a guy WANTS to call me, he's gonna call!
If a guy WANTS to see me, he's gonna see me!
If a guy WANTS to come upstairs to my place, he gonna go upstairs!

It won't matter what appointment is scheduled, what anyone else thinks, or "where he is in his life at that present time". Men do love the chase, they like a challenge, and if they are into you and you throw them the challenge they love it even more!

[mishl982]

There actually is a book called "Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve"

I remember all our discussions in several threads about HJNTIY. My take on it is it's good to read if you are hung up on a guy and need to realize that you shouldn't have wasted your time on someone who honestly wasn't into you, but on the otherhand I don't agree that girls should just sit and wait for guys to happen. Girls can approach guys too.

[spiritedaway]

Haha, I actually bought a copy of the book for leisure reading, and I am not at all embarassed about it.

Most of it is common sense, which people commonly lack when they are in love or infatuated with someone (therein lies the value of this book). I don't agree with all the points, but I do think that guys who are interested should make the initial move (not all, just the initial one to let the girl know that he's interested).

I like the go-getter type of guy, so I would want him to make the first move. I don't care for the "chase", but if he's too shy/timid to take the first step, it's probably not going to work anyway.

In other words, the book can be summarized with "If he likes you, there's nothing you can do to keep him away. If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do to make him stay."

Just my 2 cents.

[shimmer728]

I haven't read the book, but from what I heard, it seems like a lot of common sense to me. Hmmmm, the guy isn't returning your calls? You mean he's NOT interested? No shit, Sherlock!

[cornflakegirl]

not this book, again. :neutral:

[imhappy]

I don't know how a girl can not know if a guy is into her?! I know my boyfriend likes me because he called and asked me out on a date. After it went well, he asked me out on another, etc. etc. I think it is much harder for guys to put themselves out there. It is much easier to be the reciever and I wonder why there aren't more books for guys telling them how to ask women out.