GLC - A UK Perspective

[Chris_UK]

Not seen anyone posting from the UK, and i couldn't find any UK sites on Google, but i hope nobody minds some angst from across the pond.

To most people I seem to have almost everything.

I graduated with a good degree from university (Finance), and then took the summer off to travel, I actually ended up working on the New Jersey shore. These days were probably the happiest i've been in a long time.

I then returned home to England and as i couldn't find any serious work, i moved back in with my parents, took on a couple of dead-end, minimum wage jobs, then after a month or two got a fairly good job in a bank (nothing major, but had prospects), worked there for 9 months but didn't really do anything with my life.

After work it'd be go to gym or play soccer with my friends, then a bar, back home to my parents house, then to bed. Up for work, then repeat. Weekends i'd spend getting absolutely hammered on booze (it's an english tradition), playing more soccer, going to gym, hanging out with friends. Then up for work on monday morning.

After failing to get a promotion in the bank after 9 months, and a bit of a mess-up where i thought i'd secured another job but hadn't, i put my notice in and quit. spent another 2 weeks unemployed. but i'm a lucky guy in that i've never had a problem finding a job, i've always known a guy who's known a guy and fixed me up. mostly well paid as well.

I then got sorted out with what many people would class as their dream job, pretty well paid ($30k US), but not enough to allow me to move out of home and buy a place. But the job isn't what i want, it's a very small company, i work on my own a lot, some days i don't speak to a soul. there's a hell of a lot of potential and i've been told that if i hang on, then big things will happen for me (my line manager makes $250k p.a. - this is big business). obviously my parents love this, and keep telling me how proud they are of me.

the truth is i hate it, maybe it's just the 9-5, or the fact that my life is still in a rut, as i'm still doing the gym/soccer/bar thing. i feel like i haven't progressed in the 5 years since i left for university.

i'm now getting increasingly desperate over where my life is heading. i want out of home. i want out my home town. i want a new career doing something i enjoy doing. i want to meet new people. i just want to change the way my life is heading.

i'm fiercely independent, and have pretty big balls (comes with standing in rooms full of investment bankers while they try and put me down) and am tempted to jack it all in and move away. i quite fancy just booking a flight to Australia and seeing what happens, cos my life seems to have lost all it's spontaneity. i could honestly tell you what i will be doing every day, night and weekend upto christmas at least, and i don't like what i'm seeing.

this probably all seems pretty weird, added to this is the fact that i'm one of the most popular people i know. i'm never stuck for someone to hang out with, have a beer with, play sport with. but i feel stupid talking to my mates about this. i told one, one of my best mates, what was going on in my head, and he said "it'll pass, just go out, have a really good night out, and you'll be sorted". but it's getting to the stage where i'm getting more and more withdrawn, and spending more time on my own.

I feel like i've got nothing in common with my friends anymore, and i'm not sleeping well. nor eating much. i think i've got a clear cut case of depression, but don't want to see my doctor as i think he'll throw me a packet of pills and i'll just end up worse.

you may notice the lack of mention of a girlfriend, well there aint ever been one. i have no problem talking to girls, and have been laid enough times. but i just seem to fall into the "friend" category, which having read other posts, i don't beleive exists either. a buddy once told me it's cos i "spread myself too thin" and by knowing so many people, i don't really know anyone, if that makes sense.

sorry for the rant, but i feel a bit better having put it down in text, having eventually told "someone" the full story. i seriously think i'm losing it, but don't know where to turn, or what to do. nor do i have a drink problem (having reread the thread), i'd pretty much cut down over the last few weeks, as i ran a marathon recently (i raised $1000 for a kids charity, but even that hasn't lifted my spirits).

Any help / advice would be appreciated.

C

[Mattstang]

Hey there,
I'm fairly new to the boards as well. First off, welcome!
I'm from Canada, and just like you have a degree in finance from a well known university. I go to the gym regularly, am stuck in a shit job, and live at home. All of the things that were promised to me as well as expected have not materialized since I finished school and ever since have been stuck in a routine that is hard to get out of.
A lot of things have weighed heavily on my mind for the past few months and it's not always the easiest thing to bring up with your friends when it seems as if YOU'RE the only one among your friends who feels this way.
I'm sure you're probably going to hear a lot of advice on your thread...and to be honest, it sounds a lot better coming from people who you can relate to than from people who really have no idea what you're going through.
There's no simple answer to what you or I or anyone else on this message board is going through, the only thing you have are a lot of helpful listeners. :D

[shinyleaf]

HI , welcome! It's good to have perspectives from ppl from other countries/continents here - but your perspective is shared by many no matter where they're from. This is good news for you, especially if it helps to talk/write things out.

Your friend was partly right, I think, saying that the yearning for spontaneity will pass... but not by doing the same things you always do. I guess looking for spontaneity is like looking for love - you trip over yourself inthe process of searching, and fail to find it.

Yep, you might have some depression going on. I would think that if you told your physician to refer you to a therapist rather than prescribe, he/she would have to oblige. Correct me if I'm wrong, kids.

anyway, stick around. There aren't many UK-ers around, but Deadend is half, so that's gotta count right? :D

[Deadend]

Yep, I actually jointed these boards about a day and a half before I ran off to live in Scotland with my dad about a year ago. Don't realy think I'm qualified to give a genuine "British" perspective, but I guess my family trips every few years have given me a slight perspective on the country. I've said a few times that one thing you've got going for you over there is that middle aged people don't seem to be nearly as anal about acting like boring washed up adults. Like, they'll actually go to a pub, where as here 9/10 bars practically have this unwritten "nobody over 30" rule.

[wordsmith]

Hah. I CERTAINLY don't plan on abandoning bars when I'm 30 (in two years), so I hope that's not expected.

But it's diff. here in a small town. Bars aren't (for the most part) trendy or hipster...they're really laid back, and non age-specific. I like that.

[happie]

What you're going through is called a FUNK. I think either we've been there or we will be there soon enough. Can't say that you'll "get through this" however sometimes we just get better at dealing with it. :confused:

I too work at a bank, for how much longer I don't know. Actually I'm temping (ugggh!) but was just refused a permanent offer after trying so hard.
There are so many frusterations that pop up on a daily basis, it's hard not to be disappointed with life.

The daily grind does get a bit old. But if you listen to yourself and those around you, everyone seems to be letting reality be a reflection of ourselves, almost as if we are being critical of ourselves for those disappointments.
Like the girlfriend thing. Don't take it so personal that you haven't got one right now. Healthy relationships are wonderful but just because people are paired off doesn't mean they're happy. Many times they're just with someone to pass the time. My ex would get me down so many times that being alone would probably be the better way to get through my QLC.

It helps to do something else during the day that we're good at- or that we enjoy. Sports are good. When things are tough, the self esteem is basically our biggest asset. Maybe life will eventually come together and find meaning on it's own.

[Chris_UK]

Can't say that you'll "get through this" however sometimes we just get better at dealing with it. :confused:


Mate, that is probably the most depressing thing i've heard all week !!

Thanks for the comments, i think Mattsang's right, i feel like i'm owed the right to be happy, when i suppose it's something i need to work on. he's probably also right that most of my friends are going through the same thing, but i discredit it by thinking:

he might not earn as much as me, but at least he loves his job. wish i could say that. OR

she's still at college and worried about starting college, what i'd give to still be at college, meeting new people and not worry about carving a career out.

etc. etc. you get the picture ?

i also live in a small, tough town. it's hard to meet like-minded people, i'm lucky in that i've got some form of support network via people i went to high school with etc. but think i've out-grown most of them.

think i just need the balls to convince myself that a big leap into the unknown might be the right thing to do, and i won't regret it in 6 months when i'm stuck in a new city by myself, having tried something new......

Thanks guys.

[shinyleaf]

Yep, I actually jointed these boards about a day and a half before I ran off to live in Scotland with my dad about a year ago. Don't realy think I'm qualified to give a genuine "British" perspective, but I guess my family trips every few years have given me a slight perspective on the country. I've said a few times that one thing you've got going for you over there is that middle aged people don't seem to be nearly as anal about acting like boring washed up adults. Like, they'll actually go to a pub, where as here 9/10 bars practically have this unwritten "nobody over 30" rule.


oooh, so true. Everyone here by comparison is so effing domesticated.

[happie]

Hey Chris, I didn't mean it like that.

We're all entitled to our happiness. Sometimes it hasn't been feasable for many of us to chase it. I worked my way through school, studied hard, and after graduation did all of the right things and found myself stuck in a crime ridden ghetto living in poverty- not my own doing but as a case of circumstance. And so was the fact that noone there spoke English, had a car that wasn't stolen, or feared gang activity after dark.
With my qualifications and efforts, I should've been in a much better situation. I do have a degree in finance.

Living with mom and dad is a dream compared to that. Look at the economy for crying out loud! I never had the parents to pay for my college and I never had the opportunity to travel to see some more of the world.

So anyways, while living in this ghetto I met this well to do girl not to far away who worked in a very nice botique. Maybe she was some sort of angel, or not but she acted the part. She told me that she had once ended up living in that same area. She told me to love the army of ants that kept me company in the hot summer months and to love the diversity that the town became known for.
And she left me with this thought...]"THE REASON WHY YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS NOW IS BECAUSE YOU WON'T END UP THERE".

[Maybe the one lesson I had to learn is that character and positivity is a survival skill. Sometimes you have to force it. Alcohol and prescription can help, but you have to understand. Today there are too many educated waiters and too many entry level call center representatives with a PhD (10 years of university).

How do you want to look at their situation? Anyone who got a PhD cannot be much of a failure. Actually, most are really quite smart and accomplished otherwise. The job market is very bad for them as well.

I'm discovering new things every day about what makes me happy. Sometimes we don't always know the minute we graduate from university.

No, that comment wasn't exactly depressing. I actually take offense to that.

Take care and good night! [/COLOR]

[spiritedaway]

Yeah, I know what your buddy means about spreading yourself too thin. I have this guy "friend/acquaintance", who's exactly like that. I called him out on it once too. It's not a flaw or anything - it's just a preference thing. Like you, he "prefers" to know a lot people than to get to know a few in-depth.

So he knows lots of folks, gets plenty of attention from gals (which isn't too surprising since he got the smarts and confidence thing going for him), so he always have people to hang out with.

I think he's a great person, but I don't like to hang around him because he unintentionally makes me feel me I am not a good enough friend for him (trust me, I am not an insecure person for the most part and the fact that I got that feeling was like warning bell in my head). In fact, we get along really well, though his behaviors sometimes lead me to think he would rather spend his time meeting NEW people than to chill out with a couple of old pals.

Since he's always meeting people and not spending time to get to KNOW a person, there's an invisible bubble there. There was no way I could put him in the close friends/potential relationship category because it's like he can't even seem to appreciate what he's got (he may, but it just does not come across that way). I don't bother to try to get to know him better anymore because I just couldn't get through that bubble, even though I would LIKE to get to know him better. Get my drift? Don't know if that's what you might be going through, but just wanted to share another perspective.

QUOTE: "you may notice the lack of mention of a girlfriend, well there aint ever been one. i have no problem talking to girls, and have been laid enough times. but i just seem to fall into the "friend" category, which having read other posts, i don't beleive exists either. a buddy once told me it's cos i "spread myself too thin" and by knowing so many people, i don't really know anyone, if that makes sense."

[Chris_UK]

No, that comment wasn't exactly depressing. I actually take offense to that.

[/COLOR]

Sorry Happie, my reply was somewhat off the cuff and meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. which aren't carried in web forums. thanks for the comments.

i would also hope i'm not coming across as the "poor little rich kid", but that's probably were the problem stems from. yeah i have had an easy ride in life, 2.4 kids and all that, college paid for, meaning i've always had spare cash to do what i want, partying, travel etc. and now i'm back home so still on a cushy number. I've always worked hard though, and had previously been very driven.

i think i've identified that i have GOT everything almost, or it appears to be falling into place, yet i'm still not satisfied, and that's why i feel like a failure.

Thanks to this site i've decided to take some positive action, instead of wallowing in what has been, for the last 3 weeks or so, self pity. i'll keep you all informed...

Cheers

[pattywatty]

:razz: Ok - here's another perspective.....and please take this with a grain of salt. Is there even the slightest possibility that your view of success isn't what your parent's (or their world) view is? Is it at all possible that making a 180 degree turn right now could be just the thing you need (and want) to do - and while I don't know what that is, here's some suggestions: move to another country by signing up on a ship to work your passage - sign up as a volunteer for a national program (they pay your living way, but that's about all). Have you considered moving to a BIG city and living small? One room flat, which would force you to become involved in other things outside your self? Night classes? Joining something that requires your physical exertion? Volunteering at a local hospital with youth programs??? Remember, the best wa out of a dull lifestyle is to stop focusing on self and focusing on something OTHER than yourself. I realize I'm throwing out ideas - but when you're in a rut and the cycle continues the only person who can change that is YOU!!!! I agree with someone else here - it does sound like you may be having a bout of depression, but I'm in agreement with you that pills aren't the solution - seeing a physican to see if there's a chemical inbalance, or a health-related issue may be better!!!! Remember, you make the choices that put paths before you - YOU make your life. You wake up each day with a multitude of choices before you. Routine is safe, it's easy - but it can be a trap and the end of life for some. You may crave a totally different life than the one others around you expect - take a chance, jump into river with those swimming UP stream, not down stream where there is little resistence.