normal dating experience??

[tipsy88]

with all this talk about not much dating experience or whatever, it got me thinking well what exactly is "normal" when it comes to dating? And why does it make a difference? Do you think there is a "healthy" amount people should have before they start to settle down? Or is it more just a personal decision. I mean i dunno i think the media always seems to focus or talk about the people with a large amount of "experience" as if that's like the norm of society. Especially magazines aimed at women and men (i.e. cosmo, maxim).

[apollo1129]

All I can say is that if you read beauty and fashion magazines, they'd have you believing the 'normal' or average person dates a lot, has lots of fabulous sex, and spends about three-fourths of their waking life thinking about ways to improve romance and/or sex and finding the perfect outfit to go along with all the romance and sex we "should" be having. Is that reflective of real people? I don't think so. A lot of people I know are too busy struggling with real-life issues to worry much about how satisfied they are in bed or how many partners they've had or whether it's 'normal' or 'healthy' to be that way.

[tipsy88]

Weirdblake i actually think you summed up a good distinction, although i guess now my question is hwo does someone determine their own value of "healthy"?

In some respects i cannot see anyone ever really choosing a "healthy" level, mainly in part because it seems rather callous to set an explict minimum. And yet at the same time it feels like some people just feel like they haven't experienced enough.

I guess i'm looking at it the wrong way, that dating shouldn't be expressed in quantity, but in levels of quality. Still if you you had only 1 or 2 intense/good relationships would you feel any more experienced than the the person with 25 bad ones?

[LittleLady23]

I think it's a personal decision. I for one just want to find "the one" and settle down. I don't want to date a lot just to get experience. That's ridiculous.

My friends on the other hand, well, they feel since they are in their 20's they should date until they are 30. They go from one relationship to another. Almost like a new guy every month. They back out before it gets serious and they chalk it up to "I want to play the field and see whats around".

But honestly, I don't know how anyone could do this. Why? Because one can't find out who a person is in such a short amount of time. I think it takes time to know someone and build a relationship. I don't think it's experience dating that many people like that, I think it's meaningless and a waste of time.

Overall its about QUALITY and not QUANTITY... :D

[pisces2473]

I totally agree with you, LittleLady. I don't see the need to date around just because I'm young and shouldn't be tied down. When you meet someone and it clicks, go with it. If it's meant to be, you'll know and you'll most likely WANT to stay together. If it's not meant to be and you aren't happy, then it is okay to cut ties with that person. The guy I'm dating now is like, How did you do it? (meaning not date around) Part of the reason is that I didn't get many offers (haha) and part of it was that I wasn't willing to settle and/or just date someone that I didn't really feel anything for. Right now, it's a little scary because I really like this guy a lot and it's the first guy I've gotten past date one with, but it's a good scary. Something is clicking and I'm going with it. And hey, if we stay together and things get really serious, I'm not going to dump him because I haven't dated around enough. Why throw something good away?

[coll214]

i have friends similar to you littlelady. They jump from guy to guy and are miserable half the time because it's not working the way the want it to 2 seconds after they've met someone. or they push the guy to hard to be involved in a relationship and they run screaming in the other direction. since they are now in their mid 20's, something must be wrong since they aren't in a relationship.

That's why I refuse to date just for the sake of dating. when i meet a guy that i like and if we click, then great. i would to have had more dating experience, but i'm not going to beat myself up over it, or try not to anyway. :)

Back to the original post, I think that everyone's "normal" dating experience is different, although society has sort of engrained in us that it should be alot.:)

[NoDirection]

Littlelady23, I agree. It's definitely about quality and not quantity. I've never understood how some people can slip in and out of relationships so casually. I've never dated someone with the intention of making it a short term relationship. If I pursue a girl it's because I think she may be the one. Personally, I'm turned off to a girl who's been in lots of relationships. It could be just bad luck, but usually it means they're immature or self centered. Some people just don't understand that it's hard work maintaining a relationship, so they do the easy thing and bail out. The key is to find some one who is worth what you have to give and remember that you'll always have to work at it.