Only 27 - but feeling so run down.

[cobalt420]

Hello all. Who knew there was a name for how I was feeling?

Like so many it seems i'm stuck in a rut. I'm 27, female, and I live in the money pit known as NYC.

I graduated in 2000 with a degree in graphic design and entered with all my new found omph directly into a market brimming with new jobs. Unfortunatly, those jobs were in .coms - which crashed and burned months after I was hired. By 2001 I had had and lost 2 jobs in one year.

In 2001 I tried my hand as a designer at a small interactive design company but found my job elimated shortly after 9/11 when all the ad budgets of the companys who funded us dried up.

I went on unemployment for a while and ended up working freelance doing office work for a friends mom at a fashion company. I moved my way up and soon was doing fashion design for the company on a freelance basis. I wanted to get myself hired but the company was in so much flux. I hung on as long as I could (about a year and half) but the department I was in closed. I used my new found contacts and got another freelance gig in fashion. But the hours were spotty and I still had bills to pay.

At this time my boyfriend of several years moved in with me to my dads apartment (where i'm living) because of a job he got in the city -- but that didn't pan out. He decided to follow his dream and go back to school to become an elementary school teacher. I was very happy about this - but its a stressful situation for us because i'm depending on him to graduate well and get us out of NYC. In the meantime, I work and struggle and help us financially...and my dad complains about us being here. But where can I go. My story continues..

... I learned the downside of having worked freelance by discovering that my tax bills were going to cost thousands of dollars (nobody told me about estimated taxes) and I had gone months without healthcare.

I did what I could and got a job at Kinkos. It was good to feel needed again and the people were nice but the pay sucked and the hours shifted a great deal. I had healthcare again - which was good - but I felt I could do better in pay. I continued to look...

I looked and looked and took the first job offered to me. It paid better but wasn't what I wanted - a small company as an admin assistant (personal assistant). I've been there for 6 months. My boss continually makes me feel stupid, didn't give me health care like she had promised, and I have a disaste for the work and her. I've been trying for 3 months to leave the job - even though I have no where to go. She finds ways to manipulate me and i'm holding on there until SHE can find somebody else so she can throw me out. I gave my 2 weeks a month and a half ago.. and i'm still there!

Even though its probably not the best of choices - i'm looking to return to Kinkos. Financially it sucks - but at least there I had dignity, and friends, and I didn't come home crying. Theres no definate path as of yet and I feel like i'm stuck in a hole. I hate having to choose between dignity & money.

I have no desire to do art like I used to. The last couple of years have just beat that out of me. I want to -- but i just can't. I want to have a passion for a job - but its hard to do when inside you feel like a fraud and unqualified for just about any job out there.

I know its not just me -- all of my friends are struggling. I hate feeling so stuck and having to rely on my dad so much (especially at this age). I hate feeling like I could do so much more if only I had more resources (or money), and so much less fear. In fact it feels like fear is running my life sometimes. Sigh. :(

[J-girl]

That really sucks! Hugs to you. Keep looking for another job in the meantime while you are living with your dad.

Also dont rely so much on the fact that "life will get better once your bf graduates"

Just think of how you can make life better yourself treat the bf's success as a bonus not your own.

[cobalt420]

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah - its not the best of situations. I do realise that its totally the wrong thing to do to cling to my bf as the chance to get out of here. But sometimes it feels like the only thing to cling to.

I have this feeling that the key to starting anything is self esteem. One has to feel like they really CAN in order to start getting out there and getting what they want. I'm hoping the change can start me off on that path because where I am is no good. If only changing wasn't so hard.

Hugs and thanks :)

[J-girl]

One has to feel like they really CAN in order to start getting out there and getting what they want. I'm hoping the change can start me off on that path because where I am is no good. If only changing wasn't so hard.


I agree with that. I am 25 and living at home too and as you know it really sucks. I always knew I had to change my situation but didnt know how. But lately I have been becoming more proactive and driven and trying everything in my power to change my situation. Overall I feel a bit better. But I think I'll feel the best when I see the change happening. As for now I am not feeling hopeless as I was.

I think it was Gandhi who said "You are the change you want to see in the world" or something along those lines. Forgive me if its someone else but it really makes sense.

[XXdemerXX]

dont worry gurl take it day by day, i would rather work at kinkos than a job i didnt like. i though i would never get out of livin in a ditch at the age of 16 but i did. at least you have a place to stay

[Mokey1879]

I have no desire to do art like I used to. The last couple of years have just beat that out of me. I want to -- but i just can't. I want to have a passion for a job - but its hard to do when inside you feel like a fraud and unqualified for just about any job out there.


Cobalt, I so unbelievably know how you feel right now. While I don't rely on my parents I feel stuck as well. I once loved science (that's my field) and then the past two years I'm so up and down with everything and feeling so lousy about myself and my abilities that I don't even want to do that anymore. Keep in mind that you would never have gotten the experiences you had if you were a fraud or unqualified (barring the bad job right now - let's forget that one for a bit).

I think it has to start with you feeling better about yourself. Everyone has hard times no matter what age we are so try not to get bogged down in the "what I'm supposed to be doing". Do what you have to do to get yourself out of NYC if that's what you want. Work on everything a step at a time and it will fall into place. The big picture view is great sometimes, but I think you will feel so much better if you tackle it one step at time. Step one - ditch your bitch of a boss. Step 2 - start saving everything you can. Step 3 - figure out how you can feasibly get out of NYC...etc.

I hope you feel better soon. You certainly aren't alone in how you're feeling! :)

[yankeeyosh]

I graduated in 2000 with a degree in graphic design and entered with all my new found omph directly into a market brimming with new jobs. Unfortunatly, those jobs were in .coms - which crashed and burned months after I was hired. By 2001 I had had and lost 2 jobs in one year.

Ah, yes....just like me. Class of 00. The class where everyone expected to be a millionaire by age 40, and then get crashed and burned in the ensuing years. Sigh.

[winneythepooh7]

Hello all. Who knew there was a name for how I was feeling?

Like so many it seems i'm stuck in a rut. I'm 27, female, and I live in the money pit known as NYC.

I graduated in 2000 with a degree in graphic design and entered with all my new found omph directly into a market brimming with new jobs. Unfortunatly, those jobs were in .coms - which crashed and burned months after I was hired. By 2001 I had had and lost 2 jobs in one year.

In 2001 I tried my hand as a designer at a small interactive design company but found my job elimated shortly after 9/11 when all the ad budgets of the companys who funded us dried up.

I went on unemployment for a while and ended up working freelance doing office work for a friends mom at a fashion company. I moved my way up and soon was doing fashion design for the company on a freelance basis. I wanted to get myself hired but the company was in so much flux. I hung on as long as I could (about a year and half) but the department I was in closed. I used my new found contacts and got another freelance gig in fashion. But the hours were spotty and I still had bills to pay.

At this time my boyfriend of several years moved in with me to my dads apartment (where i'm living) because of a job he got in the city -- but that didn't pan out. He decided to follow his dream and go back to school to become an elementary school teacher. I was very happy about this - but its a stressful situation for us because i'm depending on him to graduate well and get us out of NYC. In the meantime, I work and struggle and help us financially...and my dad complains about us being here. But where can I go. My story continues..

... I learned the downside of having worked freelance by discovering that my tax bills were going to cost thousands of dollars (nobody told me about estimated taxes) and I had gone months without healthcare.

I did what I could and got a job at Kinkos. It was good to feel needed again and the people were nice but the pay sucked and the hours shifted a great deal. I had healthcare again - which was good - but I felt I could do better in pay. I continued to look...

I looked and looked and took the first job offered to me. It paid better but wasn't what I wanted - a small company as an admin assistant (personal assistant). I've been there for 6 months. My boss continually makes me feel stupid, didn't give me health care like she had promised, and I have a disaste for the work and her. I've been trying for 3 months to leave the job - even though I have no where to go. She finds ways to manipulate me and i'm holding on there until SHE can find somebody else so she can throw me out. I gave my 2 weeks a month and a half ago.. and i'm still there!

Even though its probably not the best of choices - i'm looking to return to Kinkos. Financially it sucks - but at least there I had dignity, and friends, and I didn't come home crying. Theres no definate path as of yet and I feel like i'm stuck in a hole. I hate having to choose between dignity & money.

I have no desire to do art like I used to. The last couple of years have just beat that out of me. I want to -- but i just can't. I want to have a passion for a job - but its hard to do when inside you feel like a fraud and unqualified for just about any job out there.

I know its not just me -- all of my friends are struggling. I hate feeling so stuck and having to rely on my dad so much (especially at this age). I hate feeling like I could do so much more if only I had more resources (or money), and so much less fear. In fact it feels like fear is running my life sometimes. Sigh. :(

Hi and welcome to the boards! I also live in NYC so I see your pain financially. What about doing something with art in the non-profit or social service field? I mean, the pay is not great, but the hours are usually flexible and you can often find nice places to work. I am a Social Worker in NYC by the way, so I have a lot of connections for entry-level work in this area ;).

[taylor]

{{{NYC}}}

I have no desire to do art like I used to. The last couple of years have just beat that out of me. I want to -- but i just can't. I want to have a passion for a job - but its hard to do when inside you feel like a fraud and unqualified for just about any job out there.

Cobalt, I so unbelievably know how you feel right now.
Regarding the art so do I. I stopped writing and sharing for about four years. I dabbled (i like that word) but didn't make any effort to really work on that craft. How I got out of that funk was to start going to places where people were currently involved in the art and watched. I found it inspiring to see other inspired people, that may be something that you can do.

I think it has to start with you feeling better about yourself. Everyone has hard times no matter what age we are so try not to get bogged down in the "what I'm supposed to be doing".
Mokey that's great advice.

[wordsmith]

I'm Class of '99. I was able to land my first two jobs without batting an eye. Now, though, I can't PAY anybody to even read my resume, every open position I want is so flooded. Jobs were much easier to come by then. Crash and burn, indeed. I hear you.

[temptation]

I'm Class of '99. I was able to land my first two jobs without batting an eye. Now, though, I can't PAY anybody to even read my resume, every open position I want is so flooded. Jobs were much easier to come by then. Crash and burn, indeed. I hear you.


Class of '01 we were f*cked from the outset.... :frustrate

[taylor]

Class of '01 we were f*cked from the outset.... :frustrate
I think I win this one. Class of '02, graduated only months after 9/11. There were no jobs, just lay-offs.

[lilyflower]

Class of '04 - I never stood a chance.

*chuckles*

Seriously though, I hear ya, the NYC metro is so ridiculously expensive. I live across the river in Jersey and the cost of living here is breaking me never mind what you guys deal with in Manhattan.

[yankeeyosh]

I'm Class of '99. I was able to land my first two jobs without batting an eye. Now, though, I can't PAY anybody to even read my resume, every open position I want is so flooded. Jobs were much easier to come by then. Crash and burn, indeed. I hear you.

Ah, yes, but you '99ers were lucky since you had some seniority. The class of '00 actually graduated AFTER the bubble burst. It was a great year to find a job, but within months, the shit hit the proverbial fan...but in reality it wasn't too bad...the early 90s recession from all intents and purposes was much worse for college grads. At least if you graduated college in 2002 and you found a job, you were paid $40K on average. If you graduated college in 1992 and found a job, it was probably working at the Gap for $8 an hour...not to say recent grads weren't relegated to the Gap, but the salaries really didn't drop from the peaks of the boom.

[wordsmith]

Oh, I know that. And believe me, I was spoiled by a couple of beautiful years where my training, expertise, dedication, skill, work record, and sterling references actually had the power to be considered for positions and even land me a good job of my choosing, believe it or not. :eek:

But, it all comes out the same in the end, because that's certainly not the case in the current environment.

Also, there's nobody in either field I've worked in, regardles of when they graduated, who starts at $40k, sadly, bubble or no bubble.

[yankeeyosh]

Oh, I know that. And believe me, I was spoiled by a couple of beautiful years where my training, expertise, dedication, skill, work record, and sterling references actually had the power to be considered for positions and even land me a good job of my choosing, believe it or not. :eek:

But, it all comes out the same in the end, because that's certainly not the case in the current environment.

Also, there's nobody in either field I've worked in, regardles of when they graduated, who starts at $40k, sadly, bubble or no bubble.

Well, at least you had plenty of stories to write about the bubble bursting...

[wordsmith]

I'd much rather write warm human interest stories about people able to get fabulous jobs they love.

[yankeeyosh]

you've got a point there....