quarterlife crisis men

[Anonymous]

This is in no way a "man bashing" post, rather I'm just curious as to what is going on with men our age? Has anyone else noticed or am I just having a string of bad luck? On numerous occassions recently, I've had the experience of finding someone I am interested in and who seemingly likes me in return (have even been told so through mutual friends). However, what happens? They're cool for a while...and then they just freak and you never hear from them again. For example, about two weeks ago, my friend (who just got married on Saturday) had a party so that the whole wedding party could get to know each other. I took a liking to one of the groomsmen and asked my friend about him the next day. Turns out he had asked her fiance about me as well. Anyway, at the wedding reception this weekend, he barely even spoke to me...was downright rude to me for the majority of the day...would walk away from me mid-conversation and wouldn't even dance with me. However, later in the evening, he saw me dancing with someone else and came over to "intervene." We danced and had a great time for the rest of the evening. At the end of the evening, he kissed me and then gave me his phone number. Being as our work schedules are so crazy, I called him tonight (now, logically I would have rather waited a few more days, but the way our schedules are, the next time I could have called him would have been in about two weeks). He was completely rude to me and we talked for exactly three minutes. ??????? This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. What is going on with these guys? Any insights?

[cavi]

Hello,
I think that I might have some answers to your questions. Some guys are just pigs for the most part. The problem is that these guys, if you want to call them that, ruin it for the nice guys of the world. I myself do not understand it. I think that its just easier to tell the truth about how you feel, or at least be polite. Going the route of making someone hate you, so that its easier to show you are not interested any more, does more harm than good.
So hopefully you will see that there are more nice guys out there, who are not beaten with the "ugly stick." The problem is that they are not as agresseive.

Good Luck!

Johny Nice Guy

[Anonymous]

Since I wasn't there I am only telling you my opinion...Do you think it is possible that you came on to strong???? Just a suggesstion...some guys run if they feel that you have more feelings for them then they have for you. (It's the whole want what you can't have scenero.)

The other answer maybe that for whatever reason you are attracted to "jerks". I have many friends that fall into this category. If a "nice" guy approached them they would totally write him off. But a jerk...oh its love alright (for the time being). The reasons for this are various...but the outcome is the same. Have all the guys you have liked in the past turned out to be jerks in disguise. If yes......then something to think about...

Often times the "nice" guys are the quieter ones, they don't stand out in a crowd, don't try to impress girls, and are often not as cute. BUT in the long run....they are a much better catch. To many girls just don't see it at first.


From,
Someone who has been there done that....
ANd would rather not go back....

[Faze]

Its kind of Funny. I went through a similar thing myself these last 2 weeks. I met a girl and I really liked her. I wanted to maybe pursue something with her, but it turned out she was'nt interested and really made no effort to inform me.

It can be really frustrating and worriesome. I know I think about many things regarding Love, relationships, Money, my future. The way I see it is that some people dont know what they really want, and are to scared to be honest. I know I personally value honesty and openness. Its so important. Do you want to be with somone who doesnt even have the courtesy to call or to be honest. Prolly not. So its not really a huge lose is it then if you look at it from that way. But then you have to ask your self are you going for the person or the comfort of having someone. Its a tough call to make. Food for thought.


QLC is hard.. But I think you have to see it is a learning experience. I know I worry everyday, and it is nerve racking.

Faze

[Anonymous]

I am a guy and I liked one of my female co-workers. Through various friends I found out she liked me too. I wasn't sure if i wanted a relationship or not because of my busy schedule and getting into a serious relationship causes emotional ties and problems. So, i decided against it until I saw her on a date, jealousy quickly followed and the next day I asked her out. During the date I realized that i wasn't ready for a relationship yet, not with school, work, and the usual not wanting to get hurt always in my mind. I think alot of girls are beautiful and i don't want to miss the chance that one might be miss right, but that doesn't mean I am ready.

My point is maybe he was scared and not ready. He just found out you liked him got jealous when he saw you with someone else and didn't want to miss the chance just because he wasn't sure if he was ready or not. Then afterwards he realized he wasn't ready.

[Otrebor]

I think it's more a matureity thing then a guy or girl thing. I recently met, went out with (had a great time kereoking), had great conversations with, hooked up, went out again, hooked up entirely ( a few times), went out with once more. From that point on she started talking less and less. I'm a bartender at a hotel and she was an intern in catering and we would see each other for 5-10 mins before I was swamped w/ customers. Each day she came by less and less, we talked about how we were, fine, how work was, ok, and I would try to make plans for days off, always made and then just not done. I would call her, not stalker like but maybe once a day, and never get a call back. Eventually she went back to school and I was left confused and pissed. I finally wrote her an e-mail telling her how it may be an easy way out for the leaver, but it leaves the leavee (make sense?) hurt and confused, and is basically a rude ass thing to do. She wrote back appologizing and saying it was going too good and it scared her, so she ran. If she had said even one word of that earlier we could have had a last two weeks of slower fun instead of stupidness.

[Xaedalus]

Otrebor
I've been there too. I just don't understand that. Why do women say that? What is so bad about something being good? What frightens them away? I can understand if there was some sort of abuse earlier in her life. But I just wonder how many of those cases is abuse, and how many are some other reason? Are women really that afraid of us?

To answer the original post. What happened there is that most men feel this urge to 'own' a woman just so that they feel needed and wanted. It's an immature desire that men grow out of only by admitting to theirselves that there is a chance that they will never ever find a woman who really loves him. It is one of the most terrifying things that a man can face, the realization that he just may be alone for the rest of his life. But its the only way to really ever get over wanting to 'possess' and own every woman that shows even an ounce of interest.
I had a long dark night of the soul, when I had to face that fact. I've admitted to myself that there's a really good chance I'll never ever find a woman who will love me. It is depressing at times, but then again, it gives me the freedom to be myself without ever worrying about what someone will think or being unhappy trying to be someone else.

[Faze]

Wow,

I have to agree 110% with the last post. It is scary to think that, and I know I have felt it on many occasions. I think maturity does have something to do with it though. As people get older their priorities change, so I hope a girl as she gets older wants a guy who has his life together, and has alot to offer, and wants something serious.

Maybe girls think that if it is to good then there has to be some catch, so maybe they want to stick around to find out the downside even if there isnt going to be one...Kind of a odd way at looking at things.

Faze

[crazywillie]

It is pretty easy...no one bats 1000!! In other words, there will be people you are interested in that for a moment may be interested in you and they may change their minds, just like you might. I take a more laid back approach to meeting people 1 out of every 4 may not call me back ever, another 1 I may never want to call back, another one will be totally incompatible and maybe if I'm lucky, the last one is worth dating for a while.

[Uber]

I think these posts hit a few points. You can't expect ever relationship to work. A lot of guys (and girls) have 'issues' whether being possesive, non-commital, or general character flaws, so don't judge the entire gender no matter how many bad experiences you have or you are only going to ruin any chance of happiness. I gave up on finding a woman that would make me happy, using 'they're all psycho' as my excuse. I now know that isn't true as I have made some good friends that are female. Take each relationship on a case by case basis.

Also, I have given up the idea that I will definitely find someone ... but not really. I know deep down I will find someone but I don't force myself to see it in the near future. I am not pressuring myself to find someone. I'm not trying to conform to any stereotypes just to have a relationship. These are reasons why relationships DON'T work. Instead, I am concentrating on being myself. I'm going to find out exactly who I am and when I do, then I'll be ready to find someone that is right for me. In the mean time, I'm not closing anyone off, just not worrying about it.

Take you time; don't become bitter; always be yourself; take each person you meet as an opportunity, not a 'last chance'