I've had enough!

[VanillaTapes]

Hi guys; I'm new.

I've been in a rut for a long time. I graduated from college in 2004 in poli-sci and I still haven't found a job. I had a job, but I quit it, partially because my SO said it wasn't "prestigious" enough. It made me happy, but also slightly embarrassed to go to because of this. That proved to be a mistake--I haven't found a suitable job since. I did get three offers, took them, and quit each job within two weeks because I had "problems" learning the job skills (basically, I was bored, and kind of depressed, and I also felt like climbing the walls, and I felt like I had boxed myself into a prison, of sorts, and in the case of the final job, the boss wanted to fire me for not keeping my desk "neat" enough).

Now, I am sending out resumes again, but I am so embarassed and discouraged, I honsetly feel like giving up. I don't know what to do, especially with my references--they all think I have a job, and here I will go, pestering them for a reference yet again. I think it looks funny, and it makes me look like a loser, who can't hold down a job--which is true, to a certain extent.

In the meantime, my SO and I are taking some time off, at my request. I'm tired of hearing about how I have to get a job, NOW, that I have to take anything I can get, including McDonald's, and snap out of sadness, and ADHD, because "they are in my mind," and I "can if I really want to." My girl is from a well-connected family. They got her loads of jobs and connections in college, and she was basically set and got a job immediately after graduating (just three months ago). So sometimes it hurts ME a lot when she tells me how much harder I have to try, when, really, I can't, and never will have the connections or insider information that she does.

I also don't want to visit her mum around the holidays--her mother is an overbearing sort, and she's a stay-at-home mom, and she's very devoted to her daughter (Maria is an only child). Maybe I am making this up, but in a lot of ways, I see turbulence for us. I don't want to hurt her, though. She says it is all over if I do not spend all of the holidays with her mother, because her mother is lonely and "needs us."

Sorry for going on and on and driving you all bonkers. Basically, my worries at this time are: not ever getting a job again because my references are going to be pissed, and the fact that I will never get it together, and never be able to repair my current relationship or seek out a new one.

Regards,

Jeff

[wordsmith]

My little brother is in a somewhat similar position, if you substitute English for Poli Sci, down to the ADHD (ADD in his case), girlfriend's assy-acting overbearing parents who are quick w/ the judgment, etc and just think he should take "whatever he can get."

I will say, it doesn't HAVE to spell big problems, if your S.O. is committed to being supportive of you, even in the face of her family. In my bro's case, his GF IS on his side, which matters a lot. But your girlfriend not feeling like the job you liked was prestigious enough is something that gives me pause.

I'm sure you will get it together. The question is if you want to do so with people who aren't supportive of you while that's in the process.

[temptation]

I will say, it doesn't HAVE to spell big problems, if your S.O. is committed to being supportive of you, even in the face of her family. In my bro's case, his GF IS on his side, which matters a lot. But your girlfriend not feeling like the job you liked was prestigious enough is something that gives me pause.

I'm sure you will get it together. The question is if you want to do so with people who aren't supportive of you while that's in the process.


Yeah. That set of alarm bells for me aswell.

[rightstar76]

Sorry to hear all the lousy things happening. Sounds like you need clarity. First of all, you seemed to be on track when you had the job you were happy with. The problem is that your SO didn't like it and SO convinced you to leave it. Not that the job was the end all of your career. It might have been a stepping stone or a transition job. But all the jobs you have had since are clearly not the right jobs for you.

Also, ADHD adds another dimension to your career that must be addressed. Obviously a desk job where you have to sit still all day, be very organized and listen to lots of stimuli isn't going to work for you. You need a different type of job. One where you get to use your ADHD talents.

Suggestion: go see a real career counselor. I'm not talking about career coaches. I'm not talking about therapists. I'm not talking about those incompetent men and women at the college career center. I'm not talking about those new age motivational speakers. I'm talking about a real career counselor. The type that gives you a MBTI and Stong Interest Inventory. The type that also gives you activities like you would find in the What Color Is Your Parachute Book and interprets them for you. I'm talking about the type that will listen to you and analyze your work history. If the career counselor has experience working with clients who have ADHD so much the better. Look carefully at the counselor's background. There are a lot of self-proclaimed career counselors out there. You want one who has background and experience helping people get employed in the real world of work. You don't want someone who claims to have a "natural gift" and who works with you "to find your inner strength" by chanting and meditating. You want a real career counselor who knows the job market and knows how to help you find your way to a meaningful career. Expensive? Maybe. You might have to pay 80 or so dollars a session to make it work. However, you can pretty much nip it in the bud with five or six sessions so it's actually a pretty cheap investment. And you can always finance it with a retail job if you need to. Then you'll chuck that one when you find your real work and start doing the work you want to do, not what your SO wants you to do.

By the way, listen to what other posters are saying about that. When SO starts pushing you in the direction of jobs that don't work and away from ones that you like, red flags are clearly waving.

rightstar

[VanillaTapes]

You guys are awesome. Thank you for the advice.

I have seen psychologists before when I was at school. They did nothing for me, and in a lot of ways, the experience sort of made me remain stuck. I also talked to the career center at my school, and it was more of the same thing. The people there said that political science was a good springboard for running for office or for police work. That doesn't appeal to me. I respect the cops, and they do a good thing for the community, but that kind of lifestyle is too high pressure for me.

I guess I am afraid to take risks, more than anything. I need to tell Maria that her pressure all of the time makes me feel silly, and more incompetent than is necessary. Part of it is probably my own low feelings of worth, too.

The wierd thing about the stimuli factor is that I am sometimes very good at hearing many messages at once. The problem is more so that I can't "get it" when I'm supposed to pay attention to one single thing.

Anyway, thanks again. I'll keep posting!

[XJMP]

I definetely have ADHD tendencies. I wish to say that I agree with Rightstar76 that you should see a competent career counselor. That is good advice.

Good luck.

XJMP

[Cole]

Vanilla: If you feel it would be helpful, go the career coach route. What it's really all about is helping you figure out whaich direction you want to head in. They won't give you answers, but they'll help you to find them on your own. Look for someone that grooves with your persionality. Some people need the Serious Counselors that Right described. Some people get a lot more from the meditating, find-your-inner-purpose type.

As for the GF: I was devastated when my last relationship ended. However, it's been MUCH better for my work life. I always felt I had to get a professional job because it's what he expected of me, and because I felt he wouldn't respect me until I got a job that was up to his standards. YOu have to realize that it's your life, not hers. You have to do what makes you happy. And she should be totally supportive of your happiness, regardless of what it is that gives you that satisfaction. If she's putting pressure on you to work the kinds of jobs you don't want, I'd seriously evaluate keeping her around. BUt it sounds like you're already doing that with your "break"

Right: my mom is a "self-proclaimed career coach" and she uses the MBTI and the Strong. She also has a master's in counseling psych and years of experience in small business development and market research. SO just FYI not all career coaches are lacking in the qualifications you identified with a "real career counselor"

[winneythepooh7]

I echo what the others are saying. I don't know about where you are from, but here in NY State, they have what is called "Supported Employment" for people who have various disabilities. You are basically followed by a vocational counselor who helps you with the whole job thing, from start to finish. You have the opportunity to disclose to your employer if you so choose, as well. As for your girlfriend, she sounds very overbearing. Perhaps it is good for the seperation. My ex was always telling me how awful my career choice was and blah blah blah blah blah. Long story short, we broke up, and it was the best decision ever. Good luck with whatever you decide!!!