Should I go back and talk to her?

[MasAndrew]

I've been meaning to ask you people on this issue for a long, long time but I just haven't had the right words to put down. Let me explain a bit. And bare with me, this is kind of a long one.

Back at Umass, Amherst I met this girl and we were kind of friends. We shared the same interests in music and movies. I really, really liked her. We weren't really in a relationship but we were kind of close. Then she started distancing herself from me starting Sophmore year. I heard she was having problems with drugs and whatever. And she moved like halfway across campus from me. So we basically we stopped hanging out and doing stuff we used to do. We occasionally hung out but it wasn't the same.

Towards the end of the Sophmore year she dropped out without telling me and that kind of really hurt me still to this day. Because I was going to tell her how I really felt about her the day that I found out she left. Surprised and shocked, I resolved to writing her one "last" letter to her home address in Attleboro. I don't think it was a nice letter. I just wanted to get some feelings out.

Fast forward to the present. I have been through a lot since that time. And sometimes I get to thinking back to her. I really want an honest opinion, if she is still living at that same address, should I go talk to her again? Like call her up first? Do you think she'd welcome me back into her life or would she hate me? I want to know because I really miss those days and I miss her.

I'd also would like to hear from anyone who has, after so many years, decided to call an ex out of the blue. What was that like? Would should I expect if I go through with this? Should I go through with this or not?

There's the question of the day. Fire away with your comments.

[Winter Storm]

After re-reading your post, I would try it jus tto give you some peace of mind, but I'm not sure if she will be receptive. She sounds like she is haveing some major problems in her life and may not be willing to embrace this.

I'd offer your friendship, but not have high hopes.

[spokes]

my initial reaction was that since you hd written her once, let it go, however I suppose it is possible that she did not get the letter. Perhaps try calling her once and see what happens.

unfortunately for you i a,m guessing that she does not much in the way of feelings for you as she seemingly dropped out of school without telling you.

[Tiean]

It doesn't sound like she was giving much thought to your friendship/special relationship when she decided to do the things she did, so I wouldn't get my hopes up to high either. You could contact her and say you just missed having her as a friend (perhaps not in those words since they would perhaps put you in the grueling 'friends box' with no prospects of anything ever happening ;)

[dengeist]

I don't know how long it's been since your sophomore year, but I'm guessing with the road she was going down, she's not even the same person she was back then.

With that said, maybe calling her would give you peace of mind, but the outlook seems bleak. Try writing her, get your feelings out, but don't expect much.

[seachange]

It's possible that she was embarassed that she had to leave school and was afraid that she would disapoint you and others by leaving. That could be the reason she didn't tell you and possibly why you haven't heard a response.

It would not hurt to try to contact her just to say "I wondered how you were doing." But to expect anything more than that would be jumping the gun.

Dealing with ex's is strange because so much changes....it can be awkward, but it can also be surprising. Just realize this: you have nothing to lose by contacting her. If you or her decide there isn't really a friendship there anymore, well...you have went years without talking to her. No harm, no foul.

best.....

[mijois]

I think you should contact her... but don't expect anything... just contact her and see how she's doing... and see how she responds... things are not always what they appear to be... and since she has been on your mind... it will give you peace to talk to her no matter what the outcome is... believe me, it is better to know (even if the outcome is not what you want) than to wonder "what if"...because then you will have closure and you can move on!

[asian_goddess]

If you really want to know what has happened to her, go ahead and give her a call. If you really love her, then go for it

[lostinthoughts]

Well, did she reply to your "last" letter?? If she didn't then I dont think her response will be that good when you call her up.. but you could still be optimistic and hope that your letter never reached her and that is why she hadn't replied. She won't be mad at you..there is no reason to be. Just give it a try and call her up, but be prepared to be shocked and surprised once again!

[Cole]

I had a guy with whom I was good friends and we kinda hedged on dating but never did. We lost track for a few years and became good friends again recently. He's still really interested in me, but I've grown up a lot since back when I was interested in him. And I'm no longer attracted to him - the things that were attractive to me about him back then just aren't what I'm looking for anymore.

So go ahead and reach out - I've often tracked down people from years past and developed friendships. But also realize that you're both very different people from who you were before, and don't have any expectations about who she is now or how this will turn out.

Also consider whether or not you're romanticizing her - I've often found reuniting with exes I realized they weren't who I had perceived them to be. But when we were involved I had put them on this pedestal that wasn't a very good reflection of who they really were.