too harsh??

[jen428]

so this past wednesday me, 2 of my girlfriends, and 1 of there brothers went to a local bar... you know the whole night before thankgiving thing. well my friend said she didnt mind driving because she wasnt going to drink that much... excellent. well around 12:30 she came up to me and said that she needed to go make a phone call and the bar closed at 1 so she just said that she would meet us out at the car. we went outside at 105 and she had left us there... she was gone. would not answer her phone... nothing. so my other friend and her brother had to walk a mile and a half down route 1 at 1:30am to there house. not to mention we had a little run-in with the police on our way back. now originally i was pissed about this incident... but then my friend talked to our other friend- the driver who said that she threw up outside and was embarrassed so she left. now i am ever more pissed that my DRIVER the one who has my life in her hands got so drunk that she threw up and then drove home. i am thankful that i didnt get in the car... sure we have have driven drunk had 1 too many and driven home... but to get to that point when you know you are driving other people makes me so angry!!!! my other friend has already forgiven her and i just cant. she wrote me an email apologizing and i had to write her back and tell her that i cant forgive her for this one at least not for a long time.... so am i being to harsh? is this an everyone makes mistakes thing and should i just pretend like nothings wrong? just thinking about what she did makes my blood boil. my friend that forgave her said to me we have all done that... but we havent, we have never been that bad. and i dont drive drunk anymore sure when i was 18-21, even 22 maybe i did but i grew up. thanks for listening to my rant and any help on this one would be greatly appriciated!!!!!!

[MetFanL]

I've had friends do this to me before. Luckily, my parents are understanding and if I couldn't sober up enough to drive, they'd come get us.

Your friend was drunk -- people do stupid sh*t when they drink. Yes, she was horribly irresponsible but, unless this is a pattern with her, it's forgiveable. It was a pattern for a friend of mine, so we just stopped letting her into the carpool. We are not her parents, if she wants to risk getting a DWI or worse, she's on her own. Tell her that it can't happen again and, if it does, she's on her own.

[jen428]

see thats the thing shes left us at bars before just this time she was drunk too

[shimmer728]

I'd be pissed. I wouldn't end the friendship over it, but I'd let my feelings be known loud and clear.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I don't think it was harsh. I do know that one of the reasons why I don't go out and drink much and volunteer to be the driver is because I won't trust anyone else with my life who says they won't drink and they'll be the DD, but end up drinking. I don't trust my life with anyone else when it comes to drinking. I make sure I get myself home (whether I have to take a cab home or drive) and not depend on someone else who says they won't drink. Yeah, I know it's not fun being the DD all the time but to me it's all worth it. There have been too many times when a friend says he/she won't drink and as soon as we walk into the bar/club/party, there's alcohol in their hands and it continues threw the night. So then I decide not to drink and be the DD when we get there, even though I was looking forward to drinking that night. The last time I went out a bar was back home with my roommate. We walked to the local bar because we both wanted to drink and then we took a cab home.

[spokes]

if you are the wheelman, it is your responsibility to:

1. leave no man behind (there is no excuse)
2. stay sober (i.e have drink or two right outta the blocks, but then control yourself)

big deal that she yakked on herself she should have come and got you guys, and based on your comment above, it would seem that she ingnores rule #1.

perosnally i be pretty chapped at your friend for a couple of reasons and i'd be pretty leery about wanting to ride with her again.....

[winneythepooh7]

I'd be pissed too, especially being left like that. I wouldn't count on her for anything again. She doesn't seem like a responsible individual.

[dreams82]

I am the friend that has forgiven too quickly. Me and Jen428 are on opposite ends of the spectrum right now. Yes, the individual in questions has done this to us once before. The other time this happened, it was at the same bar, which is within walking distance from my house. Yes, what she did was wrong. She feels really bad. She really does. Now, I guess I feel like I have to handle this friend with kid gloves. What you do not know is that her ex boyfriend was at this same bar, making out with some chick right out in the open. What she did was not right, but that would make anyone upset. Maybe I am too soft, I am always the peacemaker. So, since I have already forgiven, I can't really take that back. So, am I being too easy? Wouldn't you all be a little upset too if you saw someone you dated for 5 years making out with someone right in front of you.

[kimmer23]

i think its strange that she just left you guys. she could have at least come in the bar and told you and then you all could have gotten a taxi.

now i have a friend that is just the opposite. when its time to go she is normally nowhere to be found. she would be making her last rounds and saying goodbye and we would be at the door waiting and being pissed also! that is why i rarely hang out with her anymore and when i do, i meet her there.

[Ciderhillnh]

Honestly, if I was out with friends, and saw my ex making out with someone, I would tell my friends I wanted to leave and pretty much would hope they would respect that wish and leave with me.
Personally....if I saw an ex making out with some girl, I wouldnt run away though, Id stick it out at the bar just to because I wouldnt let some ex ruin my good time or feel chased out of a place where I was with my friends.

Secondly, it was stated that this girl tossed her cookies.....well again sure that sucks and its embarrassing....but if you are with friends, you should be able to tell them that you puked and you wish someone would drive your car home since you dont feel well.

Again Im usually the DD, so this doesnt happen to me, but I have gotten food poisoning, and asked my friends to leave a bar.

Now as for forgiveness, Id be pissed sure, but Id tell the girl why and just say you know from now on I really dont want you to be the DD because I dont want to be stranded. Girls should band together, and I wouldnt abandon you at a bar. But this just means you arent the DD, and you need to let me know whats going on next time so Im not worried sick over your being alright.

Then Id move on and be done with it.
This comes from my own personal experiences. Told a girl this, and we were fine after. She didnt drive and there were no more issues.

Both of you are in Boston right? Er Massachusetts....I am too....maybe we should all hang out!

[winneythepooh7]

Ok, now with the other details that you added, I can definately see how she would have been pissed and left upset. I would then be more understanding.

[dreams82]

"Both of you are in Boston right? Er Massachusetts....I am too....maybe we should all hang out!"

Ya, we are outside of Boston. We should meet up!

[jen428]

yes her ex was there but the place we were had 4 other rooms open... and if she was that upset that he was there why didnt she just say hey its time to go rather than go get completly hammered. when we saw him i told her that we could go if she wanted and she was like no its okay im fine.

[Cole]

I'd forgive it and next time she offers to be DD just be like "thanks, but I got it."