should the past stay buried?

[seren1411]

I'm supposed to be meeting a (now married) ex for drinks, he's just moved to the city I've been living in for some time. We got on really well before we dated but as a boyfriend he was incredibly controlling and I'm not keen on the idea of having a so-called friend who plays mind games.

On the other hand, everything could be fine.

The few people I've confided in about the meeting have told me I should cancel, after all we weren't good for each other before - so why should we be now?

[slater1018]

"...as a boyfriend he was incredibly controlling and I'm not keen on the idea of having a so-called friend who plays mind games."

I've got some short and simple advice
Re-read the quote I snipped from your post and really think if you need another "friend" that badly. You deserve to be treated well and have friends w/whom you can say whatever you want and not have to think if there's a mind game going on...

I would cancel. On the other hand, I do know how hard it can be to "just say no" to someone you cared about.
As another option, have a friend call you with an "emergency" midway through as an out for you if you need one.

Good luck!!

[peliza89]

Don't do it. The past is best left at that. He's MARRIED!

What can you possibly have to gain from this meeting? Certainly not a friendship, and you have no romantic future with this guy.

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to let go, but it's the right thing.

Eight months ago I married my husband. The idea of meeting with my ex-boyfriend of five years to gently break the news to him was one I certainly struggled with before my wedding. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I should just let it go. I never told him because meeting him again would open a door that had been closed 2 years ago.

I still think about whether he knows that I'm now married. But I know that I made the right decision. You can too! I definitely would leave this boy in the past!
;)

[coll214]

I'd have to agree w/ everyone else....If he played mind games w/ you when you were together, it's a good bet he'd do it again as a friend. You could always call to cancel w/ the old "family emergency".

Then to play devil's advocate, maybe he wants to meet to tell you how he's changed? doubtful, but you never know. Do you know if his wife knows of the get-together? that could also change what the circumstances of the meeting are as well : ) .Good luck!!

[seren1411]

Thank you all for your advice. :lol:

Eventually I did decide to keep the meeting with him, but one of my friends was on standby with her mobile in case I needed an excuse to bail out.

[Yes, Colleen - his wife did know, she called him part-way through the evening ]

He's invited me to visit with them both in their new home.

I won't be going, because I came away from the encounter feeling belittled and as though I had achieved nothing with my life.

The sensation was all too familiar. I really DON'T need a friend who does that to me.:idea:

My verdict - the past should remain buried when it's like that and this time I'm going to be putting mine in a metal casket and welding down the lid.

[wordsmith]

But, hey, good for you for giving the benefit of the doubt, and even better for you for realizing you don't need that crap! At least now you know.

[coll214]

I'm sorry things didn't turn quite like you'd hoped. But like wordsmith says, at least now you know you don't need to deal w/ it.