Hmm interesting

[Deavan]

SO I have this guy that I am friends with whom I met through my recent xbf...I will call him N...he happens to live 2 blocks away from me so we hang out quite a bit, even when my x and i were still toegther I saw more of this friend then my bf. And I will admit that I do find N to be attractive and i do find myself attracted to him-- and its been that way since we met (long before the breakup occured) So this weekend he came over friday at like 10 pm because he didnt have food to make dinner with and the snow was too heinouse to go out in...but he still walked to my place regardless of the snow...so he comes over and I made him pasta and we just watched tv and he went home at Midnight.

Then on Saturday he accompanied me to a party that my friend was throwing and while we were in the subway we ran into someone he recognized and he was like "dammit i hate this city it is too small" this person ended up behind us on the escalator so he did talk to the person for a bit...so after he talked to her I asked him why he thought the city was too small and he said that this girl he is kind of seeing (which I knew about) is friends with that person we just saw and that he sort of blew off the girl he was seeing unintentionally and was out with me and that girl will probably say something to the girl he is seeing...my response to him is ok so why is that a big deal? He didnt elaborate...

Anyway so after the party he and I are walking home and I straight out asked him "Am I in your Friend zone" and he was like what is a friend zone? I said it is a GREAT place to be but if I am stuck in your friend zone you need to introduce some of your guy pals to me...and he was like "none of them are good enough" I was like oh, ok, and he asked me "what do you want from me?" and I said to him "I don't know" granted we were both a little tipsy and we kind of just left it at that with the intention to finish it up at a more sober time...

Soo now I am kind of like curious, should I bring up the escaltor incident and convo we had later or just let it be?

[Deavan]

I know that I am attracted to him and the only thing that is holding me back is the fact that I just got out of a long term relationship 2 weeks ago...

Sure I think I would like to date him and maybe others as opposed to jumping into another LTR...

I also know that I value him as a person and I enjoy the time I am with him, I just need to know what his intentions are, because our whole friendship continued when he started to call and IM me even though I was in a LTR and at first I was like ok...but then I actually agreed to hang out with him etc...

[Deavan]

If you just got out of an LTR, I would recommend that you stay away from jumping into a relationship. WE all want to fall into a comfort zone but I would personally not recommend it.


Oh I agree but I sure wouldnt mind being out there casually dating people

[Deavan]

Yeah that is why I was like "I dont know." because I don't know what I am ready for... he and I have only known each other for about 5 months I would say but he has proven to be a very good friend. Even if he was not interested in me for romantic purposes I would totally be great with that because what we have is a damn good friendship. If He wanted to take a romantic turn with our friendship I could only see that as an added bonus

[Deavan]

Well, if you're not sure what you want, perhaps it might be best to leave it platonic for now. If I were in your situation, I would keep it platonic until I would be ready to try and have a real, perhaps permanent romantic relationship. I couldn't say whether this is "best" or not, but it is what I would do.

If you two are such great friends and he realizes that you just got out of an LTR, he really should be fine with you remaining platonic friends (at least until you have your feelings sorted out, have recovered from your LTR/breakup, etc.). If it turns out that he is not ok with it and pressures you into something you aren't ready for, I can't see how it will work out.

Would you want to lose such a fabulous friendship because you weren't ready to date him and tried to force it? You (might) have the option of dating and/or having an LTR with him later, if you both want it and are available.

Does that make sense?

yes that totally makes sense and you are correct why try and date him only to have it blow up in my face if I am not ready and if the feelings are there then down the road why wouldnt it happen...

I think I am going to let it be. If he chooses to bring it up then I totally will be upfront about how I am attracted to him but I want to make sure I am ready for the dating world again...