Need advice on dating

[Logick]

I feel like I am now ready to date again. but the big question I have, how do I meet girls? I tried the online thing, nothing. I've triedbars, not my type of people. What should I do?

[pisces2473]

As a girl who has trouble meeting guys, I don't know. It's hard, I'll give ya that. All of the "older" people I know (parents, aunts and uncles, friends' parents, etc.) met through other people. All my friends and their SO's met through other people. I think that's a key way to meet someone. Unfortunately, everyone I know doesn't know anyone to set me up with. Very depressing. I go to the gym, commute to work on the train and bus, work at a university, and I can't even find a little "cute boy on the train" crush! It's like there are no 20 something, single men in Southern CT!!!!!! Good luck to you!!! :cool:

[Edibleautopsy]

Online dating only works for men if they put "financially stable/secure" in their bios.

[Logick]

Funny thing is I do, since I get a lot of royalties for the games I programmed. Still nothing.

[Edibleautopsy]

Cool what games?

[pisces2473]

It's okay, I don't get a lot of "hits" from my online personal thing either...and I'm financially/emotionally stable and secure! Whatever....

[TosaGirl]

I am in the same boat...just thinking, does you town have 3-minute dating?? it was recently here and I wanted to try it but didnt want to do it alone. I also agree on meeting people thru friends...thats the way I want to do it, but it seems all of my friends friends are taken or not my type or something is wrong with them....so that does not seem to work. I dont have any pearls of wisdom, all I can say is keep on trying!!

[pisces2473]

I live in the worst area to meet people (southern CT), even though I work at the mecca of young adults (Yale). I haven't heard of the "speed dating" around hre--probably isn't, lol. I hear ya, Tosa--all my friends don't know any one, or there is a reason why these guys are single, lol. I'm starting to really like my independence, but being alone sucks too.

[wordsmith]

Ugh, the universal dilemma. I'm screwed most of the time because I took a job in an area where there aren't many single young adults, nor is there much of a social scene. Kind of small-town, white picket fence-ville. Everyone is married and has kids. Singles are rare oddities. Most of the single guys around here are single for very definite reasons.

But, then, it wasn't really any easier when I lived in a large city, either. Dating is hard because of all the unspoken expectations. That's why the best things are the ones that come at you when you weren't looking. You don't have time to develop expectations.

Online has been decent, at least a diversion, though I've never had anything too serious come of it. No horrible experiences, anyway.

[TosaGirl]

I hear ya wordsmith, but I have to say that statement 'you'll find someone when your not looking' is a crock!! I never really 'look' for someone, yet I never find. I am happy being single, but its getting OLD fast!! I am 28 and ALL of my friends are in some sort of relationship.....actually all but one are married...and she is engaged!! It kinda sucks. I am feeling like I am finally ready for a relationship, but where does one find the relationship?? I live in a big city, but still dont know where to find 'the one'. Its so very frustrating!!! I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me, but then again I realize its not me, I just havent met the people I am suppose to date!!

And pisces -- I hear ya about the "reasons" those who are single are still single. I have met too many of those recently!!

[pisces2473]

Tosa--I hear YOU about the friends...out of all my friends:

One has been married almost a year
One recently moved in with her boyfriend of 3 years
One recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years
One just got out of a relationship but lives in Boston so it's not like we can hang out.
One is "talking" with her ex

Yeah, isn't it great not to worry or look, because we all know it will come when we least expect it. NOT!!!!!

[wordsmith]

Dude, I'm not saying it's a universal AT ALL, but the fact remains that for me, the past three guys I've dated, I've met when I was randomly out and about in sweats, my glasses, and dirty hair, rather than glammed up and on the prowl. At times when I couldn't have been less interested in finding someone to date. Maybe because I'm more relaxed, more myself, more whatever it is that makes me seem more approachable.

And all my friends are married/seriously seeing someone, too, some blissfully, some not so much.

Didn't mean to piss anyone off by spouting a cliche...it just happens to be true for me...

Although, technically, I DIDN'T say that "you'll find someone when your not looking," Tosa Girl, what I said was that the best things are the ones that come when you're not looking. And obviously, that's nothing more than a matter of opinion.

One thing I've found, though, is that I'd much rather date nobody than date the wrong person.

[NoDirection]

We've all heard that cliche about meeting someone when you least expect it. Personally, I've not found it to be true. Waiting around gets you nothing, unless you're a beautiful woman. For us guys, as uncomfortable as it may be, you've got to make an effort to meet women. It sucks, but that's how it is. I know this, yet I can't seem to change my ways. I'm just not one of those outgoing people always meeting new people and getting dates. (refer to the loner's thread for more on that) It also doesn't help that I live in suburbia where everyone is married with kids. Lately, I've been getting down on myself because I feel like it's all my fault that I haven't met anyone. Like I'm not trying hard enough or I've missed opportunities. I don't want to think about it anymore.

[Edibleautopsy]

For us guys, as uncomfortable as it may be, you've got to make an effort to meet women

Yup that's the simple truth and there's no hope for shy introverted males. The "nice guy" always gets the shitty end of the deals:

"Oh, you're such a nice guy who understands and who really listens to me, BUT let's just be friends."

Gee thanks.

As long as a woman keeps up her appearance and stays in reasonable shape she will be approached by men. On the other hand, a guy can have movie star looks with an incredible body, but if he's shy or introverted the only dates he'll get are with his right hand. Forget about it being 2003 A.D., the man is still required to do all of the dirty work when it comes to dating.

[NoDirection]

Amen to that! It's the truth. I know girls who aren't very attractive at all and get plenty of attention. I think men are attracted to women for simple things. But for women it's different. They're attracted to confidence and money and even power. They won't admit it, but it's true.

[wordsmith]

Yup that's the simple truth and there's no hope for shy introverted males. The "nice guy" always gets the shitty end of the deals:

"Oh, you're such a nice guy who understands and who really listens to me, BUT let's just be friends."

Gee thanks.

I nearly exclusively date shy, introverted males.

And believe it or not, guys don't have the corner market on receiving the whole "You're an awesome person, so let's just be FRIENDS" speech. Plenty of guys give it to plenty of women. People across the board tend to compartmentalize their relationships, rather than really examine how they connect with people.

[wordsmith]

Originally posted by NoDirection
Waiting around gets you nothing, unless you're a beautiful woman.

Actually, I've found that waiting around does get me something. It prevents me from settling for relationships that are less than what I'm looking for.

[pisces2473]

Yeah...it gives me less stress...unless you consider the stresses of not having someone to share your life with...

There's no chance of a happy medium, is there? :p

[coll214]

Personally, I prefer the shy, introverted guys because they don't puff themselves up to be hot sh*t and are MUCH easier to talk to. They also seem much more willing to take things slower; such as be friends first than mr. one night stand. Nothing's a bigger turnoff then a guy who thinks he's god's gift to women....and they really hate being turned down. I actually know a guy who can walk into a bar on a given night and see quite a few of his "conquests" in the same room. talk about disgusting.

[Pinkerton]

You're right financially stable doesn't help, but I don't know what does with the online dating--in my experience it doesn't work at all. As for meeting women, I think the only thing you can do is be about half-crazy and talk to women wherever you meet them, even if it's just walking down, expect a ton of rejections, but sooner or later a spark will occur. But what the hell do I know I don't have a girlfriend.:redface:

[BecJo13]

I'm just not one of those outgoing people always meeting new people and getting dates. (refer to the loner's thread for more on that) It also doesn't help that I live in suburbia where everyone is married with kids. Lately, I've been getting down on myself because I feel like it's all my fault that I haven't met anyone. Like I'm not trying hard enough or I've missed opportunities.

I just had to add that I feel EXACTLY the same way...I often look down on myself because, with not a single single friend, ha ha, I think, what am I doing wrong? Other people will sometimes comment on my good qualities, and I'm like, yeah, hey, why am I not drawing more attention from quality men?! But again...maybe I'm not putting myself in the situations and circumstances necessary TO meet anyone...