Sick of being single!

[klo1335]

I go through these moods every once in a while where I just get so sick and tired of being single. And I don't mean that I want a big committed relationship, just casual dating. I don't always feel this way...it just hits me once in a while. Even though I am a big fan of Sex and the City, I can say that I don't know of any women who have lives like the characters do (i.e. dating and meeting new people all of the time). I wish I was having as much sex as they are having or even just male companionship would be good. I guess that this kinda links to the thread "Where to go and meet people." But its not even that. I go out and meet people but...the people I meet are guys my age who only want to have sex (and that was fine when we were all in college and doing the random hook-up thing) or guys who are older and just seem ancient. Is my rambling making any sense? Cause I am not making much sense to myself ;) Ok, I better get back to work.

Ciao, Katie

[ValentineGirl]

I'm a huge Sex and the City fan too. But nobody dates that much and meets that many dateable guys in real life. But, it would be nice wouldn't it? :)
I'd like to date casually too, but I find it hard to meet guys I like and when I do, I turn into a complete spazz! I'm probably not helping, but I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I'm in the same situation. I don't date. I work full time and I really don't have much of a social life. I don't know where to meet guys. I do go to the gym a few times a week, but it's not like I'm going there just to meet people. In college, I met a lot of people to hang out with, but never dated guys then either. Even if a guy liked me I wouldn't even know he did because I don't read signals correctly. So now, I'm 24 and still single. A long term-relationship would be nice, but right now I'm just looking to date. Most of my friends are in relationships and the ones that are single don't live near me. I just want to go out and have fun. It's cool to go and do things on your own, but not every single time!!! :neutral:

[gracieTx]

I'm relieved to read I'm not alone on this! Dates have been hit and miss for awhile. Even when I finally meet some one worth the time, it often fizzles before ever getting started (i.e. just coordinating schedules can be exhausting). I don't need a serious relationship...it would just be nice to have plans on an occasional Saturday evening that involved more than a group movie or game-night with my pals! My friends are no help...they all seem to date within our little circle--much too hairy for me ;)

[monika]

hi there!

It's the same in my dating life - sometimes it fizzles before it 's started - and sometimes I don't understand that ! Everything ist ok and both are interessted - but ... something happend what I don't know! Maybe it is often in the first line a problem of time - but why is it easier to 'finish' it then to do more for a possible relationship ?!? Are we all no more interessted and it is to complicated in the normal life ?!?

Actual I've this problem and all these questions ! We've met each other 4 weeks ago - ok we had contact by mobile but it is not the same and we have always a problem to find a place in our time table ! ;-( and now he has 2 weeks examinations and before I was in holidays - so it is a really long time !

Should I wait till he contacts me after the examinations and not to give up ?!?

How do you handle that kind of situations ?!?

thanks and enjoy your day!
razz:

[Tearbear]

I know the feeling. I have been single for 3 years and had virtually no dates in that time either. partially my own doing,and also because I work with mostly women. recently i've been meeting soem new people. mostly guys too. But no connection yet. I guess it's better than nothing tho. But sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way.
and i agree about sex andd hooking up. that just gets old. spending time with someone on a semiregualr basis would be nice though. keep your chins up girls..........its gotta get better. :)

do any of you listen to country music? you should listen to "this ones for the girls" by martina mcbride its a good tune. :razz:

[monika]

keep your chins up ... sounds great ;-) ...
but sometimes it is easy to say but not so easy do live in
that way !

how are your thoughts about your future and your datinglife ?!?

you work in a place with women ... so why do you not date them or is there no one interessting ?!? how do you handle it ?!?

because fo me it is sometimes a problem to handle the playlife in situations at work - to say some man that it is impossible to go out in a nice way - nice because it's my client ! always a bit strange but sometimes also funny :p

[Qismet]

Well, this is the # 1 problem. I definately identify with this thread. Where are all the single guys? I work with mostly men, but they are all married or seriously dating. It seems like nothing works. None of my friends know anyone single they would inflict on me. Guys don't come up and talk to me, whether it's at a bar or the grocery store (even though I've been assured that I am attractive, long red hair, well endowed). It seems like every time I start talking to someone, there is that ubiquitous gold band. I've tried match.com. I volunteer. I go out and do things, alone and with friends. I'm about ready to try hanging out at Circuit City acting like I'm going to spend a few thousand dollars on a car stereo! What else can I do?!

[klo1335]

Qismet,

When you find out what to do PLEASE let me know because I have the same problem as you do. And I am so tired of people telling me "join a group, take a class, volunteer." Because I do all that already and I am still single! I just don't get it. And if one more person tells me "it will happen when you least expect it" and "don't worry it will happen to you when the time is right" I think I am going to scream and hurt that person :)

[monika]

yes your're right - their is no great solution ... but ... why doesn't it work in real ?!? sometimes it is so hard to understand why somethings going wrong!

why is there something between two people but it doesn't work ?!? is it always a problem that each of both don't say anything or don't do anything ?!? but what is the right in any situation ?!?

:confused:

[sunny0811]

I understand- I have been out on a dating spree for the last year, and not one has panned out. I don't know what I'm doing wrong- sometimes I think I"m too picky. But I don't want to settle. I've been out on a lot of first dates, but nothing more. Am I crazy?

[monika]

no - your not crazy !!!

I think it is normal to have some first dates and sometimes it becomes more aand sometimes not !

I have had a first date with a guy - whom I want give a change although I had known by myself that it don't work! And during this date I thought it was a big mistake to date that guy because he was absolutly not my choice ... and in this case I will follow more and more my internal voice in the future and so do you too I think !

If it is not the right one - take care and 'try' an other one ;-)

have fun and enjoy your time!;)

[klo1335]

Sunny...be thankful that you are going out on dates. The majority of us have the most difficult finding people to go out with. Which makes being single even worse! At least you can say that you are "dating."

[pisces2473]

Sunny, how are you meeting these guys? In the past 6 months, I've gone out on 3 dates (more than I had gone on in the past 2 years), but nothing panned out. I belong to Match.com (that's where I met them) and everyone tells me I'm pretty, smart, nice, that I have a great personality, etc, but why don't I meet more men?

[monika]

hello again,

you asked where you can find guys to meet and date ... I'm in the 'good situation' ( but thats not always good !!! ) that I have lots of guys and mens arround me in my job - but the most of them are clients - and that is sometimes not as easy and funny as you can think ! But I must say ;-) sometimes it is really funny and sometimes I find it helpful ! But ... there are also some strange situations if I find one of them more interessting then the others and then I have the 'problem' to find out what to do !

So these days - I was out with a very interessting guy but he is always busy ... and I don't know how his thoughts about 'us' or if there is a 'us' or not ... and thats quiet difficulte to handle in case of the business relationship ! any ideas to handle it in a good way or any experience ??? :confused:

take care and enjoy all your dates ;-)
:cool:

[coll214]

I know i'll get backlash for even saying this and I apologize in advance for anyone i offend!!; but sometimes I think guys are put off by women with money... Like if they can't afford to pay for both of you, they shouldn't be there in the first place! That whole very archaic bring home the bacon thing... The guy i'm seeing isn't exactly rolling in money (neither am I by a LONG shot) and sometimes I think he feels funny when I pay for things; he insists he doesn't but... I just happen to have more discretionary income than him so I don't mind paying for stuff too...

[Rainster]

aarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! It's just that when I don't know someone really well I feel awkward letting them to pay for anything... the same goes for friends/acquaintances. Why should the money thing/who's-paying-for-the-meal-or-coffee be a power trip????

[pisces2473]

I agree with Rainster. For first dates, one party should not be expected to pay. If one insists, then let them do it. At the same time, never go out with someone expecting them to pay.

[coll214]

I agree w/ both of you; a first date it should be assumed that you're going half unless one person absolutely INSISTS on paying. Or if you're doing more than one thing; one of you pay for the movie and the other dinner.

[coll214]

At least I know i'm not the only one!! I've had friends be aghast that I want to pay half...oh well. Some of us are just more fiercely independent than others...

[seren1411]

So glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about other people paying! I'm uncomfortable with the idea of JUST taking, especially from someone I don't really know.

I hold the honour of being the first woman who'd ever bought a drink for the guy I'm seeing. He was a bit taken aback, but then decided it was really 'nice'. And this was after he'd paid for the first 2 rounds. :confused:

[sunny0811]

Pisces,

To answer your question, I met these guys thru match.com. Most of them were nice, but there was no spark there! My mom tells me that I am too picky, maybe I am! But I refuse to go out with guys I don't have chemistry with, and I refuse to call guys after the date and ask if they want to go out again and look desparate.

I am all about keeping your dignity. If there was no spark and you feel in your gut that you don't like the guy, I don't think there is a reason to keep going out with him. You could spend your time looking for the right one.

Am I right, or just crazy?

[sunny0811]

klo,

I am grateful for the dates...........but I am just wondering when I will meet someone I like and who likes me back, and who doesn't want to date others at the same time to 'see what else is out there.'

Believe me, before this I had a dating dry spell of 2 years.

P.S. Don't move to Washington DC. The dating scene there is hell!

[sunny0811]

To answer your question,

I think you should go on with your life and work, and not worry about what will happen with the guy. I got involved with a co-worker, and it ended very disastrously. Of course, he ended up getting laid off, so I didn't have to see him!

Seriously, if it's meant to be, I think he will say something. If you bring it up, there is the possibility that he might tell you something you don't want to hear, like "I like you, but I have a girlfriend, I just want to be friends", etc. If this happens, your working relationship will become akward, and you don't want that.

Just my thoughts.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by sunny0811
Pisces,

To answer your question, I met these guys thru match.com. Most of them were nice, but there was no spark there! My mom tells me that I am too picky, maybe I am! But I refuse to go out with guys I don't have chemistry with, and I refuse to call guys after the date and ask if they want to go out again and look desparate.

I am all about keeping your dignity. If there was no spark and you feel in your gut that you don't like the guy, I don't think there is a reason to keep going out with him. You could spend your time looking for the right one.

Am I right, or just crazy?

Again, the generational gap! As DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince sang, "Parents just don't understand." You aren't crazy--I think you have the right idea about it. NEVER settle!

[sunny0811]

Mom doesn't always know best!

[monika]

hi sunny !

thanks for your words and your advice !

ok - I will see ;-) ! I know sometimes it is better to let it go - but ... I want to clear it for my mind !

I think there is something between us but I cannot say what it is and for this - we will see !

So - maybe next week we will see us during a business meeting and maybe we can talk shortly to each other ....

take care ;)

[klo1335]

Sunny...I totally agree with the chemistry thing. Recently I was talking to this guy and he was really nice but I just didn't feel a spark with him. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but I want chemistry. I was ready a book the other day and came across this quote that sums up how I feel...

"That was why she was depressed; she'd waited years to experience 'the grand passion,' but it never happened. Which was a great pity, for she was certain that being in love was the most wonderful feeling on the face of the earth. She knew just how it would feel --the giddiness, the excitement, the overwhelming emotion. But somehow, though she waited year after year, that most elusive of all sentiments had evaded her....She'd suddenly realized that perhaps she was not meant to fall wildy and completely in love. Ever."

Obviously I want to fall madly in love but it hasn't happened yet :(

[gracieTx]

I've been complaining for about two years that being single sucks. Which, it does. It's alway more exciting to have a date, meet new people, etc. This morning I had to break it off with I guy I had met online. We'd gone out a few times but after the newness wore off, the connection wasn't there. This is probably the first time I've broken off the relationship since i was in high school. I just felt I've been so busy and stressed about work, training, studying, etc, that I didn't want to make time for this guy. Is it because we just never clicked or am I going to be one of those that's better off alone? can anyone relate?

[klo1335]

I can totally relate and I think alot of people will agree with you. I don't see the point of prolonging something if you don't feel a connection. You tried it for a while and there was nothing there. Why keep at something that isn't satisfying to you.

[pisces2473]

I can relate with you, Klo and Gracie. I'm really busy and while I would love a guy in my life, I don't know where I'd put him. Between working at my real job, getting my work done for my part time job, finishing up one last paper for grad school (damn incompletes that change to F's), getting to the gym 4/5 times a week, cooking somewhat healthy meals for myself, getting my laundry and housework done, PLUS seeing friends and family, oh yeah, sleeping too (on occassion)--WHEN would I have time to meet someone and if it worked out, when would I see him?

I keep telling myself that I'm busy for a reason and I'll meet him when it's time and things will just fall into place. It's hard to keep believing this, but hopefully it will stick in my head.

[Tearbear]

Klo,
I can totally relate to that passage in the book. Being in love is a wonderful feeling and high. At times you feel like nothing else matters because you have this person in your life. Too bad I have not been in this state of euphoria for too damn long.!!!!!:mad:

But dont' despair. I really believe that it will happen when it is meant to happen. It just sucks that it takes so long to happen for some people and comes so easily for other people.

And I agree with the chemistry thing too. I think most people can tell fairly quicly if there is chemistry or not, and if you were dating, there isn't really a point if there is no chem. The past few weeks I have been meeting some different people. I'm not even necessrily looking for someone to date, just to make friends. But there has to be a chemistry with that too. I met this guy a few weeks back and he was nice and good looking, but I was not attracted to him and he was trying too hard. I gave up talking to him because I don't think I should have to put in that much effort to find a reason to be talking to him. Is that a little mean?

[sunny0811]

Tearbear,

I think you did the right thing. If one person is trying too hard, and the other person doesn't feel like it's fun being together, then I don't see any point in spending time with them. Of course, my mom would say, "Give them another chance! Do you really think chemistry happens on the first date?"

[tipsy88]

so i have a question for all of you? does spark have anything to do with physical attraction?

is it that, these guys have the personality of a tree? or is it that they have the faces that even mothers can't love?

tear you said this:

"I'm not even necessrily looking for someone to date, just to make friends. But there has to be a chemistry with that too. I met this guy a few weeks back and he was nice and good looking, but I was not attracted to him and he was trying too hard. "

if you honestly were looking just to make friends, why would your attraction (or lack thereof) honestly make a difference?"

[pisces2473]

I think Tear meant she wasn't attracted to him as a friend, like their personalities were just too different...almost repelling each other. I've had that happen. There's people I've met, guys and girls, and I know I couldn't be friends with them because our personalities didn't attract. I'm using that term like magnets. There has to be something that makes you want to hang around a person, get to know them--even for friends.

The guys I've met recently--the one that was a total asshole was really hot and sweet (at first). The one who looked at his watch all the time (some of you have read about him on another thread) wasn't that good looking and had ZERO personality. If he had a personality, maybe I would have gone out with him again. But he had strikes in both corners, so no. The third guy had average looks, but definitely not ugly and had a really great personality. I was up to seeing him again, but he thought otherwise.

[sunny0811]

Pisces,

You are right- sometimes personalities just don't go together. My friend had a roomate I couldn't stand- she took drugs, slept around with what seemed every guy-without protection, and one time she asked me why I hadn't experiemented with drugs. She made me feel bad. I never wanted to be bothered with her again.

The same goes for guys- if there's no common interests, doing things together would seem like a chore, and that's not something you should say about a friend, let alone a boyfriend!

[pisces2473]

Yes! Some of my friends have friends I really like and wish I knew better. Some of their other friends? Not so much. They just have personalities (or lack thereof) that I don't like. They are my friends' friends (this sounds weird) but they wouldn't be mine!

[mountaindew]

I can relate to what you guys are saying. I think to really fall
in love with someone that you actually fall in love with the core of
who they are. The spirit that I feel from someone is usually what
attracts me. Maybe that is chemistry. I have been dating
someone that I originally thought that i might not have much
in common with, he's real adventurous, into rock climbing. I don't know much about rock climbing, but its who he is that I like.
he has good morals, and is sweet to me. I mean we have only
gone out a couple of times, who knows. But i think you have to
give things a chance before you write people off. but if its totally
not there its not worth pursuing.

[Tearbear]

Tipsy,
I really have no idea what attraction had to do with being friends. I guess i just meant that personality wise we really weren't getting along. It was kind of to the point that he was making me uncomfy because he'd say things that were not really approriate and just made him sound like an ass.........

i guess some people are just easier to get along with than others.. i'm even finding latelly that some of the people i work with who are my age are more difficult to talk to just because our personalities are so different. But such is life I suppose.

:p

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by klo1335
Sunny...I totally agree with the chemistry thing. Recently I was talking to this guy and he was really nice but I just didn't feel a spark with him. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but I want chemistry. I was ready a book the other day and came across this quote that sums up how I feel...

"That was why she was depressed; she'd waited years to experience 'the grand passion,' but it never happened. Which was a great pity, for she was certain that being in love was the most wonderful feeling on the face of the earth. She knew just how it would feel --the giddiness, the excitement, the overwhelming emotion. But somehow, though she waited year after year, that most elusive of all sentiments had evaded her....She'd suddenly realized that perhaps she was not meant to fall wildy and completely in love. Ever."

Obviously I want to fall madly in love but it hasn't happened yet :(


I found a quote that describes my feelings--here it is:
(from Bookends by Jane Green)
"I like being alone. I always have. But it's not the present that worries me. What worries me is that I'll have to spend the next fifty years on my own, and that's something that I really don't want to have to think about. But in the meantime I'm used to my own company, and I haven't had to think about anyone else for months. Years."

[gracieTx]

Pisces,
I love Jane Green's books. I'm currently in the middle of "Staight Talk". Her books as well as those published by the Red Dress publishing house are always a big help when single--at least for the girls. They bring humor and understanding to the trials and tribulations of dating and single life in general.

[pisces2473]

Isn't she great? I loved Jemima J and Mr. Maybe.

[klo1335]

I love Jane Green! Have you ever read "Good in Bed." I don't remember who the other is but she is from the Philly area, which is where the setting for all her books are. I definately recommend it :)

[coll214]

I need to write all these books down!! lol Looks like i have some reading to do :D

[pisces2473]

I <3 Jennifer Weiner. I am Cannie and Rose (the main characters in both books).

[fduran27]

WEll i am new to this site. I saw it today on MSN and i was in aww since my few friends and i have decided to try and do something similar.

I want to let you know how a man feels.
I have been out of school for 3 years now, and when i first graduated i thought i had the girl of my dreams. As soon as that ended (due to long distance reasons) i have not met many single women that have careers and a good head on their shoulder. Like someone in the boards said ealier as they meet men that just want to have sex, well i meet women that just want to play games and not settle down. Are there any single respectable women left? Dont get me wrong i try and go out as often as possible, and i am not some ugly man ( i consider myself cute and keep in shape by working out 5 times a week) but with work and family (mom and brother) there is not much time for a dating life.
Can any of you women tell me where u hang out? Miami just needs a few more great women
sorry if my rant does not make sense

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by fduran27
WEll i am new to this site. I saw it today on MSN and i was in aww since my few friends and i have decided to try and do something similar.

I want to let you know how a man feels.
I have been out of school for 3 years now, and when i first graduated i thought i had the girl of my dreams. As soon as that ended (due to long distance reasons) i have not met many single women that have careers and a good head on their shoulder. Like someone in the boards said ealier as they meet men that just want to have sex, well i meet women that just want to play games and not settle down. Are there any single respectable women left? Dont get me wrong i try and go out as often as possible, and i am not some ugly man ( i consider myself cute and keep in shape by working out 5 times a week) but with work and family (mom and brother) there is not much time for a dating life.
Can any of you women tell me where u hang out? Miami just needs a few more great women
sorry if my rant does not make sense

Well, I'm in CT--but I hang out at my house, the gym, movies, with friends, etc...that's probably why I don't meet anyone. I don't go to bars and clubs.

[klo1335]

Well I do frequent the bars and clubs in Philly and am single. However, I have come to the conclusion that guys approach my ditzy friends more often because I intimidate them. You say you want a woman with a good head on her shoulders yet when there are women with good heads...they scare men away with their strength.

[pisces2473]

Amen to that!

[fduran27]

i disagree.. i rather have a confident women than a ditsy one. Those are the ones that scare me. I want someone who can have a conversation with me other than her nails, shoes or outfits...

Show me a good girl in miami i'll make a move.. until then, i got to keep hope alive that one day she will cross my path again.

[klo1335]

Guys say that all the time thought. "I want a woman I can have a conversation with." Yet put a woman who can hold a conversation next to a playboy bunny and who do you think the guy is going to chose? That makes me sad for the male race.

[coll214]

Don't forget how they seem to go w/ the airheads acting like drunk morons too. Excuse me for being responsible and realizing the i need to be sober to drive home plus be functional to get up for work the next morning!!

[pisces2473]

Nope, that's why we're all here. Welcome to the "club". :neutral:

[fduran27]

wait.. i wrote all that because i want to let u know that when i guy is ready to commit, it is almost impossible to find a good girl. that is why alot of guys are A.holes...

I wish i could have a steady relationship again. its been 2 years and i miss my ex alot...

any comments

[klo1335]

why do you think its impossible to find a good girl? and how would you define a good girl? Because all of my friends who I would consider good girls are single.

[coll214]

W/ the exception of me :p , i'd have to say the same thing; my friends who'd i consider 'good girls' all seem to be single- while the not so good ones are involved...

[fduran27]

Good Girl no particular order.

felipes dictionary -
1-Cute (doesnt have to be a model but attractive, this doesnt mean the 110 lb women only either. As long as she has attractive features and the chemisty is there its ok
2-Smart (must be intellegient _airheads not welcome)
3-Career oriented- Must have or want a career
4-Family oriented - must have great family morals and love family time
5-Active- must have some sort of social life
6- honest-
7- must get along with me and like animals

[dakotajones]

my question is where do you find the good ones? they're not usually hanging out at clubs or bars...the library? church? please help!

[fduran27]

dakota
i am still wondering the same thing. before it was through friends, or at school, but what if u work for a small firm or if u work late what do u do?

[rayj]

Ok, the mojority of us are college educated, well rounded morally and spiritually and wata wata....

So when we go out we have this huge ego on our shoulders, we may not see it, but others do.

that in itself is a turn off.

Second, if you see a good looking girl or guy, do you approach him/her? NOOOO!!!

Third, a guy or girl comes to you, he/she says something and BAM that turned you off. How in the hell did 1 sentence turn you off so quickly. Take the the time to get deeper. the person may be shy or so nervous they are stammering and are not actually being themselves. they are trying to be better than themselves, because they feel you are a prize and deserve the best.
But anyway you shot him down.

Third, get off the wall and do something, mingle, talk, dance, HAVE FUN dont be so uptight. You are educated and beautiful, now take your cookie, eat it and move on.

Women are really to hard on guys!
they make us turn into abrasive and straight forward characters.
You have to realize women turn men down constantly, even before a word is spoken. Some guys get fed up and just go for the staright forward approach. They approach the female with their guard up and if they get rejected then oh, well off to the next girl.

But, hey this abrasive character has more females in his life that the respectful good guy!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by klo1335
why do you think its impossible to find a good girl? and how would you define a good girl? Because all of my friends who I would consider good girls are single.

I cannot agree with you more. Again. LOL

[klo1335]

we are all over the place! On the subway, standing in front of you in Starbucks, walking down the street, at Barnes & Nobles, etc. The thing is...are you willing to approach us? Because for some reason guys just don't like approaching me. I don't think I am ugly, I am smart, have a job, my own apartment and car...yet the guys always go for the ditzy ones. Why is that?

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by fduran27
Good Girl no particular order.

felipes dictionary -
1-Cute (doesnt have to be a model but attractive, this doesnt mean the 110 lb women only either. As long as she has attractive features and the chemisty is there its ok
2-Smart (must be intellegient _airheads not welcome)
3-Career oriented- Must have or want a career
4-Family oriented - must have great family morals and love family time
5-Active- must have some sort of social life
6- honest-
7- must get along with me and like animals

Well, that's me...too bad I don't find anyone who likes this.

[fduran27]

KLO

I think it is said best when my co worker told me that sometimes men are intimidated by her. So i guess sometimes i am intimidated by you women. What am i supposed to do go up and say what? give me a hint and maybe i will attempt it and Barns and Nobles this weekend and let u all know how it goes

[dakotajones]

i have yet to go for the ditzy ones. i want a girl who is intelligent, fairly cute, career-oriented and basically a good head on her shoulders...but thos seem to be the ones that are hard to come by. and honestly...if i were to approach you in front of a starbucks...how likely are you to have a decent enough conversation to see if we might be compatible, as just friends or possibly something more...my opinion it's not very likely...the majority of relationships begin through a circle of friends...but as you get older that circle seems to get smaller, causing you to find other means of meeting new people...am i making sense?

[klo1335]

Barnes and Nobles is the easiest.....

"I read that book, its really good"
"Have you read this book?"

Just start a conversation. Its doesnt have to be a "pick-up" line.


I am the least uptight person in the world! Nor am I hard on guys. Now if you are 45 and try to pick-me up at a nightclub..sure I am going to laugh and think you are crazy. But if you can say hi and just ask my name...how difficult is that?

Now for a woman its not as easy. I will make eye contact with a guy and...well thats it...should I try to approach him....especially when he is with his friends...talk about nerve racking!

[pisces2473]

Totally making sense. My group is now really small. Most of my friends aren't friends with each other (I know them from different places). Makes for awkward socialization. If I was sitting in Starbucks and some attractive, seemingly intelligent guy approached me, I'd be like WHAT??? Why are you talking to me??? I'd be so shocked and surprised (in a good way).

[klo1335]

I am not saying to go up to a complete stranger in Starbucks and start a conversation about your life ;) I am saying if you see a cute girl in front of you...say hello or good morning...becuase you never know what could happen.

[dakotajones]

i see your point with saying hi, but as far as any other conversation...i guess i don't want to bother this person. i mean, they go to the bookstore or starbucks to read, get some coffee...not to be hit on by some guy...i mean i know it's obvious to girls what your objective is for talking to them...so already up front you given your motives away and now you're on the defensive to keep this person's interest. it makes the whole situation more ackward...how do handle that?

[rayj]

This is crazy.
We have all been very confident and fearless as far as our careers go, but when it comes to relationships or meeting people we FOLD.

LOLOLOL!

I can't count how many times I had to make fearless decision and directions in my career. I can't count how many times I had to be extremely confident in my decisions and approach upper-management with my ideas or opinions.

This has awarded me a very comfortable career.

But, when it comes to women, oh give it up, you can call me the cowardly ghost.

(ok, thats alittle exaggerated)

But, if I tried to speak to a woman in line at a store or at starbucks I would probably sound like a babbling FOOL.

First of all I would be to afraid of rejection to be truelly sincere to her. I dont want to put my heart on the table so that she can pour salt on it and swat it off the table.
LOL!

But, many many people tell me I am oblivious to the clues. The girl would basically have to come up to me and kiss me and jump all over me to recognize that she is interested.

my friends are always like " dude, she is really checking you out"
and I usually reply with " NAWWW, she just likes the shirt"
LOL

[fduran27]

RAYJ
I usually say yea its the pants.... so close enough

[dakotajones]

hey rayj! you're in dallas too? maybe we can go to the same starbucks and double-team up on the ladies! ha ha. we might have a better chance if we work as a group...obviously the flying solo thing hasn't been very successful.

[pisces2473]

Rayj--your post cracked me up! I know, we all go gung ho in regards to schooling and careers, but when it comes to dating, we clam up. I would be on the phone w/ professors and potential employers, arguing why I should get an extenstion, better grade, job, interview, etc...but I can't go up to a guy.

Grrr...glad to see guys are in the same situation too...although it doesn't help matters.

Hang in there everyone.

[fduran27]

so lesson learned?

Can some one recap here?

say hi at starbucks or no?

Ladies are your guards always up?

[klo1335]

Nope. I am always willing to say hi to a cute guy. I mean if she gives you a dirty look for saying hi...then she isn't worth the time. Don't group all girls along with the bitches who think their shit doesn't stink.

[monika]

hi fduran,

what do you mean about women want to play games and not to settle down ???

I think most men will do this ...

[pisces2473]

Yeah! I'm shy, but I'll say hi and chat with you!

[fduran27]

monika

Most women play games. why must i explain u are a woman u should know what games i talk about

[dakotajones]

i know that no one likes to discuss this part of the equation, but looks do matter when it comes the type of discussion we are having. there seems to be a correlation between the amount of really pretty girls that would say hi vs. the amount of not so pretty girls...the same applies to guys. an ugly guy is going to get less of a response from a pretty girl...that's just the way the world works, i hate to say. there are exceptions, but for the majority you know what i'm talking about. if you tend to disagree, please feel free to share!

[fduran27]

Dakota

I kind of disagree. I feel i am a very good looking guy, I am in shape, smart, dress trendy and was a HSchool athlete. alot of times i will smile or say Good morning and i wont really get a great response back. I think it depends on the "wall" the girl has. that is what sucks about dating. I dont think any one should be allowed to have a wall... we have all been there (hurt i mean) and know the feeling. I thnk once people let there guard down, is whne i will meet the girl that will make me happy

[rayj]

I dont think im ugly, I get many compliments from girls and hell even guys sometimes(?)

But at the same time some girls look at me as if I was walking around with a bag of Sh!t on my back! LOLOL

I just laugh it off and keep going. YOU CANT PLEASE THEM ALL!

Some girls like preppy guys
Some girls like metrosexuals
Some girls like rugged guys
Some girls like homey guys
Some girls like jerks with no jobs living at home with mom who love to take all their money and cheat on them and treat them like the garbage their mother has been yelling at them to take out all week.
(WHOOOOAAA, got kinda carried away)

Ok Im back.

Bottomline , dude, if the girl is remotely feeling your vibe in a good way , then she will speak , if not then oh,well.

The thing to remember is :
If you approach a girl and she rejects you at a mere glance, then she REALLY DIDNT REJECT YOU!!!

There is no way possible she could have rejected you, because she didnt meet YOU.

She had no clue as to who YOU are.
Plus, she probably would be a high maintenance headache! Too good to speak to someone! oh please!

[dakotajones]

i think i can say the same about myself as far as looks, athletic, etc...and yes alot of girls tend to build these walls, because of course there are a bunch of a. hole guys ruining the chances for us good guys...i just want to through that statement out there that looks are a factor. i hate to say this, but i tend to be more friendly with a girl i'm attracted to...it happens. i do have to say that many of the good girls will be friendly regardless...and you have to admire them for that. i guess you just have to take your chances....i don't know...i'm still a little confused myself about the whole process...i'm just ready to find that special girl i guess.

[fduran27]

I like that...
if she doesnt take the time to speak to me cause of my looks then she really didnt meet me....
I am going to take that as a lesson for today

thanks i appreciate that one

[fduran27]

dakota...
i think we are all ready for that special girl

[mountaindew]

Reading all the replys on this makes me laugh. ... because all
of it is sooo true. its amazing how many people are experiencing the same thing. I go out on dates but there is ALWAYS some problem, issue. just recently i met a guy and found out he lied
to me about his age!? why???? why would anyone do that? he said he was 28 but really 31. i am 26 what's the big deal??
just makes me mad when he probly wanted to impress.

its all just too hard, working with schedules, trying to plan dates, things to do, trying not to offend people, getting offended by things people say. how are you suppose to make it work???

[dakotajones]

so rayj...when are we going to attack the starbucks?

i do like the advice.

askmen.com tends to have pretty good advice as well. i'm sure many of you have checked that out.

[klo1335]

dakotajones....

"alot of girls tend to build these walls, because of course there are a bunch of a. hole guys ruining the chances for us good guys"

This is a GREAT point. I will see a cute guy and for some reason think he is an a**hole because of my past with a**holes. How do I know if a guy is really good or is just going to laugh at me behind my back to his friends?

[dakotajones]

that's a difficult question to answer...sometimes you just don't know...and otehr times you can tell right away...i'm sure you girls have better instincts about that than we do. i think alot of times though it's obvious if the guy is truly being genuine.

meeting the guys friends before making any decisions would help...you can get a better idea of his character and personality by the friends he hangs out with...right? if they seem to be a bunch of jerks then it might seem a little shady...if they seem nice and sincere like him, then you know he's one of us good ones...ya know?

here's a question...

what about the nice guys that get crap for being too nice? i don't consider myself an a. hole by far and most of my friends would agree, but sometimes i feel like i need to be because many girls are attracted to that...

what's your opinion on that?

[fduran27]

I think u need to get to know that guy first and then u can judge him if he is an Ahole or not. The thing with me is i come off cocky but i really am not. and once girls get to know me they usually see that. so cockyness is not = to aHOleness... remember that..

Also look at the way he treats his mom.. that will tell alot about a guy...

[fduran27]

dakota

good point there... i catch myself doing that also....

[dakotajones]

very true fduran...

good advice on the mom thing...

[fduran27]

If we knew how it worked we wouldnt be here asking all these questions

[rayj]

LIARS LIARS LIARS.

I am of the male species and I must say " SOME OF THESE MALES ARE PATHETIC"

Oh my GOD!
I have had associates actually make-up names and lifestyles before they go out. They would use these fake names and lifestyles and tell women all these lies.

And the thing that KILLS ME is, the women fall for it. AND THEN LOOK AT ME LIKE IM THE UNDERACHEIVER!!!!!LOLOLOLOL!

These guys lied about everything from clothes on their back to cars to the homes , you name it and they lied about it,

AND YOU BOUGHT IT!

Then the women ask me, so what do you do?

my response "Oh, i work and own a business"
I just keep it simple.

Man, the stories I could tell you about these fake dudes with all their lies and fronts.

Beware!

I refuse to go that that level to get a date!

[dakotajones]

i'd like to share some advice from askmen.com...it's like my second bible right now. NOTE: not my personal opinion =)

For the guys...

One of the reasons why some men have such a hard time meeting women, is because of the view they have about approaching them. The problem is that men think that they need the perfect sales pitch or pick-up line to either get women into bed, or marry them.

This is a big order to fill, and the odds of accomplishing such a task (for the average man), are virtually impossible. So most men choose to stay silent instead of approaching women, and avoid rejection all together.

When approaching a woman, keep it simple, and keep your expectations low. You're not going through a job interview; you're not meeting her parents; and your definitely not getting married. What you are doing, is making a friend, and nothing more. If you think this way, it'll be a lot easier to approach a woman. Forget about meeting a lover. Concentrate on making a friend first, the lover role will soon follow. But if you think that you need to seduce her from the outset, you'll only make it harder for you to approach her.

If you keep in mind that you're just trying to socialize with a stranger, you'll have the courage. Just tell yourself, I'm going to have a pleasant conversation with the woman standing beside me. I'm looking for nothing but a few minutes of pleasant conversation. I'm not looking for a date, a kiss, a lover, or a wife.

Here are three reasons why you should approach women:

· Practice: Don't only approach the beautiful women. Talk to old women, tall women, and even unattractive women. The important point is to get a lot of practice, and for you to feel comfortable to start a conversation with woman.

· Meet New People: Adding more people to your repertoire of friends won't hurt, and there is nothing more charming than a friendly person who knows everyone in the neighborhood.
· Small World: You would be surprised at how frequently you will run into the same women again. It's a small world, and even in megatropolises like New York and Los Angeles, we run into the same people over, and over again. This time around, the women will be a little friendlier, and what better opportunity to invite them out for a drink?.

[fduran27]

ray J
who are u venting on?

[dakotajones]

And most importantly... BE YOURSELF! during the whole process...like RayJ said.

[rayj]

FDURAN!
It does seem like Im venting on someone!!!lol

But, I just found this site today and was amazed at how similar we are , it seems as if we are on a common level of communication.

I guess, I'm venting because in my short life I have tried really hard to become a well rounded individual with solid substance of being.

I have tried to establish a strong foundation for myself and my future family.

But what kills me is the guys that lie about putting in this type of hardwork and devotion.
These guys are thieves in my eyes.

Yeah, I'm venting, but I dont like thieves or liars.

Be real!

[fduran27]

RayJ
I too found this site today since i log on to msn everyday to check stocks,

I too am sick and tired of these liars, these losers, these posers that take the good girls and turn them bad.

I know how u feel and vent all u want. this is why we are here to let it all out and to make us feel better..

maybe u should go to starbucks and see if the "hi" works... LOL

Vent my friend vent all u want

[klo1335]

Wow. All I can say is that it is good to know that guys don't blame the women for not being able to meet any of us. But I agree that it is best to keep it simple when meeting someone. You can tell right away when a guy is lying to beef up his image. Or at least I think you can tell. As for a guy being "too nice" I guess it all depends on what you mean by too nice. I can't stand a guy who doesn't seem to have an opinion because they are being too nice. Ex: me "so what do you want to do tonight?" guy "whatever you want to do." me "well I decided last time, its your turn." guy "no no, whatever you want." HELLO! I know you have an opinion. Please express it instead of trying to make me happy by letting me decide. That is being too nice. Also, I hate hate when a guy inregards to making a move will say "well how am I supposed to know if you don't tell me?" I was seeing this guy and he wouldn't make a freaking move. I basically had to throw myself at him before he would do something. And his reasoning was "well you never said anything." Well what do you want me to say..."yes, please throw me on the bed and have sex with me now."

After being out of college for 2 years and not having any luck with guys...I have come to the conclusion that everyone just needs to relax and let things take there natural course.

[rayj]

I agree with Klo..

Just go out and have a good time.
Celebrate the fact that you are young heathly and in the prime of your life.

If you go out and let your guards down and have a good time then others will want to join, its natural.

The reason people go to the club should be to have a good time and not worry about what people think of them. dont worry if you cant dance, do it anyway. I have had alot of girls come up to me and say "oh, my , she cant or he cant dance", my response to that is " Hey! he /she is having a good time, thats all we are here for".


And whatever you do dont get caught up in the unhealthy trap of searching for a soulmate. This makes you look desperate and too eager. JUST CHILL!!

Be open, meaning smile and uncross your arms. the girl in the club who sit on the wall with their arms crossed and frowning just crack me up.
Im like, " JUST GO HOME"!
They sit in an angry mob and then get mad when guys dont buy them drinks or ask them to dance or stop and have a conversation. GO HOME!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by rayj
I agree with Klo..

Just go out and have a good time.
Celebrate the fact that you are young heathly and in the prime of your life.

If you go out and let your guards down and have a good time then others will want to join, its natural.

The reason people go to the club should be to have a good time and not worry about what people think of them. dont worry if you cant dance, do it anyway. I have had alot of girls come up to me and say "oh, my , she cant or he cant dance", my response to that is " Hey! he /she is having a good time, thats all we are here for".


And whatever you do dont get caught up in the unhealthy trap of searching for a soulmate. This makes you look desperate and too eager. JUST CHILL!!

Be open, meaning smile and uncross your arms. the girl in the club who sit on the wall with their arms crossed and frowning just crack me up.
Im like, " JUST GO HOME"!
They sit in an angry mob and then get mad when guys dont buy them drinks or ask them to dance or stop and have a conversation. GO HOME!

Well...just going out and having fun with friends is a challenge of its own. I love how everyone's like GO OUT HAVE FUN but what happens when you aren't into the club/bar scene and/or your friends don't do that b/c they aren't into it, they are paired up, etc. YAY, stuck at home again, alone.

[rayj]

Pisces..
I guess you would need to get involved in some type of association or volunteer group or church.

Really, you will probably meet better people than at a club.

Alot of people dont like clubs or bars... so you are not alone.

Get out do something!

I promoise you!!!!

a girl who looks like a 10 and has a ugly attitude is then rated at a 2!

A girl who looks like a 4 and has a great attitude is then rated at a 8.5!

so just be yourself, you seem really sweet.

oh yeah, leave the baggage behind. so many females drag it along with them.

[pisces2473]

RayJ

I know, I know...but it's hard to find something that will have younger people in it. At least in my area...suburbia. I even stopped going to church because it's all families and older people. If church is supposed to be a supportive, welcoming place, it's failed it's goal. I'm involved at work with a huge events planning committee and it's really fun but that's work. In the real world, no one wants a 23 year old to join anything, and besides, do I really want to hang out with housewives?

I am sweet, thank you. I don't have much baggage in terms of past relationships, but I am kinda jaded about everyone else moving on and me being stuck behind.

[rayj]

First off I LIKE MILF's, housewives are great! (JUST JOKING)LOLOL

Second, it may seem like people are moving on , but, it isnt always what it seems.

They may just be running in circles(getting nowhere, just used or experienced)

They are just going for it without much thought and calculation.

It seems as if you are calculating every move and trying to hit the bullseye in one shot. Well, chances are, that wont happen.
Good goal, but not realistic.

Meeting people is something you have to do. Yes, that means you will have to date more than one guy before you find your match.
Thats not such a bad thing, each person in your life will teach you something. Take it as a learning experience.

But, I think your issue is finding friends to go out with or hang with.

I'm not sure how to do that if you are a lone ranger.

Usually you meet new people through existing friends or associates.

Maybe talking to people about events and interest will help you find people who want to go out and do stuff with you.

[pisces2473]

RayJ: LOLOLOL about the MILFs. Oh, the issue IS finding friends to hang out with! I don't mind being single, but I mind being alone. All my friends are attached, they don't have time for me anymore. I hate not being important to anyone. My existing friends either don't have friends nearby, or they aren't people I'd hang out with without that friend being there. And most of them are attached as well. The goal used to be find a boyfriend. Now it is to try and make a life for myself as there will be no boyfriend. But everyone else moves on and is too busy to just hang out. I wish I could get a dog...not allowed.

Dakota: Glad to see YOU don't have this problem. Can you please be a little sympathetic to those who do? Thanks.

[rayj]

You have to find someway for yo to interact with people in CT.

Bottomline.

Its good you are not chasing for a BF.
You just want to get out and enjoy life. I wish I lived near CT, I would take you out and blow your mind. You would be like " get me off this rollercoaster."

Or you would be like " damn, this isnt right, the sun is coming up and we are going to another party!!!!!!!!"

Yep, you would have to party with me!!!
HEHEHE!!!

[pisces2473]

Where's Coll214? She'll back me up that CT is DEAD ASS BORING.

But then again, I'm not a party girl. I don't drink, I don't smoke. I like to dance, but I think clubs are wicked sketchy. You don't meet friends or guys at places like that. I'm an old woman trapped in a young body...oh well.:neutral:

[dakotajones]

i never said i didn't have the same problem. i right there with ya in all this mess. i'm just trying to look at the bright side. my career, my family and my faith are in order...so the only thing wrong is the relationships with girls.... 3 out of 4 ain't bad! When ya look at it that why...you can smile a little bit.

[pisces2473]

Do you have friends? That's crucial too.

My career is slowly getting there. I was chosen to be a research assistant/co-writer on a book a former prof is writing about health policy in America--that's my part time job. Meanwhile, I spend the majority of my time working at a library, watching Ivy League snots damage books, lol. So eventually, I will quit here and use the skills I got from the part time job to land me a kick-ass full time job. But for now, Yale pays VERY well and they give me health care.

I love my family. They are awesome.

Faith--wavering at times.

Friends--most are moving on, as I've said before. I have to carve out a new life for myself, but it's really hard.


At least you can see things on the bright side. I have trouble even hoping there will be a bright side some day.

[coll214]

I'm here i'm here. Yes, CT is dead ass boring... I thought moving closer to a pseudo- city would improve matters, but not so much. Things die down this way pretty freakin' early too. if you're not a huge drinker, sports fan, smoking fiend (which won't be happening in bars here after April!!), then ppl think you must be boring... NOT SO!! And the clubs around here is NOT the place to meet potential friends, guys- CREEEEE PPPY!!!

[dakotajones]

friends are good too...some of them have moved off, but as long as we keep in touch it's cool...i've made new friends in the big city...ya know how it is.

this brings up a question... (for the guys)

is it possible for you to be friends with girls without having "more than friend feelings" or have already been involved with them in that way? girl friends that have boyfriends like your best bud's girl doesn't count.

i don't think i've had a girl friend that i haven't been romantically involved with at one point or another. or have had feelings for. i am friends with my guy friends' wives, but they don't count...because they're married...make sense?

so back to my question ... is it possible?

[rayj]

there are some creepy club people , but, there also some young professionals who work hard and party hard.

Well, if you ladies want to come to Dallas , let me know and we can party!!!

check out my website dallas411 .com and it will give you a glimpse of our life and our clubs and ME LOLOL!


DAKOTA, I have about 4 GF's that are nothing more than playtonic friends. I actually would be wierd for me to make a move on them, they are like sisters to me.

But, they always hate the girls I talk to. They always have something to say!!!

But, they are fun to go out with!!!

[dakotajones]

that's cool RayJ...i just wasn't sure. is it a problem then for me to not have girl friends that i haven't been involved with? wait...actually i think i do have one now...i met her through a friend and she's pretty cool to hang out, but i don't have feelings for her. i just remembered that. anyways...i have issues. geez...hey thanks for that website dallas411.com 'm usually at alot of those places...although... i thought cocina caliente was better on thursdays not tuesdays...50 cent wells. maybe i'm wrong.

[klo1335]

Guess you have never been to Philly ;)

[rayj]

I you are absolutely right!!!

Those are club girls!! I Love'em!

Im enjoying my young crazy and able days!

But, if you are looking to settle down then, no these are not the ones.

They are full of drama. They have issues and insecure when it comes down to the bottomline.

But, hey Im a Cancer and I love to help people to better themselves and find who they are. They actually help themselves I just ask the right questions they need to answer themselves.

Your type would be the one who is with a group of girls and just quietly observing the scene and smiling. She may be there just to get out the house who else did she have to call but her wild and crazy friends.

I see them all the time. but I dont bother with them because i know I will have to be ready for a solid commitment. They pull you in and wont let you go.

But they are sweet.

But not all party girls or guys are bad!
but the majority are!
thats the bad thing.

[dakotajones]

it's funny you mentioned the shy girl sitting in the corner watching all of her crazy friends...they are the ones i tend to look for these days. the only part i hate is having all the crazy ones come and interupt to see what's going on. they have to get in on the action, ya know?

[coll214]

You guys are too funny!! :p .
This is me in a nutshell " would be the one who is with a group of girls and just quietly observing the scene and smiling. She may be there just to get out the house who else did she have to call but her wild and crazy friends.". That's why you have the crazy friends- to get you out of the house!! lol

[rayj]

I have been waiting for this to come up!
I thought I was going to have to start a new thread about this topic

Situation:
You see a girl you like, you approach her, you talk to her, you two are having a good start, botho f you are interested, you seem to click.......AND...............BAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! !!!!

Here comes her friend, Its all down hill from here and very quickly.
(The neddle in the balloon)

her friend comes up and get all in the conversation and trys to take all the attention away from her friend.
Then of course the shy one back down and disappears!!!!


Oh the worst one, the worst group of girl you can accidentally fall upon.

The group that has a nice looking and sweet friend with them. as soon as you get a 5 seconds with the good looking friend here comes the jeolous crew.
They proceed to try and pry her away from you. they look at you as if you are some drunk jerk groping their friend. They make a scene as if you are hostile, when you were merely asking whats wrong and why were they acting like that.

BE VERY CAREFUL, this group of girl will get you kicked out and make you look like a scub bag. All because they were not the center of attention.

This has happened many times to me and I've seen it happen, hell I can sometime watch the whole thing unfold from a-z.

I just politely smile at the one I was talking to and throw my hands up in surrender and walk away. I am not going to argue with these Looney tunes.

[coll214]

rayj- For a female perspective on the hilarious, but true story (You had me laughing in my cube!!) that you described VERY accurately;

1- Generally the girl you were talking to is just as PO'd at her friends for scaring him off as you are for the crazy ass friends that came in and butted in on the convo...

2-Once those so-called friends see a guy talking to their nice friend, they want to see if they can worm the guy away from her, sick and they WILL get called on it later on... only to blame it on being drunk

3- The shy one backs down b/c she then thinks you're not interested in her anymore now that her more uh, flamboyant friends have come over- Usually she WANTS you to keep talking to her.

Can you tell which girl i generally am?? lol. and BTW, i met the guy i'm seeing in a situation like that of above- we just moved to a different spot to talk alone.

[dakotajones]

who's gonna win? Texas or OU?

[mountaindew]

wow, I never thought that there were guys out there who might
like the "shy girl"

that's totally me...
when i go out with friends who are more party types and more outgoing they usually get more of the attention. its frustrating because if they talked to me they would see that there is so much more to me then just "the shy girl".

A lot of my friends tell me that they don't understand why I don't
have a boyfriend. I am the nice, sweet girl who does want stability. but it seems that most guys like the wild, crazy party girls.
am I right or wrong?

But i have finally realized, at the age of 26, that going to bars and clubs is not my scene and therefore I will not meet the people i want to meet there.
its interesting to hear the guys perspective. I never really thought of some of the things you said dakotajones.

when you go out with a group of girls, and a guy starts talking to one of them, the other girls do get very jealous.
My advice to you, if you are looking for a real and genuine person, who just might be the shy one.. ask for her number even if her friends shove themselves in the way.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by mountaindew

But i have finally realized, at the age of 26, that going to bars and clubs is not my scene and therefore I will not meet the people i want to meet there.
its interesting to hear the guys perspective. I never really thought of some of the things you said dakotajones.

So where do you go to meet guys? Have any luck?

[coll214]

ESPECIALLY if her friends shove in the way; that means more than likely they're jealous of her in the first place for getting your attention. Girls can be mean, vicious creatures when they want to be-especially when guys are involved!

[dakotajones]

see... most guys do have the appeal for the wild and crazy party girls...the way i look at it is...they get noticed more, therefore causing more guys to give them attention...then they get the attention of all these guys, creating a competition for the guys...who can score her number first kinda thing...ya know? it's pretty funny when you think about it...the twisted part, the girls like the competition...they love to see guys fight over them...which to me is kind of a turn-off. so...i prefer the shy types...they are usually the ones you would bring home to mom.

[rayj]

If a jealous friend came up and got in the way and was trying to pull her friend away from you she will act a straight NUT if you go ahead and try to get her number.
To them that an even harder slap in the face.

They will start talking loud and saying things like, OH GET AWAY, GET A LIFE!

The whole time the innocent friend is looking at you like " WHATS GOING ON , COME BACK!!!


I see the shy girls but I dont approach them because they probably look at me as a bad guy( the typical party guy)


heres something to REALIZE.

I bet if all of us on this board were in a room together with 50 other people, we would never say one word to each other. This is weird because here we are having extensive conversations.????

[dakotajones]

RayJ: last statement - very true!!! why is that?

[mountaindew]

AHHH, dakotajones I love you!
just kidding.


pisces: well to answer your question, first of all I know all the single people hate hearing "don't look and you'll find it". I think it is true to an extent. You can't hunt people down, but you HAVE TO BE OPEN if someone is interested in you. if you are always negative I think that puts the blinders up and you will miss opportunities.. But really there are opportunities ALL around you. If you live life and are really in the present moment, things will happen. I really believe the mind and how you perceive things has a great effect on what really happens in your life. Seriously.

Finding activities that you like to do, that is the best way to meet people. I also think a good way is by meeting people thru other people,( like your hairdresser even.) Just look around and you will see people that you might be interested in getting to know. and if you have a lot of confidence you could strike up a conversation with them. Make it happen.

I have had luck meeting people at the gym too. I am not really looking for people when i go there but oftentimes after I work out I go into the jacuzzi.. guys just seem to plop themselves right into that jacuzzi, suddenly it becomes my own little "pick up bar"
=) maybe it seems funny, but its an easy way to chat with people.


sorry I am rambling. i don't really post that many things. but i am really bored at work this week. hey.. work, that's another way to meet guys pisces.

[dakotajones]

for those of you who haven't seen it...i started a posting to just introduce yourself...check it out...The Meet People Lounge under the Life forum.

[paperjam1015]

see your point with saying hi, but as far as any other conversation...i guess i don't want to bother this person. i mean, they go to the bookstore or starbucks to read, get some coffee...not to be hit on by some guy...i mean i know it's obvious to girls what your objective is for talking to them...so already up front you given your motives away and now you're on the defensive to keep this person's interest. it makes the whole situation more ackward...how do handle that?

Hey, if I didn't want to be around people I would just buy the damn book, get the coffee to go and go home!!! you want to talk, so talk! It's not a marriage proposal. Just make friendly conversation. I get irritated when I can tell a guy wants to talk, but his tongue is tied so he gets frustrated and leaves. Either he was putting so much thought into that it makes you think he was a little to serious or he's too insecure. Either way, not for me. You don't have to write a novel just b/c you are in a bookstore. Small talk first....Hi...News, weather, what coffee is the special...talk about what you are reading...whatever...Just be friendly.

Barnes and Nobles are like bars for literate people. Made better because:
1. Most people there are approachable and it's easier to hear what's being said
2. You can still offer to buy a girl a drink there...and it takes longer to drink hot coffee than a 50 cent draft!
3. You can be assured the people are at least somewhat educated and into improving themselves
4. You normally don't go in droves, so there are no obnoxius drunk friends to contend with.
5. There are plenty of chairs and tables for 1-1 conversation.

[dakotajones]

very interesting insight into the world of barnes and noble. i like your honestly and straight forward attitude. give it to us like it is! don't hold back!

[rayj]

Seems like barnes and noble is the place to be!

What a hidden jewel!

lol

But, what you said is so true.

Hell, I need some barnes and noble time.

The clubs get alittle too involved sometimes.

[dakotajones]

i have the sudden urge now for a good book and some coffee. maybe i will pick a nice little corner at the nearest bookstore and see if any girls COME SAY HI TO ME!!! how about that role reversal? wouldn't that be an interesting experiment? it does work both ways right?

[mountaindew]

you guys are cracking me up =)
we will all probrably be at barnes and noble tonight I am guessing.--- it is the "hidden jewel" ya know

[dakotajones]

time for me to head out for the day...have a good one everybody!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by mountaindew
pisces: well to answer your question, first of all I know all the single people hate hearing "don't look and you'll find it". I think it is true to an extent. You can't hunt people down, but you HAVE TO BE OPEN if someone is interested in you. if you are always negative I think that puts the blinders up and you will miss opportunities.. But really there are opportunities ALL around you. If you live life and are really in the present moment, things will happen. I really believe the mind and how you perceive things has a great effect on what really happens in your life. Seriously.

Finding activities that you like to do, that is the best way to meet people. I also think a good way is by meeting people thru other people,( like your hairdresser even.) Just look around and you will see people that you might be interested in getting to know. and if you have a lot of confidence you could strike up a conversation with them. Make it happen.

I have had luck meeting people at the gym too. I am not really looking for people when i go there but oftentimes after I work out I go into the jacuzzi.. guys just seem to plop themselves right into that jacuzzi, suddenly it becomes my own little "pick up bar"
=) maybe it seems funny, but its an easy way to chat with people.

sorry I am rambling. i don't really post that many things. but i am really bored at work this week. hey.. work, that's another way to meet guys pisces.


Hey thanks...I know I have to be open and not hunting down guys, but it's hard to find places to just hang out. I like too many solitary activities, lol...and as for meeting people through others, no one knows of anyone...or it's been done before. I am not the most attractive girl at the gym...I'm not 100% fit and have a while to go...so the only men that notice me are the ones older than my dad. EW. No jacuzzi at my gym! Lucky you...although I am not the type of person who should be seen in a suit in public. As for work--hahahaha, there are NO young people...and the ones that are here, I've tried to initate lunches, going out, etc. No one's interested or everyone's busy. Oh well.

[dakotajones]

I'm curious to know how many of us went to Barnes and Noble last night?

[pisces2473]

Not I! But I did think about going back there to work part time, since I liked it so much when I worked there last year.

[mountaindew]

you should pisces, you'd meet lots of people doing that!

[pisces2473]

When I worked there last holiday season, I really didn't meet anyone (meaning: people to hang out with, friends, etc) but it was nice to be in public and just around people. My full time job is DULL and no one talks here. I loved the busy hub-bub of the holidays and helping people and always being on the go!

[Tearbear]

I got hit on by two guys in a span of ten minutes at barnes and noble. It was actaully kind of funny... But both of them turned out to be schmucks and had no personality.

Maybe i'll have to head their tonite to check out some guys.
Happy hunting everyone! :cool:

[dakotajones]

noone has made a post in a while, i'm getting bored, nothing to read. help!

[mountaindew]

did you go to barnes and noble last night dakotajones ?
what do you do? usually i don't have this much time at work to be reading stuff on this website or posting stuff. but this week i have been at another office, not much to do.

its comforting to know that soo many people are going thru the same stuff. are you one of the "regulars" that posts stuff?

[dakotajones]

if anyone wants to email me to have more in depth discussion or just to say hi... dakotajonesband@yahoo.com ...drop me a line.

[dakotajones]

i don't see what's wrong with a little free speech...statement to the moderator: we will keep it clean...our purpose is not to offend, it's all just part of being in a quarter life crisis...and reevaluating our lives and beliefs...please give us that.

[mgp]

Free speech is great. Clean is one thing. Being nasty and cliquey are other things.

QLC's purpose is to create a supportive, positive community for people to share their stories and get supportive, positive feedback. Anything that was deleted today was neither supportive or positive.

If you have questions about why anything was deleted, please PM the moderator (mgp) OR email moderator@quarterlifecrisis.com

PS. No one will be banned unless the administrator has good enough reason to.

[mountaindew]

oookkkaaayy.
maybe we should change the subject. what's the subject of this
thread anyway??
oh ya, sick of being single.
i don't know, who really cares if yer married, single, divorced,
young, old. everyone has problems.

[dakotajones]

ok...now that we have that established...

i am sick of being single. but you always find one when you least expect it.

[rayj]

If you are sick of being single, GO MINGLE!

we all know what we want and if you are ready for it , GO FOR IT!

I know what I want , but , I also know Im not ready for it. My eyes still do too much wondering!!!

[mountaindew]

i see what you are saying. but its not always that easy.
i am not looking for perfection, but i want to fall in love...
i have people to date..

but i am not falling in love. you seem to be in a different stage then I am.. ray. there's nothing wrong with that. but when
you truely are done with all the games and "fun", it gets
frustrating...there are so many liars and weird people out there.

[dakotajones]

RayJ: i was just reiterating the subject of this thread "i'm sick of being single" so people could get back on track.

i love the single life, but if something comes along...i might give it a shot.

[dakotajones]

RayJ...still recovering from the weekend? i am. craziness!!

[fduran27]

people
sorry i have not written in a few days i was out sick thurs and friday and was out of town watching my hurricanes whoop some FSU butt....
I read all the posts i missed...

Anything interesting happen this weekend

[dakotajones]

I posted this in the Meet People Lounge...

Not that people actually use them...haha...but what are some of most successful pick-up lines anyone has used or heard?

I need some ideas when i go to Barnes and Noble tonight.

[missfish7]

Here's something to try.

I was single, with but 1 or 2 local friends, in a small town with a job that left me interacting with baby-boomers, not 20-somethings.

Was at a local coffee shop with a friend and there happened to be a cute guy working the shop. On a whim, I walked up, gave him my number, and told him to call if he wanted to go out sometime.

He did, and we dated happily for 8 or so months.

Moral of story:
Go out on a limb. Don't take it personally if she/he doesn't respond--you have no idea what her/his life situation is. They'll be flattered, at the very least, and you probably will have made their day.

And ladies, try it once--it will totally make you reevaulate your (possibly unrealistic) expectations of men and appreciate how difficult it is to ask someone out/strike up a conversation.

Men, good luck! You've got one woman more than willing to help jumpstart a conversation while waiting for overpriced coffee!

[dakotajones]

could you possibly spread the word to all the women in texas to try that...

attention dallas women: i'll be at the local Barnes and Noble tonight! give missfish's suggestions a try, please!!!

[dakotajones]

QUESTION:: I posted this in the Meet People Lounge, but might as well get more opinions...i think this question is directed towards the females.

ok... i've liked this girl for a while and we flirt and she kinda likes me, but she just got out of something and not ready to date...which is fine...but friday i ended up muggin down with a girl she works with...who's also a friend of mine, but my question is...did i ruin any chances of going on a date with this girl since i kissed the other girl? it's not really a question of her finding out, because i know she will...so...any opinions?

[pisces2473]

Why don't you just post this question as a new thread? You'll probably get more replies.

[RedHead1420]

Originally posted by dakotajones

I need some ideas when i go to Barnes and Noble tonight.

It seems that Barne and Noble is becoming more of a place where people go to try to hook up than to buy books. If I were them I'd try to cash in on this and hold "singles nights" or something. ha ha I admit I've tried it myself, but uh, no one ever talks to me, but then, I guess I don't really talk to other people either.

[dakotajones]

this thread has been kinda empty lately. someone add something...i'm bored! =)

[rayj]

Well, it was fun while it lasted,but, player season is over.

The season is some how transforming our moods to look for our cuddle bears.

I guess its like time to hibernate.For the last 2 weeks I've been feeling like settling down and find that special one to chill with.

Someone to have fireplace nights with.
Someone to cook chili with.
Someone to play with the dogs with.
Someone to cuddle with and watch movies.
OK OK let me stop before I kill my mood.

How do you guys feel?

[dakotajones]

I'm right there with ya man! I went down to austin over the weekend and found a good snuggle buddy for the winter, the only problem is dallas - austin...bit of a distance. So, i might have to keep my options open. Another one of my friends got engaged, they keep dropping like flys. I'm actually ready to settle down myself, but i'm still looking for that special girl...blah blah blah. Anyways...if anyone knows a decent single girl in the dallas area...hook me up! Thanks!

[klo1335]

You guys are so dam funny! Wait let me pick myself up off the floor......"Player season is over?" Were you not talking in this thread earlier about not meeting women and now all of a sudden you are a player?

[dakotajones]

ya know, i used to think player season lasted year round, a whole 12 months of wine and dine, pimp'n and play'n...bling bling this...bling bling that. The ladies need that 24/7/365 attention..ya know...they deserve it right...but then i thought to myself...the holidays are a time for family. A time to reflect on our lives and where we come from...so for november and december i refrain from my player ways..and just enjoy the quality time with my family.

**Disclaimer** The comments in this post do not necessarily represent the views of Dakota Jones or his company. Any information provided is not guaranteed accurate, and may have been expressed without his written consent.

haha

[rayj]

I dont have a problem meeting women, its the good ones I have a problem meeting.

I will approach girls , but, hey Im human and I too am sometimes shy to go up to a woman if she is obviously a top notch girl.

And by player I meant, just playing around having fun and going out. I usually meet about 3 girls when i go out but I never ask for the number. I just have fun and say bye at the end of the night. If i do get the number I usually dont even call back.

So now I wantto find the right one.
She doesnt have to be SUPER LOOKING and all dressed up.

Just fun, educated, loving and interesting.

[Deavan]

I thought I would bump this up as well...I wonder if anyone from this thread 3 years ago has found someone since then and how they met etc...

[SmilesSoSweet]

I thought I would bump this up as well...I wonder if anyone from this thread 3 years ago has found someone since then and how they met etc...

Since I first posted on this thread, I did date someone. My only relationship I had. I've mentioned it before - we met online in a chat room. We clicked really well. But it was a long distance relationship and it wasn't going to work out. He ended up moving to another state. So we broke up because we couldn't travel too much to spend time with each other because of our jobs. By the time he ended up moving not too far from where I was living at the time, I end up moving to another for for a new job (where I currently am). So yeah. Sucks, but no regrets on that relationship. But since that relationship back in 2004, I haven't been on one date.

[SunDevil]

I thought I would bump this up as well...I wonder if anyone from this thread 3 years ago has found someone since then and how they met etc...

I joined this board in Sept. 2003, and have changed a lot. I've moved, got a job, and traveled a little. But, I still haven't found a girlfriend.

The thing is, if I find the perfect girl for me, I might not have to come to this site as much.

[RealChic1999]

Man, I am sick of being single, too. I would like to go on just one date with a nice, normal guy. I am sick of all the weirdos and pervs that try to come onto me...ick.

[wordsmith]

The thing is, if I find the perfect girl for me, I might not have to come to this site as much.


I have noticed that guys often do this...ditching the boards if they start seeing somebody. Whereas we have lots of women in relationships/married women who post, same as when/if they were single. But it seems like guys only post here if they're lovelorn/looking. What's up with that? It's kind of annoying (not directed at you, SunDevil, just a general observation).

[Skyblade]

I think I've posted less often ever since I've been in my relationship (a year ago), but I still enjoy lurking and check the boards pretty much every day.

[Cole]

hm.... I came to the boards when I got dumped last summer and haven't been in a relationship since. I've been posting less but that's because I don't have as much down time these days.

However, I've really enjoyed being single. I do meet guys and go on dates a lot. Actually the problem for me right now is that I've met someone I really like but I'm scared to let it get serious. I've been enjoying hanging out with guys (and a little making out now and then) without the risk of real heartbreak, not to mention still being able to meet other people at the same time.

[SunDevil]

I have noticed that guys often do this...ditching the boards if they start seeing somebody. Whereas we have lots of women in relationships/married women who post, same as when/if they were single. But it seems like guys only post here if they're lovelorn/looking. What's up with that? It's kind of annoying (not directed at you, SunDevil, just a general observation).


There are only 168 hours in a week, and I spend at least 30 of them on-line(outside of work) currently. I would have to wash dishes, go to dinner, talk to her, look good, not go to sleep at 2am, & do other activities that would take up time that I use now to post on the boards here.

[NitaCircle]

Good to know I am not alone in this. Throughout college I did not date because, 1, we a had a 3 to 7 ratio of guys and girls, 2, of that 3, 1.5 were gay and, finally of the 3, 1 was dating leaving 0.5 available guys and I commuted so it was a bit difficult find them. I should have went to a different school. :frustrate

Now out of college, I just do not see guys my age around. I mean I really LOOK around and I see none. Where the hell are they! Yes, there is the guy cute machanic that works on my car, my age, but he's married with 3 kids. Are they all at the bars and clubs?