Dating someone who knows where they are going in life?

[PVD99]

I've read numerous posts, and I was wondering about this. I've noticed that people are saying that they want to be with someone who knows where they are going in life. What do you mean by that? Do you mean that they know exactly what they want to do? I am 24 and I still don't know what I want to do. If by "knowing where they are going" meant... going to school, working, trying to become more comfortable... then nevermind. I was just curious. :surprised

[Ciderhillnh]

Not specific like they have an exact plan....but not someone who is in a dead end job with no degree and living at home and not doing anything to help themselves.

That would be someone who isnt going anyhwere, and has no direction.

[katip]

I think my ex is a perfect example of "not going anywhere."

Meaning: No job, doesn't care if he has a job, doesn't care about much else besides drinking and video games, lives off parents and doesn't care if he never supports himself, etc.

Most of us would like someone who knows their responsibilities in life and does them, regardless if they're confused about a career/job, school, whatever.

[wordsmith]

I don't think most people know where they are going in life. You can have an idea, but shit happens, plans change, you take paths you didn't anticipate, you go off track, you find a new route. That's fine. IMO, you have a (perhaps loose) plan, you see where it takes you, you don't freak out if it takes you someplace unexpected...that's half the fun of life. I'm not one who says people have to adhere to a rigidly wrought path.

Who I don't want to date are the people who are paralyzed by uncertainty...the "I don't know what I want" people who are constantly freaking out about it. Not a stable foundation.

[jdt141]

I think my ex is a perfect example of "not going anywhere."

Meaning: No job, doesn't care if he has a job, doesn't care about much else besides drinking and video games, lives off parents and doesn't care if he never supports himself, etc.

Most of us would like someone who knows their responsibilities in life and does them, regardless if they're confused about a career/job, school, whatever.

+1 to this. I can't (and won't) date women that live at home with no job and no desire to get one, that are content to live at home with mom and dad. I've moved away from home just so I could be more independent. That style just won't work for me.

Isn't it rather odd that (it seems) a lot of us on this board are looking for the same type ofthing? I'm thinking a national convention would degrade into a big hook up fest or something! :p

[Deadend]

I think there's a differance between "going somewhere" and "knows where they're going".

Plans to stay living in mom and dad's basement so can afford car payments on mediocre job. Not going anywhere, but knows where they're going.

Intelligiant with degree. Job prospects and soon has to choose. Doesn't know exact feild they want to work in nor where they're specifically planning to look goegraphically. Going somewhere, but doesn't know where they're going.

Has lived in mom and dad's basement for years, keeps talking about amazing plans, never does them. Not going anywhere, doesn't know where they're going.

Has a degree in feild Y, is applying in city X and has had a couple interviews. Going somewhere, knows where they're going.

So no, I think we're talking about two mutually independant events here.

[PVD99]

AH ok. That clears it up. I think that as long as someone is responsible and at least has some sort of ambition it is fine. I don't think I'd get along well with the drunk/video game playing type. That sure sounds fun, though! :p

[depressed1983]

Personally, I like being with someone who has a little direction in their life. At the moment, I'm with someone with a lot of direction. The reason I like this is because my life is so - unfocused - right now, it's nice to have someone with a good head on their shoulders in ones life. It provides hope. :)

[katip]

Personally, I like being with someone who has a little direction in their life. At the moment, I'm with someone with a lot of direction. The reason I like this is because my life is so - unfocused - right now, it's nice to have someone with a good head on their shoulders in ones life. It provides hope. :)

Isn't that nice? I'm with someone who has a lot of direction when it comes to life, if not necessarily a career (which is A-OK by me). He definitely understands his responsibilities though and is on the same page as me with what's important in life.

I love stability. I don't do well without it.

[lilyflower]

I don't know if anyone actually wants this because I have a pretty damn clear sense of direction and it's not getting ME any dates.

[depressed1983]

Isn't that nice? I'm with someone who has a lot of direction when it comes to life, if not necessarily a career (which is A-OK by me). He definitely understands his responsibilities though and is on the same page as me with what's important in life.

I love stability. I don't do well without it.

It is nice, esp when the stability doesn't really exist in ones own life - yet.

I dated a guy once who was 26 and had tons of creativity and a whole lot of ideas, but kept getting into trouble and just seemed - as scattered as I was (or even more so.) Now, I'm dating such a conservative guy in comparision- one who followed through on a plan from a young age and, for the most part, stuck to it.

Stability is lovely.

[katip]

And for some (like myself) stress causes anxiety, which brings along a host of other problems. I like to think that my life is pretty stable. I know what I want (I'm working on standing up for those desires - see my recent rant under "Work") and can't wait until the last bit of instability (a changing schedule due to college classes) is over. Match me up with someone else stable and I'm calm and happy.

[katip]

I dont mind it personally but I can see how some other person can get pissed with my unstability. My ex was always bitching that I dont spend enough time with him, I am always taking courses blah blah blah. And it had just been a year or two after college. Like relax dude its just the test of time.


Thank god my boyfriend understands my course load and odd schedules. He's definitely getting a big "thank you" when I graduate in May! I know how hard it is on me, so I can imagine how it can bug him. College doesn't last forever (at least for most :)) and it's a positive kind of instability.

[ebruening]

Many of my boyfriends have been, "I think COOL things and have lots of NEATO plans for my life" sorts of guys, even though they tend to be stalling in a particular job or college for longer than one might expect. They are usually rather creative fellas, and I'll admit that I totally go for guys who love to do spontaneous things, like randomly going backpacking or hiking for a weekend. I don't know that they're necessarily stable, but I'm SO rigid on certain things that I like the "opposites attract" method of balancing out my own negative tendencies.

[yankeeyosh]

I think there's a differance between "going somewhere" and "knows where they're going".

Plans to stay living in mom and dad's basement so can afford car payments on mediocre job. Not going anywhere, but knows where they're going.

Intelligiant with degree. Job prospects and soon has to choose. Doesn't know exact feild they want to work in nor where they're specifically planning to look goegraphically. Going somewhere, but doesn't know where they're going.

Has lived in mom and dad's basement for years, keeps talking about amazing plans, never does them. Not going anywhere, doesn't know where they're going.

Has a degree in feild Y, is applying in city X and has had a couple interviews. Going somewhere, knows where they're going.

So no, I think we're talking about two mutually independant events here.

What about intelligent with two degrees, but after a lot of heartbreak, can't get a job in the field he wants, so he's stuck at a mediocre job and trying to figure out what to do next at 27?

[joeymarjie]

Isn't that nice? I'm with someone who has a lot of direction when it comes to life, if not necessarily a career (which is A-OK by me). He definitely understands his responsibilities though and is on the same page as me with what's important in life.

I love stability. I don't do well without it.

stability is great. and I wholeheartedly agree about the responsibilites and the being on the same page. it's dang near impossible without those two (at least for me, as I'm sure it is with many). My SO is beginning to have more "direction", but even without that, he's already very stable in what I view to be the most important ways. It's been a huge comfort to have that stable person when I have been scattered all over the place.