I think I've figured it out - confidence

[urobjective]

I think I've finally figured out the confidence thing. That it's probably the most important thing in determining your level of attractiveness to someone else. And confidence is basically a good level of self-esteem - of not questioning yourself frequently, of throwing off doubts.

[Phoenix]

No doubt. I've found that when I had a boyfriend or was dating someone was when other guys were interested...but usually not other times! :\ I definitely think it was a confidence thing. Either that or a "she's taken and now that she is, I'm interested too" thing. :D

[klo1335]

I have ton of confidence and at times I think that can scare guys away instead of them being drawn to you. So what would be considered too much confidence? I am not conceided or anything.

[Ducey]

It'a hard being confident with girls when you have no pevious expereince. What the hell do I say?

[klo1335]

It easiest to approach a girl (or at least I would rather be approached) by a guy when I am not surrounded by my group of friends. So if you see an attractive girl wait until she isn't surrounded by her friends. Take her a drink or something.

You say that you have no experience and the only way to get experience is through trial and error. Sure, you will probably get shoot down a bunch of times. Unfortunately, thats life. But through the trial and error, you will learn what works for you and what doesn't. Besides, all the girls I know like having drinks bought for them.

[Rainster]

Some of us girls like to reciprocate and buy the guys drinks, too...;)

Confidence means not judging yourself by how others treat you, or whether others are attracted to you. It's being yourself, recognizing your own personality and interactive styles.

[Sameboat]

So, if someone buys you a drink what are you supposed to do exactly basically just talk to the person right? Sorry, I've been out of the dating game for a long while. I don't know all the rules. I also have another question if you meet someone you like and want to see them again. How do you go about getting or giving phone numbers do you just say hey here's my number or what? Argh. It's been sooo long since i've been on a date.

[hajime]

Rainster, that is such a good definition of confidance.. it puts into words what I've been feeling. If you think about it, what's the easiest way to get someone to like you? Or, rather, what determines whether you like someone as a friend?

It's not necessarily how awesome the conversation is, or how much you have in common-- a lot of it is about how that person treats you... and having a complete stranger act really comfortable around you is sort of a compliment in a way... I mean, actually it's a show of confidance on their part, but the effect is to make you feel more confidant in your own likable qualities.

[Rainster]

Originally posted by Sameboat
So, if someone buys you a drink what are you supposed to do exactly basically just talk to the person right? . . . How do you go about getting or giving phone numbers do you just say hey here's my number or what?

Probably depends on each person. I'm usually out w/ friends, so the giving and getting of numbers (and drinks) usually involves friends-of-friends-of-friends rather than total random strangers.

I like what hajime said about how you should feel comfortable around someone, as a friend as well as someone you're interested in.

[coll214]

For me, i've always liked a guy that approaches me just to talk first (i'm too shy to do that!!), and then see where it goes...usually i'll be w/ a group of friends, but you can always move to a different table...and maybe exchange numbers to do something outside of the circle of friends!!

[tipsy88]

So, if someone buys you a drink what are you supposed to do exactly basically just talk to the person right? . . . How do you go about getting or giving phone numbers do you just say hey here's my number or what?

Well being the recipiant of the drink put you at an advantage, after all that person who bought you the drink is clearly interested in talking to you, so if you are interested back you probably won't need to do much (except talk back of course!).

On the other hand If you are the buyer, probably the easiest way is to find a connection. I say easiest even though it may be pretty difficult to do. The connection can be anything and can usually start with noticing something about them phsycially either about them or whatever they have on them.

Like if you notice a college ring or something that identifies where they work or what they do that you may have some connection with, or some thing about. The connection doesn't have to be particular strong but obviously the stronger the better. Once you find some sort of connection to talk about you can generall progress the conversation by linking/leading into other topics from which the conversion slowly drifts to.

If anything you can always ask them about themselves even if you have nothing that obvious from just plain appearance in common.

What really makes for a good time is when the conversation isn't full of holes where there is a long period of silence. I've found it generally helps to be curious about things that you don't know that they do, like what exactly they do for a living and how they like/dislike their job.

and my guess is If you're really interested in that person, probably the easiest way to get a number is to ask them out on a date. I mean that's the whole point of getting the number right? unless all you really do want to do is just talk on the phone. Besides there is a problem by just getting a number, there is a possibility that the number they give you is fake, and then you' up the creek. Not only that but you waste time/hope thinking that you got this great person's number only to find out not. what a downer! save yourself the time and anguish, just ask them out on a date from the get go.