is this clinical depression?

[depressed1983]

I can barely motivate myself to move, I spend at least 20% of my waking hours crying and/or staring into space feeling so empty it's like I'm beyond tears - I hate myself more than anything, I can't even get myself motivated to go to the kitchen and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich - I just moved into a new apartment and don't have a bed or anything and I'll have to sleep on the floor again tonight - I feel lonely and scared and I'm trying to get a job but no one wants to hire me and honestly I wouldn't want to hire me so I'm having a tough time trying to sell myself to people.

I am so sad right now and I feel like I'm stuck. Part of it is the winter weather (even in Cali, the lack of sun gets to me) and part of it is just this stage of my life, I guess. But I hate it and I want to be happy again - happy in that independent, I don't care what other people think sort of way - I feel so trapped. But maybe that is waht being an adult is all about. Being trapped.

[K-man]

Perhaps this should be a sticky...for a clinical diagnosis of Major Depressive Episodes, check out my post here. (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?p=300735#post300735)

Now for usual discalimer: none of us here is qualified to determine whether or not you're clinically depressed and require treatment. If you feel like your depressed mood is hindering your daily life, then I'd strongly recommend that you go talk to your doctor about it.

Hang in there!

[alanisjunkie]

you sound depressed, but clinically? you'd have to see a dr.

maybe it's a lack of self-confidence more than a chemical imbalance. You say "no one hires me, but i wouldn't hire me" why is that? i've been super depressed lately, but i still know i'm an awesome person, and i'm disappointed in others, very rarely in myself. maybe you are putting all the blame on yourself, and while it's good to want to improve yourself, know that there are a lot of people out there that are to blame. i'm not saying blame everyone and never think you made a mistake, but you seem to think the unemployment is b/c of you personally. there are a lot of other factors, i suggest you read posts on this forum, and see there are a LOT of talented ppl our age who aren't getting what they deserve. please don't take it out on yourself, again, improve yourself where you can, but if you don't think you're worth a job, some douche bag hirer won't either. take care!!

[RudeGirl]

Adena, being unemployed is a bitch. It's worse than working, because instead of feeling tired and rotten and having too much to do, you feel tired and rotten because you have nothing to do.

I've felt low lately. I had an IT job this fall that didn't work out, which was a real self-esteem blow. When I was job-hunting, I slept until noon, which made me feel like a useless shit. For that reason, and several other, more personal ones, I was having a tough time, and listening to waaay too much Tom Waits, which is enough to kill a man. I'm a little better now, but I still often wonder if anything's worth it or if anything's secure. Will my job disappear? Do I want to be engaged, is it the right thing to do now, do I even want to do anything resmebling marriage, and do I really want to be exclusively with women? There's a lot to think about.

You have a lot to think about, too, and when it's mostly negative, it can drag you down. It's not true that thinking badly of yourself doesn't land you a job--I think I ain't dirt, and I get tons of job offers, most of which I've turned down because they turned out to be in "marketing" or whatever--because I sell myself, a.k.a., I'm decent at being normal when the situation warrants it. If you can't do that, it'll be harder for you to find work, at least for while.

Mending your inner mindset takes time. I haven't figured out how to do it yet. But you can fix your outsides fairly quickly. I'm not saying that you should "put on a show" during an interview. When I got out of college, I did just that, and I didn't get one single offer (good thing I had a job, already, or I would have been broke).

I suggest that before an interview, you listen to happy music, perhaps your favorite band. It'll take your mind off of your sorrow. Also, don't prepare forced answers to interview questions--if you put on an act, you might wind up with a job you'll hate, which is even more depressing than unemployment. I usually do a great deal of listening, and very little talking--and most of my talking is business talk or questions directly related to the job functions and conditions. You'll get a job eventually. That's not as great of an issue as your happiness is.