Need Advice about Terrible Family Situation...

[ConMurph]

I have never been completely sure if my dad qualifies as an abuser, but I think he fits the definition. Anyway, I moved out as soon as I could, but my sister, who is 6 years younger, is still there (she is a jr in high school). Anyway, we went to my parents house for dinner the other night and my Dad freaked out on my sister. She laughed at something that he felt was inappropriate and he picked her up by her hair and dragged her away by her hair. This is his typical behavior. I can't even tell you how many times he used to drag my upstairs by my hair.

Anyway, my fiance was there, and was of course, horrified. He has heard stories about my Dad from me, but it is completely different to see him out of control in person. And he flipped over something as small as my sister laughing when he mentioned his beloved cat was dying. It's really fucked up.

Meanwhile, my sister has 2 fractures from an "unknown" source in her back. It could be from sports, but I'll bet it is from him.

So my fiance wants to try and take my sister from them. It was my idea. We have a house, and I think we could manage, but that would probably involve calling child protective services. I just am in a horrible situation. On one hand she has one more year left. And my parents are very well off. He was going to buy her a Trail Blazer in the spring and pay for her college. We are both somewhat spoiled children finacially, but then again we get the shit beat out of us, so I don't know.

I sent my Mom a threatening email that I would call the cops. She is in complete denial. I think my Mom is crazy. She is not completely innocent either. I have begged my mom to leave my dad ever since I was 10ish. She just keeps blathering on about the damn cat, but this is not an isolated incident. It's not constant either though. He freaks out about twice a week maybe. There is absolutely no alcohol involved either.

My sister is on heavy meds for depression (as am I) I should add.

Anyway, if I really decide to try and get my sister, it is going to be a huge battle and I don't think I will ever have a relationship with my parents again.

Any advice? I don't know what to do anymore.

[stonemonkey]

On one hand she has one more year left. And my parents are very well off. He was going to buy her a Trail Blazer in the spring and pay for her college. We are both somewhat spoiled children finacially, but then again we get the shit beat out of us, so I don't know.

whoa, NO amount of money is worth being physically abused by a father. You need to get protective services involved. I don't know what the legal ramifications of helping your sister 'run away' are, but I've also heard cases where child protection services have been WAY too slow to get off their asses to save kids in trouble.

[stonemonkey]

I have never been completely sure if my dad qualifies as an abuser,

Fuck yeah he qualifies.

[ConMurph]

I worry about not having any proof. I think maybe I should try and take her, but it would be such a nightmare. I hate to sound selfish, but I just can't imagine my Mom never speaking to me again. And my Dad is kind of powerful in a way, so I have a feeling that he would win. I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown or something.

[stonemonkey]

Would she go along with you willingly? Taking your sister away from that household need not mean that you never speak to your mother again. Even if it does, then you have to weigh up priorities, what's more important? Your sister being physically beaten or your relationship with your mother?

How is your father "powerful"? Physically? Psychologically?

[ConMurph]

Also, my Dad knocked my tooth out when I was 14. I wonder if I can use that as proof. It is the only medical thing that can be verified, though I lied to the doctor and said I fell. Would this count as evidence against him?

[Illuminous]

Well, before you try and do anything, have you talked to your sister?

Is this something she wants? She'd have to tell the cops about the abuse, so you have to make sure that she'll admit to it before you put yourself in a very difficult situation.

I'm not saying that I do'nt think that she shoudl be somewhere besides with your father, but you have to make sure that this is something she wants as well....

[ConMurph]

My mom won't let me talk to my sister on the phone right now, so I don't know for sure where she stands.

[stonemonkey]

I guess it would take the both of you to testify against him, at least. I don't know how much physical evidence would be needed.

If this were an extreme situtation, then the foolhardy vigilante in me would be wondering how much evidence you could capture with hidden cameras/microphones, but I don't know whether that would be admissible or not.

Sorry I can't be more help than that.

[stonemonkey]

What does your fiance think of all this?

[ConMurph]

If this were an extreme situtation, then the foolhardy vigilante in me would be wondering how much evidence you could capture with hidden cameras/microphones, but I don't know whether that would be admissible or not.



See, I don't think this qualifies for "extreme" compared to the kind of stuff you hear about via media. It's just bad. I really don't know how to measure it.

[stonemonkey]

I guess she doesn't have internet access or a mobile either, right?

[ConMurph]

What does your fiance think of all this?

My fiance wants to go get her right now. He loves my sister like his own, and can't stand to think of her over there. I don't think he is thinking about all of the consequences of getting her though. But he thinks it is my responsibility to talk her into getting the hell out of there.

[stonemonkey]

See, I don't think this qualifies for "extreme" compared to the kind of stuff you hear about via media. It's just bad. I really don't know how to measure it.

Fractures in her back would qualify as pretty freakin' bad, I think.

[ConMurph]

I guess she doesn't have internet access or a mobile either, right?

My parents took away her internet access because of a bad report card, so no.

[lilyflower]

See, I don't think this qualifies for "extreme" compared to the kind of stuff you hear about via media. It's just bad. I really don't know how to measure it.

Yes, that IS extreme abuse. Hell, I thought my family was horrible but I never had any broken bones or teeth knocked out. Fucking hell, if your sister is willing to go (and that's got to be the condition - she's got to be willing to go, it won't work otherwise) get her the hell out of there. No amount of money is worth what she's going through.

[ConMurph]

Fractures in her back would qualify as pretty freakin' bad, I think.

Yeah, but then there isn't proof that he is the one that gave them to her. She claims that she doesn't know how she broke her back. I just pieced it together.

[stonemonkey]

It's not constant either though. He freaks out about twice a week maybe.

See, that seems pretty constant to me.

[lilyflower]

Yeah, but then there isn't proof that he is the one that gave them to her. She claims that she doesn't know how she broke her back. I just pieced it together.

Yeah, but even suspected abuse - ALONG WITH HER STATEMENT, should be enough to get her the hell away from him legally. That's why I stated that she has to be willing to say something because if you call whatever the child protective agency is in your state and she swears up and down that he never did anything to her, most likely nothing will change.

And yeah, as sick as it is, a lot of kids don't want to admit that their parents are abusing them - either out of some misguided sense of loyalty and being a "good daughter" or out of sheer fear of payback/death.

[ConMurph]

I am mostly worried about her mental health. She is extremely disassociative. She can't remember when stuff happens. When I was there, I was extremely suicidal, and I worry about that. She always claims she is okay, but how can you be? I mean, the actual humilation of what he did to her the other night in front of my fiance is enough to make someone crazy.

I begged my Mom today to just let me take her for a week or so while we figure things out and she freaked out on me. She doesn't think there is anything wrong with hitting, so if I am going to get her, it's going to have to be the hard way.

Sorry this is rambling. I am just a mess right now.

[lilyflower]

I am mostly worried about her mental health. She is extremely disassociative. She can't remember when stuff happens. When I was there, I was extremely suicidal, and I worry about that. She always claims she is okay, but how can you be? I mean, the actual humilation of what he did to her the other night in front of my fiance is enough to make someone crazy.

I begged my Mom today to just let me take her for a week or so while we figure things out and she freaked out on me. She doesn't think there is anything wrong with hitting, so if I am going to get her, it's going to have to be the hard way.

Sorry this is rambling. I am just a mess right now.

Well, this might not be what you want to hear, but you SHOULD be worried about her mental health in that kind of environment. Even if she seems okay now that kind of shit doesn't just disappear when the abuse stops.

She's dissociating? Fuck, that's not a good sign - and a pretty prevalent sign of PTSD (but I am by no means an expert in this area). Sorry to say it but your mom sounds totally like a battered spouse/enabler. Your dad, on the other hand, should be beaten with a fucking tire iron and sodomized by a large inmate. :mad:

[stonemonkey]

My fiance wants to go get her right now. He loves my sister like his own, and can't stand to think of her over there. I don't think he is thinking about all of the consequences of getting her though. But he thinks it is my responsibility to talk her into getting the hell out of there.

OK. Part of me can really empathise with the 'gung-ho' attitude of getting her somewhere safe as quickly as possible, but like you suggest, this needs to be planned a bit more carefully.

You have to figure out what options are open to you. Legally, they are her custodians, so I think you would need to prove that she is being abused, or at least at risk of it. For that to happen, the minimum requirement is that she agrees to it.

So, the first step would have to be you working out what your sister wants.

[stonemonkey]

I am just a mess right now.

Come on, stay focussed here. I realise this is extremely tough emotionally, but you can't do this without a clear head. Taking custody of a child from her parents is no easy task.

Is there any way to get her a psych evaluation?

[stonemonkey]

All courses of action seem to stem from the same first step. You have to get some time with your sister alone out of the house and talk to her to find out if she's with you.

[lilyflower]

All courses of action seem to stem from the same first step. You have to get some time with your sister alone out of the house and talk to her to find out if she's with you.

Agreed, stonemonkey!

ConMurph, any chance you can see her at school somehow? Like, I don't know, find an excuse to drop her a "lunch" off or something. (Also, I haven't been in a high school since 1998 so the accessiblity of them might be a lot different now)

[stonemonkey]

ConMurph, any chance you can see her at school somehow? Like, I don't know, find an excuse to drop her a "lunch" off or something. (Also, I haven't been in a high school since 1998 so the accessiblity of them might be a lot different now)

Would it be possible to talk to her teachers/guidance counselors about this?

[ConMurph]

My Mom show up just now with tupperware containers filled with food. I live about 20 minutes away from her. She asked me if she can see my newly remodeled kitchen. I'm lik what the fuck and I slam the door in her face. So she goes back to her car, and I go back out and tell her that I want Rachel. And she goes off about how exagerate and how everything is so calm over there now.

So, I just walk away.

I am so tired of this, you have no idea. Here's a little insight into my Mom. She shows up and acts like nothing happened. I just feel really sick right now.

[ConMurph]

Yeah, I am going to go see her when I get a chance and nobody is around. Maybe I should talk to her guidance counselors. I just worry though because my Mom is close with them since she is the school nurse.

As for the psych evaluation, she has been in and out of that for the last two years. But she doesn't talk to her psychologist about anything substantial because my Mom insists on being in the room.

[stonemonkey]

OK, I really wouldn't advise going into emotional outbursts like this, as tempting as they are. But anyway, it really sounds like your mother's not going to be of any help to you. You would have to prove that she's an unfit mother. Getting her to say that she thinks there's nothing wrong with hitting her daughter like that would help that cause, although I suspect that she's smart enough to not say something like that around anyone besides you.

[stonemonkey]

But she doesn't talk to her psychologist about anything substantial because my Mom insists on being in the room.

Can you try a different one? Without your mother?

Also, do you know of any members of the school staff who would be close to your sister but not so close to your mother?

[ConMurph]

Oh my Mom would egg my Dad on. Like she would literally tell him to "beat the shit" out of us if we pissed her off during the day. My Mom is completely psycho.

[stonemonkey]

You know, if anyone saw a videotape of this shit going down, they'd be fucking horrified.

[ConMurph]

Can you try a different one? Without your mother?

Also, do you know of any members of the school staff who would be close to your sister but not so close to your mother?

God, I don't know. I haven't lived there in 3 years, so I don't know what's going on at the high school anymore. I could talk to my sister and find out later if she is willing. It is a shame that some of my old teachers retired because some of them were really great. If my sister is cooperative, we could go that route.

[ConMurph]

The weird thing is that I didn't know until I went to college that that stuff wasn't even normal. Maybe that's why I have been having a hard time trying to tell if it is abuse or not.

[stonemonkey]

You wouldn't happen to have the contact details of these retired teachers, would you? Also, does she do any extra-curricular activities? Or is she only ever at school or at home?

[ConMurph]

She plays volleyball all through out the year. Also, she is involved with mock trial and a community service organization.

[ConMurph]

And no, I don't have contact information, but perhaps I could look one of the teachers up.

[stonemonkey]

Are your parents present at these events?

[ConMurph]

Yep. My Dad does photography as a hobby so he takes a lot of volleyball pictures. Hence, his appearance as a good dad.

[stonemonkey]

So outside of school, she's under constant supervision. Looks like that's the only opportunity you have to really talk to her. Don't let your mum catch you.

And your Dad's reputation means nothing to people who don't know him. These are the professionals you need to be speaking to.

[ConMurph]

So, if I can get my sister agree to taking the next step, I should contact a stable adult? I know I am an adult, but this seems to be a little bit over my head. Maybe I could talk to my fiance's parents or something.

[stonemonkey]

I think this a little over all our heads, to be honest. You need to be talking to experienced professionals who deal with cases like this. Preferably people who don't know anything about your parents. Your fiance's parents would be a start. Don't let your fiance do anything rash, I think he's thinking with his heart, not his head.

Also, anything you say to your mum is most likely going to be relayed to your dad. From the looks of it, they're going to suspect that you're up to something, so chances are they're going to rein your sister in on an even tighter leash to keep her away from you.

[stonemonkey]

Wait a second, how well do your fiance's parents know your parents?

[ConMurph]

I think that's what they will do. This really, really sucks. I just wish my Dad would have a heart attack and die. I really do. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I think I actually mean it. I truely hate him.

[lilyflower]

I think this a little over all our heads, to be honest. You need to be talking to experienced professionals who deal with cases like this. Preferably people who don't know anything about your parents. Your fiance's parents would be a start. Don't let your fiance do anything rash, I think he's thinking with his heart, not his head.

Also, anything you say to your mum is most likely going to be relayed to your dad. From the looks of it, they're going to suspect that you're up to something, so chances are they're going to rein your sister in on an even tighter leash to keep her away from you.

I agree with stonemonkey. Abusive parents tend to keep pretty tight control over the kid(s) they're abusing and if they have reason to be suspicious, they'll be even tighter about it.

I think you do need to contact someone for advice, starting with your fiance's parents would be a good place but you probably should also speak to someone skilled and trained in this type of thing.

And yeah, as much as you'd want to do so, just going and taking your sister (which I personally would love to do as well) probably isn't going to work. Your parents aren't going to agree with it - and they might be able to accuse you of kidnapping. Plus, if your sister isn't willing to go for whatever reason it's going to be a HUGE mess.

[ConMurph]

Wait a second, how well do your fiance's parents know your parents?

Not very well. In the 5 years I have been with Jake they have met my parents twice.

His family is a huge bible thumping family. I am not religious at all, but honestly they seem like paradise to me right now. It could strain future relations with my parents if I go to them, but then again if I try and get my sister, my parents are going to hate me anyway.

[lilyflower]

I think that's what they will do. This really, really sucks. I just wish my Dad would have a heart attack and die. I really do. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I think I actually mean it. I truely hate him.

I used to always wish the same thing about my grandfather. The mean bastard is in his 80s and still alive unfortunately.

[lilyflower]

Not very well. In the 5 years I have been with Jake they have met my parents twice.

His family is a huge bible thumping family. I am not religious at all, but honestly they seem like paradise to me right now. It could strain future relations with my parents if I go to them, but then again if I try and get my sister, my parents are going to hate me anyway.

I know they're your parents, but you have to realize that they are very fucked up people. Your dad is abusive and at the very least has temper issues (he probably has something else fueling it) and your mom is egging him on. This is NOT normal, healthy behavior and not something you and your sister should have EVER have been subjected to.

[ConMurph]

Ugh. Well, fortunately my dad has horrible blood pressure problems (of course), and hopefully won't make it that long. But he is on meds (unfortunately :twisted: ). So who knows.

[lilyflower]

Ugh. Well, fortunately my dad has horrible blood pressure problems (of course), and hopefully won't make it that long. But he is on meds (unfortunately :twisted: ). So who knows.

LOL, my family has a horrible saying about my grandfather - he's still alive because "no one wants him". As in "God doesn't want him and the devil is afraid he'll take over" :evil:

[Jedi of Zen]

ConMurph,

I attend a support group for people with bipolar and depression. A friend of mine in the group has talked on numerous occassions about her experiences with the Department of Human Resources (DHR) having removed her children from their home. Basically she thought her husband was abusing the kids, but in fact he was not; nevertheless, she contacted DHR and they have since kept her children out of their home for 3 years - over a single incident that was eventually determined to be a "false alarm". There were probably many other factors involved with this person's situation that I'm not aware of, but I guess my point is, my impression from talking with this person has been that DHR will do all they can to remove a child from a home if they so much as think the parent is even looking at their kids the wrong way. And it sounds like that could be a very real and necessary option in your situation. Given your sister's age, I imagine the transition could be handled a lot more smoothly than not (ie, with young kids on the other hand, it's hard to sometimes get the full story from say a 3 year old). Or maybe you could forego DHR and just have her live with you and your fiancee. You may want to talk to a lawyer who knows this branch of the law well. Even if your sister can handle living there for another year, your dad may have physically attacked someone outside the family in his past (or may in the future), and he needs to be called on it. I imagine in spite of all he's done, you might feel hesitant about such thoughts, but I would encourage you to do something. It's very noble of you and your fiancee to be taking these steps. Good luck.

[stonemonkey]

This is NOT normal, healthy behavior and not something you and your sister should have EVER have been subjected to.

I realise this is something you've been born into and somehow survived, so it's worth emphasising this point.

[ConMurph]

Yeah. I have always felt so sorry for them because they had it so much worse than me. On my Mom's side, her Mom was a drug addict and burned their house down. On my Dad's side his mother died when he was 10. His brother died a year later of a drug overdose, his sister ran away, and his dad was abusive. Down the road my Dad's other brother had a sex change operation and became homeless. He stalked my Mom for 3 years when my Mom was in her 20s. Interestingly enough, my Dad's brother was once a nuclear physicist (I can't even spell that :( ). My Dad's side is brilliant, but so unbelievably fucked up. Oh yeah, and 2 of my Mom's sisters were kidnapped by my grandfathers ex-wife. They reunited in their thirties.

Talk about a lifetime drama. Just in case you wondered how people can get to be the way they are...

[ConMurph]

ConMurph,

I attend a support group for people with bipolar and depression. A friend of mine in the group has talked on numerous occassions about her experiences with the Department of Human Resources (DHR) having removed her children from their home. Basically she thought her husband was abusing the kids, but in fact he was not; nevertheless, she contacted DHR and they have since kept her children out of their home for 3 years - over a single incident that was eventually determined to be a "false alarm". So I guess my point is, my impression from talking with this person has been that DHR will do all they can to remove a child from a home if they so much as think the parent is even looking at their kids the wrong way. And it sounds like that could be a very real and necessary option in your situation. Given your sister's age, I imagine the transition could be handled a lot more smoothly than not (ie, with young kids on the other hand, it's hard to sometimes get the full story from say a 3 year old). Or maybe you could forego DHR and just have her live with you and your fiancee. You may want to talk to a lawyer who knows this branch of the law well. Even if your sister can handle living there for another year, your dad may have physically attacked someone outside the family in his past (or may in the future), and he needs to be called on it. I imagine in spite of all he's done, you might feel hesitant about such thoughts, but I would encourage you to do something. It's very noble of you and your fiancee to be taking these steps. Good luck.


Thanks for the advice. That was a very thoughtful post. And thank you also to Lily and Stonemonkey. You guys are really helping me hash things out. Thank you so much.

[ConMurph]

Well, I am going over to my fiance's parents right now to talk. So I guess I will post an update probably tomorrow night, since I shouldn't be home until late and I have to work tomorrow.

[XJMP]

Just to ask, when does your sister turn 18? Even in states that still have age 21 as the age of majority, I am sure turning 18 is 90% of the issue legally. In most states, someone can walk out the door of their parents house for good on their 18th birthday. (Even in conservative, old fashioned states I would guess that once someone crosses state lines an 18 year old can't be forced home. I don't know if in a age of majority 21 state if someone could be prosecuted for taking an 18 year across a state line to legal adulthood.)

I am NOT a lawyer. Repeat: I am not a lawyer. So talk to a lawyer before taking your sister away from your parents, particularly before her 18th birthday. (I would guess that THE ISSUE ENDS altogether on someone's 21st birthday; no 21 year old can be forced home by his or her parents.)

Good luck in dealing with this terrible situation. The fortunate thing is that your sister is almost old enough to leave home.

XJMP

[XJMP]

Just to add to what I just wrote: On another thread, someone who posted on these boards briefly was unable to attend college because his lousy parents would not sign some financial aid forms. You often have to be age 24, not even 21, to be considered completely adult as far as financial aid goes. It bothers me that someone 23 1/2 years old could still have lousy parents interfering with his or her life. Some people have bad, even abusive parents. (I used to know someone who wanted to be a dentist, but his lousy parents wouldn't cooperate. I think he ended up becoming a factory worker. Sad.)

XJMP

[Jedi of Zen]

And...you have to be 25 to rent a car in almost any state.

ConMurph - Good luck with everything. Glad we can help out. Keep us posted!

[sundaycomics]

Just to add to what I just wrote: On another thread, someone who posted on these boards briefly was unable to attend college because his lousy parents would not sign some financial aid forms. You often have to be age 24, not even 21, to be considered completely adult as far as financial aid goes. It bothers me that someone 23 1/2 years old could still have lousy parents interfering with his or her life. Some people have bad, even abusive parents. (I used to know someone who wanted to be a dentist, but his lousy parents wouldn't cooperate. I think he ended up becoming a factory worker. Sad.)

XJMP

I ran away from my parents' house when I was 19 because I didn't want to take their abusiveness anymore. After that I was able to be declared an independent student by supplying a police report from the night I ran away (I ended up in the hospital and they called the cops) and a letter from my then-fiance's parents, who I was living with. If your sister goes to college I'm sure someone in the financial aid office can help her out too.

And I would suggest talking with someone at a battered-women's shelter about how to get your sister out, even if she says she doesn't want out. Those people are experts on helping plan escapes from abusive people.

[XJMP]

I ran away from my parents' house when I was 19 because I didn't want to take their abusiveness anymore. After that I was able to be declared an independent student by supplying a police report from the night I ran away (I ended up in the hospital and they called the cops) and a letter from my then-fiance's parents, who I was living with. If your sister goes to college I'm sure someone in the financial aid office can help her out too.

And I would suggest talking with someone at a battered-women's shelter about how to get your sister out, even if she says she doesn't want out. Those people are experts on helping plan escapes from abusive people.

Compelling, sad story. Sundaycomics, I hope things have turned out well for you since then.

XJMP

[Dreamchasa]

I completely can relate to this situation as my father put my sister through a table once and my mother is just always in la la land even after he pulled a gun on me. Now my son and his mother live with my parents.

Do you find it hard to WALK away from that situation? I mean its like the abuse becomes normal to you.

[Deavan]

CONMURPH: anxiously awaiting an update from you on what happened when you spoke to your fiances family

[ConMurph]

Sorry about the delay. I have been ultra depressed and trying to mentally avoid the issue.

My fiance's parents were kind, but they didn't really offer any advice. I think they were leaning toward the option of waiting things out. Maybe my threats were enough to keep my dad in line for a while they think. I don't know. My sister is allowed to come over on Friday, so we'll talk to her then.

My mom is putting a terrible guilt trip on me, emailing things like "sorry you had such a terrible life" and being very manipulative to the point where I feel terrible about ever saying anything bad about my family. Since she doesn't understand the problem, she is acting like I am just so ungrateful. I have barely spoken to her though. I just feel like an awful traitor for ever speaking badly against my family the way I have to my fiance's parents. Not to mention the fact that I still don't know what to do for my sister.

I guess I'll find out what my sister wants me to do on Friday. We'll have a very long talk and hopefully figure out the game plan. Hopefully, that talk will help me figure out what to do because nothing has worked so far. I am in way over my head, I think.

I would still like my sister to come live with me, and if my sister is receptive to that idea, I am going to really push for it as hard as I can.

Thanks again to everyone who has helped!

[stonemonkey]

My mom is putting a terrible guilt trip on me, emailing things like "sorry you had such a terrible life" and being very manipulative to the point where I feel terrible about ever saying anything bad about my family.

This reminds me alot of those domestic violence cases where the guy beats the absolute crap out of his wife, and then the next morning he's all apologetic and "remorseful", saying that he can't control it and he doesn't like who he becomes when he's like that. He promises never to do it again. A week later he beats the crap out of her again.

Don't let her manipulate you. You'll feel worse if you don't act and something worse happens to your sister.

If your fiance's parents aren't much help, it might be time to move onto people who are more experienced in dealing with child abuse.

[Q21]

I have never been completely sure if my dad qualifies as an abuser, but I think he fits the definition. Anyway, I moved out as soon as I could, but my sister, who is 6 years younger, is still there (she is a jr in high school). Anyway, we went to my parents house for dinner the other night and my Dad freaked out on my sister. She laughed at something that he felt was inappropriate and he picked her up by her hair and dragged her away by her hair. This is his typical behavior. I can't even tell you how many times he used to drag my upstairs by my hair.

Anyway, my fiance was there, and was of course, horrified. He has heard stories about my Dad from me, but it is completely different to see him out of control in person. And he flipped over something as small as my sister laughing when he mentioned his beloved cat was dying. It's really fucked up.

Meanwhile, my sister has 2 fractures from an "unknown" source in her back. It could be from sports, but I'll bet it is from him.

So my fiance wants to try and take my sister from them. It was my idea. We have a house, and I think we could manage, but that would probably involve calling child protective services. I just am in a horrible situation. On one hand she has one more year left. And my parents are very well off. He was going to buy her a Trail Blazer in the spring and pay for her college. We are both somewhat spoiled children finacially, but then again we get the shit beat out of us, so I don't know.

I sent my Mom a threatening email that I would call the cops. She is in complete denial. I think my Mom is crazy. She is not completely innocent either. I have begged my mom to leave my dad ever since I was 10ish. She just keeps blathering on about the damn cat, but this is not an isolated incident. It's not constant either though. He freaks out about twice a week maybe. There is absolutely no alcohol involved either.

My sister is on heavy meds for depression (as am I) I should add.

Anyway, if I really decide to try and get my sister, it is going to be a huge battle and I don't think I will ever have a relationship with my parents again.

Any advice? I don't know what to do anymore.



She might not leave him b/c of the money.

[Q21]

I think that's what they will do. This really, really sucks. I just wish my Dad would have a heart attack and die. I really do. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I think I actually mean it. I truely hate him.


There is nothing wrong to hate him. Just because he is your dad you should 'respect' him when he didn't respect you or give you a reason to respect him? He made your life bad, who gives a shit if he is your dad is what I say. Hateing him is better then denying it.

[Q21]

Just to add to what I just wrote: On another thread, someone who posted on these boards briefly was unable to attend college because his lousy parents would not sign some financial aid forms. You often have to be age 24, not even 21, to be considered completely adult as far as financial aid goes. It bothers me that someone 23 1/2 years old could still have lousy parents interfering with his or her life. Some people have bad, even abusive parents. (I used to know someone who wanted to be a dentist, but his lousy parents wouldn't cooperate. I think he ended up becoming a factory worker. Sad.)

XJMP

This is true except in extreme cases such as this.

[Q21]

I completely can relate to this situation as my father put my sister through a table once and my mother is just always in la la land even after he pulled a gun on me. Now my son and his mother live with my parents.

Do you find it hard to WALK away from that situation? I mean its like the abuse becomes normal to you.


Who is this in you 2nd quotation in your profile. I like lit.