Does your spouse need to know where your income comes from?

[Dreamchasa]

I've had this debate with two different folks I was involved with. One felt like as long as she wasn't put in harms way she didn't care the other DEFINITELY wanted to know and this was a source of great tension not that I was doing anything bad it was just a conversation.

I just wanted to hear ya'll thoughts on it....

[tina1979]

if you are married to the person there should be no reason why you would keep that kind of information from them unless you were doing something shady or that you knew your spouse would disapprove of.

[paiger81]

If the person I wanted to marry would not let me see how much he makes, yeah, I would be questioning everything else I knew about him.

If I knew how much he made & we had seperate bank accounts (his, mine, Household), I would have no problem. In fact, I prefer for that to be the case.

[Dreamchasa]

So tina if I haven't told you the entire time we're dating why should I have to tell you b/c we are saying I Do?

Now I dont want to know how much you make. I think that can cause drama. Just let me know we can pay the bills.

[tina1979]

you didn't say how much I make. You said where it comes from. If you can't tell me where you work. I probably would wonder what else you are hiding. As far as your bills getting paid, as long as you are paying yours and I am paying mine its gravy.

[pisces2473]

I think it's important to know what the job is and where the money is coming from. Income? Yeah, that's important to know...especially if there are shared expenses and stuff.

[tina1979]

Income? Yeah, that's important to know...especially if there are shared expenses and stuff.
so true.
xtra

[paiger81]

Also, don't you kind of have to know your spouses income for tax purposes?

[pisces2473]

Definitely. I can't think of any good reasons why one cannot disclose their source/amount of income to one's spouse.
Yeah, if you are partners in life, you should discuss ALL financial matters. Especially if you are married...hello, that's a legally binding contract! If you were doing business with a partner, you'd want to know about their financial standings and credit history--why not with a life partner?

[Dreamchasa]

Tina I was just responding to Paige saying how much one makes.

I never thought it was a good idea b/c I guess when I grew up my father use to always be real pissy that my mother made so much more than him. I just think money can breed division when one is doing well and the other isn't.

As far as where that money is coming from that can be a touchy subject as well. The only time I'd probably want to know where the money is coming from is if its coming from the in-laws though at this rate I'll never have to have those so WHOOOO HOOOO!

[paiger81]

Tina I was just responding to Paige saying how much one makes.

In that case... I've been with the same person for 8 years, not married, & know exactly how much he has made & he knows how much I do. We also know each other's credit ratings.

If a guy doesn't want to give me that info, then he doesn't get me. I want to fully know what I could be getting myself into.

[capella]

I never thought it was a good idea b/c I guess when I grew up my father use to always be real pissy that my mother made so much more than him. I just think money can breed division when one is doing well and the other isn't.

This is a relationship problem not a money problem. Dream, don't take this too hard, but it sounds to me (from a lot of your posts) that you really need to take a little time and do some soul searching and figure out what the heck you're doing with yourself, your kid and both of your futures. (Notice I said nothing about your kid's mom in there...). Just a thought. This all sounds a little shady to me.

I'd also like to add that I've always made more than my husband, though it's not a huge income divide anymore. Who cares where the grease comes from as long as the wheel is oiled??

[Dreamchasa]

lol, Now credit ratings I agree with b/c I dont need your collectors coming after my dough.

I guess my experiences haven't been real good with this dept in my family. It was just too much of a source of tension.

Paige, when is it that you give that information though? I mean ya'll have been together 8 years I'm sure it wasn't something they knew off jump.

[paiger81]

Paige, when is it that you give that information though? I mean ya'll have been together 8 years I'm sure it wasn't something they knew off jump.

Seeing as how we met in high school, no it wasn't off the jump. But going into college we both discussed our future careers & part of that was discussing base salary of the possible positions we could work. In college, we moved in together & before moving in together we wanted to make sure we had enough money coming in, money was discussed.

And now, we've been together so long that when considering a job change, the first words out of each others mouth is "Well, how's the salary?" :p

And we both are aware that given our field choices, I will ALWAYS make more money than he will. It's why he calls me his sugar mama :p

[Dreamchasa]

lol, I like that Paige. Its cool that it doesn't bother him too. I can respect a man like that. Happy with what he's doing and not tripping that you are happy with what you're doing even if it means u make more.

Part of my problem I believe that I've allowed to much baggage from growing up to mess with my head dealing with relationships especially when it comes to finances. My mother worked 3 jobs b/c my dad was always trying to find ways NOT too.

[pisces2473]

My mother worked 3 jobs b/c my dad was always trying to find ways NOT too.
Um, don't become your mother in your situation...

[Taza Tikha]

Is anyone else thinking of Tommy from Martin? Or Chandler from Friends?

I'm not really trying to have the FBI kick down my door in the middle of the night to arrest my arms-dealing husband (for example). No way would I be seriously involved with someone who hides his work.

[paiger81]

My mother worked 3 jobs b/c my dad was always trying to find ways NOT too.

Ok, not to come off like a complete bitch, but.....given your past posts, it really sounds like you have become your mom & the chick in Houston is your dad.

You definitely need to re-examine how your life is going & look into what happened in the past to try not to recreate it.

[capella]

??? Why was your father pissy about your mom making more $$ if he wasn't trying to make $$$???? I don't get it :confused:

[paiger81]

Is anyone else thinking of Tommy from Martin? Or Chandler from Friends?

Heehee, Chandler worked on the WEENIS :p

[tdko]

Yeah, if you are partners in life, you should discuss ALL financial matters. Especially if you are married...hello, that's a legally binding contract!
YES! This is exactly what I was thinking. If you're hiding anything from your spouse, what does that say about your relationship? That's a power issue.

I never thought it was a good idea b/c I guess when I grew up my father use to always be real pissy that my mother made so much more than him. I just think money can breed division when one is doing well and the other isn't.
I love the fact that my wife makes more than me. That's another couple of grand that we have in the bank. If she makes a million--I make a million! Best deal ever.

All our money is pooled except for a small fraction which hides in personal savings accts. That way we can buy gifts for each other on the sly, or I can go gambling and know the money is not going to be needed for bills.

[capella]

Ok, not to come off like a complete bitch, but.....given your past posts, it really sounds like you have become your mom & the chick in Houston is your dad.

You definitely need to re-examine how your life is going & look into what happened in the past to try not to recreate it.
And that's what I was saying before and in the PM. You're not a complete bitch Paige :) Unless I am too, because I was thinking the same thing.

[pisces2473]

Ok, not to come off like a complete bitch, but.....given your past posts, it really sounds like you have become your mom & the chick in Houston is your dad.
Dude! Stop copying me!!! :p

[paiger81]

Well, I think this is one of those situations where everybody is thinking the same thing, EXCEPT the person who is in the situation!

[pisces2473]

Well, I think this is one of those situations where everybody is thinking the same thing, EXCEPT the person who is in the situation!
TRUE DAT.

[capella]

Dude! Stop copying me!!! :p
HA!! Dude, stop copying ME! I posted before both of ya!! :p

[pisces2473]

HA!! Dude, stop copying ME! I posted before both of ya!! :p
Not to be a total whiner, but I think I said the mom connection thing first...

[Dreamchasa]

Paiger.....AGREED I dont need to be like my mom but I won't say she's like my father. She does work but she's not the best with money and for awhile I ended up finding out here lately she was sending a butt-load of money back home to her folks in chicago for whatever reason.

Taza or what about that movie with catherine zeta-jones....Traffic. That movie was crazy but that's off the topic.

Capella....my father was and is completely nuts. He wanted to be in business for himself but it never made him instantly rich so he's jump from bus. venture to bus. venture.

[Dreamchasa]

and for the record I think ya'll are great. :) Even if I'm BLIND.

[pisces2473]

and for the record I think ya'll are great. :) Even if I'm BLIND.
THEN FUCKING LISTEN TO US!!!!

[capella]

Wow all of this stuff is so messed up I'm not even sure where to start. It's like Springer or something. :confused: I would say kick the lazy slug to the curb but you have a kid together (if you believe it and say so, I'd be wary from the sound of it all, just sayin'). You are not HER daddy and you don't need to support HER every whim and desire. Hell, I'd love to go to grad school and sit on my rump whilst everyone else takes care of my responsibilities because they don't have a good grip on what IS and IS NOT appropriate, however I don't live in la la land like your ex. Your posts are making me scream STOP IT at the computer screen. Sorry, I just can't sit and read UNREAL stuff and if it's help you want I think you'd want a professional. That was a bit off topic, but manogeezalive I can't hold it in anymore. Please don't get offended. I wish you the best.

[lawya girl]

This is all too weird. If you're going to marry someone, you shouldn't have a problem with her knowing how much you make, where it comes from, your social security number and your blood type. ;) Honestly, if there is real tension regarding stuff like that you shouldn't be married.

[tdko]

TRUE DAT.
DOUBLE TRUE!




Sorry for the slight threadjack.

[Blythe]

The only reasons to NOT share you place of employment with your spouse are bad ones.

[red]

i agree. i wouldn't be comfortable in a partnership where we couldn't talk about money.