still pining away and not sure how to get over it.

[girlnextdoor]

i think this might be more of a vent than anything. i've had more than friend feelings for my guy friend, pretty much since i met him(work crush). anyway, we started hanging out and went out on tons of maybedates off and on for about a year. it finally got to the point where we were actually talking about dating for real or so i thought. then "out of the blue" he got back together with an ex. i was totally crushed and avoided him like the plague for months. i tried to be friendly, and make small talk every once in awhile when he'd chat me up. but it just really stung when he'd drop info about his gf. they got engaged and then soon after she dropped him. he made sure that i knew about their breakup right away. i think i had just been pushing all the feelings down, and now they've resurfaced and i find myself daydreaming about him again. he looks at me and i blush. he smiles at me and my heart starts to race. ugh, i don't know what to do. i try keeping busy, going out with friends and i even put up a profile on a dating site. i talked to a few guys, but the whole time i'm just wishing that i was with the other guy. a girlfriend of mine asked me if i thought that he was trying to talk to me again. i'm not sure, but he's clearly on the rebound. he seems to chat with me pretty often now -- wanting to know what's new and what i did over the weekend, etc. but i'm not sure if i should just not talk to him soo much because it's not helping my feelings go away or confess my feelings to him although i'm pretty sure he has some idea. i'm just not feeling like we're buddies. i wonder if there are people that you just can't be pals with... well, thanks for "listening."

[bridgetjones]

I think you just answered your own question. If you cannot be just friends with him, then do not just be friends with him. I might ask him what his intentions are before going further.

I mean what is he playing by having you around as a fallback and then going back to an ex. Then you are available so he sniffs around you... I personally would prefer someone who is less ambivalent about me.

[Chris_UK]

This is tough, and even though i don't know the guy, he's probably just playing the power trip, either out to see what he can get, or just likes the idea of having someone fawning over him.

don't really think avoiding someone works, as all the time away is just leading up to the time when you seem them again for the first time, and the kick in the balls (you'll need to imagine that bit) that it can bring.

From my experiences this weekend, see my other post, i think the best way to deal with this, assuming you can't just cut this guy out completely, is just to try and see / contact him "as normal", but just keep it on a friends, or even better acquanitance basis, like "heh, how's it going".

if you can stick with that he'll soon fade into the noise of your social life.

good for you btw for seeing other people, dating sites etc. rather than dwelling on it.

[wordsmith]

The issue is that he's not really your friend, he never was. It's not as if there was a friendship base, and over time, you developed stronger feelings. You were always interested. This has never been something on equal footing.

He's probably flattered by your interest; if he had a deeper interest in you (as opposed to just ordinary rebound stuff), you'd know that by now. Barring his deeper interest, you're gonna have to make a point to create a more clear-cut distance, and focus on other things.

[shimmer728]

I was in a similar situation about two years ago. There was this guy from work who asked me out--his fiancee had practically left him at the alter a few months before, so that should have been a clue that I was a rebound chick, but I always found him attractive, so I figured what the hell. We went out, hooked up, made plans to go out again. Then he freaked out when his ex-fiancee contacted him and told me he couldn't see me again. Then he changed his mind and said he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Then he ditched me again. Oy......it really hurt at the time.

What helped me was just dating a whole bunch of other guys, and eventually, I met the guy I am with today, who made this other guy look like a big old turd. :) You know what they say--get over one guy by getting under another one. ;)