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paiger81
03-01-2006, 11:52 AM
Hmm, ok, need some advice.

A set of RL friends (A & B) have gotten into this huge ass fight. Lies have been told & it's just a generally messy situation. For the most part, it seemed the matter was over, simply because those of us NOT involved in the fight, still see these friends, just at seperate occasions.

Well, I just got word that set A has told 'John' about this fight & has completely badmouthed B friend, so much to the point that "John" has decided he sides with set A.

Normally, I wouldn't care, but the issue I'm having is that set A has repeatedly badmouthed "John". I'm currently very annoyed that set A is playing a dirty game and don't want "John" to be taken advantage of, because he really is a sweet dude.

Thoughts?
and1grad
03-01-2006, 11:59 AM
DO. NOT. GET. INVOLVED. If asked, you have NO opinion. If this gets ugly, you dont wanna be in the middle of it.
nomad93
03-01-2006, 12:30 PM
AGREED stay Swiss on this one. It is not your fight and it will get more messy before it gets better.
WorkInProgress
03-01-2006, 12:32 PM
DO. NOT. GET. INVOLVED. If asked, you have NO opinion. If this gets ugly, you dont wanna be in the middle of it.

x2

extraletters
GMODC2
03-01-2006, 01:01 PM
Why do you even want to be friends with manipulative people who lie to one another? If they treat each other that way, who's to say they won't turn that behavior on you?

You're above that, Paige.
Illuminous
03-01-2006, 01:14 PM
Why do you even want to be friends with manipulative people who lie to one another? If they treat each other that way, who's to say they won't turn that behavior on you?

You're above that, Paige.

Ditto.

Staying swiss is a really good idea in theory, but never in practice. Friends always ask you to get involved, even if you expressly tell them you do'nt wnat to get involved.
paiger81
03-01-2006, 01:23 PM
Staying swiss is a really good idea in theory, but never in practice. Friends always ask you to get involved, even if you expressly tell them you do'nt wnat to get involved.

I agree with this. I mean, the friends know that the rest of the friends don't want to get involved, so what did they do? They went & picked the friend that didn't know about all of the events & just told him their side.
GMODC2
03-01-2006, 01:30 PM
I agree with this. I mean, the friends know that the rest of the friends don't want to get involved, so what did they do? They went & picked the friend that didn't know about all of the events & just told him their side.

Speaking of, how's John feeling about being caught in the middle of all this?
winneythepooh7
03-01-2006, 01:31 PM
My experience has been that the real truth always comes out in situations like this one. The person who lies and is manipulative is often found out and then looks like the total sick and twisted person they really are.
paiger81
03-01-2006, 01:35 PM
"John" isn't aware that friend A have talked badly about him. This is where I'm upset, he is siding with the set that speak negatively about him. Friend B, whom he has chosen not to believe, loves him to death & really is hurt that he sided with A, when he doesn't know the full truth.
MetFanL
03-01-2006, 02:05 PM
"John" isn't aware that friend A have talked badly about him. This is where I'm upset, he is siding with the set that speak negatively about him. Friend B, whom he has chosen not to believe, loves him to death & really is hurt that he sided with A, when he doesn't know the full truth.

God, what a crappy situation. I CANNOT deal with manipulative people. They hate me b/c I LOVE to call them on their bullsh*t. It's like they can smell that I would just NEVER fall for their nonsense, and avoid me.

It's just so seedy and disgusting of A to try to remain allies with "John" even though A isn't really his friend -- most likely to hurt him later. It's gross.

If I were you, I'd continue to try to talk to "John" about the situation and illustrate points where A has been manipulative in the past. Maybe, when shown the proof, "John" will be able to realize what's really going on.
Winter Storm
03-01-2006, 03:33 PM
Gosh, Paige, that sucks. That whole incident sounds really unfortunate.
:sad:
GMODC2
03-02-2006, 12:04 AM
"John" isn't aware that friend A have talked badly about him. This is where I'm upset, he is siding with the set that speak negatively about him. Friend B, whom he has chosen not to believe, loves him to death & really is hurt that he sided with A, when he doesn't know the full truth.

By any chance, are you worried that A is gonna turn on John sometime? You know, be nasty to his face or try to turn other people against him?

This is a really sad situation.
bridgetjones
03-02-2006, 11:02 PM
John might not believe you.

Have you considered maybe getting A to document some of this backstabbiness over email/IM? Then you can show John something to prove it. Until then you might remain semi neutral or hint at A's backstabbiness.
wordsmith
03-02-2006, 11:07 PM
I think the problem with that is really not wanting to devastate John.
bridgetjones
03-02-2006, 11:47 PM
Hmmm... As opposed to John being screwed with and you knowing about it... I do not know this John. I personally would want to know that someone is screwing with me behind my back. I still say document and think about it.
and1grad
03-02-2006, 11:55 PM
I think the onus is on John to try to get the whole story. If John feels like dunking his head in the sand, more power to him. Its not your responsibility to keep him up to date. Inserting yourself into this situation automatically puts you on a certain side. I still say dont get involved.
wordsmith
03-03-2006, 12:16 AM
I actually agree that it's John's to deal with, ultimately. All you can do is support him if he's having a tough time.

And if you do insert yourself in the situation, you will have to "pick a side," and1 is right. But picking a side may not be the worst thing in the world, either. Especially if you've seen somebody's true colors.
bridgetjones
03-03-2006, 12:24 AM
I would say hang out with John. You like John. Do not hang out with the A crowd. They sound like asses. If only bc they might crap on you one day. This is probably not the first time they did this to someone. There are likely other signs.

You know John. I would be the sort of person that would be devastated if someone close to me knows I am getting screwed and will not tell me. Then again ppl know that about me so...
wordsmith
03-03-2006, 12:25 AM
Do not hang out with the A crowd. They sound like asses. If only bc they might crap on you one day. This is probably not the first time they did this to someone.

This is a really good point.
Feverish
03-05-2006, 03:29 PM
DO. NOT. GET. INVOLVED. If asked, you have NO opinion. If this gets ugly, you dont wanna be in the middle of it.

This is often the best advice.