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View Full Version : RANT: My boyfriend is not going to graduate University


Girlie girl
03-09-2006, 08:53 AM
OK, So I am a grad of '03 with a boyfriend 2 years younger still in University - where I work now full time(and graduated from). He came here to play football and BLEW his first year away, failed courses, dropped courses, made that year worth very little overall & damaged his cummulative GPA - before we met. Here we are, he is about to finish his 6th year, he has got his act together and until last night, believed he was graduating in May. He is a Psychology Major and was very confused about which courses and how many of which he needed to graduate. His worst fear was that he mess up and not be able to graduate in May '06. So last August he started asking questions via email to both his Department Head/Academic Advisor as well as the Registrar's office to ask them to check his transcript and confirm that he was on the right track to graduate. Both sources told him he was good to go, all set. His department also indicated that he was registered in 2 advanced Psych courses that he didn't even need to be taking. He has been registered as a potential grad since September '05 - you have to apply to graduate here.. I assumed it was so that the registrar's office could check your file and ensure that you were able to graduate and there would be enough notice (A YEAR) to let you know if there were additional courses you needed to take if you were not eligible for graduation etc.

Somewhere, somehow, he was seriously misinformed. he received an email last night for the same woman at the registrar's office (who told him he was good to graduate as recently as January '06 - because he asked more questions just to be sure when entering his final semester) who told him that he was ineligible to graduate in May and can re-apply for the Fall graduation.

My boyfriend is so upset/angry/frustrated. I am too. He is short 2 courses to graduate. He doesn't have the hours. I am trying to look at this situation rationally. He is pointing fingers, and I agree that he did ask, he was begging for people to make sure he was organized and taking the right courses. At the same time, I don't understand how he could mess up and not take ENOUGH courses to graduate. That is simple math. I even helped him at the beginning of January to develop a course outline so that he could fill in the courses he had completed and see which ones were left to fill in. I offered to take his transcript and do it for him but he didn't want me to. He said he could do it himself. Now I wish I could turn back time and do it for him. I feel like I would have caught the error and he could be taking the additional courses he needs as we speak.

He was so PO'd this morning he was talking about suing the people who mis informed him. I know that that is crazy and he is partly responsible but I also feel his pain, he did ask, he did admit that he was confused and wanted help. 4 people (Head of his department, Secretary of his department, student academic advisor and the registrar's office) had the opportunity to look over his transcript in August '05 and Jan '06 and say - "Hey you need to register for 2 more courses if you intend to graduate in May" He is so angry. He says he will not give this school another dime. Tuition goes up extravagant amounts each year and is one of the most expensive Universities in Canada. He lives on student loans and this mistake could cost thousands to him if he has to pay for those additional 2 courses (that he could be taking at the moment for no extra charge had he known he needed to).

And above and beyond this, I have been waiting for him to graduate forever it seems. We've been dating for 4.5 years and I have been working full time for 2 of them. I feel like I am stuck in University life because of this and just want him to be able to have his degree and start his life with me. Selfish to think this way at a time like this but I am also frustrated. I feel so helpless because I can't see a solution to his problem.

I can't talk with anyone here about this because it's his personal problem. His brother is visiting with us this week and he doesn't even want him to know. His parents have been waiting for him to graduate forever too and everyone was planning to come down for his graduation. Even his Aunt. They are all so proud of him, I can't imagine how he is feeling about this... I'm worried he is so frustrated he might give up on University.

blueyes
03-09-2006, 09:12 AM
Wow. I can empathize with you and your boyfriend because I've been on BOTH sides of situations like this.

I got screwed by my advisor and dept. head - I did not take the introductory course for my major b/c it never fit into my schedule and I repeatedly asked if this was ok, would I still graduate on time, etc. I was told yes, yes, yes - until about 2 months before I would graduate. I fought it the entire way up the university's chain of command - and got nothing. I ended up taking the intro course as an online-course and graduated in August instead of May.

Yes, it's awful. Yes, it's horrible that the mistake was made. Yes, it sucks. But we are only human, and unless your boyfriend was the only person that all of those people were advising for...he really doesn't have much recourse against them. He can either suck it up and pay for the additional courses (thus not throwing away money and effort and time) - or he can punk out and let his anger direct him away from a career and money and time and effort otherwise well-spent. It's his choice and you unfortuantely can not make it for him. Be an open listener for him, but do not attempt to push him too much in either direction because he could end up resenting you for such actions.

And as for your offer to help him earlier in the semester - let it go. You offered. He turned it down. This current mess is NOT your fault.

Now, for the flip side - where you are right now. My SO is still in college (university) and is now talking grad school. Personally, there are still days when I want to throttle him for his devil-may-care attitude. But it's his life and I'm peripherally involved in the school aspect because I don't want to get drawn back into that. I was initially jealous of the amount of free time he had (vs. my 40+ hr work weeks) - but I've come to realize I'm past that point in my life and I'm okay with it. He's not past it, but he's adult enough to realize that I don't want to join in on every drunken party and boring night sitting around at his place while he does homework.

You say you can't see a solution to his problem [not having a degree and being able to start life with you] - hey, that's all right. It's his problem, not your's. Your problem is taking care of you. If this guy's worth it and sees you as the valuable and worthy person you are - he'll take care of his crap to be with you. As for his family - let him deal with them. It's his family. It's his responsibility.

Take a deep breath and realize your primary responsibility is you.

Girlie girl
03-09-2006, 02:50 PM
Thanks sooo much for the advice Blueyes. You made me feel alot better. I was feeling guilty and didn't even realize it until I read your post. I know that taking care of me is my priority and thank goodness I've got my situation straight so that it "financially" does not matter to me how he solves his problem.. it's the emotions though you know? He's hurting and I am right there with him.

As a semi-update, this morning he did go speak with the exact person at the registrar's office he had exchanged emails with over this situation and she pretty much agreed that they had screwed up, not him and that he in fact had done everything he could to get help. Come to find out it was also the secretary of his dept. that dropped one of his courses for him after assuring him that he did not need it to graduate. So many mistakes by different people here... So so far, so good, people see his side and agree with him.

Now we wait and see what solution they can come up with... Thanks for the support :)