Sometimes you just need a kick to the head

[stonemonkey]

So I've been thinking about stuff recently, and I think I've committed myself to finally moving out of home. I'm not going to be able to save as much money as I do now, but fuck it, I can't keep this up. This isn't living. There's more to life than work and saving up. I'm planning to live closer to campus, and I'm going to be looking at a place tomorrow. The rent's OK, and I'd be sharing with a guy, so it should be OK (I had a bad experience once sharing with girls). Unless the place is a complete dump, I'm pretty sure I'll take it. This is kind of a snap decision, made pretty much overnight (although it's always been in the back of my mind), completely unlike me. I measure and calculate everything before deciding. A totally rational mind would say that this is a bad financial decision. But I'm trying not to think about it so much this time. I don't want to die like this.

If I change my surroundings, my routine, I'm hoping things'll get better. I know that you can't expect your life to improve just be relocating, that the fundamental aspects of it will follow you everywhere. But I don't get out of ruts easily. I need sledgehammers to force me out. At least I won't be half asleep all the time, like the way my commute (and the corresponding fucked up public transport system) drains me now.

Gotta be more positive, right? This weekend, I got invited to a social soccer match with some guys I work with. Normally I wouldn't go because it's too far from home for me on a Sunday evening, but fuck it, I'm gonna go. I'm starting to become friends with them, I guess. Also, there are a few new students starting up with us, and I've somehow become sort of a mentor to them. I've even been explicitly instructed by my supervisor to be nice to them, and I guess to stop being such a hardass. The absurdity of the situation sort of gets me, how these new guys can look up to me when I myself am still learning. Gotta stop bringing people down. It's weird, because if you're in a career where you have to think critically and be skeptical of everything, you HAVE to be negative. But I guess I have to separate life from work.

I have to ease up on work. I can't stand the fact that there are things that I can suck so much at. Like having more to my life than just work, being able to switch it off. That's gotta change. I have to stay confident. Oh yeah, and I guess I should tell my parents at some stage. I hope I don't back down on this.

[wordsmith]

Yay for doing things "completely unlike you!"

Don't you dare back down.

This is the best thing I've read from you in ages. :)

[shinyleaf]

Hi Stonemonkey, just calling in with my support for your "unplanned plan". Go for it! And... try not to analyze every step along the way - just do it.
You're absolutely right, you've got to take risks. There's no way ANYONE can go thru life according to a preconceived plan 100% of the time. People try, and people fail, and then they get back up and instead of regretting their failure, they (hopefully) use it to be smarter. Whatever happens, don't look back and enjoy being "the guy" that others look up to! Not everybody has that, so you definitely don't suck at everything!!!

[stonemonkey]

I wonder how many people have made semi-major life decisions based on reading stuff on internet messageboards. At least one, I guess.

Anyway, I don't want to be "celebrating" too soon or anything, I have things to work out. But yeah, it feels good to have wheels in motion. Better than being dead in the water.

[shinyleaf]

aaaah, f*%#, stonemonkey, CELEBRATE AWAY! You deserve it. Here, I just passed you a glass of champagne, cheers!

[stonemonkey]

Another "DRINK!" huh? Ah well, I guess it's always decent drinking hour somewhere in the world.

[shinyleaf]

Another "DRINK!" huh? Ah well, I guess it's always decent drinking hour somewhere in the world.

No fair, I wasn't here for that discussion/ argument. So all i can say is, yes it's drinking time here, anyway. If you don't want your glass of champagne, I'll gladly take it. It's been a long week. ;):

[mishl982]

Good luck, stoney! I'm glad you've decided to take action and make a change in your life :)

[Bugsey34]

Wow, Stoney, what an exciting post. I think the whole thing sounds fabulous. All of us need to ease up on things and keep that in mind. At least I know I do. The fact that you recognized that and are taking steps to change means a lot!

[stonemonkey]

So I just told my parents. And they're pissed off. I mean, what the hell?! I don't know if it's an Asian thing, but this is really giving me the shits. I don't think they actually have a concept of personal freedom and space. They've somehow taken my decision to move out as an personal insult to them. I'd rather go live with strangers than live with them. They don't think I can survive on my own (which I have done in the past) and that I'm basically throwing money away by doing this.

I hate this. Somehow I suspected that they'd react like this all along. I'm really pissed off right now. I might as well have told them that I wanted to go perform in a circus freak show or something.

I'm so sick of living in this shitty suburb that's far from everything. I've so outgrown it. Why does everything have to be such a freaking drama? Why can't I just live my own freaking life? I don't want to have them fuming and glaring at me as I pack my bags and walk out the door, but if I have to, I will. I just wish it was easier.

The worst part of it is that it's really dented my momentum. I'm so questioning everything now. They'd rather I buy a car than move out. I can't exactly tell them that I'm suffocating here. So I guess I was right. They really do treat me like a child.

And then at some stage I'm going to need to have enough money to actually leave the country and travel overseas.

I don't know. In theory, I would just say fuck 'em, but doing anything that will get their disapproval is going to be shit. I'll never hear the end of it. And if it falls through, I can expect to get a big "I told you so".

[wordsmith]

Stick to your guns, my man.

[stonemonkey]

Thanks, I'm trying to.

[SunDevil]

Are you an only child or the only one still living at home? It sounds like your parents don't want to let go for some reason.

Yes, it does cost some money to live away from home. But being on your own is important. And even if it doesn't work out, you have a back-up plan of buying some earplugs and being at the same place you are now.

There really isn't that much of a rush to travel I figured out. The tourist destinations will still be there.

[stonemonkey]

I'm not an only child, I have a sister who's just started uni. Because she's a girl, they're even more overprotective of her than they are of me. I do what I can to convince them to ease up on her a little.

I don't know. If I had to guess, then yeah, I would say that there are some fucked up "empty nest" issues they have, maybe somehow it redefines their sense of purpose, with me not needing them anymore. Not that I do now, I mean, I'm hardly ever home anyway. Home for me right now is just an incredibly inconvenient place for my bed. Also, I guess it's a money issue. If I had a "real job", maybe they wouldn't kick up so much of a stink. But seeing as I'm a lowly Ph.D student (since when did grad students become the scum of society?), I'm supposedly not going to have the money to support myself. Which is complete bullshit. Sure, I don't save as much, but I'm sort of looking at it in terms of 'buying a life'.

Just with the travel thing, it's not the rush or anything, just the money. Everything I save is not going towards my retirement, or car or house or anything. In my mind, it's earmarked for when I get out of here and do some travelling. So again, I guess I have this mentality that I'm going to use my money to 'buy a life'.

I guess I should also consider that raising this is kind of a surprise from out of nowhere. I mean, my whole decision-making process took less than 24 hours.

[wordsmith]

It's your money, it's your life. If it's not costing them anything, your parents will learn to live with it.

[stonemonkey]

Yeah, that's right. They've underestimated me my whole freaking life, this is no different.