Online Dating Question

[InnrLavndr]

Ok, I just ended a long-term relationship and out of curiosity signed up for an online dating site.

My question is this: what's the deal with guys wanting your phone number &/or to meet after one brief convo?

On the one hand, I see value in not dragging out an online correspondence and just getting a meeting over with to see if there's chemistry. But if they really "want to get to know you," why aren't they bothering to engage in at least a little more online convo before asking for offline contact?

Based on their profiles the 3-4 guys I've IM'd with seemed like they had potential, but I was kind of caught off guard with the quick offline interest.

Is this the norm, or is that the sound of my red flags going off?

[hello_kitty83]

I'm wary about guys wanting to meet so soon too. One guy I met basically only said, "Hi, how are you?" then a few more sentences before we met in person. I wouldn't do that again. I had in-depth conversations with another and I felt more comfortable with him when we met. So you should definitely carry on a conversation with them first.

[wordsmith]

I equate wanting to meet within, say, one brief online exchange with a booty call, myself. Spending at least enough time talking to get a feel for somebody isn't unreasonable. And if a guy thinks it is, odds are really good I don't wanna meet him anyway.

[SweetEm]

Heh, I just did the same thing!! I broke up with my boyfriend last week, and today I signed up for the yahoo personals. I think it's good to start to meet new people... I'm feeling pretty jaded at the moment, when it comes to relationships. I hope I can meet some nice people. Let me know how it goes for you!

[RealDeal]

I have never done it before so i wish i could help you out but I thought it was interesting that I saw a special on it today on The Today Show about online online dating and how they set you up ... did anyone watch it? I had to leave so I missed it...

[Winter Storm]

When I did online dating, I moved pretty quickly. I usually asked to meet the guy within the same week or a few conversations. I feel like, why delay the inevitable, especially when I was very interested.

Plus it cuts down on some of the online banter. Emailing for a bit is great, but I'd rather just meet in person to see if we have any kind of chemistry before chatting on and on. I'd say its pretty common.

[old_school_soul]

I agree with everything Winter Storm has said. I hate emailing and chatting with strangers.. I can make a judgement in 2 hours about a person while on a date that might take two months to figure out through emails.. The conversations in person are much more dynamic and tactile.

[wordsmith]

Online banter is my bread and butter. Each of the guys I'm seeing right now, I probably chatted/e-mailed/talked on the phone with 2-4 weeks before meeting.

For the most part, my online dating involves a distance factor (the only reason I even DO online dating is because the selection in my small town is weak...so nobody's so close that I could meet them in an hour, anyway). It requires some planning, due to my job and usually theirs. It's not like you can just meet up at a coffee shop in a half hour on a whim here.

If I lived around people, I doubt I would do a third as much online dating as I do. If I was interested in meeting anybody locally, I'd not even be looking online. The isolation factor is the entire reason for it, and obviously if you're a couple hours' drive from somebody, it's gonna take a little bit more than an online conversation or two to sell me on meeting. So maybe that's the difference in perspective. If I'm meeting via online dating, they're most times not close by.

Also, unlike OSS, I LIKE chatting with strangers.

[old_school_soul]

Also, unlike OSS, I LIKE chatting with strangers.

Oh I like chatting with strangers, just not online :).

[wordsmith]

Okay, I'll stop IMing with you. :googly: :huge:

[labrat2111]

I try and establish a few basics with chatting before meeting up with someone. It is certainly not right away but usually after at least a week or so of chatting. I don't want to wait forever but I'd rather get a chance to ask some questions and feel them out first before agreeing to meet.

My current g/f and I met online and we chatted for about 3 weeks before we met up. I had to push her a little for a meetup but once we did she was very happy that she did. :)

[cheshrcarol]

I like to email a little and see if we're on the same page, and then I like to move to im. If we can't even manage a convo on there, then it's not moving to real life.

But yeah, someone who wants to meet you after 1 message = booty call.

[wordsmith]

Yup...somebody who cannot converse with me well in writing probably isn't enough like me that I'd be all interested in meeting him. That may sound snobby, but I write for a living, and will always gravitate more toward others who have a knack. It might be silly criteria to some, but it's really not any more superficial than any other arbitrary criteria.

[Winter Storm]

Naw, that's not snobby, Words. I also would rather meet guys that can at least verbally express themselves and bonus if they have something to say.

Messages like this:
u r a fine ass woman *

...its a high probability that I won't want to meet this guy, let alone chat with him at all.

*Actual message from my Myspace trash bin.

[wordsmith]

Well...you've SEEN some of the ad responses I've gotten. Need I say more?

[J-girl]

Well sometimes you meet people who are really annoying online. Like the exclamation dude- really annoying online!!!!!! But so much fun in person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :googly:

u r a fine ass woman *

whatevs man- u r fine ass.

[Skyblade]

I guess it depends on what you are looking for. I found that most of the guys who wanted to meet me right away weren't really looking for a LTR. My boyfriend and I corresponded back in forth for a little less than a month before finally meeting. He also made it really clear in his e-mails that if I wasn't comfortable that I could bring a friend or whatever, which made me feel pretty comfortable meeting him. We ended up meeting at the zoo and spending the day there, it was cool.

[InnrLavndr]

Ok, I've gone on three dates and here are the results:

Guy 1: He was sweet, but not LTR material for me.

Guy 2: Nice but bland.

Guy 3: I thought we connected on the phone, but then he didn't seem into me at all when we met.

Also, had an IM convo with another guy.

Conclusion so far: Since it hasn't been very long since ending my previous relationship and I'm not really ready for a serious thing right now, I'm not in the best place for this dating thing.

Anyone I'd want to bother with will have the sense to encourage me to take some more time for myself, and I'm not sure I could stomach having a fling with someone I didn't have serious interest in just for the sake of having a fling.

I kinda want to date some Mr. Wrongs just for the experience of it, but I don't think I could really go through with that.

Maybe I'll take a break and go back to it when more time has passed.