why does it all happen at the same time???

[poshdiva5]

hi all. i really just need to vent for a minute. i have the job of my dreams, and it keeps me very very busy. i LOVE what i do, but i have no life. i just graduated college (Ohio University in Athens, OH) in June, and moved to Columbus, OH in july. i began working shortly after that. i live (alone) in a fabulous apartment in a great city, but all of this feels tainted by the other facts.
my bf and i broke up in may because of my graduation and move, but was precipitated by his losing interest in me because he knew i was leaving. we both knew the relationship was doomed (he was a freshman), and that it would have to end with graduation. well, i ended up falling for him harder than i had planned on, and he just plain didn't. that coinciding with the fact that i have ZERO friends in my NEW city is just messing me up emotionally.

i feel like i'm not enjoying what i have accomplished because of these other issues. i don't have time to do much in the way of making friends, and i'm still so attracted to my ex (i saw him last night) that its ridiculous. he has moved on, and is living it up with my old friends at college, and i'm here in the damn 'real world' lonely, sad, frustrated, and confused. i feel like they've got it made and i have nothin.

i've tried dating a bit (through online stuff basically), and have met some great people, but i'm not finding any attraction to anyone. i'm pissed that this ex thing is affecting me after 4 months. i'm frustrated that i'm trying to fill his void with other people-which isn't the right reason. i need to suck it up, be single for awhile, and move on somehow-i just hard to do when i'm so lonely. i need some girlfriends too...i want to shop and get coffee, and talk about girly stuff. i miss that!!!

anyway-if any of that made sense, let me know. i just want to know that i'm not the only one going through this supposed "quarterlife" crisis. thanks for listening

~lauren

[haley]

I think it's totally understandable that you feel what you do with what's been going on.

Could it be that you're going through a point in your life wherein you're assessing who you are, what you want, and what your relationships mean to you? Why, that would be a "quarterlifecrisis"! :)

Move on and keep your chin up. Be hopeful that new and exciting things are beyond the horizon. EVERYBODY, including your bf and friends who are "living it up" back in college, gets lonely, sad, frustrated, and confused. Don't think that they've got it made and you've got nothing. It's not true. And if it is true, you don't have to believe it. And there are great things ahead of you in being single for awhile - you'll discover things about yourself, about life, that you won't discover if you're always thinking about being in a relationship. This is the period of life we all know is difficult when you're single, and I think, personally, it's the best time to face your loneliness and frustration and learn from them.

Lastly, don't stick around for a guy that doesn't love you the way you love him. Wrong guy. Don't settle.

[Rainster]

poshdiva --everything haley said! ;) You definitely made sense. Several major life changes, all happening at once, is really stressful and frustrating and lonely, and most people on this board can relate to that!:eek: In my own personal experience, talking helped. "Talking" included the few friends I managed to reconnect with (after moving home), a therapist, my journal --and online message boards! It helped me flesh out my thoughts and organize what I needed to do in my own life to make myself a happier person. Hope this helps, and hope others have useful suggestions for you!

[paperjam1015]

poor thing....I'm sending you a hug... ((poshdiva5))

It sounds like you are just cutting the ropes and learning what it's like to no longer be in college. I hate to tell you this, but it's going to be hard. It definitely was for me and many of my other friends.
It's difficult when you are used to having people around 24/7 and then suddenly you can't find anyone your own age anymore. Where does everyone go? As far as the boy....You had fun with him while in school and are probably projecting/equating him with all that fun. As if your brain is telling you..."If I could just have him, I'd be happy again."

Since you are in a city there should be other people near your age. Get out and meet people while you are fresh from the social life. Or reconnect with friends that graduated a year or two ahead of you. They are going through the same stuff.

Good luck and welcome to adulthood. If you can make it through the first year, everything will get a little easier. I look back on that yea and think about how much it taught me and how much I've grown in just 5-6 years. I am grateful for it now, but never thought I'd be saying that.