The best of times and the worst of times

[Baffle]

Hello. I'm in the strange position of feeling like this is the best time in my life and feeling like there's no hope at the same time.

I'm 26 and have had depression, low self esteem and anxiety since I was a kid for various reasons. I did a degree in music technology and was working in admin jobs since, which didn't suit me at all and racked up the tension and anxiety. Last year, I developed an RSI and had to leave an admin job.

I've done a couple of jobs which were badly paid, with people I couldn't relate to at all. I'm not talking about a class thing as I come from the same background. just not on my wavelength at all. Most recently I've been unemployed for a month.

During this month, I've been working hard at relaxation, confidence building exercises and posture work. and it's made an incredible difference to how I feel and my confidence with people. I feel like if I carry on like this, there's no end to what I could achieve.

The money situations not good, and I need to do something, but I feel like I can't go back to some shitty job thats physically bad and takes all my time. I don't mean to sound self pitying, I know there are people who have to worry about their next meal, but it's like every aspect of my life needs work and I just can't catch up with other people when I don't have any time and money. I don't have friends or a girlffriend to help get me through and just dunno what to do next.

[fuzmiq]

Are you in a city that has jobs for music technology? You should definitely be looking around. Though you may see it as a bad thing, the no girlfriend thing gives you the opportunity to move somewhere and pursue the field you are interested in. Don't give up on it yet. You are only 26 years old. I am just assuming you don't have any kids which is also a plus (for the same reason as your girlfriend status.) The way things are right now are not the way they have to stay. I work as an administrative assistant and am pursuing an opera career. So believe me, I understand how frustrating it can get. As far as friends go...dancing is a great way to get to know people...specifically salsa dancing. The whole idea is to partner up with someone and when it is just you two on the floor...who else are they gonna talk to but you. If find people are open and just want to have fun in the salsa community. But if that sounds scary, find something you are interested in with people who think like you and dive in!

[Adam Strange]

Welcome to the boards. I hope you find it comforting here.

I don't mean to sound self pitying, I know there are people who have to worry about their next meal, but it's like every aspect of my life needs work and I just can't catch up with other people when I don't have any time and money.

I know the feeling. In a culture where people give all to their careers, I sometimes don’t think I can keep up and complete all the personal improvement I need.

[kevin0tech]

[removed my line here]

Depression I can relate too, because I have been in some pretty miserable places, but I always get up, dust off, and get back in the game.

I have never been anxious, so can someone tell me a little bit about it? What causes you anxiety, is it the same trigger, do meds help, do you think you can 'fix' yourself?

[removed my other lines from here as well.]

[wordsmith]

kevin0tech...If you can't show empathy and support, whether or not you've personally experienced something, and are only here to belittle others, you may not be in the right place.

This board is designed as a support network...not someplace for you to tout how you've got it all figured out and feel superior to others. You're here, why, exactly? Is it SOLELY to troll? I'm just wondering.

[kevin0tech]

Believe me, I have nothing figured out, nor am I superior to everyone else. You know that guy who screams at the top of his voice right when the music cuts out? I am starting to feel like him right now.

I am not sure what you mean by troll.

[wordsmith]

Just please cut the attitude and make your points without wording that telegraphs the the original posters how lame you think they are, how much you don't identify, and how your way of looking at things is clearly the right answer. Sound fair enough? And, as I mentioned on another thread, I'd recommend familiarizing yourself with what conduct is deemed acceptable and what's not. Your posts seem to slam a lot of people, that's not acceptable. We've put a lot of work and effort into this community, please abide by the way it's run.

I would have PMed you this, as I prefer to conduct moderator business privately versus on the threads, but seeing as how you've already posted my last PM publicly, I'm going to guess you don't much care.

[wordsmith]

I appreciate the self-editing.

[Jedi of Zen]

Baffle: I have known several friends, family members, and coworkers over the years who have gotten degrees in music business only to end up working in jobs that either don't pay well or aren't related to music at all. (I'm guessing a music biz degress is very different from a music technology degree, but if your situation is anything like that of those people I've known, then I can only imagine what it's like.)

I myself am 27 and have also struggled with anxiety and depression for over 10 years. Life is certainly not easy at all. But things can change and get better now and then if one can simply hang in there and make the most of things. I know such a statement probably immensely belittles what you're actually feeling and going through right now, but please know that you're definitely not alone.

The friends/girlfriend thing...I hear ya. I've been single for some 2 years now, and it's starting to feel like an eternity. I'm also in school, and between that and my job it is indeed frustrating how I find that I have to sacrifice so much personal/social time in order to do well in school. Not that I have many friends to begin with, but I have precious little time even for the few I do have.

I also want to say right on, on the relaxation/posture thing. I started going to a chiropractor for some back and neck pain last year; that helped my posture a lot which - I think - also helped improve my mood a lot. Meditation, yoga, and qi gong have also helped me immensely in dealing with stress; although I've been out of practice for quite some time now :neutral:

[Baffle]

Thanks for the thoughts. I'm not that bothered about being single or not having friends at the moment, it's just that it's another aspect of my life that's going to take time to develop.

Looks like I have a part-time job for now which at least takes the edge of the money worries. :)